Work Text:
Hannah Baker gripped the wax paper.
As each fold came undone one by one, her mind began to wander.
The tapes.
The blade came into view.
Bryce. Justin. Jessica. Zach. Alex. Courtney. Sheri. Tyler. Mr. Porter. Jessica’s party. Bryce’s party .
Oh my god. Clay. My parents.
She took off the wrapper and held the exposed blade. She looked at her reflection in the mirror. With the razor blade in hand, Hannah's plan was coming to its conclusion.
She glanced over to the bathtub.
I just need to fill it with hot water and get in.
Hannah looked at the blade again when her hands began to tremble. The feeling of numbness that she had been feeling up to then had faded away.
I can’t do it?
I can’t do it.
Hannah put the blade down on the counter and walked back to her bedroom and collapsed down on her bed in tears.
She was shaking, shaken at the thought of what she was about to do.
I was really about to slit my own wrists and bleed to death. Jesus Christ!
And for what?
Things were bad, really bad, but Hannah didn’t realize that she hadn’t thought over the most important part of it all.
Dying and being dead forever.
Tears flowed down her face as Hannah was hit with the cold reality of her intentions.
But even then, part of her was saying just do it and stop stalling.
Just do it already. It’ll hurt for a moment but then it will all be over. All your problems will be over.
Hannah shook her head.
No. I can’t just kill myself!
The tapes. Oh god the tapes.
Tony must be freaking out by now.
And just then, Hannah heard her parents getting home.
“Oh honey! What’s the matter? Why are you crying?” Olivia said as walked by Hannah's room.
She came in and took Hannah into her arms.
“M-mom. I’m so s-sorry.”
“Sorry for what dear?”
“I-I was…I almost-I was going to k-kill myself,” Hannah said, holding her mom tight with tears coming down like a river.
“Is everything alright?” Andy Baker said with concern as he walked the room.
Olivia began tearing up.
“Hannah…she tried to kill herself.”
Hannah’s father’s eyes widened.
“Oh my god...Hannah…why?” He said with a trembling voice as he sat down and held all of the Bakers together.
“It’s okay dear, please tell us what happened,” Olivia asked, trembling.
“I just couldn't take it anymore. I can explain but I-I recorded tapes…about why I wanted to kill myself. I explained everything on them. But I don't have them with me anymore,” I explained.
“Where are they?” Andy asked.
“I gave them to a friend. T-Tony Padilla. I gave them to him earlier today.”
There was a sudden screeching of tires outside followed by frantic ringing and pounding on the front door.
Hannah already knew who it was.
---
“Hannah!” Tony shouted as he pounded desperately on the door.
A teary-eyed Mrs. Baker opened the door.
“I’m so sorry Mrs. Baker but is Hannah home?” Tony asked, as he panted.
“Yes, she is.”
“I don't know how to tell you this but Hannah left a box of cassette tapes at my house and-”
“I-I know, Tony.”
The boy was caught off guard.
“Y-you do? Is she okay?” he asked, desperately.
“Yes. Please come in.”
Hannah looked with watery eyes as Tony came into the kitchen. The Baker’s had moved into the kitchen as Tony arrived.
Tony’s eyes were wide and it looked like he had seen a ghost.
“H-Hannah. You were going to...to kill yourself? Was that what you meant on the tape?” Tony asked.
Hannah looked down at the kitchen table and nodded.
“How much did you listen to?” She asked.
Tony took a breath.
“Just the first one. The one with “1” written on it,” Tony explained.
“I thought that maybe I was crazy or something at first but then thought, maybe I wasn’t and that maybe you were going to kill yourself. And now I’m here,” he said.
Hannah nodded and bit her lip.
“I was, Tony. I almost did. I don’t want to anymore and I can explain everything. It’s just that everything I want to say is on the tapes."
The three of them nodded understandingly.
“If you bring the tapes here I’ll play them and explain as you guys listen.”
Tony took a deep breath.
“Okay, Hannah. I’ll go home and get them. I’ll be right back,” he said.
When Tony got back, everyone listened to the tapes closely. Hannah explained everything as they went through each tape one by one.
There was shock, and bewilderment as Mr. and Mrs. Baker and Tony heard about all the horrible things that Hannah had gone through.
After all the tapes had finished, there was a long silence as everyone took everything in.
“Hannah, we’re so glad didn’t kill yourself. We couldn’t live without you,” Olivia said as she hugged Hannah tightly.
“I love you guys and I’m so sorry,” I said calmly.
“There’s no need to be sorry, Hannah,” Andy said.
“W-what made you change your mind?” Olivia asked, starting to tear up again.
Hannah took a deep breath.
“I guess…I’m afraid to die. When I first started recording the tapes I thought I truly wanted to die. I thought I had my mind made up. When I finally held the razor blade, I realized that I’m not ready to die,” Hannah explained.
The three of them nodded.
Tony looked over at the cassette player.
“Why me Hannah? Why give me the tapes?” Tony asked.
I looked up.
“I trust you a lot, Tony. You’ve always been good to me. And thank you for coming as soon as you did,” Hannah said, with a small smile.
Tony smiled back.
“You’ve always been a good friend too, Hannah. I’m here if you need anything,”
Hannah smiled somberly.
“Hannah, I think you should take time off from school. We’ll help you, anyway we can,” Olivia said eagerly.
Hannah nodded softly.
“I think that’s a good idea. But the counselor, Mr. Porter, we’re going to have to meet with him. And the principal too,” Andy said.
Hannah could feel the anger building in his voice.
---
“Thank you Tony, for everything,” Mrs. Baker said as she shook Tony’s hand on the front steps of the house.
Tony nodded.
“You’re welcome Mr. and Mrs. Baker. I’m here for you guys, always. I’ll do whatever I can to help.”
Andy and Olivia watched somberly as the boy got into his red mustang and drove away.