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Her eyes glances up to the rearview mirror when she hears the sound of the wheels hitting the dirt pavement. She sees the car stopping behind her, a hand softly waving at her. She breathes in deeply before walking over to the car after exiting her own to enter Lucy’s. She settles in the seat and gives her a brief smile.
Lucy returns the smile toward Angela. “Hi.” She rolls down both the driver and passenger side windows, the slight breeze of the wind is somewhat comforting. “I can’t believe it’s been 3 years.”
Angela doesn’t respond at first. Her eyes fixate on the little squirrels she sees chasing each other on the grass where the dirt path ends. “Sometimes it feels like time has slowed down for us,” she turns her head and looks at Lucy. “Wesley didn’t even know until he saw me getting ready this morning.” Time is moving slowly but it feels as if she’s been on a treadmill this whole time. Before she knew it, a single text from Lucy the night before sets her a few steps back.
This day is inevitable.
They both feel so much during this day and all they can do is be there for each other.
“How’s little Jack doing?” She still calls him little but he’s not so much anymore. Little Jack is now 7 years old and running around screaming about school and dreaming of being a cop and lawyer like his parents.
Angela lets out a laugh. “Too much to handle.” She shakes her head. “Sometimes I feel like running after a criminal is less tiring than chasing after my child when playing tag in the backyard.” But it’s a memory that she holds close to heart, playing with her kids and allowing them to be and feel so safe growing up. “Jack misses you.”
“I’ll try to make time to visit next week.” Lucy turns the key off in the ignition. “We should - “ 3 years and she still can never say it out loud. She looks down when she feels Angela’s hand on hers. “It never gets easier.” Lucy finally admits. This swelling and pressure she feels on her heart is by far too heavy. Time may be slow but the pain still resonates.
“I don’t think it’ll ever get easier for us, especially you .” Angela turns her head and nods over to where the car seat in the back sits. “But for your baby….”
“I have to stay strong for her.” Lucy knows and sometimes the slight reminder helps her because she forgets at times. “She has his eyes. Whenever I look into those ocean blue eyes - I am reminded of how much he would’ve loved to know his baby is his replica.”
Angela laughs. “Well, let’s hope she gets your personality instead.” It’s a joke but the idea of their daughter having the same hard exterior but softness that runs through her veins like Tim Bradford, it feels….absolutely perfect. “Come on.” She opens the passenger side door and helps Lucy by carrying the diaper bag.
“Hey…baby girl.” Lucy smiles at her daughter, stirring her sleep. “It’s time to see daddy.” She places a blanket over her daughter to prevent the wind and dirt getting to her eyes.
Cradling her baby girl with Angela walking behind, the steps toward the gates of the cemetery feels lighter. She doesn’t know when she’ll be able to do this alone. It is actually terrifying to think that one day Angela won’t be here for support. Lucy knows she shouldn’t count on Angela’s presence to make this easier but at the moment, she can’t imagine doing this without her.
Lucy and Angela stop walking as soon as they find the familiar tombstone. They stare at it for a while without uttering out a single word.
Timothy Bradford
Son. Brother. Father. Husband. Hero.
“Shhh….” Lucy pulls the blanket away from her daughter and bends down so she can see the tombstone. “It’s daddy.”
Angela sits on the grass with Lucy and stares at the tombstone where her best friend is. “We miss you everyday, Bradford.”
Lucy never says anything when she’s here. The silence that follows as they sit on the cold, wet grass while watching the morning goes by says enough.
It says she misses him.
It says that she is still torn with him gone.
It means…that her daughter will never get to see how amazing of a person her father is.
She hasn’t processed this loss fully and she doesn’t think she ever will. Lucy lets her daughter crawl over to the tombstone, touching it while babbling about something in her baby talk. She closes her eyes briefly before leaning her head onto Angela’s shoulders - allowing the tears she’s been holding back to fall.
She also knows that eventually it’ll be okay.
Time will pass and that's okay because he will always be watching over them, Lucy knows it.