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They couldn’t describe how odd it felt to not have the need to run in the forefront of their head. Sure, it still sat in the back of their mind as a hair-raising pulse that didn’t allow them to close their eyes for a second longer than needed. But at the same time, it felt like an incredibly strange change of pace that others now surrounded them. The thought unnerved them to no end, but the feeling felt right at the same time.
No matter, they still felt as if they couldn’t let down their guard just yet.
The night air chilled itself from the not-so distant mountain that loomed over their small camp. Its jagged peak touched the sky, carving a gaping hole in the indigo black for the band of stars to shine through and grace the land below in their shine. Instinctively, they stared up at the cold blinking lights.
No matter where they went, the night never gave itself up as a friend. It always danced out of comfort’s way, instead fighting against such a thing. Nightmares prowled in the dark, using shadows for cover and ready to pounce once the inevitable need for sleep began to wear on their mind. Things that went bump in the night quickly evolved into cackling laughter if their imagination ran too far ahead of itself.
No, safe to say, they weren’t too fond of the night.
Which didn’t make them too bothered that they sat awake now, watching over the small camp and letting their traveling companions sleep. Why they all didn’t go to the comfort of their own homes or places, they had no idea. They didn’t quite understand the actions of others just yet, especially when these people were so strange.
With a look over their shoulder, they saw the others resting in their own respective places, usually spots that they rarely deviated from when out in the open. The girl in the white in pink… Femi, it was. She curled herself up beside a stone and had buried her face into a thin blanket. Beside her, the far more questionable Vyomi had an restless sleep against the same stone. Not far from them laid Caeli on the ground, back facing them all.
Again, the questioning thought about why they didn’t choose a normal hotel like before entered their head once more as they turned away from the others. The prospect of the others being asleep did relieve some weight off of their shoulders. Loneliness had always come with their lifestyle, so the change of being surrounded by people didn’t fall short of jarring.
They hadn’t quite caught up with everything that their traveling companions wanted to do. Both Vyomi and Femi wanted to stick around with Caeli, who seemed to be leading them all on a wild goose chase where he had no idea what the said goose even was. It was the blind leading the blind, though, to be fair, that had been most of their life.
After a few moments of silently sitting there, they finally straightened up and looked back up at the sky. They never really liked how much of a void the night sky seemed to be. While a strange sense of comfort did reach out to them from it, it felt uncanny, something that couldn’t be trusted.
Quickly, they looked back down, fearing that the terrifying face in their nightmares would emerge from the black sky and steal them way into complete nothingness. Not anything blissful, no. Horrors beyond their imagination, because if they were found again now, what would the future bode from them?
Without even thinking and relying on pure instinct, they shoved everything else into the back of their head as they finally acknowledged the hole in the center of their chest. It painted the world around them in more light than shadows, even on a night with hardly any moon.
The glowing white pupil went wide and their vision flickered for a second as in front of them, now resting in front of their outstretched hands. A new weight landed on padded palms as their vision began to recover.
In front of their eyes sat a book in their hands. What color had been used to design the cover had all but worn away into streaks of gray and muddied brown. The spine frayed and displayed patches and creases. Even looking at it, the old book appeared to wither more away. As the crisp night air fluttered at its frail and fragile pages, a small rustling sound emitted from the old thing.
They had no idea how long it had been since that book had been given to them, not even opened, but instead opening new doors for so much more. The idea of trust, the thought of comfort, the introduction of sentimental value. Even a name that they now used as their own.
Despite it being thousands of years ago, they still remembered that day it landed in their hands. They had boarded the train with no sense of location in mind, just another place to become another uninteresting and forgettable face in a sea of people.
“You should really read,” they said, “It’s a great distraction, if anything.”
Across them sat that person they met once before, pawing over books and tossing them an apparent copy of one they already had. When they caught it and looked over the cover that had been so bright and new with golden writing. They could still remember it so clearly: A Guide to Sensitive Dreams.
“I accidentally bought an extra one thinking it was the second edition of it. I would’ve refunded it, but…” The other person had given a smile that could light up a room. “I think it’s more worth it spreading information on dreams. It’s fascinating.”
Ever since then, they kept the book close to their person. That day had changed their life, and they had no idea how it did for the longest time. Although they now read the book thousands upon thousands of times over, knowing every sentence by heart, they still found themselves drawn to it again and again.
While the gesture by the person on the train had been such a small meaningless one, this had changed their life for what they knew as the better. Such a small act of kindness felt like a kindling flame, feeding into something bigger within a world of darkness. They never knew much kindness before then nor after, so the book kept being their beacon of hope that someone out there threw a kind look their way.
The same thought as before entered their mind as they opened the book, its spine making a small crackling noise from use: how was that one person now? Did they still do their job? Or did they move on to other things? Were they even still alive?
They at least hoped that things were better for them after that chance meeting. Things for themselves had taken a much worse turn. That night with their mistake… the storm… What if they had taken that advice with the map? If they had, then they probably would’ve never been thrown to the wolves.
No, they couldn’t think about those things here. Steeling their expression, they stared down at a random page of the book in their hands. Almost immediately, the familiar words glided up from the page and began to shoo the stresses and worries that settled over their shoulders.
While the words on the page didn’t tell them that it would be better themselves, the thought behind them did. One day, they’d receive that kindness again. They just had no idea how to recognize it up front.
Were the people around them that kind? They felt comforting but in a different way, but was it still a good thing? Or was there one way to be kind and that was showing that someone existed to the point of giving them something? Or was it just company? Not turning them in? What was it?
The thought hurt their brain.
“Did you grow so bored of keeping watch that you’re reading instead? Never took you to be a bookworm, Ayumu.”
The voice came extremely quiet through a whisper, but that still nearly startled them literally out of their skin. Instinctively, they slammed the book shut and rested it in their lap as the voice registered itself in their head.
Vyomi. It sounded like their whisper.
Without paying too much mind to it, they threw their previously worried self into the back of their mind while fishing for the one that they displayed to the others. It wouldn’t be appropriate to show weaknesses, right? Especially after never being a weak person in the eyes of others before.
“So what if I have, nothing happens here,” Ayumu replied in a quiet voice, “And I’m not a bookworm, you don’t see me hauling that garbage around.”
“Yet you are.” Vyomi gave a smile as they wandered over to where the other sat and quietly got down on the ground next to them. Ayumu shifted over to the side, moving the book carefully but quickly out of the way.
“Anyways, what are you doing up? I thought we agreed I’d be taking the watch tonight. You’re wasting time from getting rest.”
Vyomi tilted her head to the side as they stared up at the night sky thoughtfully. “I couldn’t sleep, and I thought you could use some company.”
“Thinking I’m lonely? Hah! No, I don’t need that, this is just another day for me, I could hardly care less if you’re still asleep.” Those words sounded sour on their tongue. It felt off to be like this to Vyomi of all people, though they felt that a barrier like this would do more good than harm.
Glancing over to the other, Ayumu noted with an unknown feeling in their gut that a smile, one that grew warmer than the fire they previously lit, grew on their face. What were they smiling about? Then a small laugh coming from the other escaped their lips.
“Come on, even though you have others here, it’s still possible to get lonely.”
Unwillingly, or rather, against their better judgment, the corners of Ayumu’s mouth twitched upwards at the sight of their smile. They quickly caught themselves and tried breaking eye contact once more, not fully realizing how infectious Vyomi’s happiness was. It made their chest feel lighter and a warmth began to glow from within.
“Aha! I see a smile!” she quietly cheered.
Vyomi leaned forward with her hands beneath her bottom, staring at Ayumu with an even broader grin. Giving a huff that they hoped to carry the air of annoyance, the latter further turned their head away.
“Never mind that,” they said in disregard, “But yes, I suppose it can get lonely. Though you shouldn’t forget that even while asleep, you all are more company than I’m used to. So how could I possibly be lonely?”
“Hm… good point. But anyways, you sure you don’t want me to take over the watch for you? You can sleep and I’ll keep you warm!”
If possible, their smile brightened more in the dark. If Ayumu hadn’t been mistaken, then they would’ve believed that she alone was the sun to keep the night at bay. But what she said made them slightly on edge. Ever so present in the back of their mind, alarm bells began to ring.
They did their best to pull an offended expression and shot it Vyomi’s way. “What? Not at all, that’s weird! Even weirder you’re offering to keep me warm too. No thanks, creepy lady, I’m staying awake.”
A second later, Ayumu’s shoulders sagged as an immediate rush of guilt took over them. Seriously? They had to chide themselves, did they really turn away Vyomi just like that?
After a brief pause, they decided to enact damage control and said in a far more sheepish voice. “I also don’t want you to be alone either.”
“Sorry?” Vyomi cupped a hand around her ear as she leaned closer to Ayumu, who leaned away in turn. “I could’ve sworn I just heard your shell crack! Who would’ve thunk that the cold little guy you are would care about another! Hehe~!”
Embarrassment swept through Ayumu as their metaphorical heart gave a loopy twist in their chest. Really, why did Vyomi have to be so pushy as to who they were? Who would care if they were some Negative Nancy who just lowered the mood for everyone else?
And what was this feeling that found its home in their chest? It felt as if a cuddly cat had decided to make a nest there, curling up and spreading a comfortable warmth all throughout their body. Why did they feel so at home whenever Vyomi dropped by? Why did it feel like she patched up a hole that they had no idea was present?
“Must’ve been the wind,” Ayumu argued back, crossing their arms.
What they saw as an act of stubbornness, Vyomi must have seen it as an act of being cold. That or they wanted it to appear as such.
Before Ayumu could do or say anything else, they felt a force collide with them and two arms wrap around their shoulders.
“Wha--?” they blurted. “Unhand me, what do you think you’re doing?!”
Instantly, the rest of the arm bells blared their sirens in their head as they tried to wriggle out of the grip of the other to no avail. What was this? Some attack to keep them pinned? Why were they being trapped?
“Hugging you, silly!” Ayumu heard from just behind their shoulder as Vyomi squeezed them.
Oh. Right. Almost immediately, even against the better judgment of their survival instincts, Ayumu began to relax again, though shoved on another annoyed expression. This hadn’t been the first time since Vyomi hugged them, already doing so numerous times before and always achieving the same reaction as a result.
Ayumu had no idea how to describe a hug. Why did people even do it, and why was she still hugging them? Sure, they did feel as if someone dropped a heavy blanket on them to protect them, but this feeling felt so strange.
“Let go. Let go. Let go.”
They managed to free their arms from Vyomi's hold and managed to detach her own arms from around them. Though to their great surprise, the once tight hug became undone easily as the other’s limbs slackened and softly fell to the ground.
Wait. Did they do something wrong? As worry began to grow in their chest and their thoughts raced to a reason as to why Vyomi suddenly acted and felt like a dead body, they whipped their head around to see the other’s face squished against their shoulder.
“Seriously? Do you fall asleep that fast?”
Despite the incredulous words, something inside of Ayumu began to feel at ease, so they did nothing to wake up the person beside them. How strange. All of those hundreds upon thousands of years of distrust were thrown out in an instant because they would do nothing about someone falling asleep on them.
Had this ever happened before to them? They had no idea?
They wanted the thought to drive them mad and make them leave, but the feeling felt so strange. They felt as if moving were the worst thing to do, even though no one but themselves was in control of their actions.
Well, it looked like the sleeping Vyomi had to stay.
Somehow, Ayumu couldn’t find it in their heart to be annoyed. Instead, they managed to let go of the sudden onslaught of confusion and instead turned their attention to the book lying in the grass.
Then, for a fleeting moment, they recognized the comfort radiating from it. It felt just like they did now, sitting in a quiet valley underneath a sky of stars and huddled with probably the most annoying person they ever met.
How odd that they felt the same now without the book’s help.
They found they didn’t quite mind.