Work Text:
thoma has had hundreds and hundreds of jobs before, he switched between a lot of jobs, although earning very little money.
he came from a poor family, having his father left him and his mother almost on her dying bed. her mother is sick, she’s currently in a coma ever since his father died.
thoma never really cared deeply about his father since he was never there for him. though, he cared a lot about his mother that is why he’s doing all the hard work to get money to pay off her hospital bills.
he’s currently stuck with 3 jobs. cashier, house cleaner, and a librarian. as a cashier he doesn’t get paid enough, house cleaning was always his main job because he’s good at it, but he couldn’t find a way to promote himself as people knew very little about him, a librarian.. well it’s a librarian.
he stayed up for hours, often searching for books as per costumers’ request, typing and taking notes of people who borrowed books and put it in the data. the usual normal librarian stuff.
he wouldn’t say his life was boring, it was tiring. but he can and would do anything to get his mother awake again. ever since he was little, it was always his mother who took care of him.
she thought him ways to live independently, thought him how to cook, how to clean the house and basic human knowledge.
he loved his mother, very deeply.
“excuse me how much are the cigarettes?”
he went back to reality as he quickly grabbed a box of cigarettes and hand it over to the costumer. “6 dollars” the costumer handed him their money as they left.
thoma sighed and looked at the clock. it was 9 PM, his shift ends here. he quickly took his coat off and checked a few things before he sent a message to his coworker saying his shift is done.
after waiting for some time, his coworker came. “sorry did i took long?” thoma smiled and shook his head “you’re on time” as he took his stuff and gave his coworker a last goodbye before he left.
he has night shift for his librarian job now.
sometimes being a librarian is really boring, especially when it’s at night. who comes to the library at night just to read books?
thoma sighs but he took a deep breath, remembering how everything he does will pay off in the end and there’s no meaning in giving up now.
he drove to the library where he works in. it was not that popular but people still come. he gets paid really well even if there could be no one that came in his shift.
his shift was usually in the early mornings, but as things happened here and there, he got placed into the night shift.
but he wasn’t complaining since he was always a night owl in the first place, and to be honest he hated conversing with costumers and other people. which made him thankful no one came to the library at night.
as he came in the library, it’s as quiet as a cemetery. he smiled at his coworker who is half awake. “thank fucking god, you take it from here, thoma, im done” he said as he tapped thoma’s shoulder and quickly left the quiet building.
thoma sighs. he could see 2 to 3 people sitting down and reading. he took his bag off and stuff out. as he sat down and started checking the data his last coworker put in.
it was all over the place, people’s name were written incorrectly and the time and book names were just put in anywhere.
thoma sighs, he started sorting the data as neat as he can. as he sighs again, damn how many times did he sigh this day? he was really tired of everyone and everything. he just wants the day to quickly end.
“hello excuse me”
a costumer tapped on his computer
thoma looks up and is met with tall, blue haired, clean dressed man. he looks rich, was the first thing thoma thought.
“yes, may i help you?”
“i’m just making sure, this library closes at 1 AM right?”
“yes that is right”
“alright, thank you” the man smiled at him as he bowed a little in a sign of thanking thoma for his answer. he went back to his seat and continued reading.
thoma thought it was quite weird but he was taken aback by how fine, expensive and polite the man looks. he doesn’t look the “gucci, balenciaga, dior” expensive, he looks like the “clean, neat, takes a good care of himself” expensive.
he watches the man read while slowly flipping his page a few times. thoma gazed from afar. how the man looks under the library light. his blue eyes shining and his slender yet pretty fingers holds the page softly.
thoma gulps, for the first time he’d ever seen such beauty in a human being. it’s unreal. he doesn’t even look like a human. thoma thought he was out of this world as he continued staring for a few minutes.
thoma soon noticed how long he’s been staring as he looked away.
’ah geez i need to focus’
he immediately went back to his data and started sorting them out again. who would’ve thought a certain costumer could make him so unfocused in his own job.
after what felt like a lot of thoma struggling to not look at the man, he suddenly stands up. thoma started tensing up as his whole body froze, he’s hoping the man would talk to him first before leaving the library.
the man slowly walks up to him. he smiled, and thoma knew right there, that he has fallen in love at first sight with him.
his smile was warm, it wasn’t a forced one, it looks honest and a little bit tired, probably because of it’s already so late at night.
thoma held his breath. he smiled back, trying to act as normal as possible, but inside he’s screaming as loud as he can.
“i would like to borrow this book”
“yes”
thoma replied a little bit too fast, and it’s too short. he’s scared of accidentally saying something weird hence why he only replied with a simple yes.
‘oh god i hope he doesn’t think i’m rude’
thoma took the book and there’s a giant title that reads “easy cooking for beginners”
thoma swears he accidentally let out a little laugh, just a quiet one, hoping the man wouldn’t hear. he thought it was so cute how the man looks so tall and fine and a little bit intimidating, but the book he’s borrowing is a cooking book. thoma loved the gap moe of him.
“did you just laugh at me?”
thoma looks up as fast as he can, a bit scared of the man’s reaction. he anticipated a glare from him but instead what he received was a flustered smiling man.
he rubbed the back of his neck. “as i thought, is it weird that a man is buying cooking books?” thoma could tell he was embarrassed by his red ears.
’holy fuck how is he so cute’
“no, no! i just thought it was cute how i didn’t expected a cooking book from your, uh.. your appearance”
the man titled his head as he let out a chuckle.
“i’m ayato”
he held out his hand for thoma to shake, thoma’s eyes glows with excitement as he took his hand. “i’m thoma” he beamed at him.
‘ayato huh.. what a pretty name’
“do you know how to cook, thoma?”
it took 5 seconds for thoma to regain himself after hearing his name escapes from ayato’s mouth. he begs to god he can hear it again and again. for the first time someone has ever said his name with softness and warmness.
“yeah, in fact i’m quite good at it”
thoma awkwardly laughs when he realized he was bragging about himself. he somehow wanted to brag about every part of himself to ayato so he can have a good first impression of him.
“hmm, really?”
ayato smiles at him, it’s not like he doesn’t believe him, but thoma noticed how there’s a deeper meaning behind ayato’s smile, although he cannot decipher what it is.
“so.. my book?”
“oh yeah”
thoma cursed at himself for being unfocused again as he quickly put in the data of the date and book. “your due date of returning is in a week” ayato smiles as he bowed and thanked him.
just like that, he left. without saying anything else, he left.
thoma’s legs weakened as he slowly drops to the floor. he covered his mouth as he could feel his face getting hot.
‘what the actual fuck was that’
——
2 days later, thoma hasn’t been able to take ayato off his mind. what’s his favorite food, does he already have someone, what is he allergic to
so many questions filling up his head as he quickly ends his cashier shift a little bit earlier, he had noticed his coworker already so he’s fine with it.
without wasting time he drove at such a fast speed to the library. before he came in, he made sure to check himself in the glass door, to make sure he looks clean and good, as he fixed his hair a little he realized how stupid and dumb he looks, getting all worked up over a fucking costumer.
he got embarrassed as he quickly enters the library and is met with ayato.
ayato, he’s infront of him.
“ah” was the only thing escapes thoma’s mouth. “we meet again” ayato smiles at him. thoma noticed ayato is wearing a coat and a necklace. his hair is parted nicely, and he could smell his fragrance. he is holding his phone
’where the hell is he going to at 9 PM?’
although he would be lying if he said he didn’t look ten times hotter than the first time he saw him. the feeling of ayato getting dressed up like this made him feel a bit weird because it’s obvious he is going on a date.
“sadly i have to leave early” ayato sighs but he smiled, thoma wonders if he really does feel unfortunate because he had to leave. “ah, yeah” at this point thoma doesn’t really know what to say to him.
“alright then, see you thoma”
ayato bid goodbyes, leaving abruptly. thoma’s mouth was left open, he missed the chance to ask about his favorite food, does he have a significant other yet, what’s his allergies are, and another hundreds of questions.
“thoma? hurry up!” his coworker called him. thoma sighs as he realized he still needs to work. “coming!”
the whole 2 days he’s been preparing himself if he ever met ayato again, and now he just left just like that, it made him very upset.
his whole shift has just been him sighing loudly and making little to no communications to the costumers in the library.
it’s a kinda a bit weird how he’s been hearing a lot of people take pictures in the library though, the camera shuttering sound is annoying him as he wished to go home already.
—-
a week has passed, and everytime thoma is doing his shift, he never meets with ayato ever again. it saddens him, but what can he do? he knew he was just a regular customer just making conversations with him. they were nothing more than just a mere costumer and a librarian.
thoma checked the clock and it was 12 AM, he tied up some things as he heard the door opened. he looks up and is met with blue and gold shimmers.
ayato stood here, smiling at him.
“ayato?”
he came in with the last book he borrowed. “sorry i came in this late, i didn’t know your shift schedule”
shift schedule? does that mean he wanted to meet him specifically? where did he get his schedule?
“i’m here to return a book” he puts down the cooking book he borrowed last week on the counter. thoma’s eyes followed how his slender fingers brush over the cover of the hard book.
thoma shoots him a glance. ayato was there just staring at him, smiling. his eyes darkened but somehow glows in the dark of the library and his smile did not speak of happiness or joy. his smile is a little bit twisted now that thoma looks at it.
“ah excuse me for a second” ayato leaned a little bit closer to wipe a fur on thoma’s shirt, or at least that is what he said. thoma did not reckon a time when he had been close to animals today, but he guessed it’s just a random thread that got stuck on his shirt.
thoma then realized, he smelled something familiar. ayato is using the same fabric softener as him.
“thoma?”
ayato snaps him back to reality. he quickly scanned the book and put in the database. “ah right, sorry” he dries his throat. somehow he felt an insane amount of flush going through his whole body.
maybe it’s just a coincidence, because he never mentioned the fabric softener that he used, but the way his face got flustered now that he thinks of smelling the same scent of ayato, is making his whole body tingle.
ayato smiled at him when he’s done as he bid his farewells and left shortly after.
thoma then noticed a piece of paper tangling inside the book. curious, he took it out. there was written a phone number.
“text me sometime, - ayato”
——
its been months since they started talking over messages and meeting up in the library, but today was a special day. as it is the first time they agreed to a “date” or its just thoma delusioning himself into thinking they are going on a date or something.
they’re going to the amusement park, as it is the holidays. ayato was the first one to suggest doing so and thoma excitedly agreed.
thoma had been stressing over a lot of stuff for the past few months, he felt like he’d been stared at and there’s like a tension of something creeping up behind him wherever he go.
he knows he’s overthinking it, that’s why he thinks it’s the perfect time to let all his stress go away.
he had spent hours and hours deciding on what to wear, but in the end, a warm coat fits him best. he, for the first time in ever, puts his hair up. it needs great dedication for him to put his hair up because most of the times it just wont listen to him.
he arrived 30 minutes early at their meeting spot. he doesn’t want to be late, but later he noticed he is too early. he got embarrassed. after a while, ayato finally appears.
nervous, thoma smiles when he saw ayato waving at him. “ayato!” he yells as he ran to approach him.
ayato smiled at him. “you put your hair up today” he commented. thoma blushed over his words, feeling like he had been caught putting a lot of effort into making himself look better.
he awkwardly laughs it away.
“where would you wanna go first?”
hours after hours have passed. both of them have tried almost every food and machine there to exist. they are tired.
thoma pants as he wiped a sweat falling down his forehead. ayato chuckled at him. “whats wrong?” he grins “i just thought you look cute” ayato compliments him. thoma coughs as he clicked his tongue. “so suddenly?” he was quite surprised at the sudden compliment.
“can we take a picture?”
ayato suggests, thoma smiles before he nods. they quickly got together as ayato puts his phone up to the sky. they are so close to each other and thoma can smell ayato’s fragrance. it was quite a familiar scent but he cannot put his mind into it.
as soon as they were done. ayato stared at the photo. thoma looks up at the sky, it was brighter than it usually was, he was admiring the clouds and didn’t really notice how long ayato has been staring at their pictures.
thoma sighs. ayato then shoots him a confused look. “did you not like it?” thoma quickly gets up and wave his hand, panicking. “no, no! i did like it..” he starts
“it’s just that the past few months i’ve been feeling weird, but now that you’re here, the feeling is gone”
thoma looks down at his feet. he thought it was weird how he just noticed ayato and him are wearing the same brand of shoes, it was his favorite brand too, they really do have a lot in common.
“so, i’m glad i went here with you!”
he beamed at ayato. ayato’s eyes widened a little, quite surprised at how glowy thoma has become. he chuckled to himself.
“i’m glad as well”
after the amusement park. ayato had invited thoma into his house. he asked him to teach him how to cook. thoma agreed without a second thought. doing his favorite activity with his favorite person? hell yeah.
as soon as thoma arrives, he is met with a clean and neat household. it’s not as expensive as thoma thought it would be, but it is no ordinary house. there was flowers here and there, lots of paintings.
thoma saw a painting of a building he felt like he has seen before, and a beautifully drown angel is seen towering around the building. he ran his hand through the frame of the canvas, and noticed ayato’s name and signature written on the painting as well as the date it’s finished. it was 2 months ago.
“whoa, you made this?”
ayato, who’s setting up the kitchen, glanced at him. “yeah, i forgot to tell you but i paint sometimes, i’m not that good though” thoma furrowed his eyebrows. “what do you mean you’re not good at it!” he clicks his tongue, ayato laughs at him.
“i like to paint things that stood out to me, that painting is a hospital with an angel wrapping their hands around it, it means the angel is protecting the kind souls who will die in that hospital”
thoma hums, he admired the painting and how the visible brush strokes beautifully drawn across the painting. he didn’t knew ayato had an artist side of him.
“ah right, how is your mother?”
“what?”
huh?
“is she doing fine?”
“oh, yeah she’s doing fine.”
thoma sat down on the chair.
thoma has never brought up about his mother to him.
thoma felt this unsettling feeling creeping up behind his back. “uh, where’s the restroom?” ayato looks at him, he was grabbing utensils. “go there, and you will see my room, go past that, there’s a bathroom there”
thoma nods and thanked him. he quickly went to the restroom as ayato told him.
on the way, he noticed it gets darker the more he goes. he walks slowly. as he felt like he’s drifting away from reality. he had been walking and walking and walking but he did not see any restroom.
it was pitch black, it seems like a really long hallway, but it wasn’t. he knows his mind is just playing tricks at him. the hallway wasn’t this long.
he was sweating, calling out ayato’s name would make him seem pathetic for getting lost in his house. he slowly walks, trying to calm himself down.
his mind wondered at how ayato knows about his mother, as he sees a slight light and a door. thoma felt relieved. he noticed it wasn’t a bathroom door, but he went in anyway. maybe the bathroom is inside, is his thought.
he opened the door.
the fear that was creeping behind his back is now fully absorbed to his body. his body trembles, and he felt shivering all over his body.
his hand was shaking. he was sweating. he wanted to take his eyes out from his face.
suddenly, the feeling of not being able to see maybe weren’t so bad for him.
inside the room, there are photos and posters of him.
photos of when he’s working in his supermarket.
photos of when he’s cleaning a costumer’s house.
photos of when he accidentally slept at the library while doing his shift.
the room was filled with him.
and in the center of the room, was a hand painted painting of him. he was smiling, glowing like a pure sunshine calling out to you, an angel perhaps. it was beautifully drawn, the strokes are visible, and all he can decipher from the painting is ‘love’
he could feel his sight getting darker and darker, as his pupils shakes. he wanted to puke. rather than feeling happy that his crush had painted a picture of him, he felt disgusted, terrified and scared.
he noticed there stood 2 perfumes and 1 fabric softener. they all are the same thing he’s using.
he felt something nugging on his throat.
he saw a pair of shoes, it was his exact shoes, it looks brand new and was not used. ayato must’ve used it as a display only shoes.
he felt his stomach twist.
he saw cooking books everywhere, he even have the same exact copy of some of them.
near the bed, he saw a huge amount of money. as his feet trembles, he slowly walks to it.
it was wrapped in a paper, in front of it reads. ‘for thoma’s mother’
thoma drops to the floor, his body had gone weak as he could feel tears forming in his eyes.
this was too much for him to take.
he did not think this was reality,
no, he wished this wasn’t reality.
he grabs his face with his hands, panting for air. he felt like he couldn’t breath. as his fingernails slowly dig through the skin of his face. he felt like screaming on top of his lungs.
everything make sense now.
that is why he heard lots of camera shuttering when he’s working his shift.
that is why ayato smelled the same as him.
that is why ayato is using his favorite brand of shoes.
then came the worst realization.
the angel and hospital drawing he saw earlier,
it was the same hospital his mother was staying in.
“thoma?”
thoma widened his eyes as he turns his head to the door. ayato was there, blocking his way out. thoma was terrified, he cannot move as his body is stuck to the floor. he’s unable to move from all the fear and the pressure ayato is giving.
ayato’s eyes glows dark. he did not smile. he did not laugh. he showed no emotion. he is just towering on thoma. thoma felt like he is drowning in ayato’s shadow.
ayato glanced at his room.
he smiled.
his smile was creepy.
thoma felt shivers run down his spine.
he slammed his head on the floor and screamed as loud as he can.
he wants to run away, please, someone, please, someone please tell him this isn’t a reality, someone please tell him this is all a dream, someone please, please assure him that everything is okay and ayato is not a weird stalker that has been stalking him for god knows how long.
“what’s wrong? did you not like my gift?”
ayato held out a hand for thoma, but thoma instinctively gets back as fast as he can. ayato is still smiling with that creepy and unsettling smile of his, it’s like it is sewn into his face.
thoma knew he had to get out.
it took everything in him to stand up. as he looks at ayato, who still has the same exact face. while thoma was disgusted, he felt tears storming out his eyes.
he ran towards ayato and pushed him down. he did so while yelling, it did helps him gain courage to get out of this damned house.
ayato fell to the floor.
thoma took this moment to run.
the ran and ran and ran.
he hallway wasn’t long, he knew his mind was playing tricks.
as he got to the front door, he grabbed his coat. he did not dare to look back, he is too scared to do so as the only thing in his mind is just running away.
he opened the front door.
for the first time, he had a fresh sense of air.
as he quickly slammed the door and ran as fast as he can.
just run,
it doesn’t matter where,
i just need to run away from this reality.