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This is not, Nikolai reminded himself, rubbing at his temples, Alina’s fault. This is not Mal’s fault. It wasn’t anyone’s fault, really, except a smidge of carelessness and the fact that Alina and Mal were but young and in love. That had unintended consequences on people. Or relationships.
Or kingdoms.
“This is not their fault.” Nikolai said to his reflection, smoothing his hair back. This wasn’t their fault, and it could be fixed. He could try to fix it. After all, he probably could have cautioned them to be more careful about kissing in the corridors.
It was an open secret in the halls of the castle that Mal and Alina were in love. Anyone who had fought by them knew that. Grisha and First Army alike were well aware of the fact that Nikolai and Alina were only married in the sense that they needed to be married.
And then they had opened the castle up.
Nikolai threw himself over his couch with a long groan. This was going to be a bitch to fix. The queen seen kissing a pirate in the halls of her own king’s castle? How in Ravka was Nikolai supposed to fix this? Taking down the fold again would be a worthy companion to fixing the gossip that went around the castle.
“Nikolai?”
Nikolai sat up, hair falling in his face. Alina stood in the doorway, looking both utterly remorseful and all too humored by his state of disarray. “Hello, moya tsaritsa .”
“Pet names?” she asked, quirking an eyebrow, “that’s your way of getting back at me?”
“Calling you my queen is to remind you of your duties.” Not Alina’s fault! Nikolai flicked himself in the arm for that one. “Any ideas on how to fix the widespread gossip that I am a cuckold and you a cheating whore?”
“Give Mal a name too?”
“Not the time for jokes,” Nikolai said, but he was smiling, “Maybe we should tell the whole kingdom that I have a cuckolding kink. For laughs. They can’t judge their king, can they? Or, well. They can, but do they want to think about it for that long? Or maybe that the privateer Stumhond is your one and only hall pass?”
Alina paused for a second. Her mouth was set in the way that Nikolai knew meant she was thinking up some harebrained idea that she’d pull off easily. “Maybe we could tell them something like that.”
When Alina told him her plan, he jumped to his feet. “Alina, you’re a genius and my saviour.” He wrapped his sort of wife and sort of best friend into a hug, lifting her off her feet. Alina laughed, hugging him back. “I don’t know if this will work, but this is absolutely the insanity my people expect from me and you. And at least the rumors will be spread more equally now.”
“You’re an attention whore,” Alina told him when he pulled away. Nikolai preened.
“Only for you.”
They had gotten Mal’s permission, of course, when Nikolai stood up in the middle of a very important dinner and clinked on his crystal glass. “I have an announcement.”
Zoya leaned over to Genya. “The last time he had an announcement, he was fake marrying a saint. I wonder how he’ll one up that one.”
Nikolai looked around at his quiet subjects and grinned. This one was going to be a doozy. “I know there have been some rumors flying around about my relationship. Yes, I know the gossip in my own castle and country. I’m not that out of touch. But I want to say that I am not a cuckold, thank you, Duke, nor is my queen a cheater. We were hoping not to have to explain this to Ravka, but have any of you ever heard of something called polyamory?”
The piece of steak Zoya was trying to eat fell off her fork as she froze. Genya blinked. “I suppose,” she said slowly, “like that.”
Nikolai took careful stock of everyone in the room as he spoke. Emotions were easy to see on nobles who had better shelter from the war. Those who were shocked, he looked at when he spoke about how much he loved his queen. Those with looks of admiration, those he could appeal to when he said how it hurt to hide. And those with a faint sort of longing, those he looked to and declared his unwavering love for…
“And of course, I grew close with Malyen when we fought together. He and Alina were close, and as Alina and I fell in love, I thought I should be feeling jealous. Because no matter how good a husband, they all say he can’t beat a childhood friend, right?”
Those who had a few glasses of wine chuckled. It rippled through the people, calming them.
“But the more I fought side by side with Malyen and talked to him, I realized he wanted everything I wanted. And where I had always had an easy life before the war became much much harder, Malyen had never. Malyen had only had the woman I was in love with. It started with me believing that it would be terrible to separate them. It ended with me not wanting to be separated from him. Malyen, my Mal, would you come up here?”
Mal stood. All eyes at the dinner turned to him, his large form, the way he looked brusk even in his noble clothing. He walked over to Nikolai, who placed a hand on his cheek before leading him to stand at his right side. Alina was at his left.
Kissing wasn’t the Ravkan expectation, and Nikolai wasn’t looking to be declared the degenerate he was, so he only took Mal’s hand when he took Alina’s.
“I hope you can forgive us our dishonesty, but love takes many forms, and I have never been one to deny it. And in a new age for Ravka, why can’t we accept the differences in love for everyone?”
Nikolai sat down, showing everyone just who the empty chair beside him was for. Alina and Mal followed suit, ignoring the whispers that erupted around the dining hall. Mal took a sip of wine. “Were the dramatics necessary?” he hissed.
“Absolutely.” Nikolai draped an arm around the back of Mal’s chair, taking a drink of his own wine. He leaned in close, lips brushing Mal’s ear. “What do you think they all think I’m saying to you?” his whispered, voice low and seductive. Mal shivered, probably in disgust at the feeling of warm breath on his ear.
Mal’s fingers were warm on Nikolai’s chin as he turned the king’s head to whisper something back. “Something undoubtedly dirty. What would Alina say?”
“Let’s check.” Nikolai keeps his arm on the back of Mal’s chair, but he leans over to Alina. “Hello, darling.”
“What are you and Mal whispering about over there?” Alina murmured back, a small smile playing on her lips.
“Oh, nothing. He just wonders if you’d approve of me whispering dirty things at the dinner table.” Nikolai grinned, making direct eye contact with Tolya. Tolya frowned at him. Nikolai winked at him. Tolya shook his head and turned to relay this concerning information to his sister.
“I’m sure Mal loves that.”
“He does. I’m sure of it.” Alina laughed into her hand, the quiet laugh befitting a queen that Nikolai knew she had been practicing. Nikolai much preferred her loud laugh. “What do we do now? Mal certainly can’t become your husband.”
“He can in fact become prince consort,” Nikolai replied. Mal, on the other side of him, hit him with his hand. “Calm down. It’s nothing official for now. It’s only really an excuse for my being cuckolded, remember?”
“You aren’t being cuckolded.”
“Yes, because I just introduced the whole country of Ravka to the concept of polyamory.” Nikolai grinned, the sort of boyish wicked grin that looked better on Sturmhond than King Nikolai. Mal laughed, letting Nikolai pull him close. Alina leaned in too, chuckling behind her hand too.
“They’re disgusting. Do you think they’re actually in love?” Zoya asked.
“I don’t think they know it.”
Zoya looked up at the trio. Mal and Alina leaned into Nikolai easily, despite the fact he could only be called an interruption to whatever the two had going on. Sitting right in the middle, dressed like a king, Nikolai looked right at home in between the Saint and the tracker. He smiled like it too.
“Twenty vlachki that they’ll take forever to figure it out.”
Genya held out her hand. “Taken.”
The cons to pretending you’re dating your wife and her boyfriend, as Nikolai realized very quickly, were that you have to spend a lot of time with your wife and her boyfriend. And this was fine, as Nikolai had fought a whole war by their side. Except Alina and Mal were touchy. And very, very horny.
Not that Nikolai was sitting there while they went at it. He simply had to endure look after look in between them. Small hand touches, or Alina completely in Mal’s lap. Nikolai found himself citing official Ravkan business and leaving so often that he was sure the guards outside the door thought he and them were having lover spats.
And also that they’re Nikolai’s fault. Understandable.
The other con was the amount of time Nikolai had to spend with Mal. Not that Nikolai doesn’t like Mal! No, that was the problem. The problem was that Nikolai liked Mal a lot, and while he had come to terms with his feelings for Alina, the feelings for Mal were nearly unpredictable.
Nearly. He had given Mal his compass, after all.
Nikolai was a respectful man. He did know he was polyamorous – how else would he know what to tell Ravka about? – but he knew just as well that Alina and Mal were most likely not. After all, Alina seemed very attached to the concept that she and Mal only had each other.
Well, now they had Nikolai. But he was comfortable on the sidelines. He liked to think. But, Saints, he was not alright.
Saints, Alina is gorgeous, he thought, laying on the marriage bed Alina barely visited. She stood in front of the mirror, braiding her hair up. She wore a slip, with the sort of formal outfit she was more comfortable in hanging on a nearby rack. Since she tended to rely on a formal coat with a suit, Genya had decided to switch it up. The top of her outfit was unmistakably that of a queen’s dress, but it would turn to pants at her hips. Underneath would be the military boots she so preferred.
“Genya will be coming in soon to do me up.”
“And?”
“Shouldn’t you be getting ready?” Alina caught his eye in the mirror and glared at him. Nikolai rolled his eyes, but did get out of the bed and start peeling off his shirt. “Not in front of me.”
“We’re married, moi lapushka. Plus, I’m already in my dress pants. I was simply lazing around.” Nikolai grabbed his formal shirt from where it was hanging, making to pull it over his head when the door swung open.
Genya entered, followed by a Mal who looked thoroughly cowed by her intimidating presence. “I’m not letting your stylists style her again,” Genya said to the shirtless Nikolai, who was trying to find out the least incriminating way to cover his chest without seeming like he had been doing anything with Alina.
Alina, who was only wearing her slip, near her shirtless husband when her boyfriend had just come in.
Saints.
“Mal, close the door,” Genya said. Mal did so.
“Mal, nothing was happening,” Nikolai said, feeling the immediate urge to defend Alina’s honor. And his honor. Honor in general? Whatever. He didn’t want Mal to have any animosity towards him. He was already married to the man’s girlfriend.
“He already knows that. I’d tell him if we were fucking. Genya, don’t you think I’d look good in a color other than yellow?”
Nikolai, stunned, couldn’t help but say, “yeah, why is she always dressed in yellow?”
Stupid question. She’s the Sun Saint.
“A blue would look nice,” Genya said, casting a longing look at the gold half-dress. “It is a little ridiculous. Next time, I’ll have them make you a dress in other colors. We’ve done away with the colored keftas anyhow. Nikolai, buy her some blue and green silk. We’ll make your queen perfect.”
“She’s already perfect,” Nikolai said, and then immediately looked at Mal. Mal, instead of killing Nikolai, simply nodded.
“She is.”
“Thank you,” Alina said, and then, “Nikolai, put on a shirt.” Nikolai scrambled to put on his shirt.
“ Moi tsar, turn around,” Genya said, and Nikolai whirled around as Genya no doubt told Alina to leave the slip behind in favor of underclothes that worked better under something with pants. Nikolai put a hand over his eyes. Mal was probably giving him a look. He was just being respectful!
“You can uncover your eyes now,” Mal’s judgemental voice said, and Nikolai turned back around. Alina was, of course, stunning. Her hair was pulled up and away from her shoulders, which were as bare as custom and propriety would allow. Her sleeves sat low on her arms, but still had the give for movement, something Nikolai was sure she loved. The gold looked just as regal as anyone would expect.
“You’re incredible,” Nikolai couldn’t stop himself from saying.
Alina didn’t respond, arms too full of Mal to think about anything else. Genya looked at the lovebirds, no doubt thinking of her own husband. “This is why you use a tailor, and not lipstick,” she said, a smile on her lips.
Nikolai pulled his jacket on, glancing at the still kissing couple every few seconds. When he was finally all buttoned up and Genya had done something to his hair, he put his fist over his mouth and coughed. When Mal and Alina didn’t break up, he coughed again.
“Mal, Alina. We’ve got a ball to be at.”
Mal pulled away. He was dressed up already, with a bit of privateer flair that Nikolai had specifically begged Genya to add. His short hair was starting to grow out, and was messy at that. His large brown eyes looked at Nikolai, teasingly imploring. Just the sight of them made Nikolai want to change his mind and decide they would stay there kissing forever.
But Nikolai wasn’t part of that equation, was he?
“My debut as the prince consort?” Mal said, and he slipped easily next to Nikolai, throwing his arm around the king. Nikolai laughed, arm around Mal’s waist.
“Ravka will love you.”
“Ravka already knows he helped save the world,” Alina added, coming to stand next to them. She didn’t protest when Nikolai put his other arm around her shoulders, leaving Genya the odd one out. “Shall we go then?”
Nikolai pulled back, offering his arms like a good escort. “ Moya tsaritsa, moi pirat.”
Alina and Mal slipped their arms into Nikolai’s. “We’re here, moi lapushka,” Mal said to him, and Genya opened the door for them to head to the ball. As they walk out, she places Nikolai and Alina’s crowns on their heads.
The ball was already bustling when Nikolai stepped in with his queen and prince consort on his arms. Obediently, the orchestra stopped when Nikolai came in. “Introducing our tsar, king Nikolai of Ravka!”
The subjects at the ball turned to see him. Nikolai lifted his head, knowing he looked like he was basking in the attention. Beside him, Alina smiled. Mal was, well, Nikolai couldn’t look over. But he was sure that Mal was doing his uncomfortable scowl.
“Smile, darling.”
“I’m smiling.”
“Smile better.”
When it was finally proper for Nikolai to nod at his citizens and restart the ball, he could turn and look at his dates. Fashion would encourage him to look at Alina first, but Nikolai hates fashion. So he turned to Mal.
Mal’s smile was forced, Nikolai had been extremely correct. But when his brown eyes made contact with Nikolai’s blue, the smile became much more genuine. Nikolai pressed his forehead towards the man. Mal met him, foreheads pressed in a stunning display of tenderness.
Nikolai didn’t want to pull back, but after the ten seconds he allotted himself, he turned to Alina and did the same. One elephant, he counted out in his head, like Vasily always made fun of him for doing, Two elephants.
After ten seconds he pulled away from her in turn. And then it was time to dance.
As his queen, Alina got the first dance. It was only proper, and Nikolai wasn’t pushing for a violent revolution, just some mild scandal. So he left Mal behind with a quick card of fingers through hair, and pulled Alina onto the dance floor. The waltz was halfway through, but it was simple. No real effort to step into motion as the meter started again.
“It’s easier to dance without the skirts,” Alina said, chin nearly resting on Nikolai’s shoulder. Nikolai spun them, slightly.
“Maybe I should try it out and wear a skirt. See if the Apparat has it in himself to kill me.” Alina’s face moved in when she laughed, closer to Nikolai’s shoulder. The picture of affection. If someone was to paint them, they’d look like a king and queen in the heights of passion.
But Alina didn’t even love him.
Mal was dancing with Zoya, who looked a little annoyed to be dancing with someone who was so busy staring at Alina that he didn’t notice how heavily he was stepping on her toes. Zoya pulled back as they spun, just enough to target a short burst of wind under his sleeve.
Nikolai nudged Alina, drawing her attention to the scene in front of her. Mal was shivering, and Zoya had a self satisfied smile on her face. Alina snorted.
“Do you or I get the next dance with him?”
“I’ll take it? It’ll cement you both as my lovers, and then you two can dance together while I go continue to make Zoya’s life hell.” Nikolai spun Alina around. When he pulled her back, she was grinning.
“You’re such a scamp.”
“That’s me,” Nikolai winked as Alina spun him. His boot squeaked on the marble floor. Alina pulled him close by the waist, switching their dancing positions flawlessly. Nikolai felt more comfortable letting Alina lead, honestly. Dancing had never been his strong forte, unless he had a sword in his hand. Neither was it Alina’s in all honesty, but she could try to lead.
The dance ended with a flourish, and Nikolai and Alina stepped away from each other. Alina smiled, curtsying. Nikolai responded with a bow, and then went to search out Mal.
Mal was stepping away from Zoya, who sent a scathing look after him. Nikolai offered his hand out. Mal took it. “I have to lead,” Nikolai said as he swept him onto the dance floor, but he barely noticed when he did not in fact lead. Mal’s hands were calloused in the way any good soldier’s hands would be, and Nikolai found himself delighting in the feeling of them against his hands.
Stop being a whore, Lantsov, he had to remind himself. “Where did you learn to dance?”
“There was an old gramophone at the orphanage where Alina and I grew up.” Mal stepped back, letting Nikolai spin before they fell back into the waltz that was slowly picking up pace. “We decided we would learn how to dance one night, and then we kept practicing.”
“Alina starts it all, doesn’t she?”
The smile on Mal’s face was fond. “She does.”
Nikolai turned them, taking over the dance. He and Mal could move in good tandem, which Nikolai not-so-secretly would attribute to both having experienced fighting. The thing that he and Mal could absolutely bond over was their shared belief that Alina was the best woman in all of Ravka. Or all of the world. Whichever wanted to complain more.
And that was exactly why Nikolai was on the outskirts of Mal and Alina’s relationship, wasn’t it? If Mal and he didn’t share that belief, Nikolai could have Alina all to himself. But he didn’t want that. He wanted them both.
Shame that he couldn’t have it.
You don’t want just one. You’d rather they be happy with each other than unhappy, Nikolai told himself, which was unfortunately accompanied by Mal pulling him closer.
“They’re gossiping.”
“And I thought you were offput by the idea of scandalizing them?” Nikolai asked, close to Mal’s ear. He added a teasing purr.
“Give them what they want, right?”
“Hmm, I love hearing that coming from you.”
“I’m going to kiss you,” Mal said, and Nikolai pretended her heart hadn’t just skipped a beat. A fact which apparently Genya, halfway across the room, was aware of. She gave him a look.
“Alright.”
Mal leaned in, and Nikolai let his eyes close. Contrary to the few times he had kissed people and pretended they were someone he found more appealing, he tried pretending that it wasn’t Mal kissing him. That it wasn’t perfect, handsome, loyal, funny, very attractive Mal that was leaning in and… oh.
Mal’s lips touched his. They were warm and chapped, and Nikolai could feel him and Mal stop dancing to kiss. He leaned in closer to the man, hand sliding onto Mal’s back and shoulder. Mal held him like he was something tender, and Nikolai felt like melting.
There was a cough from nearby, and they broke apart. Alina was watching them and grinning. “Excluding me?” Around them, the dance floor was at a standstill, every single participant staring at the trio.
“Not if you want to join,” Nikolai said, beckoning her over. Alina smiled serenely, waving at an older lady who looked like she was about to lose her jaw to gravity. She stepped towards Nikolai, who took her chin in his hand. “Alright?” he breathed out.
“Just kiss me already.”
They had only kissed once before, also in public, but this felt different. Before had just been a peck. A performance. This, albeit still a performance, was long and slow. If Alina had been wearing lipstick, it would have smeared across Nikolai’s lips, and he would have loved it.
Alina’s lips were softer than Mal’s – was he really hung up on that? Saints, he’d have to get Mal some Zemini lip oil – and tasted of the red wine they served at these sort of functions. If Mal’s lips felt like home, Alina’s felt like a warm meal after days of nothing.
Nikolai broke away and decided that maybe Ravka would think he was a whore, but at least Ravka’s sluttiest king was also bringing the most social change it had seen in decades.
“I’m so sorry for this, but my queen and I, and our prince consort have very important royal business in the morning. Saying that, we must head to bed.”
Nikolai’s arm was already wrapped around Mal’s waist, so he simply dropped his other hand to take Alina around her waist. As he led them out, Alina did her practiced queenly wave that was so unlike the Alina that had coldcocked him when she discovered he was the prince. Mal did his signature scowl.
“Cheer up, darling. As far as they all know, we’re headed to bed.” Nikolai rested his head on Mal’s shoulder, pretending he didn’t notice people following them with keen and watching eyes.
There was honestly nothing that Nikolai would rather do than send Mal and Alina to their separate bed and solve his own problems with a few tears and his right hand. But with people watching to see what they were going to do…
Nikolai swept Alina and Mal into his room, closing and locking the door behind them. “Well, darlings,” he said, with a meaningful glance to the door behind him, “how should we spend our glorious afterparty?”
Nikolai passed out in the same bed as Alina and Mal after they all got gloriously drunk on wine and made fake sounds just in case someone had the gall to still be listening at the door. Mal and Alina, graciously for Nikolai’s wine drunk and tired brain, weren’t as touchy as normal. He wasn’t as envious of the space between them as he tended to be.
Nikolai woke up to Mal pulling on a shirt. “Going somewhere, handsome?” Nikolai’s groggy brain said, and Mal nodded.
“Can’t sleep anymore. I’m going to go practice hand to hand.”
Nikolai pushed into a sitting position. “Could I come with you? It’ll only take me a minute to get dressed.”
“Of course.”
Nikolai got out of the bed, pushing his hair out of his face. “Remind me why I’m shirtless?” he asked, looking down at his bare chest and the fact he was only wearing his underthings. That was… he didn’t remember taking any of his clothes off.
“You declared that you couldn’t sleep in fancy clothes and immediately stripped.” Oh. Yeah, that sounded like him. Mal was looking at him with a teasing look in his eye and a little smirk on his face. “Alina joined you too, you gave her one of your shirts to sleep in. Why you didn’t choose a shirt for yourself, I’ll never know.”
“And I didn’t give you anything?” Nikolai asked, pulling on a plain undershirt and trying not to oggle Mal’s bare chest. “I’ll give you something now, if you don’t want to go back to your room.” Nikolai pulled on his pants and rummaged around his drawers. What would Mal wear?
“I don’t want to walk around your palace in boxers, that’s true.”
Nikolai tossed him a shirt and pants. “Here you go.” Mal tugged the shirt on over his head, covering up one of his greatest assets, along with all the other, boring, assets he had. Like tracking. “Hand to hand, huh? You’ve practiced.”
“Not always by choice. I need to be able to hold my own in a fight. I’m no Grisha, and I’m not the prince,” Mal said, stretching up, kicking his shoe out. “Your pants are too short.”
“For you. You tall freak,” Nikolai joked, “No, no, I don’t mean that. I’m glad you’re tall.”
Mal ducked his head with a slight blush, but his shoulders slightly straightened. Nikolai grinned. Even if he had no place in what Alina and Mal had, he liked making people blush. He especially liked making tall, handsome men who he was in love with blush.
Fuck. Love?
“Coming?” Mal asked.
“Yeah, yeah.” Nikolai grabbed his shoddiest jacket and wrapped it around his shoulders. “Of course. Don’t want to keep your exercise regime waiting.”
It was early enough that the halls of the Palace were silent, and no one paid attention to their dressed down prince and his consort making their way through the Palace. Nikolai, however, was the sort of man and the sort of king to be a little worried about people’s thoughts. But Mal didn’t seem to have any complaints when Nikolai slipped his hand into Mal’s.
They end up in a room that’s made for both sword practice and Grisha sparring. Made well enough that hand to hand should barely leave a mark. Nikolai stepped in, standing across from Mal. he established a base and held up his hands.
“Come at me then, pretty boy.” Nikolai beckoned him, quirking his fingers. Mal rolled his eyes, but leaned back into a similar fighting stance, mirroring Nikolai. “Ready?”
“Always,” Mal responded, and then they launched themselves at each other.
Mal was a stronger fighter than Nikolai, it was already obvious. Nikolai had trained, but he had still been a prince. If he had had a sword, maybe he would have won, but despite how evenly matched the two of them might have been, Mal had a slight upper hand.
Still, the fight wasn’t over immediately. Nikolai could block Mal, and Mal wasn’t as good at avoiding Nikolai’s hits as hitting back. Plus, neither would go down easily. They’d been through too much to do that. So it took a slight while until Mal finally pinned Nikolai down and got the upper hand.
Nikolai was panting beneath him. “Saints, you’re good. I’m glad we were on the same side of the war.” And then, when Mal chuckled, it took Nikolai about half a second to realize the compromising position they were in. Mal above him, pinning his hands down to the mat. His legs straddled Nikolai’s hips, and Nikolai was very thankful that his pants were loose and would betray nothing.
And Nikolai would love to lunge up and kiss Mal, but he respected Mal too much, and Alina far too much. Despite how hot Mal was above him. Nikolai let himself ghost his tongue across his lips, but reassured himself that that was it, and he was not going to pursue Mal beyond that.
A gentle clapping startled Nikolai out of his reverie. He pushed Mal off him, even though it was technically more of a gentle tap. He set up on the mat, Mal sitting next to him, looking at a grinning Alina. “You’re both very good. Could I have a turn?”
Both Nikolai and Mal knew they couldn’t beat her. They looked between each other with the same look.
“Minus the sun summoning?”
Nikolai knew he still wouldn’t be able to win against Alina, because he’d feel bad about throwing a single punch. Alina, on the other hand, could knock him out cold. So he, wisely, shook his head. “If I thought I could beat you, moya tsaritsa, I never would have married you. I only like women – and men – who can beat my fucking ass.”
“What a confession,” Mal joked. Nikolai flipped him off, but couldn’t help laughing. “I suppose that’s why you’re the first king of Ravka to be openly polyamorous. Because Alina and I can both, quote unquote, beat your fucking ass.”
Yeah, wish you’d do something else to my ass, Nikolai thought, and then realized that maybe he needed to self-quarantine for everyone’s sanity. Including his own. What was next, actually saying one of these things to Alina or Mal? Saints, he’d want to die immediately. And no one wants a suicidal king.
But when Alina joined them in sitting on the ground, it was hard to not say something about how badly he wanted their little triangle to be real. He wanted Alina to lean across and kiss him the way she did with Mal. And he wanted Mal to sooth the blows he had landed with peppered kisses. But that’s not something you say to the happy and most likely monogamous couple that’s nice enough to let you pretend you’re screwing both of them.
Instead, Nikolai laughed. “Mal, we’ll have to go again some time. I want to prove myself against you still.”
“Then will I be deprived of my role as Prince Consort?” Mal teased, but Nikolai’s heart jumped into his throat. Still, he knew how to laugh.
“You’ll just have to train then.”
Nothing actually happened until they were travelling to the middle of Ravka, down to the communities that had suffered from the Darkling and the Fold. Even though all of them, especially Alina, would prefer just riding horses, ideals dictated that they took a carriage.
So now Nikolai was trapped in a small carriage with his queen and his prince consort. Great. Alina was, of course, beautiful. And her beauty was only tripled by her complete refusal to wear royal clothing and the button up she was wearing. Mal, handsome as ever.
Nikolai felt like nothing beside them. Since Alina wasn’t dressing up, and he’d feel bad showing off his wealth next to those who had suffered, he had gone with toned down clothing. He was sure it didn’t make him look half as good as it did Alina.
Carriages were small, and didn’t move very fast. Nikolai missed his boats. His boats that flew. They were a lot faster, and less cramped than a carriage.
Alina was asleep against Nikolai’s shoulder. Mal was in the seat across from them, also completely asleep. Nikolai scanned over papers with important information he apparently needed to know. A lot of it was things he already knew - either from being married to Alina or fighting on the front lines instead of staying put in a castle. A lot of this information would make more sense for someone like Vasily to know.
The thought of his brother sent a pang of sadness through him. He was glad Vasily wasn’t ruling, and even gladder he wasn’t around to make Alina’s life hell. But he had been Nikolai’s brother. That was a loss that Nikolai would always carry.
But at least the bitch wasn’t threatening Alina anymore. That would have made Nikolai kill him himself.
That maybe was a bit dramatic to say about a woman you weren’t even married to. But Alina was more than a wife, and certainly more than a Tsaritsa. She deserved the very best, and who would Nikolai be to stop her from getting it.
She shifted on his shoulder, hand wrapping around his wrist. Nikolai smiled, raising his free hand to pet her hair. She looked so peaceful. The crease between her brow was gone. He wished that he could erase it permanently, make her never worry about another thing.
Mal stirred in front of them. He blinked his eyes open, smiling at Nikolai and Alina on his shoulder. Pushing himself into a sitting position, he rummaged through his bag until he found some jerky. He offered some to Nikolai with a lift of his eyebrow that said ‘want some?’ without a single word.
Trying not to wake Alina, Nikolai took the jerky from Mal and took a bite. They hadn’t eaten in a while, and something about the lack of food made things like dried meat taste saintly. As long as Nikolai ignored that the flecks of spice made him think of the millions of times he’d eaten this exact thing while fighting or being in danger.
Nikolai screwed his eyes shut and tried to think about Alina’s head on his shoulder until he was grounded. He opened his eyes to Mal’s worried face.
Since he couldn’t speak for fear of waking Alina up, he waved his hand dismissively. “It’s nothing,” he mouthed to Mal, who still looked worried. “Seriously.”
Mal raised an eyebrow. ‘You sure?’ rang through his entire expression. Nikolai nodded.
The lack of ability to speak made it so that Nikolai felt much less bad about studying Mal in the half darkness of lamplight. His hair was growing out, he hadn’t taken a razor to it in ages. It was just long enough to fall onto his forehead. His eyes were dark, but soft. It had taken them a long time to become that soft. Nikolai hoped he had been a part of that.
“Are you staring at me?” Mal whispered. Nikolai immediately turned his eyes to the window and shook his head. “You were.”
“It’s nothing you can prove,” Nikolai whispered back.
Beside him, Alina stirred, tossing and turning till she was using the side of the carriage as a pillow and no longer Nikolai. Mal followed her with his eyes, making sure he could reach out and help her if she needed it. When she nestled down, Mal relaxed.
Nikolai understood. Alina didn’t deserve any discomfort.
“You were staring at me.”
“You look nice, Malyen. Don’t let it get to your head.” Mal blinked, quirking his head at Nikolai. His mouth fell open slightly. And then Mal surged forwards across the seats and kissed Nikolai.
Mal’s lips were chapped, but gentle. Nikolai found himself kissing back before he could even think about what was happening. He wanted this. He wanted this. He didn’t– the second he figured out what was happening he pushed Mal off him.
“No!”
“Nikolai, I-”
“I won’t… come between you and Alina like that. She deserves better than that. We can’t, and I won’t. You should tell her, by the way. She doesn’t deserve you kissing other people.”
Nikolai’s brain filled in the rest: no matter if I love you.
“Nikolai…” Mal pleaded, but Nikolai really didn’t want to hear it. He knew he’d fall for anything with how badly he wanted to be able to kiss Mal. so he shifted his entire body to look out of the window and away from Mal. Rigid and closed off. Mal got the hint, and didn’t say anything more.
Nikolai blinked out of the window, tearbursts beading on his eyelashes. Of course he’d get what he wanted, right? And of course he’d only get it in the way that would destroy all three of them.
Nikolai, against his better instinct, didn’t bring it up to Alina during their trip. He wanted to! He saw her helping others and thought about how much he wanted her to be happy. And it tore at him. Did he want her to be happy without a man who would cheat on her, or happy with the man she loved?
He watched them interact, her laughing and pressing her forehead into Mal’s shoulder. It made his heart ache. Alina didn’t know, and why wasn’t he telling her?
You’re selfish, the voices inside his head told him, you want Mal for yourself, and that’s why you aren’t telling her.
But Nikolai didn’t want Mal for himself. He didn’t want Mal without Alina, and he didn’t want Alina without Mal. He wanted them to have a good relationship, but Mal had gone and ruined all that by kissing him. And Nikolai couldn’t stop thinking about his lips.
Nikolai had thought of kissing him before, ever since they had kissed for show. He had wanted to kiss him before. Hold Mal’s rough cheek and murmur against his lips until Mal got so sick of teasing that he grabbed Nikolai’s hair and yanked him in… or with Alina, with her ghosting a kiss until they needed more and kissed and kissed like man and wife were supposed to.
It was too real now.
He loved Mal, loved Alina. His shame, perhaps.
A teen girl approached him while he was helping fix up a house. She couldn’t be more than eighteen, or less than sixteen. “Is it true?” she asked.
What? That he was a bastard son? That he was a war hero? “Is what true?”
“That you’ve got two of them. Your wife and your… partner.”
Oh. In the spirit of it all, Nikolai had nearly forgotten that he was pretending they were all one unit. “Yes. Have you met them yet?”
“Yeah.” the girl plopped down on the fence, watching Nikolai work. “I met the Sun Saint when she was helping my mother. And then I met the Tracker when he was helping my older brother cook.” her voice was bored and droll. “I just haven’t met you.”
“Now you have. At your service…”
“Alonya. Or…” Alonya thought for a second, “you could call me Andrei.”
Oh. Nikolai looked at the kid, whose feet thumped against the fence. “You’ll break that fence, Andrei,” he finally said. He was the Tsar, and all his subjects deserved to feel comfortable around him.
Andrei beamed. “How are you allowed to have two people?” They asked, squinting at him. “No one else does that.”
“Well, I’m the Tsar. But if you want to ‘have two people’, although they don’t belong to me, you can. Tell them the king said so.”
Andrei looked up at Nikolai on the ladder. “You love them?”
Nikolai was used to lying about this question. Yes, said like it wasn’t a long lie to let Alina and Mal be happy. So he was shocked when he told the whole truth and said “more than anything, yes.”
“More than Ravka?” Andrei asked, raising their eyebrow.
“Don’t tell anyone, Andryusha.” Nikolai raised a finger to cover his lips. “Shh.” Andrei smiled and mimed locking their lips shut. “And you? Why are you asking?”
“I might… want two people.”
“Good luck. I have faith in you. Praise the Saints.”
“Praise the Saints. Thank you, moi Tsar.”
Nikolai smiled. He liked kids, wanted a few of his own too, if Alina and Mal would ever go for it. He liked the spunk of teenagers like Andrei. “You know, if you don’t tell anyone, you can think of me as Nikolai. Moi Tsar is bulky. How about that, Andryusha? Name for a name. Andrei for Nikolai.”
Andrei beamed. “Thanks, Nikolai.”
“No, no. Thank you. Andrei.”
It wasn’t until Nikolai and Alina were in their carriage alone that Nikolai could fulfill any sort of wish to speak to her. And it wasn’t until she said “you’ve been distant during this trip.”
“‘Lina-” Nikolai started, and then distantly wondered when did you start calling her that?
“What’s wrong, Nikolai? Is it that we’ve been in such close quarters?”
Saints, no. He loved being in close quarters with her.
Nikolai breathed in. He tried to think and consider it but- “Mal kissed me,” he blurted out. Immediately he regretted it. Something passed over Alina’s face. Red flushed to Nikolai’s ears, and he tried not to meet her eyes.
You’re not worth her, or her boyfriend, he screamed at himself before he heard her exhale.
“Nikolai-”
“Don’t. I’m sorry, I don’t want anything to happen between you, or for this ride back to be awkward. I just- You’re worth everything, Alina. I don’t want anyone to diminish that.”
Alina smiled, lifting her hands to the side of Nikolai’s face. Her hands were warm, and felt like when a sunbeam hit his skin just right. “Oh, Nikolai,” she said, and then leaned in and kissed him too.
Nikolai, if he had known two minutes ago, would have screamed at him to not kiss back. No matter what! But her lips were so warm, and her hands. Soft and gentle and perfect. Her nails glanced along his skin. Alina. He chased it all, bringing a hand to her shoulder with the intent to pull her in, and then pushed her away.
“What the fuck?” Nikolai stammered.
“Nikolai, I know he kissed you. I told him he could kiss you.”
“Again, sorry, what the fuck?” This was a scenario in which Nikolai would like to seem collected and gentle and suave. However, he was completely failing. Because, again, what the fuck?
“Nikolai, we’ve been pretending to be married this whole time, and I’ve fallen for you. And Mal has too, before and since he’s been pretending to be Prince Consort. I want it all to be real. But you haven’t picked up on any of it.”
Nikolai managed to finally close his mouth. “Alina, I love you. And Mal. And I’ve been hiding it this whole time just for you to like me back?”
“I guess.”
Nikolai kissed her. He brought his hand to the back of her neck and pulled her in and drank down anything she was willing to give him. He couldn’t believe that she liked him back. Saints knew how long that would last. The kiss was perfect, better than any time he had kissed her before, because it was real. It was real this time, and he didn’t have to stop or make it pretty or worry.
“Alina-” he said, half moaning into her mouth. It wasn’t even anything, he’d done more passionate, more sexual. But this was Alina, and Alina was better than all that. It could only be better if Mal was there.
And then the carriage door opened and Mal walked in.
Alina had told Nikolai that Mal was alright with this, and Nikolai still pulled away from Alina guiltily. But Mal just smiled and closed the door behind him. “You told him?” he asked Alina. She nodded.
Mal smiled. “We do love you, Nikolai.”
“She didn’t say love. You love me? I love you two.”
Mal chuckled, put his large hand – hot – on the side of Nikolai’s face and drew him up into another kiss.
This one was so much better. It wasn’t fake, and Nikolai didn’t think he was blatantly cheating on Alina. He let himself sink into it, feel every single second of it. Mal smelled like musk and fur and Alina’s perfume. His short hair felt nice against Nikolai’s rough hands.
Nikolai broke apart from him panting. It was overwhelming, the sheer love he felt for them. The way he moved so easily, pulled so easily, when Alina rested her fingers on his chin and tilted his head towards hers. But she paused when Nikolai was halfways towards her mouth.
“Don’t tell me you’re changing your mind already, lapushka,” Nikolai said, trying not to let the waver in his voice betray him. “It’ll be an even worse carriage ride back.”
“No, just… are you sure?”
“Alina, Mal. Darlings. I’ve never been more sure of anything other than that I love you. Do you know how hard it was? Watching you two lovebirds fawning about, while I was pretending you loved me back? I wanted everything to be real, and it hurt that it wasn’t. That it is feels like a weight off my chest.”
“Are you a poet?” Mal asked.
“Better than a pirate.”
“We love you, Nikolai,” Alina whispered, close to his face.
“Say it again, so I can believe it.” Nikolai’s eyes fluttered shut, concentrating on the warm presence of their bodies near his. “Please.”
Her breath ghosted across his cheek. “I love you.”
Then Mal, “I love you.”
“I love you,” Nikolai confessed, and two bodies pressed up against him, holding him. Loving. Saints, it was perfect. Alina’s warm skin, Mal’s rough skin. The feeling of people he loved who were loving. Now, he could kiss them without timing it, be more scandalous than he dreamed. He could kiss Mal in the middle of a fight, and share a bed with Alina without worrying about the distance between them. He could love them without worrying.
I love them, he thought, and knew it was wonderfully true.