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The more time Gon spends with Alluka, the stronger her resemblance to Killua becomes.
At first, the two seem to be opposites—where Killua is sarcastic, Alluka is sweet. Where Killua keeps his distance, Alluka plunges in headfirst.
But just below the surface, Gon sees all that they share: their strength, their sharply observant sense of humor, their profound kindness.
It’s that kindness that Gon keeps getting stuck on. Just before they parted ways, Killua had revealed the truth of his miraculous recovery, and of Alluka’s role in helping someone she’d never even met, despite the enormous personal risk.
And during their time apart, Gon had learned still more. About Alluka’s years of imprisonment. About their perilous journey just to escape the Zoldycks and reach Gon. About what some people would do to get their hands on Nanika’s power.
And the more Gon thinks about it, the less he understands.
Alluka owed him nothing, except maybe a sort of detached contempt for how he had treated Killua back in the NGL. He didn’t deserve even a shred of what she did for him.
He doesn’t deserve her. And he sure as hell doesn’t deserve Killua, either.
“Gon?” Alluka prompts, breaking Gon from his reverie. “You’ve hardly touched your crepe. Do you not like it?”
“Oh, no, it’s great!” Gon says, trying for bright and nonchalant and probably missing it by about a mile.
The crepe is in fact delicious, if overpriced; needlessly expensive, just like everything else here in York New. But this is the city where Killua had suggested that they reunite after nearly two years apart, and by that point, Gon would’ve agreed to anything just to see Killua again.
Alluka’s eyes narrow as she looks Gon over keenly, with such careful acuity that Gon feels as if she’s looking straight down to his core. Gon has seen that exact same look on Killua a thousand times; just one more thing they have in common.
“No,” Alluka says at last. “You’re upset about something. I can tell.”
Gon is quiet for a moment, thinking over what to say and how best to say it, but then the words are tumbling out of his mouth before he can stop them.
“Why did you agree to help me? Back when I was in the hospital.”
Alluka tilts her head, uncomprehending.
“What do you mean?”
“I mean you didn’t even know me. And any use of your power is a huge risk. And I’d just hurt Killua so terribly. And I deserved what happened to me, really. It was my choices that made me end up like that, so I should live with the—”
All at once, Gon finds himself breathing too hard and fast to speak. He grips the cafe table with enough force that the wood begins to splinter.
“Gon,” Alluka says, her voice so gentle and so sad. “It’s alright. Just breathe.”
He tries, but his chest stutters the whole way. He tries again, and it goes just a bit smoother. Progress, he supposes.
“I have an answer to your question, actually,” she continues. “Why I helped you, I mean.”
“Really? What is it?”
Alluka pauses for a moment, as if collecting herself.
“You know how long I spent locked in that room,” she begins. “After a certain point, I gave up on ever being rescued. Illumi made a point of dropping hints that he’d done something to Killua’s memory to keep him from coming back to help, so I resigned myself to a life spent in captivity. After all, I didn’t think there was anything in the world that could undo Illumi’s work. Nothing strong enough to stand up to the Zoldyck family.
“But then Killua did come back. And he rescued me. Because there was just one thing stronger than our family.
You, Gon. The love you showed Killua was strong enough to help him break free of those years of brainwashing. It’s the single strongest thing I’ve ever seen.”
And then Alluka takes a sip of her milk tea, as if she hadn’t just told Gon the most profound, disorienting, revelatory thing he’d ever heard.
“That’s why I wanted to help you. Because I realized very quickly all that you must’ve done for him. And it’s also why you need to tell him how you feel.”
Gon drops his fork onto his plate with a clatter.
“I… what? What are you talking—”
“Hi, Big Brother!” Alluka calls, waving at a shock of white hair on the other side of the cafe. “We’re over here!”
Lowering her voice, she says to Gon, “he finally made it, so seize the opportunity, won’t you? It’s a pretty romantic venue, actually.”
And before Gon can come up with a good counter argument to Alluka’s insistence, Killua is sitting down beside him at the table, and Gon knows exactly what he needs to do.