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"I'm sick of your shit, Yeji." The blinds of her room were forcely opened, letting the sun rays peak through the cracks and effectively blinding her that morning. Maybe it was for the best, she would rather not have to see Ryujin's pissed off face that early in the morning. "Get up, right now!"
Yeji planted her feet on the bed, not even letting the blankets getting ripped off distract her from her loathing. "Leave me alone you heathen."
"It's been three days. Chaeryeong is worried, I can't stand having to deal with her nagging me about you and it honestly smells like something died in here."
"Yes, my dignity and will to live." Yeji grumbled again, twisting around so she could throw a pillow with full strength at her friend. "Be a dear and close the door when you leave, will you?"
She should've not underestimated Ryujin's will to pull her out of bed that day. Where did her friend even find the strength to pick her up like a ragdoll that weighs nothing? "Have you been packing up in the gym or some shit?"
"You know, contrary to some, life does go on even after a break-up." Ryujin planted her on the couch, not a single second wasted before shoving a cup of steaming coffee into her hands. "Now drink that and get out of my face."
"You're the one who took me out of bed!" Yeji complains but obeys the request, drinking the coffee enthusiastically. She's been lacking the energy these days to get up and prepare some, which is saying a lot because her caffeine addiction was the strongest bond she was able to maintain in her life. Besides, she would never say no to free coffee.
"Text Chaeryeong, will you? If I have to hear another but we have to help her! speech from her, I will literally desert this country and start a new life as a farmer." Ryujjin wasn't prone to dramatics, not in the way the rest of her friend group was. But, deep down, way beneath the cold and unimpressed exterior, was a friend who was truly worried about Yeji's state.
Yeji was worried about herself too and the recent behaviour after her and Jiho's breakup but that worry was overthrown by the desire to stay in bed and loathe yet another failed relationship. It gave her time to introspect that perhaps, the problem to her relationships was her after all. Because what else was the common denominator in every breakup she had in the past years?
"It's not you, it's me. I just don't think we click. You need someone who looks more like you."
These words had started to mash up in her brain in a pudding of its clearly your fault. Cliche as it sounds, it started to feel more as an excuse. Everyone had a version of Yeji in her brain that didn't fit what they expected, dating a Yeji wasn't the same thing as admiring her from far away.
Ryujin and Chaeryeong didn't understand. They weren't constantly longing for a deeper connection, constantly daydreaming of something more. They had already found that in each other, easily as sharing a class and becoming girlfriends. Yeji had always to fight a little harder, try a little more to keep relationships that, in the end, never lasted. Never felt like the spark that she remembers Chaeryeong talking about when she met Ryujin for the first time.
"Yeji?" Ryujin's voice slashed through her thoughts. She turned her head up, seeing her friend with a concerned expression. "Will you be okay?"
"Sure," She lied. "You know I'm just being dramatic."
"I got your class notes from a girl in your major," she added, by picking up a bunch of papers from her tote bag. "Just call me if you need something else?"
A wave of fondness spread through her body. "You know I will."
Ryujin wasn't convinced but Yeji wasn't sure how much of a lie she could maintain with her friend before exploding, so she waved her goodbye with promises of finishing the coffee and starting with the notes. In the meantime, she didn't want to worry Chaeryeong more.
Sweet and kind Chaeryeong, who she'd known for years. Chaeryeong was her best friend and, in moments of weakness where she's prone to shut everyone down, it feels even worse when it's done to the girl.
Chaeryeong knows her too well.
The perk of knowing Chaeryeong for so long was understanding; she probably typed that with an exasperating fondness she regards only for Yeji.
Yet, the idea of visiting a coffee shop was alluring to her. It's been days since she's left the house, her usual places reminded her too much of Jiho and isn't there always a picture somewhere of people studying in cafes and looking like they concentrate even better on the subjects?
All of that mixed in her brain provided enough energy to rummage through her wardrobe in the search of something somewhat decent to wear. This was no runaway, she wasn't expecting to meet the love of her life in the establishment, so, for now, the beanie she used to cover her 3 day hair and the hoodie thrown on top of it had to suffice.
Before leaving the house she made sure to tighten her laces on her Doc Martens correctly, because it was something Jiho always complained about her, added to her natural charm as the clumsiest person alive, it usually bore down to a good complaint
She shook her head. She needed to stop thinking about these things if she was set on moving on, once and for all.
The thing they all tell you about moving on: it takes time. Something Yeji wasn't willing to waste anymore.
On her way to the cafe, following the directions on her phone, she daydreamed about latte art and coffee smell. Maybe they would have pastries she would dive into and heal the cracks of her heart with enough sugar to clog it once and for all.
She can hear Ryujin call her disgusting in her head. She kind of loves her friends.
The cafe is easily found smushed against bigger buildings and clothing stores from the district. It's pink and cosy on the outside, the inside brightened up by the whites of the walls and the couches to the light from the outside that filled the place with energy to keep her going for the rest of the day.
Good choice Chaeryeong, she thinks, mentally taking a note to thank her best friend for knowing her better than anyone else in this world. There's a couple people already sitting and enjoying their afternoon, and Yeji walks towards the counter, hoping that the girl she can see from the corner notices her so she can take her order.
Mistake number one, Yeji immediately spots. She should've known that a coffee shop with this elegant and sweet vibe would hire workers that transported that energy perfectly into the real world. The girl in the cashier had long brown hair cascading in her shoulders, half pinned down by a bow so massive she could see from the front. Her T-shirt was a sweet baby pink and the pastel green apron she was wearing contrasted so beautifully Yeji thought she was going to have a stroke.
Yeji, dressed in a pair of leggings and Doc Martens whose laces have untangled; whose sweater probably had a stain somewhere hidden in the back and whose face hadn't seen the light of the day in weeks.
Yeji, who was supposed to be getting over her ex-girlfriend, not crushing on random baristas with cute smiles, whose mouths were clearly trying to say something.
"I'm sorry, what did you say?" She asked, blush creeping up her ears. How did she dissociate so fast at the mere sight of a pretty girl?
Said pretty girl — Lia, her apron said —, just smiled widely at her inability to act like a normal human being. "I was asking what you wanted?"
"To be fucking normal, for starters." The words leave her mouth without a second thought. Guess the three days locked in the apartment mourning the end of her love life also marked the end of her social skills.
Lia laughed again, a genuine sound, not a put-up facade for the customers — or maybe she was just a great actress. "I meant from the menu? I don't think we have that here yet."
"Yet, so the odds are low but never zero." Shut the fuck up Yeji.
"Maybe you need to come back every day to check."
"If you're working every day I might."
This would be the moment where the credits would roll, there would be a white text on the black screen to warn the viewers about how Yeji died of a tragic death by embarrassment and how pretty girl Lia would move on to live happily ever after with her model boyfriend and her five kids.
However, Lia simply laughed again, a beautiful melody that Yeji had memorised by now already. Call her dramatic but when you don't leave the house in three days, the first pretty girl you cross paths with is basically Aphrodite in your eyes.
"You're funny but my ability to keep this job depends on being able to actually sell you something." Lia's tone is playful, tinted with the amusement from their interaction. And if all it takes to hear that is Yeji's embarrassing herself, she thinks she wouldn't mind continuing doing so.
"Just give me the darkest coffee you have. Okay, maybe not. I haven't eaten all day so I shouldn't drink on an empty stomach." She's stalling, she's well aware; the moment can't end so soon, she needs to recharge the energy with this pretty lady for a little more. "Maybe some coffee with cinnamon? I might take a slice of chocolate cake too."
"Looking for indigestion?" Lia jokes, writing down her order.
"It's my style, what can I say?"
The girl gives her another polite smile, that reads much more to Yeji. "What should I call you?"
She has to bite down the urge to reply you can call me yours before her brain does a full three hundred and sixty degree rotation with ways to reply to her name and sound cool about it.
All she ends up with is sounding like an idiot by taking too long. "You forgot your own name?" Lia is clearly way too amused by this interaction, as if Yeji's embarrassment is fueling her to go through the day.
Just her kind of girl. "Yeji."
The smile she rewards her with is so blind she might need some sunglasses. "Here's your total Yeji, I'll make sure to call you when your drink is done!"
She ends up missing the call, like a dumbass, but Lia walks towards her table and hands her the drink. By this time she's already halfway in love with an unattainable girl, even more accentuated by the doodles she notices on the cup.
At first she thinks it's a coffee thing, maybe a new policy the establishment had. But, by the time she's not so discreetly eyeing every customer cup and didn't notice similar doodles, her heart skipped a beat.
Lia had drawn those for her.
She's going to be sick.
♡
Yeji is a woman of many weaknesses: small fluffy dogs, flower bouquets, cute girls. Not in any particular order.
Despite her harder appearance, the exterior that pointed at being disproportionate to her personality, she is an enjoyer of the many small pleasures of life. Understandably why she keeps the cup from the coffee shop with the doodles Lia the cute barista had drawn for her.
She hasn't been able to go back, caught in between school work and music practises, but the week had been proportionally better, her good mood growing exponentially with the small encounter. Chaeryeong had heard her recall the story and accused her of getting crushes too fast but Yeji was vehemently denying the accusations.
This was no crush. It was just one of the many pleasures she allowed herself to indulge in life: staring at pretty girls and daydreaming about them on a daily basis to cope with the decay of her actual love life.
There was no crush because she didn't know Lia aside from small details from their first interaction: her witty sense of humour, her cute smile, her surprisingly artistic ability.
Besides, it didn't matter. Because if Ryujin insisted that maybe it was for the best that Yeji's mind travelled to Lia daily, that day, she realised she hadn't moved on as much as she wanted.
She and Jiho had met in the music conservatory, so it shouldn't be surprising that she saw the girl walking around the corridors one afternoon after class. Her first instinct was to run away and hide behind a column or something, but they were in an open corridor and she was sporting a huge bass case in her back which made her easily detectable.
"Yeji, hi?" Jiho breathes out, and Yeji is aware they broke up on good terms but she couldn't help but see fire spill from her mouth as she speaks, like an evil dragon she needed to slay in order to get to the princess.
It was also with those words that it sunk to Yeji that she had not moved on as she wished to have. "H-hey, how Jiho are you?"
Jiho raised her eyebrows and a nervous chuckle escaped her lips. "What?"
Shit, how did she manage to eat so many words in one go. "I meant—How are you! Good? Okay nice, good chatting with you."
The second attempt to bolt out of there wasn't successful. "Yeji wait," she turns around with the sentence. A dumb part of her brain hopes the next words come in the form of regret for their breakup, any reassurance that she wasn't the only one overreacting.
How could Jiho move so fast when she was still stuck with the scent of her perfume around her apartment? She had to wash her clothes three times to remove the traces of her presence; had to drink an unhealthy amount of coffee so her brain would stop spiralling about every single word and action that would justify why they had broken up. Why did everyone keep breaking up with her?
Instead, Jiho said: "You still have some of your old stuff in my apartment. I don't know if you want to pick it up?"
She makes the glorious mistake of agreeing to it. A couple hours later she's in the front of the building, carrying a box with some of her belongings and a couple of Jiho's batteries from her remotes.
Why? "That bitch broke my heart!" Yeji loudly complains on the phone when Chaeryeong asks the same question.
" I thought you had ended things on good terms!"
"So, even if we did? Why did she have to be so considerate, uh? Couldn't she had yelled at me, or explained why the fuck am I am so unlovable that she couldn't picture any relationship with me?"
Chaeryeong, the poor thing, just sighs on the phone. She's aware she's been an absolute menace about the situation, dumping her insecurities on her friends and being a nuisance to be around. They would never tell her that but she was well aware of the type of person she was becoming.
Guilt spread through her veins. I'm so selfish. Maybe that's why they all break up with me.
" That doesn't explain the batteries."
"I hope she's annoyed every time she tries to turn on the TV and realises it's not working." Perhaps childish should also be added to the list of traits Yeji possesses that make her unbearable to live with.
That does earn a laugh from her friend. "Do you need me to be with you tonight? I can cancel on Ryujin."
She wants nothing else but to say yes, please entertain me! But she's been selfish enough for one day, dumping all that trauma on her best friend and calling her mid-shift to yell about her considerate ex-girlfriend.
"No, I'll be fine." Even if she didn't mean it, and they both knew it.
"Hello, what can I ge—Oh, hi Yeji!" Lia waves from the counter, wearing a baby blue shirt with ruffles today. Her hair is still pinned down to the back of her head with a bow, pink to match the apron, and Yeji is aware that when she smiles, her eyes disappear.
She's also aware that her eyes are red from crying, the bass in her back weighs literally too much for the walk she had to endure and the box in her hands doesn't look decent. She's looking rather worn out, and yet, Lia's energy sparks up the room the moment she walks in.
"Are you okay?" Lia snaps her fingers in front of her and she's awakened from the momentary transe to nod.
"I'm fine, just a little tired."
Lia bites her lip, not believing a single word Yeji uses to convince her. She's been spending more and more time in the cafe, mostly to see Lia and get her dose of sunshine every day, but also because she's grown fond of the environment.
"Are you sure? You look… well, if you allow me, you look miserable."
She chuckles. "Is that what you think of me, Miss Lia? You wound me."
"I didn't mean that!" Lia panics, waving her hands frantically. "I mean I did mean that but— Okay, let me start again. You usually look very good and today you're just kind of a mess."
It's embarrassing how, out of everything in that sentence, from the genuine concern in Lia's expression to her cute panicked gestures, the only thing Yeji's brain latches on is that Lia finds her attractive most days.
Lia! Aphrodite on earth with her cute smiles and huge bows, with her chocolate brown hair that cascades beautifully in her shoulders, thinks she looks very good!
She should've come here sooner. "I'm sorry, I just ran into my ex-girlfriend and it kind of sucked."
There's a mix of relief and concern in Lia's face, something that passed so quickly Yeji barely had time to register if she wasn't staring at the girl so intently. What could she possibly be relieved about?
"I'm so sorry to hear that." Lia is so kind, she feels her heartbeat speed up. "Is there anything I can help?"
"You know," Yeji starts, lightening up the mood. The last thing she wants is pity from this cute girl. "There's this one barista who always draws little doodles in my cup, and I think it's some sort of special treatment I'm unworthy of but I think it would make me feel way better."
Lia giggles, actual music to her ears, and proceeds to type down the order on the menu. She knows by heart what Yeji gets, the perfect blend of coffee and almond milk, just a hitch of cinnamon. The fact that she caught that so fast is still amazing to Yeji.
"You got it. To stay or to go?"
Yeji contemplates the option. She could stay and drink her coffee while she stares at Lia working behind the counter, but she has to get a move in her life and can't let herself crumble to this mechanism of self-defence she created to stop crumbling under the pressure of the breakup.
Besides, she has a song to write for the upcoming festival and the bass isn't going to play by itself alone. "To go, I think. Have some music to write," She says, emphasising on the bass behind her.
"Oh, you play?"
"No, I'm just carrying a bass around my back as a conversation starter." She jokes and it falls flat considering Lia's serious expression. "I'm kidding! Yes, I play bass."
"That's really cool," Lia turns around to work on the order, tucking her hair behind her ears in a gesture that shouldn't have been as cute as it was. "You're so cool, Yeji. I don't understand how anyone could've broken up with you."
Stay still my dear heart, she thinks as the words settle in her brain and loop around as a perfect melody she had just created. Lia was something else when it came to making her feel like she was walking in the clouds, or sliding off a rainbow.
She's out of there faster than she liked, drinking the sweet drink with the thoughts of the cutest barista who lights up her days, when she notices the doodles around the cup. There were flowers and the cutest tiny sun she had ever seen. Alongside there's a heart breaking with a little patch drawn on top and something scribbled on the bottom that almost made her spill her coffee from her nose.
xxx-xxx text me if you need to vent — lia ^_^
Oh my God.
♡
She's staring at the number in her phone, three days later. This is almost as bad as the streak locked in the house moment she had previously. The first struggle had been finding a contact name that she deemed suitable for this moment.
She went through 30 variations of lia with a bunch of emojis before settling with her name followed by a teddy bear, a memory of a conversation she had with the girl about her stuffed animal collection, especially bears. She had called her sweet and Lia had replied "as honey", to which Yeji died and came back in the same minute.
Now, the stakes were raised by such an improbable situation, she was finding it hard to conceal what to do now.
"Text her, of course. Isn't that literally what people give phone numbers for?" Yes, Ryujin and Chaeryeong were there to witness her moment of weakness.
Chaeryeong scrunched her nose, not convinced with her girlfriend's idea. "Yeji, you just got out of a relationship. Are you sure you want to step into another one, this fast?"
" Wow, calm down princess! Who said anything about a relationship?" Yeji yells, her cheeks blushing red. Oh, if the world could see cool composed Yeji blush at the mere thought of a girl. "I don't want to date Lia!"
"You don't?" Both of them replied at the same time. Stupid couple's telepathy.
"Okay, first of all, where did that idea come from?"
Ryujin, always the one with no qualms in answering the difficult questions, stepped in. "You're freaking out about texting her?"
"You're always talking about her?" Chaeryeong added.
Ryujin continued. "You save all the cups she doodles on for you."
"You go there on purpose to see her. You even memorised her shift!" Out of everyone, this attack from Chaeryeong hurt the most.
"Guys! You're reading too much into it. I'm not looking into dating Lia, she's just a friend I guess." Even saying those words taste bad in her mouth. "Besides, she's straight."
"Look at our Yeji, all grown up." Ryujjin patted her head, in the process stealing the bag of chips she was eating. "Assuming people's sexuality."
She doesn't answer any further. No point in trying to argue back with Miss. I have won the I'm stubborn competition three times in a row with her girlfriend, Miss. I will bug you about this issue until you cave in.
Instead, she's back at staring at her phone, in an act of defiance that none of them ends up seeing, she types out:
Then she tries to throw herself off the window with the embarrassment of the text. Why can't she just act like a normal human being once in a while?
All issues aside, she ends up forgetting about the text a couple hours later. Their study session turns into a competition of who can shove more cheese chips in their mouth in a minute — the unexpected winner Chaeryeong and her squirrel cheeks win — and eventually into watching another terrible romcom they've been holding on to make fun of.
By the time they leave, Chaeryeong makes sure to kiss every available surface in her face for comfort, Yeji pulls out the your girlfriend is in love with me card against Ryujin, she waves them goodbye and proceeds to clean the kitchen. Her phone is discarded somewhere on the couch, and she picks it up to check the time, she almost has a heart attack.
Right. She didn't introduce herself. That was a thing that needed to be done via text.
Cause of premature death: straight girls flirting with you.
Maybe she wouldn't want to date Lia, that shouldn't stop her from developing a harmless crush. It's all in the day's work, after all.
♡
The box with her belongings she had gotten from Jiho was still laying in a corner of her bedroom, but Yeji was seemingly too focused trading texts with Lia about the new song she was rehearsing for her conservatory project.
In a span of a couple weeks, there's been vital information she captured about the girl; from pictures of her various stuffed animals, an impressive diverse set of various bears of all colours and shapes. Yeji had commented about loving the black teddy bear with the red hearts and Lia had showed up to work the next day with an inspired outfit.
She said it was for fun, but Yeji had felt her heart ready to burst out of her chest. It wasn't fair that such a nice girl like Lia existed when 1) she had just broken up with someone and 2) she was unavailable.
Why are straight girls so easy to want? Yeji was constantly plagued by the terrible fate that hunted her. Her track record was honestly admirable.
In regards to that all, she was finding Lia's company an absolute delight. At first she was afraid they wouldn't have anything that they could bond with, considering how different they always looked from each other. Even in Lia's delicate work outfit she could see the girl transpired the same style in her everyday life: from her makeup palette of pinks, whites and beiges, to the bows and hair pieces she sported to spice it up.
Yeji was sure the last time she wore a bow was for a music event and had been as a tie. She has worn the same run out doc martens for years now, always paired with baggy pants and if she was sported wearing any colour, it couldn't be any pastel clothing. Just thinking about it makes her stomach twist with the weirdness.
So physically, they couldn't have been more apart from one another. But together, they fit perfectly, conversation is never boring and Lia is as great a listener as she is a storyteller.
She finds herself seeking her company often, camping at the coffee shop with work related essays or notes, while she drinks the doodle cups and talks with her.
It's a nice arrangement she has going on, hence why it's so disappointing when she arrives there one afternoon and the girl behind the counter isn't Lia. She must notice the confusion, because she spreads her black hair and chuckles.
"You must be Yeji," The girl says and okay, that isn't weird at all. "Lia talks about you all the time."
The sirens in her brain blast with code red. Lia talks about her. And not just a passing thing, she talks about her all the time.
Good to know. "That's me. I'm afraid I'm just memorable like that."
"Yeah, she also did mention you talk like that so it checks out." She isn't sure what she means by that. "I'm Yuna; if you came looking for my best friend, you came on the wrong day."
That's not possible, it's her immediate thought. She had — not creepily — mapped Lia's schedule, knew that her free days were on Wednesdays and Sundays.
"Isn't it Monday?"
Yuna laughs. "It's Wednesday."
The confusion settles in her stomach quickly, as she orders her usual and sits down at the table in the corner. She can't believe she missed the mark like this due to her inability to tell the days apart. When she retold this to Ryujin and Chaeryeong she knew they would both laugh their heads off and make meme after meme to spam the group chat. She was universally hated after all.
The establishment is nice on its own, but without the comforting presence of Lia it just lacked the special detail that made her enjoy the hours she spends there less.
"Is this seat taken?" A voice interrupts her daydream. She's about to answer that it's taken by the hypothetical love of her life that hasn't appeared yet when she notices the shoes of the person who spoke: the mary janes with the pink heart on the front.
Lia's favourite shoes . "W-what are you doing here?"
"So happy to see me, are we?" She says ironically, smiling widely. She takes the seat in front of her and drops her pink bag on the table.
"No! I mean—Yes, very happy to see you! Just, you're not working today?"
Lia's smile hasn't faltered. She's wearing an oversized pink sweater vest and a white blouse. It's very cute and dainty, like she always expects her to be. "It's my day off, yes, but I came to give Yuna her lunch because she forgot it again."
"I met Yuna. She's… yeah, she's something else."
"Did she say something to you?" Lia's panic is unexplainable; besides, aside from Yuna's weird comment about her blurting habits, she's been very polite, albeit suspicious.
"Not anything bad. She called you her best friend."
Lia visibly relaxes. "That sounds about right. She's my little sister, just not biologically. We live together. Don't know why I'm telling you all of this."
She's visibly blushing, cheeks tinted with the same colour as her shirt. It's endearing, Yeji can't help but smile. "It's okay, I want to know things about you."
"Smooth," Lia whistles.
"What can I say? It's in my genes."
Another laugh fills the shop. Yeji holds her cup, the doodle-less cup that she had been assigned today. Misses the warmth and comfort that provides, but it's thrilled nonetheless with the company she ended up settling with.
It's a comfortable conversation they have going on, similar to the ways they do when Lia is behind the counter and Yeji feels like she's just being a nuisance while she works; similar to the way they text, back and forth with teasing and jokes, topic after topic.
How nice to find someone who makes you feel like that, independent of the medium you chose to communicate in. Her stomach twists with happiness.
"Do you want to go for a walk?" Lia suddenly asks when Yeji is afraid her conversation is going to die. "It's such a good day outside."
Yeji doesn't hesitate in saying yes.
"I have been meaning to ask you since we first started texting, and I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but…" They were walking by the riverside, their walk turning longer than expected when Yeji found out Lia wasn't around town and wasn't aware how long the shore extended for.
So there they were, sitting in the benches by the river, watching the birds flock in the proximity with the wind hitting their faces.
"You're scaring me."
Lia laughed, a soft thing. "Why did you and your girlfriend break up?"
Question of the century. "It wasn't a bad breakup or anything," It was true, but thinking of the reasoning just erupted a mixture of sadness and anger inside of her. "She just didn't think we were compatible. That I needed someone more like me. Whatever that means."
Lia hums. She's staring far ahead, but Yeji can't help to not stare at her, as if Lia is finding the horizon interesting but for her, the most interesting part is the girl.
"I'm sorry, you seemed pretty upset about it."
"That day I wasn't upset because of the breakup, we had been broken up for a couple weeks by then. I had just come from picking up my stuff from her house and it hit me, y ou know? About how many times I've been in that position before. What was I doing wrong for it to keep happening?"
"I'm sure you aren't doing anything wrong." Lia is so convict of her answer, she almost wants to believe it herself. "You just haven't found the one. It seems to be that, and correct me if I'm wrong, that your ex just wasn't looking to make an effort for the both of you to be together. Relationships take effort, not just from one side."
Yeji looked down, unsure what to even respond. Instead, her eyes locked with their feet hanging out by the bench, her Doc Martens in contrast with Lia's Mary Janes, how different the both of them were as well. Her thoughts diverted into dangerous places she's been trying to avoid ever since first landing sight on Lia.
"I think so as well. But apparently I'm just too much to get used to."
"I don't think you're too much." Lia replied, simple as that. Yeji's heart skipped a beat.
"It's fine, I'm over it." She could feel Lia's piercing stare on her side. "I promise. I wasn't even that into her, I guess I was trying so hard to let time do its thing and make my feelings stronger but I felt as much kissing her as I did watching a puppy on the street."
"Odd comparison." Lia laughed. "I think I get it. We are always searching for that passionate love, right? And we try various times until we find the one."
"Have you ever found it?"
The girl swung her legs. Yeji thought she was dramatic, but the visual was terrific; the late afternoon with the sun threatening to set in the background and Lia standing there, like the most beautiful detail of the painting of that moment.
She's fucked. "I haven't found it, " Lia finally said. "I'm looking for it, though."
"Anyone would be lucky to find it with you." The words just spilled without thinking.
Lia didn't seem to mind, as often as she didn't. She was one of the few people in the world who would hear Yeji's spilled nonsense and not react to it.
She turned around, a fond smile in her features. Her gaze was loving, sparked with something Yeji couldn't decipher. "I hope I find it soon then."
♡
Rule number one of life is to never trust Ryujin. She's one of those people who will manipulate you into doing what she deems as important like sitting at a student association stand in a stupid get to know your colleagues event.
"Just cover my shift for 5 minutes, please!" Ryujin had said, supposedly with a super important task.
It's been two hours.
Yeji is beyond bored. The only thing she has to do is handle in flyers to curious stares and point at the posters, which isn't doing much but she could be doing better things in the afternoon.
Ryujin had been M.I.A for the past hours, unable to be contacted and Chaeryeong had reassured her it was probably some issue due to the dance showcase she had coming up soon. That didn't clear Yeji's nerves, who was currently building her 10th pencil tower with the freebies they were supposed to hand to the visitors, since her phone had died about half an hour before.
She wasn't even sure what the event was supposed to be about. Apparently you sign up for a bunch of games and tasks and they pair you up with someone from different majors, in an attempt to get to know people from the outside of your friend circle.
Yeji usually likes these events and is a big fan of socialising with people outside her major — if she's honest, she would go insane trying to speak only to a bunch of frustrated language students.
But she's so bored. She's getting to a point where she is begging God, somewhere to give her something more interesting to do.
"Why do I feel like we keep running into each other in the weirdest situations?"
It's embarrassing how quick her brain recognizes the voice. "Lia!" She is out of her mind, there's no other explanation why she practically jumps from the top of the stand to give the girl a tight hug. "Are you an angel?"
Lia blushed with the words. "I don't think so? Are you this excited to see me?"
"I'm always excited to see you!" Yeji replied with no restraints, no hold backs. "But especially now when I've been bored out of my mind here all afternoon!"
"Oh, I didn't know you were part of the student association." Lia points at the stand behind her.
"Oh, I'm not." Yeji replies, grabbing Lia's hand and making her sit next to her behind the stand. She would not waste this opportunity now that she had it. "Ryujin made me stay here because she had an emergency and it's been hours ever since."
"You're friends with Shin Ryujin?" Lia, who easily complied with her forcing to sit down next to her, asked. Yeji didn't even have time to admire her outfit right with the previous excitement, but now, seeing the girl in a cute lavender summer dress, decorated with delicate flowers all over, she almost got emotional.
Lia was so cute. Then the words sank in her brain. "I am? Do you… perhaps… know her?"
"Yeah!" Lia answers. "I'm also part of the student association."
Uh-oh.
She's going to kill Ryujin.
"Are you okay? You look like someone stole the last cookie or something." Lia wonders, snapping her fingers in front of her face.
Yeji didn't realise she had dissociated. The comparison was about right, though. "Nah, I'm fine. Just wondering how many times I can murder Ryujin without leaving a trail behind."
Lia full on laughed at that. "Why? Is there anything wrong with me knowing her?"
Abort mission!!!! Her brain yells. There is no way she will be able to explain that the reason for that is because she's been professing her undying love for Lia to Ryujin for months now and all this time she knew her.
"There's nothing wrong with that!" Yeji backtracks immediately. "She just left me here all alone, so cursed all her lineage and everyone related to her except her girlfriend, the love of my life, my best friend Chaeryeong who I think could do better? For sure."
"You're funny, Yeji." Lia says, as a matter of a fact, before she does the most dangerous thing she's done in the months they've known each other.
She placed her hand on Yeji's thigh.
Her brain goes in overdrive as soon as it happens. It's a hot day outside, the kind of days that you feel sad for wasting not being outside; because of that, she's wearing large cargo shorts that Chaeryeong always makes fun of her for wearing.
She's kind of glad she did it now because how else would she have blushed all the way to her ears if she hadn't felt the warmth of Lia's hand in her skin.
"I h—have been told." Why is she stuttering? Idiot.
Lia giggles again and she's sure she isn't being subtle about the way she trails her stare in the way Lia bats her eyelashes, a cute peach blush adorning her cheekbones.
"You could've texted me to pass the time! I was around helping in one of the games but my shift is now over."
She lifted her phone in defeat, the black dead screen that has been bothering her for hours now. "Dead as one goes. I didn't have much luck today."
"Glad I'm here then, right?"
So glad. In fact, time seemed to fly as they sat together and the afternoon rolled, the people strolling around and getting the flyers of the event, but the two of them were engulfed in their silly little game of coming up with stories for the most extravagant passerby.
"That one girl probably collects human hair or something." Yeji comes up with the most out of pocket stories about people, Lia complimenting her in her creativity.
She would usually dream a little differently. "What? No way, she looks like such a soft person… like she's just here to make a connection she hasn't been able to do in years."
The girl in question seemed a little lost, looking around and enabling all the typical shy signs someone could ensure: hands behind her back, currently checking her phone, walking slowly as if waiting for someone to approach her.
"I was once someone like her," Yeji confesses, laying back in the retractable chair. "Shy, waiting for an opportunity to make friends and be heard. But I learned eventually that, if I want to be less alone, I have to put myself out there."
"I've always been a little shy." Lia confessed. "With age it helps to open up myself more but it's still hard to always be your true self when you think not everyone will like it."
Yeji couldn't even believe what she was hearing. "That makes no sense to me. Who wouldn't like you? You're amazing, so kind and sweet, and you always look out for me even if we haven't known each other for too long."
"It's like," Lia sighs, as if the next words are scary to her to enunciate. "I think you understand, as a queer woman, how hard it is to be afraid that people will look at you differently when you come out to them. That's always been in my mind."
Yeji's brain is assimilating the words a little slower than it usually does, and that's saying a lot, because she's usually very slow. On one hand, she can't help but understand the situation Lia is conveying, herself being a pawn in that game; how easily shifted the perceptions people had of her once they heard she was gay. How often they stopped being as affectionate and nice to her, resorting to being oddly distant and weird.
On the other hand…
Holy shitballs Lia is not straight, her brain politely supplies. There's a lot of emotions that she's sure her face is showing, that she's not able to contain. How did she miss the mark so quickly? How did this crush on a supposedly straight girl begin to shape into dangerous silhouettes?
"I'm afraid they will act a bit similar to you right now." Lia's voice is strained, a little nervous.
She can't stand it. "Oh no! I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to be so surprised is just… I had no idea. You didn't look like you would be gay? On the other hand, I just heard what I said and it sounded so conceited and bad oh my God, I'm not implying gay people have to look a certain way to be valid—"
She didn't realise she was fumbling with her hands until Lia stopped her movements by seizing her hands with hers, holding them together now as she smiled shyly. Yeji's heart was beating out of her chest.
"It's okay, Yeji." Lia says, like she didn't expect any less from Yeji. "I didn't tell you before, I shouldn't have expected you to know."
"I still shouldn't have assumed—"
"I'm used to it,"
"You shouldn't." Yeji had to put her foot down for this, because she wasn't going to let this sweet girl beat herself up for feeling invalid in the way she looks. "No one should ever assume one's sexuality."
Lia still held into her hand, staring into the distance with a longing look, almost as if the memories brought up by the conversation were too painful. "It happens more often than you would imagine. Even when I go on dates with girls they don't believe I can be a lesbian, or when boys ask me out and I say I'm not interested like that. I'm always met with a are you sure? I've learned how to dodge it."
But Yeji feels terrible. She never had that problem; in fact, people always assume the other way around for her. Chaeryeong says it's something about her tomboy-ish style and longing gay stare at girls, but she still thinks stereotyping sucks.
Especially in Lia's case. "If it's because you're more feminine or something, that's absolutely bullshit. And people who perpetuate those ideas are just sending our community backwards."
"I know," Lia agrees. "But it comes with the package, doesn't it? As many queer identities do, it usually involves a lot of explaining and expecting people to see you differently."
Yeji boldly rests her head on her shoulder, even if the action now burns a little brighter than it did before. Even if she so desperately wished that people would take a look at them, sitting behind the stand in close proximity, with their hands intertwined, and made up a story similar to their game; about two girls who are so busy with one another, a happy relationship.
Yeji hates herself for letting her hopes run high with this information. "I get it, I really do."
She doesn't know how to console Lia, if there's anything to console her about. Instead, she settles in letting them stay in that position, until Ryujin finally arrives to pick up the stand and notices the two of them still engulfed in conversation.
Yeji leaves the Ryujin third degree for later. She can worry about extorting information out of her friend when her mind isn't swimming in dangerous waters of hand holding and kissing with the girl she should be fighting to get over.
How can she when the butterflies in her stomach seemed to have multiplied with each thought? "Ryujin, this is bad." She confesses, after she had waved Lia goodbye and watched her stroll back in the gardens in the late afternoon, with her dress swinging as if she belonged perfectly there.
Ryujin just raised her eyebrow. "What is bad?"
"I think I like her for real."
♡
Yeji has known Chaeryeong since they were little girls pulling each other's pigtails in school. She remembers vividly her mother lecturing about not doing so, standing in the gates of the school with Chaeryeong's mother as they both apologised albeit forcefully.
Surprisingly so, such a fierce start of a relationship evolved into a much softer friendship from the both of them, based on mutual trust and various step-in-stones they walked together on all these years.
She tells Chaeryeong everything, the ugly and the bad but also the sweet and the good, and knows the girl trusts her with the same basis. It's how they work. Chaeryeong is the type of person that, even when Yeji is ready to shut down the world, she would still want her by her side.
It's a no-brainer to sit with her in the emergency stairs of her apartment, Chaeryeong patiently waiting for her to open up about whatever she had called her in for. She knew what was happening, both of them conjured what this conversation would be about.
“Do you think I’m moving too fast?” Yeji unravels first. It’s the topic that has been bothering her the most the whole time since coming up with terms about her feelings.
Chaeryeong hums. She is sat against the railing, facing her, but her face displays nothing but the uttermost kindness about the situation. As usual, Chaeryeong is the personification of what trust feels like. “Came to terms with your feelings for Lia?”
“Spare me,” she spars, but there’s no anger in her voice. “Ryujin has babbled already, I’m sure.”
“Our relationship is based on mutual trust…”
“And the occasional bullying Yeji hours.” Yeji is not angry in the slightest, she has committed to the way their friendship works. If anything, the other two keep her grounded most times. “Answer me, please.”
Chaeryeong accepts her pleas. “I don’t think you’re moving too fast. For once, you never even liked Jiho like that, it’s like you forced yourself to be in a relationship with her for the sake of not being single.”
“Ouch. I said answer me, not call me out.”
“You hate being single, I don’t think that’s necessarily a callout.” Chaeryeong shrugs. “I always thought, eventually, you would find someone who really makes you enjoy yourself in a relationship, that you don’t need to change into to fit in that standard.”
“Do you think Lia is the one?”
“You have to tell me that yourself.”
Yeji sighs. If she expected to be psychoanalysed that evening, she would’ve called a therapist. Not her best friend. “I like that… I can be myself around Lia without worrying I’m being too much. She doesn’t seem like she’s waiting for a moment where I turn down the switch to enjoy being with me.”
“That’s how I feel around Ryujin.” The other girl confesses, suddenly a look of fondness irradiating from her features. “I don’t pretend to be someone I’m not with, I’m just comfortable. And the cherry on top is that she likes it.”
“I hope Lia likes me,” Yeji admits. The pinks and reds of the setting sun above them are painting a perfect picture of the evening, one she can’t help but snap a couple of pictures of. Her first immediate thought, after many, is that she should send these to Lia and that she would probably enjoy them as much as Yeji is doing looking at them right now. “I really hope she likes me.”
“If she doesn’t then it’s her loss.” Chaeryeong moves to her side, to rest her head on her shoulder and hug her tenderly as a gesture of solidarity with her feelings, a display of friendship. “You’re a catch.”
“Do you have something to tell me, Miss Lee?” Yeji has to look down to where her best friend is resting her head on her chest. She can’t help the dopey expression in her features.
Chaeryeong looks extra cute there. “I would kiss you, you know this.”
“In another universe, we could’ve been such a bomb power couple.”
“Ditto.”
That night, she drafts a plan to confess to Lia. The first sketch involved roses and and a bunch of grandiose gestures that would eventually cause a full blown panic attack when attempting to recreate them. After more panicked texts to the group chat, an unhelpful Ryujin telling her to shut up and make out with that girl once and for all and the angel she calls best friend with actual good suggestions, she comes up with a foolproof plan to confess to Lia.
Picture a sunny day, the days where Lia shines the brightest, a picnic in a garden surrounded by flowers. Yeji tries her best to make lunch, cuts shapes into sandwiches and packs tasty and delicious fruit and sweets. It’s romantic and simple, she confesses her feelings and they live happily ever after.
Right?
♡
No!
All that planning, the texting her to make sure she was up for the plans, the food prep, the effort made only for a tiny small annoying detail to have completely flown on top of her head.
“I guess it’s raining.” Lia had pointed out, cleverly. If Yeji wasn’t halfway in love with her already, she would’ve answered with some snarky remark about her being captain obvious. Yeji feels like crying when the upset feelings start dying down. Lia, like the good bean she is, immediately notices. “Yeji, are you okay? You look ready to punch someone.”
“Yeah, Zeus or something.” There's an ugly feeling setting in her stomach thinking about the wasted opportunity, the perfect plan she had crafted to the smallest of details, everything just thrown off the window like that.
Lia doesn't seem discouraged, grabbing her hand in an effort to cheer up. All the gesture ends up giving her a beating heart at a speed that shouldn't be considered normal for humans. "We can do this in my living room, it's quite spacious and Yuna isn't home."
Yeji turns to her with an unexplainable speed. "Y-your place?"
"Or reschedule!" Lia rushes to correct, cheeks painted in a deep crimson colour.
"No!" She runs to correct herself. Unfortunately it comes out as desperate whining. "Let's g-go! Yeah!"
Lia's tentative smile warms her up enough to breathe in and hold up the emotions she can see bottling up as the day goes. They take the bus down to Lia’s apartment and Yeji is progressively more aware that they are still holding hands; In the comfort of their own world, sharing seats in the bus, Yeji shamelessly checks Lia’s outfit out: a pretty pink dress with some lace white thighs and her hair up in a bow, as usual. But down to the accessories to the faint blush in Lia’s cheeks, it seems like it was something planned out, the type to be fished out for compliments.
Yeji is nothing but eager to comply. “You look very pretty.”
Lia smiles, turning her head to pretend to look at the view. “Thank you. I wanted to look good.”
“Why’s that?” She can’t help but raise her eyebrows and lightly squeeze Lia’s hands to get her attention.
She stares down at their joint hands, her free hand coming to touch her ear, a typical Lia nervous tick. “Guess I was waiting for you to notice it.”
Oh if only you knew, she thought. Somehow, she didn’t feel like holding that thought in. It was now or never, wasn’t it what she had planned? “You always do.”
“Next stop is ours,” Lia announces. Great way to dodge the conversation, but maybe it was for the best. Yeji wanted to compose herself before waxing poetics about her feelings.
Lia’s apartment is right in front of the bus stop. She quickly fishes the keys from her heart shaped bag, unfortunately breaking apart, and welcomes her in the house. A quick tour makes Yeji aware of the rooms and the layout, but more importantly it adds a lawyer to Lia’s personality. She can’t help but notice the little details she’s sure it belongs to her: the bear shaped mug in the sink, the paintings with the daily affirmations and even the framed pictures all over the wall.
“It looks like Miss Piggy vomited in your room,” Yeji states dumbly, because she can’t not let her intrusive thoughts win.
Lia playfully punches her in the arm. “Pink is my favourite colour!”
“No shit, sherlock.”
The teasing is familiar though, so it doesn’t feel heavy when Lia shows her around. “I bet your room has crumbs on the floor and dark sheets.”
“Yeah, it’s like a snack for later.” She jokes, while Lia drags her to the living room after picking up some blankets. “And the sheets are not black!”
“Grey then.”
“Oh shut up.”
Lia gestures for them to make their picnic in the spacious living room, it’s by far the biggest room in the apartment, with the rest being quite confined. They move the coach around and the coffee table and set down the food on the floor, as if this is the cute park that Yeji had envisioned, instead of the sounds of the pouring rain against the window.
Somehow it isn’t awkward. It’s quite nice, for the standards, and when Lia inevitably compliments her for the effort she put in all the snacks, Yeji is positively 80% in love with her, just as she expected. “I might look like I reheat leftovers for weeks on end, but mama raised no bad cooker.”
“We should cook together someday!” Lia enthusiastically supplies and yeah, Yeji is 100% in love with the idea of the domesticity of walking around in the kitchen together, with matching aprons and everything.
“I’m really sorry we couldn’t do this outside,” Yeji picks up, because she really needed everything to go right today. “I had this whole thing planned, it’s so dumb.”
Lia smiles, reaching to her space. They’re sitting basically in front of one another, and she tentatively reaches for Yeji’s hand, as if she would ever say no to that. “It’s okay. Dates always have something that goes wrong, we can do it anytime soon.”
Yeji is about to agree, complaining a little more about the stupid weather and the weather apps failing, when the words sink in her brain, like the damn titanic upon hitting the iceberg.
Date???
She widens her eyes, suddenly Lia’s hands feeling heavy and sweaty on hers. She feels like Lia is Rose, holding onto that plank while she’s Jack, sinking further in the ocean. “Wait, what?”
“What?” Lia asks, eyebrows furrowed. “Did I say something wrong?”
“You said date.”
“Isn’t this a date?” Suddenly there’s hesitance in her voice, Lia’s eyes, previously sparkling, dimming out as the clock above the television ticks. Yeji can’t stop repeatedly blinking, going through all the wires in her brain about how Lia could possibly have known, from Ryujin’s betraying her to Lia’s possession of supernatural powers she isn’t somehow aware of, when “Oh. I shouldn’t have assumed, oh my God.”
She feels Lia slip away, and panics. “Wait!” But because she isn’t dumb like Jack, and is sure that plank is enough for both of them to survive, in an instinct she picks Lia’s wrist and pulls her to her space again. Lia ends up halfway on top of her, with her hands holding onto Yeji’s shoulders for balance. “No, wait! I mean — No, you assumed right. This is a date!”
Lia giggles nervously, her hands a faint pressure on her shoulders. “Are you sure? Because you look stressed.”
“Are you kidding me? I had a whole plan! I was going to pull all the stops to confess to you and be super dramatic about it, because it wasn’t clear by now, I’m really a drama queen. But don’t tell Ryujin, she’ll never let me down though. I’ve been lowkey obsessed with you since I’ve been you for the first time, but then I thought you were straight and then Chaeryeong said I should just do it and Fuck it—”
She doesn’t have time to regain consciousness after her rant because Lia grabs her neck and kisses her, straight on the lips, with a pressure that's downright intoxicating. Suddenly the walls around break down, because despite Lia’s soft appearance, she’s pushy and determined and Yeji is nothing but equal times competitive and obsessed with this girl.
So she grabs her by the waist, pulls her closer and allows her inhibitions to fall down, shuts down her brain and grants her heart to take the wheel, to experience what she’s been waiting for. She loves kissing, she’s kissed her fair share of girls in her lifetime, but Lia’s the first that feels just right.
Suddenly remembering she needs to breathe, Lia separates them. But she looks so flustered, so out of it and Yeji is nothing but hungry, so she dives in for another, and another, and another, until they’re laying on the floor of the living room, until she’s basically on top of Lia with a newfound passion.
“Yeji,” Lia whispers, in the midst of their kiss and Oh, Yeji is going to go insane. “Yeji,” she says again, their teeth clashing because neither of them can stop smiling.
“Less talk, more kiss.” She connects their lips again, biting down her lip and making Lia erupt a sound she’s sure it’s going to drive her insane.
“That’s hot.”
She can’t help but laugh too this time, both of them breaking now into an uncontrollable fit. Yeji hides her face on her neck, can feel Lia’s pulse going insane there and proudly thinks about how this was her doing, how Lia responds so fervently to her. This is what is different from everyone else, this is what makes Lia something else.
Whatever that something is, she hasn’t discovered yet but is she damn excited to.
“I got carried away.” Yeji bashfully says, finally sitting down to feel her growing red cheeks.
Lia gets up as well, even if the distance between them is still considerably small. “We both did. But just so that we are on the same page, I also really really like you.”
Yeji smiles so widely she can’t help but hide in Lia’s embrace. The laugh the girl lets out carries across the room, and she feels it in her bones. So genuine. “I can do and will do better for our next date.”
“This is pretty unforgettable already, if I say so myself.” Lia cheekily replies, grabbing her by the cheeks and aligning their faces. “I can think of a couple more ways we can make it even more memorable.”
Yeji whistles, her ears probably the colour of her red sweatshirt. “Wow, my girlfriend is a perv.”
“Girlfriend,” Lia says against her lips, “I like the sound of that,” as she closes the distance between them, for what wouldn’t be the last time that afternoon.
♡
"Why do they think you should have your door open?" Lia's voice comes from behind her, her hands around her shoulders.
She can't have anything in this life, can she?
Lia immediately yells, straight in her ears. She can be as chaotic as Yeji sometimes. "Someone needs to teach you some house safety babe."
"Never thought someone could freak out so much on texts," Lia is being sneaky, she can feel it. But she's also the one who made her reply to the texts and tell them to leave them alone.
Her girlfriend is ten times more menacing than she ever thought she was.
She's so attracted to her.
"I thought we were only watching a movie?" Lia raises her eyebrows, bringing the popcorn back to the couch and settling right next to her.
"We are, but did you want these idiots to interrupt our movie night?"
"Your friends are nice though," Lia cuddles close, so warm and right.
She's kind of in love with her. "Next time. I want you all for me now."
"I'm all yours."