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When Jang Mun woke up on that particular day, he thought it would be the same, just like yesterday and the day before it.
Everything was the same.
From how the light slit through the window of his, or how the birds chirped on the near trees or even how the younger disciples’ voices started to get louder, one by one, quicker as the sun rise up.
He attended himself; washing his face with the cold water, letting the coldness creeped upon the muscles of his face. He changed out of his sleep wear, carefully wearing the robes, one after another. The edges sleek with no creases anywhere.
And he took even greater care with his hair, letting his grey hairs being put up into a half bun with a hairpin securing it. He felt himself smiling as he remembered how hard it was to get Chung Myung to put his hair like this. Lines showed besides his eyes as he chuckled and hummed in content as he recalled Chung Myung’s reaction about it. The boy grumbled and grunted and yet he still followed this old man’s whim.
He watched his reflection from the mirror, looking at the regal man, back straight and shoulders heavy with the responsibility of a sect leader. He looked again and just see an old man who wanted to give happiness and everything good in the world to his people.
Jang Mun would never consider himself as a wise man. He was never of no flaw for he was a human. A person. And person always bounded to make mistakes. Mistakes that sometimes costed him greatly but nevertheless a needed one to help him grow; learned from it and prevented it from happening ever again.
He gazed upon the window, standing by the opening and observed everything. The spring breeze left a sweet smell at its wake. Well, Mount Hua Sect always smelled like spring with how the sect was surrounded with dozens of dozens plum blossom flowers but when season of spring came and graced them with its being then the smell just got a bit more profound and sturdy and just there.
It was such a nice smell to be woken up with.
This was also what he smelled when he found himself with a baby cradled on his arms.
The day was bright and the sky was blue and almost devoid of clouds. He remembered telling himself what a good morning it was. Imagined his surprise when one of the elders asked him to settle down a baby (a baby!)
Jang Mun himself never had held a baby all his life. The baby was so small and looked so fragile that Jang Mun found himself thinking that this baby might be preyed by the world. All alone and defenceless by himself.
He remembered tightening his hold after the thought crossed his mind.
He remembered being reminded how life was precious that day as the baby’s tiny fingers gripped on his robes.
Chung Myung, the elders decided.
“Chung Myung.” He said as he held the toddler’s hand as they strolled under the plum blossom trees. Petals falling onto them like the drizzle of rain in the morning sky.
Jang Mun found himself on the same path he brought Chung Myung occasionally to stroll when he was younger, when he was just a bunch of happiness and wonder and excitement.
Thinking of Chung Myung brought a smile on his face.
He found himself glad and so so proud to see the baby he held grew into the man he is now. Those fragile hands now calloused with training upon training. The toddler that kept falling into his knees now stood sturdy and there was never a waver on his steps.
Yet his heart ached in pain, just tiny, a moment, fleeting and missing the boy who held his hand and looked into his eyes with awe and wonder only a child could muster. He missed being needed by a boy he practically raised.
Chung Myung grew up into a strong cultivator, his name and title are known across Jianghu as someone who formidable and strong and righteous. He did him proud every single day. And that feeling never gone, never quiver even when he caused trouble with other sects or when he kept drinking his ass off.
Jang Mun loved him like his own son.
He did not know if Chung Myung knew that. But he hoped he showed him enough love for he to realise where he stood in Jang Mun’s life.
So he walked down the path as he reminisced the times when Chung Myung was still little.
Remembering his first word.
Remembering his first step.
Remembering his first time holding a sword.
Remembering the joy on Chung Myung’s face as he ran to him, telling his success on mastering the first form of sword formation.
The smile stayed on his face as he walked and walked and remembered and remembered. The wind of flowers flew and swirled by his side as if agreeing with him. After all, them too were there to watch as Chung Myung grew up to kid into a teenager into a man.
But his joy was cut short as a shrill voice called him from his back.
“SAHYUNG!”
He turned and ready to lecture the voice he knew too much. But everything stopped as he noticed the look on his Sajae’s face.
Chung Myung’s face was pale. His eyes were wild and full of disbelief. There was even a hint of madness glinting there. His shoulders were hunched up and so tense and Jang Mun found himself being worried for him.
Chung Myung looked haunted and weary. Like the whole world weighted down on his shoulders. Like he’d seen so many things, so many blood and deaths and losses.
“Chung Myung-ah.” He found himself calling, and there’s urgency in his voice. He quickly stepped forward, one by one, his robes billowed with how fast he shot forward.
His palms somehow found their way to Chung Myung’s cheeks. He wiped away the lone tear that fell from his Sajae’s eyes. Though he noticed how his Sajae’s usually bright and mischievous eyes were now glistening with tears and were threatening to fall over.
“Chung Myung-ah—what happened? Did something happen?” He asked, voice booming with worry and anger. Who would dare make his Sajae crying? “Did someone say something mean to you?”
Chung Myung just looked down and shook his head. The movement made his tears fell.
Jang Mun brought one of his hands upward, putting Chung Myung’s damp bang into the side. “Tell me, hmm? Did you do something? I promise I will not be angry. Just tell me and I will fix it okay? So tell me and don’t cry, Chung Myung-ah. Sahyung promised to not be angry at you, hmm?”
Somehow, instead of calming the boy, Jang Mun just made the boy cry harder. His shoulders hunched down as if to protect himself from the world at large. The lone tear now turned into a vigorous fall of tears. The sobs racked through his body.
It was to the point that his body shook with how hard he sobbed.
And something cracked inside the older man’s chest.
And now, instead of anger, Jang Mun felt panic and concern oozing from his whole being. “What happened, Chung Myung-ah. Tell Sahyung, hmm?” He found himself asking again.
But Chung Myung just stood there and sobbed. And it felt like he was crying over a lifetime’s worth of grievances and pains.
And Jang Mun just did not know what to do.
So he brought Chung Myung forward and rested the boy’s head onto his shoulder. One of his hands was cradling through the boy’s hair while the other one was firmly placed across the boy’s back. “It’s okay, Chung Myung-ah. It is okay. I will fix it. Sahyung will fix everything for you.” He murmured to the boy’s ears.
Instead of slowing down the tears, the boys just gripped harder on his Sahyung’s robes.
“’m sorry.” Jang Mun heard the boy saying through his sobs. “All m’ fault.”
Questions were threatening to flow from his mouth but he kept it shut. “It’s okay. It’s okay. I forgive you. Though I am hardly convinced that the fault laid in your hands.”
Chung Myung just shook his head, through the sobs and through the tears. “’mine fault.” He said again, voice rough. It’s like he really believed that it was his fault. Jang Mun could not have that. Especially not when he himself was not clear about the fault in here.
But instead of voicing his thought, he just stood there and continued what he was doing. He made sure his embrace was firm and sturdy, make sure it was crystal clear that he would be there despite anything thrown into them. That he would stand still by Chung Myung’s side.
“It’s okay, Chung Myung-ah. I am here alright? I will always be here.”
He wished the boy knew how much he had love him, still love him and will always love him.
His teaching might have forbidden him from burning the whole world for his boy. But he would surely, without a shadow of doubt, make sure who did his boy wrong would pay greatly for it.
Mount Hua Sect taught perseverance and peace and unity but above all,
They protect what were theirs.
As Jang Mun carried Chung Myung to his room, he was reminded of times and times where Chung Myung loved to pretend like he was sleeping. All just so he could be carried by his Sahyung to his bedroom.
When the sun set through and the moon risen, taking its place, Jang Mun still had no idea what happened that would cause his Sajae such great sadness and sorrow. His Sajae was crying like his whole world had ended and there was nothing he could do about it. Like he was being chained down to the earth and forced to look as his whole life, his whole world being shattered into pieces, shredded into something that could not be put together again.
Chung Myung was still sleeping so soundly, even after hours his Sahyung put him laying rest on the bed. His face looked young and free of any lines caused by years of stress and frustration and sadness.
He looked nothing like before, nothing like a boy who had lost everything.
Jang Mun’s face was grim, lips tight from anger and worries. He paced back and forth inside his Sajae’s room, not expecting any disturbations from the outside as he already told the others that he was not to be disturbed.
Not until he came down to the root of the problems, not until he knew what had caused such grief towards his Sajae.
He sighed, shoulders hunching down, not looking like the sect leader he was.
“Chung Myung-ah,” he called as he looked at the boy, feeling helpless and confused. His hands though were busy holding tight onto the boy’s hand. At this point, he was not sure he wanted to reassure the boy or himself. “I wish you’d tell me sooner what had ailed you into this.”
And Chung Myung moved, just a tiny movement, just a tilt of head before he got Jang Mun on both of his feet. “Chung Myung-ah?”
The boy groaned a little and rasped, “Sahyung?”
He sat by the bedside as fast as he could. “Yes? Sahyung’s here, Chung Myung-ah.”
The boy’s hand quickly found his way into his head and he groaned a little bit louder. “What—I could only hear you all this time. And now I could see you too? Ouh Wow—I am not sure if I should be concerned with my mental stability or not.”
“Wh—What? Chung Myung-ah, what did you just said? Your mental stability?” Jang Mun found himself rapidly paling, scared to know the answer.
The boy went still for a moment, his eyes shut down with unnecessary force. And that made the elder man went still too. “Chung Myung-ah?” He called again.
“Am I hallucinating?” He heard the boy whispered into thin air. He sounded so scared and unsure.
“No no—Chung Myung-ah, you’re not hallucinating. I am here. You’re here.” He assured the boy. He took the boy’s hand again and gripped it tight. “You feel this? I am holding your hand. You are real and I am real. As real and certain as the sun to rise and the moon to follow after it.”
He could feel Chung Myung gripping his hand back. He waited for a moment before Chung Myung slowly opened his eyes, quickly looking straight into his. And as their gaze met, he could see the moment when the pain and disbelief filling up the boy’s eyes again. He’s tearing up again. And something was clenching the older man’s heart.
“Sahyung.. I’m sorry.” The boy choked, bringing their intertwined hands into his forehead, as if he was praying to God above.
“Chung Myung-ah, I need you to tell me what is wrong—so I can fix it for you.” He brought his other hand to the boy’s head, patting his hair slightly and slowly, hoping the gesture would bring some comfort to the boy.
And Chung Myung smiled albeit a bit broken. Maybe more than a bit broken. He brought down their intertwined hands to his side. “Nothing’s wrong, Sahyung.” He said, voice wobbly. “Nothing’s wrong.”
Jang Mun sighed again. “It’s not—it does not look like you’re okay at all. You’re hurting, Chung Myung-ah. I could be blind and still see your pain.”
“It’s not—you’re not—I’m not.” Chung Myung shook his head. “Everything’s fine.”
Jang Mun could feel his anger rising with the continual denials. “IF YOU’RE FINE—” He stopped. With more quiet voice he said, “then you would not run straight into me and looked like you lose your whole world, Chung Myung-ah!”
He shakily pleaded. “Don’t lie to me, Chung Myung-ah. Don’t lie to me.”
Jang Mun then took his hand and wiped the tears that fell from the boy’s eyes.
And he waited. And waited more. Waited until Chung Myung’s ready.
Then with a thick voice, Chung Myung said, “what—” He cut, strangled. “What do you think about reincarnation, Sahyung?”