Chapter Text
Hoshino Vermillion was... strange.
The word 'vermillion' meant red, yet there was nothing about him that depicted it. Unlike the twins, he had jet-black hair and dark-brown eyes. Even the star pattern that the twins had inherited in each eye from Ai was missing in his. Truthfully, the similarities between the twins and Vermillion-or Vermy, as Ai loved to call him- were far and few.
Once Ruby had asked Ai why she named him Vermillion. With her classic grin and the twinkle in her eyes, she had said, "When you three got out of mama's tummy, I thought that Vermy-chan's eyes were red so I named him Vermillion. But later, they magically turned black! The doctor said that I must have seen it wrong but by then, I had decided on all of your names and something told me that it fit him. So I went with it."
Classic Ai right there.
It was the undeniable truth that Hoshino Vermillion was one of the Hoshino triplets. And he was adored and doted on all the same by Ai who didn't think much of her son's oddities. After all, all of her babies were unique in their own way.
But to Aqua and Ruby, who had the memories of their past lives, Vermillion was... creepy.
("You shouldn't be calling our brother creepy." Aqua whispered to Ruby, in case Vermy overheard them.
"But he is!" Ruby loudly whispered back, turning the very point of whispering mute. After their 'secret meeting', Vermy, who had been sitting on the couch watching an old documentary about Ninja, turned and smiled softly at him. Aqua knew then that he had heard their conversation but said nothing about it.)
Like them, Vermy had also reincarnated. It had been revealed back when one night, Aqua had walked in on Ruby 'defending' Ai on Twitter. Then, Vermy also walked in and lightly chided Ruby for staying awake and using screens late at night. Both Aqua and Ruby had been stunned that all three of them were capable of speaking yet Vermy showed no surprise at all. As if, he had known from the very start that the two were reincarnations.
(Once Ruby had asked him about his past life. Vermy had only let out a small and sad smile before poking her forehead and saying, 'Forgive me, Ruby-chan. Maybe some other day.')
Then, there was also the fact that unlike them, Vermy wasn't Ai's fan. In fact, Vermy wasn't aware of many things.
(Aqua remembered the sheer bewilderment on Vermy's face, when he first saw Ai's performance on TV, alongside him and Ruby. At first, he had presumed it to be due to his ignorance of Ai's reputation but he was proven wrong when he watched a documentary on TV with equal fascination and awe. Like when one came face to face with something never seen before.
Aqua began to wonder if Vermy had even spent his life in the current time period. If reincarnation was possible, at this point, anything was.)
Vermy had been delivered the last amongst them. By definition, Aqua was the oldest, and Ruby at the second spot. However, Vermy often behaved as the eldest sibling. Aqua, being a former 30-year-old, tended to be well-mannered so most of Vermy's molly-coddling passed on to Ruby.
('Stop it, Onii-chan!' Ruby complained as Vermy wiped off the porridge that had gotten on her face. Vermy laughed softly.
'Honestly, Sasu-' Vermy paused, his hand stopping. His face showed something but within the blink of an eye, it relaxed back into his unassuming smiling gesture as he continued to wipe off the food stains on her face.
Nobody said anything after that. After finishing, Vermy promptly walked off toward the living room, his little body a bit too rigid.)
But there were also times when even Aqua experienced his brotherly love.
('You should go play with them.' Vermy once said to him, while he was reading 'Sherlock Holmes' during the lunch period.
'It would be a little weird if someone like me played around with kindergarteners.' Aqua said, without lifting his head from the book.
Vermy chuckled. 'You are right, of course. But if you isolate yourself, you may find it difficult to make friends in the future. Without friends, you may find yourself falling into the trap of arrogance, of self-assurance that you can take on the world all alone. And when you crumble under the weight of the world... there won't be anyone to pick you up.' Vermy said. Aqua looked up at him. His eyes were distant, his gaze turned somewhere away from the present.
' The same goes for you too, you know?' Aqua pointed out. For all Vermy said about making friends, he was a loner like him.
' You are right.' Vermy said. 'I am a hypocrite, in that regard.'
With the way Vermy smiled sardonically and his face turned solemn, something told Aqua that his words had far greater weight than he could understand.)
Altogether, Vermy always gave off the image of a tragedy, far too painful to be spoken of.
And then, there was the case of his nightmares.
It happened on one night, perfectly the same as the others. Aqua was lying on a futon at Ai's side, still wide awake. He was pondering about his past life, whether or not his body had been found or not-
A blood-curdling scream made its way to his ears. Shivers went down his spine. It was-
Vermy
Ai got up in an instant and rushed to Vermy, who had been lying on a futon right beside Ruby's but was now in a fetal position at the corner of the room.
It was-
Sheer horror was plastered on Vermy's pale face, his little mouth agape and letting out agonizing screams. His entire body broke out into tremors and his nightsuit was drenched with cold sweat. His hands were scratching away at his face-no, his eyes. Ai pried his hands away as he ducked his head, refusing to look at her.
That was the first time Aqua and Ruby saw Ai without her smile. She looked worried and stricken, not knowing what to do. Ruby stared at Vermy's trembling figure, her eyes wide with fear and concern. Ai tried to console him.
"Wha-What is wrong, Ver-"
"SASUKE!!! SASUKE!!!-"
But his screams and sobs drowned out Ai's words, still too lost in the nightmare that plagued him. Ai held him tightly in her arms, whispering words of comfort to him as he thrashed out wildly. Soon enough, his body went limp, drained of all energy. But the tremors didn't cease and his screams took on the form of incessant mumbling.
"I am sorry. I am sorry. I am sorry. I am sorry.IamsorryIamsorryIamsorryIamsorryIamsorryIamsorryIamsorrySasukeIamsorryIamsorryIamsorryIamsorryIamsorry-"
Ai hugged him, rocking slightly, whispering 'It's all right.' and 'Mama is here.', even as her voice turned tearier and tearier. It took nearly 10 minutes before Vermy's murmurs came to a halt and he relaxed in Ai's embrace.
Aqua and Ruby looked at each other helplessly. Ai didn't let go of Vermy until the first strikes of dawn. She took a day off that day.
When Vermy awoke, he refused to look anyone in the eyes. Ai asked him what the dream had been about but he kept quiet, staring at the floor all the time. Ultimately, she didn't push him on it and let the matter go, spending the entire day with the triplets, with her trademarked smile on. But to Aqua's trained eyes, it was strained and uneasy.
He had a gut feeling that Vermy knew that too.
("Nii-san? Who... is Sasuke?" Ruby asked after mustering up the courage.
Vermy had looked contemplative.
In the end, he just poked her in the forehead and said with a soft smile, "Maybe some other day, Ruby-chan?"
She didn't know why but his smile made her want to cry.)
Aqua understood that it was not any nightmare; the reaction had been far too severe for that. But he kept his quiet, respecting Vermy's wishes to not talk about it.
Two days later, Vermy collapsed on the school ground.
One moment, Vermy was standing right beside him during the lunch period, and the next moment, he was on the ground, far too still.
-' Se-Sensei.. If we...'-
-Flatline. Hand drops. Slack. Lifeless. Dead.-
He knelt to check the pulse. It was present. Relief poured into his guts.
....
....
He blinked and they were in the medical room, Vermy lying on a bed with the nurse peering into eyes with a flashlight.
'Huh?' he thought. 'When did I... get here?'
He felt a familiar pressure on his hand. It was Ruby. Her lips were flat and her eyes narrowed, pointedly looking at Vermy's still body. His mind cleared a bit as he put his hand on her shoulder. If he heard a few sniffs, well he chose to focus instead on Vermy's slowly rising and falling chest.
The manager and his wife showed up in a few moments, probably called in by the officials as their guardians' on the paper.
'What is wrong?!' The manager asked, worried-sick.
The nurse looked worried. "Has Vermillion-chan not been sleeping properly? His symptoms and the dark circles match those of sleep deprivation," she asked.
The dots connected inside Aqua's mind. Of course! That idiot-
"He.. had a nightmare two days ago. Maybe he hasn't been sleeping well because of it?" Manager said.
"It is...probable." the nurse said. "Kids, at this age, tend to experience nightmares. But to neglect to sleep like that... did he say what it was about?"
The manager shook his head-
At that moment, Vermy stirred in his bed. All eyes turned to him. He was mumbling something under his breath and squirming rapidly. Another nightmare, Aqua thought.
He jostled up awake, his hand stretched out in front of him and a scream caught in his throat. Within an instant, his gaze steeled and he shifted too fast out of bed-
-He stopped in his motion, falling out of the bed.
"Onii-chan!" Ruby rushed to him. Vermy looked disoriented. He was helped up by the nurse and the manager. Blinking, he stared at Ruby.
"Sa... Ruby-chan..?" he uttered. Aqua noticed his body stiffening and his eyes shifting quickly, taking in everything before relaxing.
After a stern talking-to by the nurse about the importance of sleeping and sharing what troubled him with his mother and father or the adults, the three were allowed to leave for the day.
.....
As the car drove, an awkward tension settled inside. Ruby refused to talk or even look at Vermy... even as she clung tightly to his arm.
"You gave us quite a fright, Vermy-chan." Miyako said, breaking the silence. "Your mother was worried sick when she heard that you collapsed in the school."
"She is back home, right now." Manager continued. "I barely convinced her to not come to school, herself. God knows what would have happened, then."
"I... apologize, " Vermy said, staring at his lap. "I shall not make the same mistake again."
"You better not. Sleep is important. Next time you have a nightmare, tell us or your mother about it instead of not sleeping altogether." The manager grumbled although it was obvious that he was deeply concerned and worried.
Aqua clenched his fists. How could he have missed it? The dark circles, the sudden lack of energy, the blank stares- he was a doctor, for god's sake. These were the things he should have picked up on, first! Pathetic. How many more people would he fail-
A hand settled on one of his knees. Vermy was staring at him sternly, shaking his head. As if he knew what he was thinking about.
He felt like laughing at himself. His brother had collapsed on the ground and here he was, getting comforted by him, instead of the other way around. It was a whole new level of pathe-
He winced as Vermy pinched him out of his thoughts. Okay, he can't be that obvious about it. Seeing Vermy's light smile, it would appear that he was indeed that obvious.
The tension eased away to a comfortable silence. There was little traffic that day so they reached their apartment in little time.
Ai was pacing back and forth when they entered through the door. Her neck snapped towards them.
"I am sorry, Oka-"
Vermy's eyes widened as Ai practically collided with him. She brushed at his clothes with frantic hands. Her smile was absent and her hair was distraught like she had been pulling at it.
"Are-Are you okay?" she said, her voice thick and anxious. "Did you get hurt? W-What about your head?"
She peered at his head, her trembling hands gently feeling for any injury.
"I... am fine, Okaa-san." Vermy said, sounding surprised for some reason.
She finally stopped and looked at him, a small smile lighting up. Her violet eyes burned with unshed tears and she drew him in for a hug.
"Thank god... If something had happened to you, I-"
Her voice broke and she buried her head into his neck...
The Manager coughed, "Much as I hate to interrupt this, Vermy does have a problem. Apparently, he hasn't been sleeping for some time now and he fainted because of that. That Nurse really chewed us out on not noticing it before."
Ai's trembling form stilled as she withdrew from the embrace to look at Vermy who couldn't meet her eyes. From close, there was pronounced depression running under his eyes.
"Yes, Vermy said. "My... nightmares have been troubling me. I apologize; I should have been more careful-"
"Stupid Onii-chan!" Ruby burst out in anger. "Careful?! Careful at what?! At hiding from us?! That is stupid! We-We are flesh and blood, aren't we? Then why would you do something like that!"
Vermy is stunned for a moment, speechless at the words from the normally soft-spoken Ruby. It would have been an amusing sight, had it not been for the situation.
"The truth is you have been having these nightmares for many days now, haven't you?! I know you sneak into the bathroom every night, so we don't hear you!"
Ruby was crying angrily and panting at the end of her outburst. Aqua's hands clenched unconsciously. How... How had he not noticed it before?
Ai looked heartbroken, her smile trembling at the edges. Aqua had never seen such a sight on -his Mama's- Ai's face before. It left a sinking feeling in his stomach.
"I.. Forgive me, Ruby-cha-" Vermy began.
"Vermy-chan." Ai interrupted, tears falling down her face. "Did Ma-Mama make you feel that you can't come to me if you have a bad dream?"
"I-....."
Vermy had nothing to say to that. His head lowered, unable to look at Ai's tears. All fight seemed to drain out of him. He looked like a lonely figure, carrying a great burden all on his own-
No... Why-Why was Vermy so hurt? Why did he-why was there so much sadness inside of him?
Why did he look so lonely even when Ai and Ruby were there? When... he was there? Aqua's eyes glistened and an irresistible urge grabbed hold of him. He took a step and-
Both Ruby and Aqua rushed and hugged him.
Vermy's lips trembled. "Wha-What are you-?" he choked. He lowered his head again-
Only for Ai to gently lift it up. She was crying.
"It is all Mama's fault. You and Aqua seemed grown up so many times that I forgot-" She paused. "No. That is not it. Even after all this time, I never said 'I love you' because I feared that if it was a lie, I won't be able to bear it. I always told myself that love is nothing more than lies but... I didn't want this to be another lie. So I shied away from it... and continued to be a very bad mama to you three.'
"N-No." Vermy shook his head, his eyes wide and glistening with unshed tears. "Thi-This isn't why I didn't tell you. I didn't want to burden you! To be a-a failure!"
"You can *never* be a failure, Vermy-chan. Not to me. Not your-your mother. A good mama is someone you wanna tell everything and share your burdens with when they are too heavy, to cry to and complain to." Ai hiccuped, "Today... when I heard you collapsed-"
"No. No, I-I am sorry-"
"-I was so afraid. That I won't get to hold you in my arms and-and get to see you get older. But above all... I was afraid that you would- you would not know if I ever loved you."
Ai's eyes clenched shut, and her voice broke.
"And that is when I realized. This feeling- this fear and pain, at the thought of losing you-this must be love."
She put her arms around the three small figures.
"Vermy, Aqua, Ruby. I love you all three so much."
Vermy cried.
“Don't hesitate; it's the path you chose. Our pain will only last an instant, unlike yours. The way we think may be different, but I'm still proud of you." Those had been Uchiha Fugaku's last words before Itachi struck him and his mother down.
He had shed tears. The very act had shattered his heart and his will to live.
But even then, there had been a part of him- the ugly, rotten, selfish part- that had not been content with those words. He had suppressed it, beaten it down, with each person he killed, as a Shinobi of the Hidden Leaf and then as part of the Akatsuki. It brought him shame and bile to his throat every time he settled down to think and introspect.
Despite that, it still lingered alongside his guilt and hurt. And that is why...
As his figure had crumbled away, as he looked at Sasuke-his foolish, little, dear brother- for one last time, he said what he wished his father had said that fateful night-
"-No matter what you do from here on out, I will love you always."
....
"Vermy, Aqua, Ruby. I love you all three so much." Ai-his new mother in this second life he didn't deserve- said. She was young. Way too young to be a mother. She was as old as Sasuke had been when he had finally revealed the truth to him and left him *again*.
And yet-
As he looked at the sheer love- selfless and pure- present in those starry eyes of hers that he never got to see in Mikoto's, a part of him shattered- no, that was not it.
It healed. It conjoined with the rest of his broken soul.
He didn't deserve it.
He had killed Izumi, his aunts, his uncles, nephews, and nieces. His father... and mother. He subjected Sasuke- the very name brought a kunai to his heart- to the worst of fates and doomed him to a dark path of hate and suffering...
Out of all the people out there, he didn't deserve this second chance.
And yet...
The child inside him- tainted and broken by his life as a Shinobi- still yearned for it. Yearned for that love he had tried and failed to give to Sasuke.
Even as he tried to withdraw from the embrace- from the love he tainted with his very existence- he settled deeper into it. The warmth of Ruby who agonizingly reminded him of what Sasuke had once been before, Aqua- a kindred soul broken at the seams but still filled with hope, so much hope, and Ai- his mother, who blessed him with a new life.
Who doted on him; not Itachi- the prodigy of the Uchiha Clan- but Vermy who was nothing too spectacular.
Who hugged him, fed him, embraced him, and loved him without wanting anything in return. Not a perfect score in Shurikenjutsu. Not the prestige that he brought to the clan by being an ANBU. Not the information he brought by betraying his village and brethren. Not a thing.
Who- even now as she suffered pain and fear because of him- didn't discard him. Who felt hurt at his hurting, mourned his sorrow, and rejoiced at his smile.
...
It was not fair.
Sasuke deserved this. This- family, this love. Not-not what he had gotten instead; a pathetic excuse of a big brother who only brought him pain.
And yet, at that moment...
Itachi Uchiha- the youngest ANBU member, the kingslayer, the stoic killer- cried.
He cried out aloud, much like then when he had stabbed his parents in the chest. But unlike then, it was not out of grief or anger.
This time, he cried out of relief. At the thought that he won't have to sacrifice himself anymore. That he could have this-all of this without killing himself apart at a time.
So even as a part of him wanted him to yell out 'Don't!' and 'I am sorry!' and 'I don't deserve this!', he instead said, 'Thank you... Thank you so much..'.
He thanked Ruby for being who she is.
He thanked Aqua for caring about him.
He thanked Ai for being his mother.
Uchiha Itachi found his redemption. And Hoshino Vermillion found a family.