Work Text:
r/RelationshipAdvice: Partner no longer takes me seriously when we argue
i (27M) recently started dating my partner (25M) and we have been together for a little over a month. for context, prior to our romantic relationship, we were friends for years and have always been prone to disagreements. he is infuriatingly stubborn and always has to have the upper hand in a conversation! i always tried to give as much grace as i can regarding his attitude, and yet he always manages to drive me up the wall. i believe myself to be well enough mannered and decently patient, but he truly irritates me to no end.
yet recently, whenever we start to argue, he no longer bites back or criticises my being or habits. he just stares at me with this look on his face and doesn’t say anything in return. i don’t know what’s going on with him, but i’m afraid he’s plotting something or gotten some ridiculous idea into that thick head of his. please help!
teyvatraveller • 5h
i’m afraid I’m having trouble understanding exactly what you want advice on, OP. you mean you want your partner to start arguing with you again?
kshahrewarlight [OP] • 5h
you don’t know how he is! he’s filled with all sorts of ideas to torment and make a fool out of me! he’s definitely thinking of something that involves me, and i need to figure out what asap so he doesn’t get his way!
Zubayrlotus • 3h
That sounds upsetting :( Can you recall when this started?
kshahrewarlight [OP] • 3h
i think a few weeks ago? actually, not long after we got together… wait, do you think he’s looking down on me now that he knows i actually like him?
Zubayrlotus • 3h
That seems unlikely, though. Since he’s dating you, he must be fond of you as well! Maybe you could try brainstorming what he could be “plotting”?
kshahrewarlight [OP] • 3h
hmm i don’t really know ,, perhaps he’s trying to get back at me for accidentally blowing up our office?
itsdehya • 2h
op wtf
kshahrewarlight [OP] • 2h
i knew he wouldn’t just let it go like that! i can’t believe i really believed him when he said it was fine!
itsdehya • 2h
look op idk ur bf but i’d be pretty pissed; maybe you should try apologising for this and see if he, uh, returns to arguing with u?
kshahrewarlight [OP]
i just went up to him and told him i was sorry but he just looked at me blankly and asked what i was apologising for!!! i clarified and then he just shrugged and said “oh, i’d forgotten about that already” and just went back to his book. he hates it when people interrupt his reading! i’m getting scared.
itsdehya • 2h
so it’s not that, anything else u can recall?
kshahrewarlight [OP] • 2h
i really can’t think of anything… maybe the time i tried to give our washing machine an upgrade but broke it?
itsdehya • 2h
😭😭😭 i’m starting to understand why ur bf argues w u sm
kshahrewarlight [OP] • 2h
okay i went and asked him about this, but he just raised an eyebrow and asked me why i was suddenly bringing this up ,, he’s onto us
forestfoxranger • 1h
You said your partner used to criticise you but no longer does so? Maybe you could ask him if anything’s changed about you, or if any habit you had irritated him? Communication is always key.
kshahrewarlight [OP] • 1h
i‘ve acted the same as i always did around him though, and i don’t want to ask any further or he’ll be suspicious! or even worse, he’ll twist my words and end up making fun of me!
forestfoxranger • 1h
What we perceive may not always be the full truth, OP. I have a pair of friends who act exactly like you and your lover. You must make sure you understand what he is truly thinking for both your relationship and your problem to make any progress.
kshahrewarlight [OP] • 1h
i guess ur right… i’ll try, but i won’t make any promises! no one knows him better than i do- he just loves to see me embarrass myself, the sadistic bastard. I’ve known him for years, and he’s always been like this!
teyvatraveller • 1h
that sounds concerning. is he actually mean to you?
kshahrewarlight [OP] • 1h
well, no. he’s just stubborn, and always tries to tell me my excess empathy is going to bite me in the ass one day. i just don’t like the way he says things! but i’m not actually hurt.
forestfoxranger • 50m
What do you mean, excess empathy?
kshahrewarlight [OP]• 50m
well, once i bought ten keychains from a vendor who advertised a donation to local orphanages with every purchase. he told me it was clearly a scam, and bitched about it when he covered my bar tab, paid off my debt, AND even when he let me stay with him. he wouldn’t let go of it for weeks!
teyvatraveller • 50m
so u mean ur guy tolerates your mishaps, doesn’t get mad at you for interrupting his reading time despite him being known for it, is concerned for your wellbeing, supports you when you need it, and you’re trying to figure out how to get him to yell at you???
kshahrewarlight [OP] • 50m
yes! you don’t know him like i do, there has to be something going on with him! he’s like an onion! you can never tell what he’s thinking under those layers!
forestfoxranger • 45m
Hold on, you mentioned this started occurring when the two of you started dating. Could the change of your relationship have prompted this change?
kshahrewarlight [OP] • 45m
…i should’ve known he would never like me. what was i thinking, that i could catch the attention of haravatat's genius of the century. sorry, everyone. this was a waste of time.
itsdehya • 43m
woah, hey, what’s with the sudden downturn?
forestfoxranger • 43m
You misunderstand, OP. I meant my words in a good way- whether your relationship change from platonic to romantic would have changed his perspective. Perhaps because of the now romantic nature of your relationship, he wants to be careful with it and you as he treasures you and your relationship?
kshahrewarlight [OP] • 42m
… oh. i hadn’t thought about it that way. it's just that i loved him for so long before this, it all just seems too good to be true. him changing just makes me anxious, i guess. that if we don’t work out, we won’t even get what we had back.
Zubayrlotus • 41m
This is something you should definitely tell him, OP! There are two of you in this relationship, you’re not alone! You trust him, don’t you? So you should work through this together.
itsdehya • 41m
i agree.
forestfoxranger • 40m
Good luck, OP! There’s no use speculating without basis- when your plants wilt, you have to figure out exactly why, not continue to water and fertilise them without direction.
Electro_mahamatra • 39m
I guess you could say we have to get to the root of the problem.
Electro_mahamatra • 34m
Don’t you guys get it? Because it was a metaphor about plants. All plants have roots, so it’s a pun abou
teyvatraveller • 33m
good luck, OP!
-
Kaveh takes a deep breath as he scrolls to the very end of the thread. Despite how embarrassed he’s feeling about his mini breakdown to strangers online, the Redditors are right. He should work up the nerve to talk to Alhaitham about this- problem. Look it in the face, if only for Alhaitham. For them.
So, with all the resolve of an adventurer whose wings have failed and is hurtling to the ground, Kaveh calls, ‘Alhaitham.’
Alhaitham looks up from where he’s reading on the divan.
Kaveh squirms under his gaze. ‘I- I just- well-’ Dammit, he had a whole dialogue ready and everything, but Alhaitham’s eyes on him are piercing, staring right into his soul. You’d think Kaveh’d be better at concealing his emotions when he’s pined for the man in front of him for years, but all Kaveh can hear is static- because this is the person most important to him in the whole world. Because Kaveh is but a trembling leaf caught in a gale, and he isn’t sure he won’t crumble into pieces if Alhaitham left him, too.
Alhaitham puts down his book. ‘Kaveh?’
Kaveh twists his sweaty hands in his lap. ‘I-’ his voice goes all high in the wrong way, and to his abject horror, he realises he is close to tears. ‘Sorry. Sorry, Alhaitham. I don’t know why I’m-’
Alhaitham crosses the room in quick strides, coming to kneel in front of him. ‘Kaveh,’ he says.
Kaveh wipes his face hastily, unable to stop his shaking. His breath is coming too fast, the back of his throat starting to hurt from the harsh inhales-
‘Kaveh,’ A hand takes hold of his own, the warmth of Alhaitham’s palm startling against his clammy fingers. Alhaitham moves Kaveh’s hand to rest upon his chest. ‘Focus on me. Match my breathing.’
Kaveh squeezes his eyes shut and forces himself back into his body- he can feel the steady thrum of Alhaitham’s pulse, the scent of their laundry detergent in the air, the vibrations of Alhaitham’s voice as he murmurs meaningless, calming things.
Slowly, Kaveh comes back to himself. ‘Sorry,’ he croaks, cringing at how wrecked he sounds. ‘I’m always useless when it counts-’
‘No,’ Alhaitham cuts in, not unkind. ‘Don’t speak of yourself in this way.’
‘Why not?’ Kaveh laughs, mirthless, dissonant like the dutar he’d snapped the strings of during their fallout. ‘It’s true.’
Alhaitham scowls deeply. ‘It is not.’
‘It is.’
‘Is not.’
Kaveh laughs again, but it’s softer this time. ‘Only you think of me this way.’
Alhaitham’s hold on his hands tightens. ‘What do you mean?’
‘I- I,’ Kaveh swallows- when did it become so hard to talk to Alhaitham like this? Perhaps it’s because of how Alhaitham knows him so well he could crush Kaveh within his grip if he so pleased. But perhaps it’s also because Kaveh knows he wouldn’t, that Alhaitham for some reason has saved up all this tenderness and ferocity just for him. It terrifies Kaveh, like he’s lying on the edge of a blade. One wrong move and he’ll be sliced open, his guts, secrets, fears and poison spilling out for the world to see.
‘Alhaitham,’ Kaveh begins with the word he is most confident in. ‘Why do you not argue with me anymore?’
Alhaitham stiffens. ‘I don’t know what you’re talking about.’
‘Yes, you do,’ Kaveh accuses. ‘Everytime we’re about to fall into an argument now, you just shut up or change the subject. Why? Have I done something wrong?’
‘No,’ Alhaitham says lowly. ‘You didn’t.’
‘Then why?’ Kaveh despairs. ‘Why do you treat me differently now than,’ he gulps- ‘Than before? Am I not what you imagined?’
Horror strikes across Alhaitham’s face, a glancing blow through his handsome features. ‘No, no,’ Alhaitham repeats, reaching up to tuck Kaveh’s cheek into a big hand. ‘No. I could never think- no.’
Kaveh closes his eyes. He wants his father. He wants his mother to tell him it will be alright.
‘Kaveh.’ Alhaitham calls, and it throws Kaveh off guard. Alhaitham is strong, confident, cunning. Rarely does he ever sound so- helpless. Upset. ‘I am sorry.’
Alhaitham sounds so meek. He should never sound like that, Kaveh thinks, like he’s a fractured crystal only held together by Kaveh's trembling hands: the insecure, honest junior Kaveh never had. ‘I have been a terrible partner. The matter is so trivial that I can hardly justify my actions, yet in my selfishness I have made you feel less than you are.’
This is not an Alhaitham Kaveh is familiar with. So he pats Alhaitham’s back, defaults to the known: ‘It’s okay, Alhaitham. I was just overreacting, anyway.’
‘Don’t,’ Alhaitham catches him in a fierce hug, pushing his face against Kaveh's stomach. His embrace is strong, yet the hand cupping Kaveh's back is gentle. ‘You were not. Don’t invalidate your feelings to defuse the situation, please.’
Kaveh's arms freeze where they were going to wrap around Alhaitham’s shoulders.
‘Will you hear your impertinent junior out?’ Alhaitham speaks into Kaveh’s belly. ‘The truth of the matter is, every time you looked at me in all your glorious fury, I was just struck with the fact that you were mine. Again and again, you. So wonderful and lovely.’
‘It filled me with so much giddiness I thought I was ill.' Alhaitham says slowly. 'Once I realised what it actually was, however, it embarrassed me. And I thought by reducing our arguments, I would be able to get used to the fact that we were together eventually. Allow myself to maintain my composure.’ He holds Kaveh a little tighter. ‘I only thought about how this relationship was affecting me, and my foolishness has hurt you.’
Kaveh contemplates this. ‘I was a little agitated,’ he admits.
‘I made you cry,’ Alhaitham says, and he sounds miserable. ‘I had sworn a pact with myself that I would always make you feel appreciated and safe, and I have gone and done the opposite.’
His body is solid, wrapped around Kaveh. And for a fleeting, terrible moment, Kaveh thinks he could go like this: basking in the feeling of being wanted, known, loved and safe in the arms of his beloved. The one who truly saw him and understood him, even if he didn’t necessarily approve of Kaveh’s choices, sometimes. Brilliant, ruthless Alhaitham, who was always ready to catch Kaveh if he fell, who would paint the sky the blackest of blacks if only that meant Kaveh’s tiny comet could shine.
‘You love me,’ Kaveh says. It’s not a question.
‘Yes,’ Alhaitham confesses quietly. ‘I am only myself because I do.’
‘Then that is enough.’
‘Kaveh.’
‘We all make mistakes,’ Kaveh smiles at him. Oh, he’s so close. His darling Haitham. ‘You’ll just have to comfort me more often, and I’ll have to tell you when I start getting nervous.’
‘Okay,’ Alhaitham agrees. He touches Kaveh’s earring.
Kaveh watches him rise, hiding a grin in Alhaitham's shoulder as he lets Alhaitham press a small kiss to his head. 'And you'll have to help me write an update to the Reddit post I made.'
Alhaitham sighs, full of fondness. 'Yes.'
-
r/RelationshipAdvice: Partner no longer takes me seriously when we argue
ActingGrandSprout • 2h
UPDATE: I am OP's partner. He approached me, and we worked out the situation. The truth is, I had been so in love with him that I was unable to comprehend the fact that he was mine, and as I was wrapped up in my own thoughts I had unwittingly transmitted erroneous signals to him regarding my attitude towards our relationship. I love him beyond words and am unimaginably happy that it is him I am with.
kshahrewarlight [OP]• 2h
why do you always say things like this only when i'm not there! it's cheating!
ActingGrandSprout • 2h
Turn around.
kshahrewarlight [OP] • 2h
??? where are you?
ActingGrandSprout • 2h
Here. Always.
4498 upvotes | 0 downvotes