Chapter Text
Wayne Manor, Monday
Camera Confession: Dick
“I’m just so happy, you know?” Dick says, folding his hands together at the side of his head, “Jay’s home!”
Camera Confession: Jason & Damian
Jason and Damian are sitting next to each other grinning mischievously.
“Once every few weeks, Lil’ D and I put our differences aside and form a truce for the sole purpose of–”
“Messing with everyone.” Damian finishes.
Jason cackles, “Yes!”
Wayne Manor, Monday, 2:30 pm
Damian and Jason are sitting on the library floor with Cass and Tim.
“Timmy,” Jason says.
Tim looks up and rolls his eyes, “What?”
“Can you pass me that can of Redbull?” Jason said, pointing to the coffee table.
“Get it yourself, asshole.” Tim scoffs.
“Just get it for me, Tim!” Jason whines.
Damian huffs, “Just give it to him, dude. So that he shuts up.”
Cass laughs.
“Fine! Goddamn…” Tim sits up and grabs the can of Redbull and holds it out to Jason.
Jason doesn’t take it. He looks at his book, “Open it for me.”
“What? No. I’m not going to open your drink for you.”
Camera Confession: Jason & Damian & Tim
Jason and Damian are sitting on either side of an upset-looking Tim, laughing profusely.
Wayne Manor, Monday, 2:33 pm
“But Dick does it for me!”
“I don’t care if Dick does it for you!” Tim snaps, “Why is Dick even opening your drinks!? You’re a grown-ass man!”
“Open the drink, Tim!” Damian snaps.
Tim hisses, throwing a pillow, “I don’t want to open the fucking drink!”
“Just do it,” Cass says, rolling her eyes and catching the pillow that Tim throws at her.
Tim huffs, “Fine! Fuck!”
Jason and Damian stifle laughter as Tim pulls the little tab and the can hisses before it explodes with color and glitter. Tim, covered in purple paint and green glitter growls.
Camera Confessions: Jason & Damian & Tim
“I would like to be unadopted, please,” Tim says.
Bruce Wayne pops into view and kisses the top of Tim’s head, “No.”
Tim groans as Jason and Damian burst out laughing again.
Camera Confessions: Dick & Cass
“Okay, so, how was I supposed to know they would make paint bombs?” Dick says, holding his hands up. “If anything Cass knew.”
Cass nods, “I know everything.”
“She does.” Dick agrees, “It’s creepy.”
Camera Confessions: Bruce
Bruce smiles, “I’m just glad that Jason is home and Damian’s been coming out of his shell more.”
“You aren’t worried you’re next, Mr. Wayne?”
Bruce’s smile trembles the slightest bit, “Not at all.”
Wayne Manor, Monday, 4:57 pm
Jason and Damian are standing by the pool house.
They’re both wearing T-shirts and basketball shorts. Dick and Barbara are swimming in the pool. Dick swims up to the edge, “The two of you need to be more mature. You stained Tim’s skin!”
“It’s not permanent,” Jason says, waving his hand.
“Fuck you!” The camera pans to Tim, Steph, and Cass laying on beach chairs. Tim’s face and neck are still tinted shades of purples.
Damian snickers into his palm.
“Master Timothy, watch your language,” Alfred said, walking out into the pool area with a cart of refreshments and snacks. “I would hate to revoke your snack privileges, young man.”
“I’m sorry, Alfred.” Tim sighs.
“Swear jar!” Jason says. “Any time I cuss, I have to put my hard-earned cash in the swear jar. So does Tim.”
“I don’t carry cash,” Tim says.
Alfred hums, placing a drink in Cass’ hand, “I’m afraid it’s only fair, Master Timothy.”
“Fine.” Tim huffs, “How much?”
“Five dollars.”
“Five dollars for saying fu–udge!?” Tim gasped.
“I had to pay ten!” Jason says, offended.
“Master Jason, please,” Alfred says sharply. Jason huffs, but shuts up.
“Steph, do you have cash on you? I’ll Venmo you it back.” Tim says.
Steph rolls her eyes and grabs her purse, “Fine, but you have to come shopping with me and Bernard.”
Tim takes the five-dollar bill she offers him and hands it to Alfred. He takes a lemonade from him and turns back to Steph, “Why are you going shopping with my boyfriend?”
“Because,” Steph says.
“Because,” Tim repeats, gesturing for her to go on.
Steph grins, “I like telling him about all your greatest fails.”
Everyone other than Alfred laughs.
“What!?” Tim gaps, “What the fuck, Stephanie!?”
“Master Timothy!” Alfred says.
Tim groans and holds his hand out to Steph who places another five-dollar bill in his hand. Tim hands it to Alfred.
Camera Confessions: Jason & Damian
“Sometimes, I love Tim so much.” Jason grins, “He makes the perfect distraction.”
Damian giggles maniacally.
Wayne Manor, Monday, 5:07 pm
Tim is still arguing that Steph should not tell Bernard about his greatest embarrassing moments.
Barbara and Dick scream, just beyond the camera.
The camera pans and the pool is suddenly green and thick, gooping onto Dick and Barbara’s bodies.
Dick pulls himself out of the pool, covered in green slime, and helps Barbara out and onto a pool chair.
“JASON!” Dick shouts, “DAMIAN!”
Jason and Damian, now looking out of a window from the top floor of Wayne Manor grin and both put out their middle fingers.
“YOU TWO ARE SO FUCKING DEAD!” Dick screeches. “MY FUCKING HAIR!”
“Master Richard.” Alfred tuts, shaking his head, “Twenty-five dollars in the swear jar.”
“What– but Alfred–”
“I will take care of Master Jason and Master Damian on my own, thank you very much,” Alfred says. “I trust you’ll put the money in the swear jar and contact the pool cleaners, yes?”
“Yes, sir,” Dick says.
“Good lad.” Alfred nods, turning.