Work Text:
Zhang Hao doesn’t really know how he ended up like this.
When he’s in the practice room, he chases a familiar, handsome smile through the mirror instead of looking at own moves. Early in the mornings, he goes down to the lobby to pick up two warm teas instead of one, even if its hard to press the elevator button to go back up. His evenings turn into hours of texting, even though he’s seen the boy on the other line just a few hours ago.
And even now. Instead of going home and practicing Korean as he’s always spent his nights, he’s waiting underneath a lightpost with anticipation.
He leans against the steel pole and checks his phone again. The message he last sent wasn’t read. His heart drops just a teeny bit, but he figures his emotions have been chaotic for the past few months anyways.
“Hi.”
Zhang Hao snaps back up to see a masked man with a cap. His outfit is plain and comfortable and he looks a college student. One look at the man’s familiar eyes brings a smile to Zhang Hao’s face.
“Why are you late to your own appointment?” Zhang Hao pouts, feeling somewhat sullen. “You didn’t answer your text.”
“Sorry, hyung. I was stuck cleaning the practice room, remember?” Hanbin smiles. Zhang Hao can make out the small whiskers that poke above the rim of his mask. He wants to pull down the mask and trace the groove with his finger, but he can’t risk exposing Hanbin out here.
“Oh that’s right.” Zhang Hao stashes his phone away and holds out his hand. His shadow floats on the concrete underneath them, each finger outstretched against the dim light.
Zhang Hao has only known hard work and struggle to get to where he is now. He’s been buried under work and locked himself in studios to build his skills. He’s never had time to love anyone else—not if he had to make himself someone that fans will love.
And to think in this lifetime, out of all the possibilities, he had someone who would meet him halfway. He’d always imagined one day he might meet someone separate from his career—but never did he think it would be the same person he stands in front of thousands of cameras with.
Their hands curl into a ball underneath the lightpost, and Hanbin tugs them to get Zhang Hao’s attention.
The younger idol takes off his mask, showing the same smile that Zhang Hao can’t get enough of.
“Let’s go, hyung. You need to see the river at night.”
Zhang Hao wants to say the only person he needs to see is Hanbin, but all he does is nod, letting himself be tugged away. As a person driven all of his life, it’s nice to let someone lead the way.
***
The view is gorgeous, true to Hanbin’s words. The city lights sparkle against the surface of the river, creating a mirage of white and neon colors against the water. The current flows gently across the horizon, bringing chilly winds along with it.
Zhang Hao huddles closer to Hanbin, who wraps an arm around his shoulder. They’re close enough where Zhang Hao can hear Hanbin chuckle.
“Hyung, you get cold so easily.”
He has a cheeky smile on his face when Zhang Hao looks at him.
Zhang Hao’s cheeks flame up at the comment. He tears his gaze away from Hanbin and buries his head against the younger’s shoulder.
“Then warm me up.”
“You’re not warm yet, hyung?” He feels a pinch by his cheek. “Even here?”
Zhang Hao perks up from Hanbin’s shoulder. Hanbin’s fingers let go of his cheek and gently caresses it, as if he were massaging the pinch.
“You know your cheeks always look like they’re on fire?” Hanbin giggles. His free arm wraps around Zhang Hao’s waist, bringing him into a small hug. The older wants to put up a fight and tease Hanbin back, but nothing comes to his mind when he’s melting into Hanbin’s arms.
Zhang Hao’s heart is racing again and he wonders if it would cool down for once if he sunk it in the river.
“I’m only red like that around you. I’m not usually like this.”
“So I make you nervous?”
“N-No, just. Warm. You make me feel warm.” Zhang Hao confesses, his face hot.
Hanbin laughs fondly and leans in to press a soft kiss on his forehead. He drops his head against Zhang Hao’s shoulder, burying his nose against the elder’s neck. They sway side to side, like flowers drifting through a spring gust.
“Hao-hyung,” Hanbin says, “Where would you have gone if we didn’t debut?”
Zhang Hao ponders the question. Truly, he would go back to his homeland and pursue more education. Perhaps he’d try to make himself a name as a violinist or a music teacher back home and live comfortably with his family.
“I would go back to China.” Zhang Hao answers, but for some reason, his heart sears at his own words.
Finding Hanbin in the elimination show, finding what it meant to have someone who loves him like Hanbin does—Zhang Hao doesn’t know if he’ll be able to force himself to get on the plane and fly miles away from the boy he fell for. He’s always been a work-first type of person, but Hanbin has completely flipped that on its feet. Somehow, his heart has etched itself a place in Korea, and most worryingly, in Hanbin’s arms. How could he leave?
“But,” Zhang Hao adds on quietly, “It hurts when I think about leaving you.”
Hanbin looks up from his spot on Zhang Hao’s neck, his lips pressed in a concerned frown. They let go, letting the cold air wisp around them.
“So I don’t know what I’d do. Because you’re here, and I don’t want to leave you.”
Zhang Hao is bad with words, but that’s the best he could put his emotions in. He dearly hopes Hanbin understands the emptiness that haunts him from just thinking about going back to the mundane, loveless life he had before.
“That’s exactly how I felt when we were in the finale.” Hanbin clings onto Zhang Hao’s coat sleeve. “I didn’t know what I was going to do if you didn’t make it.”
Zhang Hao feels tears prick his eyes.
“Hyung, I didn't know what I’d do. I didn’t know where I’d go or what I’d do.”
“Hanbin-ah, breathe.” Zhang Hao croaks out. “We debuted. We’re okay.”
“But what about afterwards? What will happen after 2 years?” Hanbin’s voice is full of panic, and Zhang Hao’s heart constricts along with him. He can feel his body spiraling along with Hanbin, but he takes a deep breath.
The wind howls around them, the river thunders along the coastline next to them. It feels like the world is going to crumble all around them.
Debuting was already a huge step, and the thought of actually taking that step is terrifying. Who knows what the future would hold? Who knows what would happen to him, and even more importantly, what would happen to Hanbin? Who knows if they’d be successful or if they’d become left behind in the dust?
Nevertheless, no matter what weather or what situation the future holds, Hanbin is his common denominator—his pillar. Hanbin was the person he tread through the worst and best moments with. The first step was Boys Planet, and the next step they’d climb would be their newfound group. In the shaky future and the glowing past, Hanbin is there.
“Hanbin-ah.” This time, Zhang Hao brings Hanbin into his arms. He presses a soft kiss on Hanbin’s temple.
Zhang Hao is eternally grateful to have met Hanbin. To find someone who warms him up on the coldest of nights, the pillar he can lean on when things tip over, the person who feels just the same longing as he does when they have to part away. To find someone who he can walk through the future with—even if it was foggy and nebulous.
Not every soul gets to meet their other half, yet Zhang Hao was lucky enough to find his. He wouldn’t let go for the world.
“Hanbin-ah, I love you.”
Hanbin says nothing. It’s dead quiet by the river now—as if the winds settled and the water had frozen in place.
“I’m not good with putting things into words, but I love you.” Zhang Hao whispers, yet he feels like he’s as loud as a hurricane. Revealing his raw emotions is terrifying, but if it meant Hanbin would feel better, he’ll learn.
“The future scares me too. Sometimes I feel like I can’t breathe anymore when I think about it.” Zhang Hao brings Hanbin in closer. “But everytime I think about the future and you’re in it, I feel like I can take it on.”
Zhang Hao takes a small breath.
“You make me feel like I can do anything. Many people tell me encouraging things, but you make me feel safe and okay even if everything will fall apart.”
“I’m grateful for choosing to chase my dream and meeting you along the way.” Zhang Hao smiles. He leans in to press another kiss on Hanbin’s earlobe.
“Don’t worry about the future so much when we should think about the time we have left to live our dream.”
Zhang Hao goes quiet, letting the sounds of the river take over. Everything seems back to normal, as if that earlier calamity died down. His own heartbeat feels level again.
“Hyung.” Hanbin lets go of their embrace, and the next few seconds are a blur.
It’s their first kiss of the night, and it’s as raw as Zhang Hao felt when he opened up his heart. Hanbin’s hands cup his cheeks as if Zhang Hao would disappear if he let go. Their kiss is passionate and fiery—as if Hanbin was returning as much of Zhang Hao’s love back as he can. He can't help but smile against Hanbin’s lips.
Being held by the person that he feels the most loved from is the most treasured feeling. Zhang Hao’s heart wants to burst with overwhelming affection—but it’s sealed in their kiss.
They let go after a few moments. Hanbin leans his forehead against Zhang Hao’s. The younger’s long lashes glisten underneath the moonlight.
“God,” Hanbin sighs, and Zhang Hao can feel the warmth of his breath ghost his lips, “I love you so much I might cry.”
Zhang Hao smiles like a stupid idiot. He intertwines their hands together.
Hanbin presses a kiss on his nose. “I love how you’re so calm when things get so scary.”
A kiss on his cheek. “I love your moles and how your cheeks puff up like bread every time you smile.”
A kiss on the corner of his lip. “I love how you always try your best. Whether it's staying up late studying or even just telling me how you feel.”
A kiss on the other corner. “I love you.”
Zhang Hao perks up and plants a kiss square on Hanbin’s lips. I love you too. Thank you for loving me.
“We should go home before we get sick.” Zhang Hao tugs on their intertwined hands. “And before everyone asks where we are.”
Hanbin has a fond smile on his face, and Zhang Hao wishes he could capture it in his memory forever. The younger’s cheeks have those adorable whiskers again, and they’re dusted a clear pink underneath the moonlight.
“Okay.”
They walk back hand-in-hand, their worries flowing somewhere down the river behind them. Perhaps the worst was yet to come, and perhaps the future would crash down on them.
But one look at the boy holding his hand settles the storms in his heart. They would sail through the unpredictable future together.