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Sasuke hears the door open and close quietly, an unusual entrance for his little boy. Menma is typically so riled up after coming home from the academy that he runs through the front door and stuffs his mouth with an after school snack. This action is always accompanied by the sound of him trying to talk through his food about the new ninjutsu he learned at school that day. Sasuke’s figured out that half the time his child is so distracted by what he's talking about that he doesn't even notice what he's putting into his mouth. This is the window of time Sasuke uses to sneak as many vegetables into Menma's food as he can, mixing baby carrots in with the apple slices he lays out on the table, or adding celery sticks to the spread of pita bread and hummus. Sasuke was once renowned by the Sound Village for his manipulative tactics and the mind tricks he could pull on prisoners.
Now, he just feels lucky when he can get his husband and his son to eat anything aside from Ramen.
Said son doesn't even bother coming into the kitchen today. Instead, Sasuke hears him drop his bag near the front door and shuffle directly into his room. Sasuke waits an appropriate amount of time, then pulls the tray of sandwiches he'd laid out earlier from the counter and bags them up for later. He then brews a pot of ginger tea and fills two mugs with the beverage.
He brings them as a peace offering to Menma's room, knocking softly at his son’s door.
"Menma?" he speaks up when the boy doesn't answer his knock. "May I come in?"
No reply, but the door suddenly slides open, allowing for Sasuke to come face-to-face with his very solemn looking eleven-year-old.
"I made you tea," Sasuke says in a hushed voice, offering Menma one of the steaming mugs.
"Thanks," Menma mumbles, taking it from Sasuke’s single hand, but not looking up to meet his father's eyes.
Sasuke doesn't want to prod, but…
"Is… everything okay?"
Menma finally looks up, sees the concern in Sasuke’s expression, and averts his gaze once more. He chews on his bottom lip before finally deciding to respond.
"Yeah, I just–" he turns from his dad and sets the tea on his nightstand. With his back to Sasuke, he finally speaks.
"Does dad ever, um, cry when he's around you?"
Sasuke doesn't try to stop the small laugh that leaves his lips. The sound causes Menma to turn back toward him, brow furrowed in frustration.
"What?" Menma squawks. "What's so funny?"
"Nothing, nothing. It's just–" Sasuke waves his hand in a dismissive gesture. "Your dad cried the other night when he found a dead frog in our yard. He's not what one would call a 'stone cold' shinobi."
This answer only seems to add to Menma's frustration, judging by the scowl now gracing his expression.
"And that doesn't, like, bug you? At all? How weak he is?"
Sasuke has to work very hard to school his expression, trying not to let the shock pool into his eyes and trickle down into his nerves, visibly tightening his shoulders in defense.
"Weak?" he repeats, somewhat cooly. "You think your father is weak?"
Menma looks away, a light blush of embarrassment painting his cheeks. This embarrassment doesn't stop him from trying to justify the statement.
"Today at school, my friends were talking, and–" he shuffles the little feet that he's taken to glaring down at petulantly "- one of them told us about that new ANBU guard's funeral. Y'know, the one that got killed last week?" He pauses again, sucks a quick breath in through his teeth as he finishes.
"Anyway, I guess my friend was the ANBU's second cousin or whatever, so he had to attend the funeral. And he said dad was there, which, obviously, since dad's the Hokage and stuff. Dad went in the Hokage garb and everything, like real official-looking or whatever. And– oh my gosh, papa– he cried."
Sasuke is not getting this. He stares at his son like he's just grown two heads.
"Um… so?"
"So? It's embarrassing, papa! He full-on cried in front of all those people and he's supposed to be the Hokage!"
Fear begins to settle in Sasuke's gut.
"Menma, your father sent one of his guards out on a mission, a decision he made as Hokage, and that guard was killed. In your father's eyes, that blood is on his hands. You don’t think that warrants an emotional response?"
Menma doesn't answer. He stares down at his feet and shrugs his shoulders, like he's not sure how he's supposed to respond to the question.
"Menma," Sasuke tries again, crouching down to meet his son's eyes, "who taught you it's weak to cry?"
Menma's face scrunches up, the confusion settling back into his expression when he finally meets his father's steady gaze.
"Papa…" he says quietly, like he's scared to admit to what he's about to say.
"You."
Sasuke's heart breaks.
He steps back from his son, trying to breathe through the punch his son's words have rammed into his gut. All these years, all this time he's spent trying to unlearn his own conditioning, yet here he is, still failing at being a good man. A good father.
"Menma, listen to me," Sasuke tries, begs his son with his eyes to hear him. Menma seems to be trying, wide eyes staring up at his dad in poorly-masked fear. "Your father is the strongest man I have ever met. He's the strongest man I know. If you're to emulate either of us, it should be him."
Menma appears to be mulling over some internal struggle, his eyes flitting over Sasuke's face for some sort of affirmation that he's not drawing the wrong conclusion.
Use your words, son, Sasuke thinks with frenzied desperation. Come on. Use your words.
"But… my friends, the town. They talk to you differently than they talk to dad. They respect you. You should hear the way my friends talk about you, the stories their parents have told them. Stories you haven't even told me! Everyone in this village knows how strong you are!"
Sasuke takes a deep breath. He understands now, understands the misconception his son is under, a misconception that is partially Sasuke and Naruto’s fault. All this time they've tried to shield Menma from the past, let him grow up a happy, healthy child without the weight of his parents' past mistakes altering the course of his path.
Apparently, they had not taken into account the fact that this village reeks of these past mistakes.
"You think this village looks at me like that because they respect me?"
Menma's silence is answer enough.
"You think they look at me with reverence? Talk about me because they're impressed with my strength? That they're in awe of the battles I've won?"
More silence.
"Menma, this village does not respect me. Your friends, their parents, they fear me."
Menma's head snaps up, his eyes wide as he stares at his father like he's seeing him for the first time. Sasuke takes a deep breath, then continues on with the conversation he should have had with his little boy years ago.
"The people of this village watch me pass, keep their eyes on me when we walk through the streets, because they don't trust the steps I take. There is no pride to be taken in being feared; remember that, if nothing else."
Menma tries to avert his eyes in shame, but Sasuke doesn't let him. He reaches out to cradle his son's cheek with his fingers, uses his thumb to guide Menma's face back toward his own. When he knows he has Menma's full attention, he finishes.
"But your father– your father is respected by almost everyone in this village. More than this, he is loved."
Sasuke can see tears of shame welling up in his son's eyes now. He releases the hold he has on the boy's cheek so that he might freely wipe away his tears.
Menma doesn't take the out. Bravely, he stares up into his father's eyes as the first tear rolls down his cheek.
"I'm sorry if I ever taught you that expressing your emotions is a vital sign of weakness. I never intended to raise you that way." Sasuke looks down at his crying son; his beautiful, strong child. The only thing Sasuke had hoped to not mess up, to leave behind in this world with the thought that he'd done more good than harm. Menma is Sasuke’s greatest legacy, the only thing he's created of himself that is not a mistake.
He will not fail this child.
"There is no shame in showing your feelings. There is no shame in shedding tears. You have every right to feel pain and joy and sorrow, no matter the time or magnitude at which these feelings emerge."
Menma closes his eyes and nods, more tears dripping down his already stained cheeks. Sasuke doesn't think twice about reaching forward to pull his son in by his shoulders. He hugs him close to his chest as he whispers:
"I love you, Menma. I'm so sorry I've failed you in this, but I'll try to be better. I hope I've at least been transparent in my love for you, even if I haven't been with my other emotions."
Menma nods into his father's chest, and he answers through the little hiccups bubbling up into his cries.
"You have, papa. I know you love me."
"Good," Sasuke sighs into the crown of his child's head. "Good, because I love you. I love you so much, Menma." He holds his son as tight as he can, pressing the affectionate words into thick, black hair.
"I love you more than I know how to express."
***
Six weeks later, Sasuke is late returning from a mission.
Three days late.
Menma watches his father send letter after letter from the kitchen dining room table. He watches him pace the living room, back and forth, back and forth, all through the night. Naruto paces and mumbles and tugs at his blond hair so hard that Menma fears his dad's going to rip the hair right out of his skull.
When Sasuke finally does return, Naruto senses his husband's chakra from miles away. He and Menma race to the gates of Konoha to meet a bedraggled and tired Sasuke. Sasuke doesn't explain his absence, the small family knows there's plenty enough time for that later. Instead, he lets Naruto envelope him in his arms and hold him so tight that Menma wonders if his papa can even breathe.
And then–
"I was so worried," Naruto begins to cry, burying his face in his husband's hair. Large, wet tears roll down his cheeks and he appears to have no qualms with his child seeing them. Menma watches in awe as his father cradles Papa's head with a bandaged hand, the other reaching up to stroke his cheeks, his lips, the shape of nose, like he's trying to remind himself of what Sasuke looks like, feels like. The relief in Naruto’s body seeps into the way he holds his husband, cries into their embrace. Sasuke pulls back to kiss the tears away, cupping Naruto’s cheek to ground him, to remind him that I'm here and I'm warm and I'm still alive.
And–
"I love you," Naruto chokes, pulling Sasuke back in to kiss his forehead. "Fuck, I love you."
Naruto pulls back slightly and turns his tear-stained face toward their son. He beckons Menma over with a little nod and Menma doesn't hesitate to run over and squeeze himself in between the two men. They both kneel down to hold him and he presses his face against Papa's neck, letting tears fall freely into Sasuke’s skin.
"Papa–" he tries, but chokes on the words as sobs of relief wrack his frame.
"Shh," Sasuke hushes. He presses a kiss against the side of Menma's temple and the kiss feels… wet?
Crying, Menma thinks, momentarily stunned.
His Papa is crying.
"Shh," Sasuke whispers again. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I hope I never scare you like that again."
This is fear, Menma thinks quietly. This is nothing compared to the way the villagers look at you. They don't know fear. They don't know you.
"I love you," Sasuke kisses Menma's forehead with wet lips. "I love you. I'll always love you."
Menma lets his parents hold him as the panic in his heart ebs to pain, then pain to fatigue. His body feels weak and he eventually slumps back into Naruto’s chest.
Naruto carries him home after everything has settled, and Menma finds solace in the rigidity of his father's shoulders and the strength of his tears.