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I took my love, took it down
I climbed a mountain and I turned around
And I saw my reflection in the snow-covered hills
'Til the landslide brought me down
The Monarch of the Dream SMP was used to not sleeping well, nightmares tormenting them during their slumber to follow the flashes of horrible visions during their day. The terrors would put on a show of various memories they feel terrible about, giving a play by play of the scenes that haunted their mind. Act by act and scene by scene of the recollections they would trade their soul to undo, blood spilling across an imaginary stage tormenting them of what their actions caused.
Tonight was different though, tonight their nightmare wore their own face, adorned in their outfit of older times with much shorter chestnut curls. Tones of royal blues, rose red and buttercup yellow were painfully nostalgic upon their slender form, standing below where the Ruler was perched upon their throne. Their past self was clear of the scars now carved deep into the skin of the regal being, less worry wrinkles across their brow and more laugh lines in the corners of their moon-white eyes. Neither of them wore their protective shades, pearlescent gazes meeting one another while the white planet rose above, half crescent providing gentle light.
Wearing a crown paid for by the life essence of once dear friends, the other Eret stood with a pained expression, silence growing in this nighttime vision before their own deep voice spoke.
“Why are you here?” Monarch Eret ground out, staring at this alternate version of them and desperately missing what they traded away.
“As a reminder of what you gave away.” L’Manburg Eret responded calmly, the opposite of the sorrow-filled tone of who sat upon a golden throne that was merely an illusion of the control they were promised. “Do you miss how you felt while you wore this uniform?”
“I-”
“You don’t need to answer, I am you, I know you do. You miss when the kids of the server would look at you with admiration while you taught them how to fight. Chasing butterflies around the training field and laughing while you tried to regain their attention. The warmth that came from teaching the next generation how to protect themselves.”
Tommy and Tubbo’s faces come to mind as they speak, joy painted across both their youthful faces, blonde hair wild in the cool afternoon air. Wilbur watched from a distance with a wee redhead Fundy, a toddler who still used sticks but proudly held them like the swords Tommy and Tubbo practised with.
Between the two older brunettes, they did their best to care for the small world they carved out, independence a very tenuous prospect. Running outings during the mornings for supplies, afternoons for instruction and evenings huddled around a campfire making plans, Eret was busy but happy. Each day was similar in fashion, they believed in Wilbur’s cause with their whole heart.
These two blondes teenagers that trusted them were precious, determined and willing to fight the world for the ideals Wilbur crooned. Eret saw in every move how weighted Wilbur felt with the responsibility he wore in his bowed shoulders and the dark bags beneath his chocolate-filled eyes. With the way the curly brunette observed their training with careful eyes, casting regretful looks at how his energetic son wanted to join.
They knew Wilbur worried how this would all play out, his preference of words over sharp edges to prove their point a new concept to all who walked this world.
Eret remembers how much they admired all who placed their goodwill in him, how it felt to be so loved and adored by those they could trust.
“All of them were so happy and free then, sure we were worried about what was to come but their happiness melted it all away.”
“You miss the sound of their laughter upon the breeze, the kindest symphony that would fill your heart with hope.”
Tommy’s obnoxious laugh echoes through their thoughts, the tiniest smile flickering across the royal soul’s face. Remembering how Tubbo’s blue eyes lit up while he chuckled, Fundy’s childlike glee. Wilbur’s sonorous giggling at the antics of the children around them, watching them all with love spilling from those liquid depths his eyes told a thousand stories of.
“With every ounce of my soul.”
“After long days of swinging swords when you would sit at Wilbur’s side, holding the only map you had the supplies to make. Plotting your next direction with their safety at the forefront of your mind, highlighting parts of the map while discussing future moves.”
“Prime, that map ended up so tattered, I had to frame it before I could put it up in the Royal Archives. A few parts of the sheet disintegrated before I could properly preserve it.”
Oh, mirror in the sky
What is love?
Can the child within my heart rise above?
Can I sail through the changin' ocean tides?
Can I handle the seasons of my life?
Hmm-hmm, hmm-hmm
“The bright way the sunlight shone through those thin fabric walls of the tents you pitched, the only shelter you could provide while you settled into your new position on this world.” L’Manburg Eret’s face wore a look of fond remembrance, the way the warm sun rays felt dancing across their eyelids to wake them each morning.
Tommy and Tubbo roll from their own tent to wake the adults, loudly demanding food while roughhousing in the space between the tents. Their screams as they played, Wilbur’s tired voice telling them to keep it down with a fondness entwined throughout his exhausted tones. Fundy’s excited screeches while the camp comes awake, cooking pans clanging together while the adults spark a fire from the warm ashes of last night’s fire.
Eret clambering from his own tent to see the messy hair of children, nudging Wilbur out of the way to cook them all breakfast. Tommy and Tubbo talking about what they wanted to do with the day while Wilbur dressed his child, chasing Fundy around after he escaped trying to brush those long red tresses.
Eret makes a note to do a round of hair cuts on everyone, they weren’t perfect but they were the best one for the job. They could probably bribe the kids to sit still with some candy, Wil complained how much the other brunette spoiled them but the smiles they gave were all the payment they ever needed.
“You feel the loss of those calm nights around a roaring fire, one by one your closest friends falling asleep to the peaceful sound of crickets. The hoots of owls in the distance, offering their wisdom under those sparkling stars, glimmering gold in the cosmos above.”
The Monarch’s hands clenched upon the cold chair they sat upon, grief threatening to choke them with their faces flashing by, peaceful while they trusted him in their most vulnerable state.
“Like a hole I could drown in, the night was the only quiet we ever had and I always took the first watch. Telling stories until they all slumbered, staying awake for a few hours watching the stars and guarding their hearts.”
Well, I've been afraid of changin'
'Cause I've built my life around you
But time makes you bolder
Even children get older
And I'm getting older too
“How quiet it was in the dead of night you could swear the land would whisper its secrets into your ears, long lost knowledge being sung by the breeze of things you barely understood.” That Eret stood proudly, spilling thoughts only they knew while the Ruler hunched over as their stomach turned. “When the forests you walked felt more at home than the close civilization of the rest of the world, this pocket of nature you carved out a sanctuary for those dear.”
“L’Mantree…” Eret’s mind is filled with that tall oak that was one of the longest remaining symbols of a bygone nation, burned in anger of what those ideals warped too.
“The grass brushing across bare skin while you laid on your back, making wishes upon stars with the children who loved you.”
The starlight was something Eret clung too, knowing in some far off world the Gods kept watch over the creations they built. Every wish contained a prayer for good things to those around them, a young soul just hoping they made the right choice with Wilbur. Until their focus shifted to the conflicts they found themselves in day after day, the bloodthirst roared higher as war threatened once more with every set of regulations negotiated with the rest of the Dream SMP.
The stars became a witness to a deal made under the darkest of night, when the covered moon crossed the sky in hopes peace once more would fall upon them. Emerald eyes flashing in the torchlight they held, reaching out to shake the hand of the manipulator who held all their puppet strings.
The forest became their comfort when they walked back, already feeling some anxiety over what they just agreed too. Their heart felt split in half or perhaps even more pieces than that, five to be exact, with the conflict that burned it to ashes seeing the faces of those they had sworn to protect.
Eret was so tired of patching up youthful skin, watching Tommy and Tubbo throw themselves into fight after fight with the battlecry Wilbur started upon their cracking voices. A tiny Fundy becoming a warrior far too young to be holding the blade he now did in defence of himself. The peaceful being wondered when it would be too much, how much blood would have to soak the ground before one side saw the reason the other held.
“The thrill that ran through your veins of whether you were being followed, by friend or foe. The leaves crunching beneath your black boots while you ran from the decision you just made, the amount of blocks not mattering while that choice haunted your footsteps, racing after you with ruthless jaws.”
The Ruler slid from their throne, circlet clattering upon the wooden floor and gold-gilded emerald earring smacking against their neck, kneeling before the form of their regrets who condemned what happened that they could not change. Rose red cape pulling around their front while they bowed to the one speaking painful truths. Decisions made long before they realised the extent of the consequences, handing their allies over to the ‘justice’ Dream and his friends had planned.
Well, I've been afraid of changin'
'Cause I've built my life around you
But time makes you bolder
Even children get older
And I'm getting older too
Oh, I'm getting older too
“You miss the shovel you held, digging that pit deep into the earth that would become the location your allies died in, the ones who trusted you with their lives.” L’Manburg’s Eret iteration taunted, pulling out the very tool they referenced, glimmering with enchantments.
The handle was extra long, Wilbur and themself were of similar heights and they needed the length so their back didn’t hurt while using it. Eret feels tears similar to the ones that cut through the soil upon their face while they laboured, digging the place their friends would come to be executed. Hoping to Prime, Herobrine, the Death Goddess; anyone who would listen to this is the choice that will finally lead to harmony between all factions.
The long hours working gathering the blackstone that surrounded the Final Control, fighting through bastions, slaying several piglins while they gathered the material they wanted for this room.
“You remember those long nights, deep in the cold embrace of this world’s soil, pacing around wondering if this was the best choice. Thinking if there was any way to change your mind before Dream whispered promises this was the best solution for all. Dangling the crown he vowed would be upon your brow for the betrayal of your dearest allies, speaking of more power than you ever had for the price of a few souls.”
“Souls that were not mine to bargain with.”
“They weren’t, they never were.” The uniform wearing brunette with shorter curly hair replied, leaning down to meet the Ruler’s eyes where they kneeled. “But yet you went ahead anyway, allowing them to slit the throats of those you swore to protect.”
The anger rushed through their body at the one in front of them, a mirror image of their regrets personified. Feeling the stickiness of imaginary blood where it coated their fingertips, kneeling in the same room their friends did for a long time after Dream and company left. The clotted essence no longer pumps through the hearts of ones with youthful bones, the next generation losing a piece of their soul in that deep pit of death.
“SHUT UP!” The Ruler roared, pulling themself to their full height and shoving their clone back. Tears drip down their prominent cheekbones, dripping onto the white button-up shirt they wore. “You speak as if you know me but I do not need you judging faults I already feel terrible for!”
Oh-oh, take my love, take it down
Oh-oh, climb a mountain and turn around
And if you see my reflection in the snow-covered hills
Well, the landslide bring it down
“I do know you, I am you. ” They hissed back, pushing them back onto their throne with a heavy thud as the Ruler grunted at the impact, hissing at being muscled around. “I know your pain, your regrets, I see the red blood running down the pale throats of your friends you promised to keep safe.”
The Monarch ground their teeth together, glaring through blurry eyes while their mind painted the scene that echoed through their thoughts constantly. Of the blackstone beneath four cooling bodies turning a darker black with the crimson spilled from spiteful blades. Of the blank blue eyes of the kids they should have saved, eyes to souls expired before the Death Goddess brought them home to ready them for their second chances. Of Wilbur cradling his dead son, a harsh slice through his tanned flesh painting the floor beneath him with a pool of regrets.
Eret remembers coming home to throw the crown they won against the stone walls of their castle, a kingship in barely more than a title while the one who manipulated them into that position forced their hand for decisions. The shattering of gems and the bent golden metal when they picked it up, collapsing to the cold floor while they sobbed.
The echoing of sorrow a mocking melody while they mourned what they chose to give up for the sake of power. Letting their hair grow out only for it to be a handle for Dream to use while he threw them around. A way for him to hold the Ruler’s head in place while they felt the bite of his netherite axe promising pain if Eret did not follow direction.
Comparing the joy of when they stood safe in L’Manburg’s walls surrounded by allies they respected to being a figurehead for Dream to force around was a trade they wished they could undo with every molecule in their body.
“I know your sadness.” For the first time, their L’Manburg personification sounded sympathetic. “I understand how it feels to see their bodies upon the floor, holding hands while they bled out and family embracing each other in their last moments. I can see the regrets you wear on each part of the crown you paid crimson life for, weighing down your brow like stones upon the water’s bottom.”
“Why are you here?” The Ruler asked, looking up at those moon eyes where they crinkled up, a small smile, the first positive expression their other self wore.
“To tell you to forgive yourself.”
“How can I? You just listed all the reasons why I cannot, I am a damned King who sinned by using their subject’s souls as payment for a false peace.”
“It’s in the past now, as many have told you, there is nothing you can do to change the facts of what lies in your history.” Suddenly, their deep voice shifted to echo one of thousands, iridescent pearl eyes glaring the brightest shine of the sun’s reflection on the darkest night.
“Who…are you?” Eret’s voice grew quiet, the presence in front of them overwhelming with the peace it shared.
“A being who has watched you for a very long time, my heart aches seeing the pain you internalised, the well you pour more into even though it overflows across every moment of your life.” Their other self morphs to become more ethereal, chestnut curls spilling down to their shoulders and their posture straightens. Clothes shifting to a long gown of shimmering white, silver chains glittering across the bodice. Their black hat changes to a crown worn proudly, upon each point a clean diamond. “You must let go of the pain to begin to heal, my child.”
“How?”
“Forgive yourself.”
“You make it so simple.” The Ruler protests before the elegant one pulls them in for an embrace.
“It is. You learned and grew from the choices you made, becoming this kind but fair Monarch who cares for every soul they feel affection for. You will go any length for those in your heart, you have to release that agony that torments you for you to bloom into your best self.”
Eret mulls over the words they speak, pondering how to proceed. “Where do I go from here?”
The other one chuckles, pulling back to meet gazes once more. “Anywhere you want too, you are free and strong. If I may suggest a first step though, I don’t want to overstep if you wish to find it yourself.”
“Some guidance would be appreciated.” Eret speaks, settling back on their throne waiting for this otherworldly being to suggest a path forward, ready to beg for direction if needed.
“Go talk to those whose faces the nightmares wear as a mask. I can offer some insight in stating the only one keeping the distance now is you. Ask for forgiveness from those you wronged the most, in those actions you might find rekindled friendships. Through those you may find more allies than you ever had, more people in this realm care for you than you may realise. Stop rotting in this castle surrounded by thorns and let the years wither the decaying blooms away, grow a new garden with the new friends you find.”
After a few more comments are exchanged, Eret relaxed upon the throne feeling the void of slumber climbing forward to claim them with a certain two young men at the forefront of their mind. The blankness envelops them like a lovely hug happens the moment they feel the presence in front of them fade, falling into the first dreamless sleep in years. It would take a very long time until Eret felt harmony with the choices they made, but with the encouragement of whomever came to visit them, they were ready to try.
First? Tommy and Tubbo. Then? Wherever their feet may lead them. Finally the shackles of regret fell free, ready to let them find hope once more.
And if you see my reflection in the snow-covered hills
Well, the landslide will bring it down
Oh-ohh, the landslide bring it down