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Since he was little Evan knew that the Buckley household was not like his classmates' homes. He could see how their parents treated his friends when they came to pick them up. Fathers would hug their daughters and spin them around, moms would look at their sons with so much love in their eyes that Evan would feel like he was drowning in it. His parents weren't like that. He came home everyday and they never didn't even ask him about his day. But that was alright because he had Maddie and if he had his big sister by his side he knew he could do everything and ger everywhere. He was sure Maddie would be there for him. It didn't matter if it was just a common cold or a scraped knee. Maddie was the one that taught him how to tie his shoelaces, the one that made him mac and cheese when he was hungry, the one that sang to him when he couldn't sleep.
Maybe Maddie wasn't always at home like that time he was going to be late for school and he didn't realized he put on his shoes wrong until his mom told him not to be always so thoughtless in that disappointed tone of voice that made him want to hide and not come out ever again. That only happened because Maddie had left the night before to go on a school trip. She would be back in two days. He could survive a couple of days in the house without her. He wasn't a baby anymore. He could do it. He had to do it. He didn't have a choice anyway.
His parents didn't love having him around and thought he was stupid. So what? He had the best sister in the world so he could do it. Evan could become something and in doing so he would prove his parents that he was not useless, he was worth having around. But until then he had Maddie to keep him safe nad to love him.
1
Buck is thirteen now and knows he was a little bit naive thinking that Maddie would stay by his side always. She had his own life and his own boyfriend now. It makes sense that she doesn't want to spend all of her time taking care of her little brother anymore.
The air in the Buckley house felt more miserable than ever. Maddie has been gone for six months but it feels like forever. His mom didn't came out of her room for two weeks after Maddie left. Evan wanted to do something to make things better because he felt like he was suffocating in the sadness of his parents that seemed to grow everyday Maddie wasn't there. So he decided to make his parents breakfast so they wouldn't have to, but he made a mess of the kitchen and his dad got up before he could clean up. He didn't yell when he saw the mess he just walked out. He thought he was out of the woods but then his mom came and told him he was inconsiderate that he was always creating problems and that the responsibility to clean the mess fell on her and his dad. She told him that he made life more difficult than it had to be. She didn't yell either. She cried and sometimes raised her voice but it seemed that she didn't have enough energy to full on scream. Evan didn't know if he should have grateful or not. She then left the room just like his father did.
He then started to clean the mess he had made. When he went to grab the pan, however, he didn't realized it was still hot so he burned part of his hand. He was about to call out to Maddie when he remembered she wasn't there. He took a deep breath and went to her room and took the first aid kit from her desk drawers where she always put it. He could do it. It wasn't the first time he had burn himself but it was the first time she wasn't there to take care of him. Still he had seen her do it so he could treat it himself. He covered the burn in cream and bandage it just like her sister always did. And he did it without asking his parents for help. He didn't want to annoy them anymore. Since Maddie's left all they did when he was hurt was called him reckless and he'd enough of that already.
He returned to the kitchen put on some gloves to not wet the bandages and got back to work and if he cried a little bit while he was doing the dishes it didn't matter because no one was there to see it.
So he had learned his lesson. Now his parents and him avoid each other most of the time. He doesn't try to do anything nice and tries not to make messes.
He spends most of his time in his room because his parents sadness doesn't reach his private space. However today he is sitting in the living room now because he got tired of being cooped up in his room all the time. So here he is now doing his homework outside of his room taking advantage of the fact that his parents are out for dinner.
He is trying to do his math homework, key word trying. He doesn't really understand but he needs to do it if he wants to pass his next exam. He feels a little sleepy but nothing too bad that he can't continue. Or so he thought because one moment he is looking at maths operations while the sun is still out and the next he is waking in the dark to the sound of the front door open and closing. His parents are home. SHIT.
He gathers his things quickly and heads to the stairs but on the way he knocks over the coffe table and the flower vase that was on top of it. It was impossible that his parents hadn't heard that. His guess proves correct when his parents come running through the living room entry. They turn on the lights to see what had happened and they cross eyes with Evan. Time stops for a minute. The calm before the storm he thinks internally. Evan braces himself for whatever is going to come next.
"Evan" his mom says with a disappointed tone in her voice. “ That was and expensive vase, my mother gave it to me. You have to be more careful. You can't go around living in the clouds"
" I'm careful" Evan raised his voice because he was tired of living in a haunted house, frustrated that he couldn't even finished his homework and lonely because he missed his big sister. “ You just see when I make mistakes, you are blind to all the goods things I do. And I try mom you just don't want to see" He was so angry he was almost yelling.
”Don't talk to your mother like that” his father chastises him.
“ Don't be so sensitive, Evan. You're just being stupid"
"I'M NOT STUPID" this time he yelled. He had enough so he went to his room as fast as he could and closed the door.
He is angry at his parents. He is also angry at Maddie for leaving. And he knows that is not fair. Her big sister did what he would have done if he could. He hopes that going away was worth it. He wants Maddie to be happy with Doug and his nursing studies. But Evan doubts it. He never liked Doug for Maddie but nothing could be worse than this house. Right?
But most of all he is absolutely terrified because he doesn't know if he can do it without his sister by his side. He can't see himself reaching 18 in this house alone. He is scared because no matter how hard he tries everytime he thinks about turning 18 he sees black and he isn't so sad about it.
2
Turns out that he made it to 18. In fact today is twentieth birthday. He did it. He did what he thought was impossible.
He is in Maddie's Jeep. His Jeep now he guesses. He bought a cupcake and a candle at a little grocery store by the side of the road. He wasn't ready to make a wish and light the candle though. Not yet at least. He was just staring at the sweet treat doing nothing.
When Maddie accepted to leave Doug and come with him he felt relieved. He felt hopeful for the first time in what felt like decades. But then she gave him the keys to the Jeep and returned to her husband. He's infinitely grateful to Maddie because she gave him the means to finally get out of the Buckley household. That doesn't mean that he doesn't miss her like a litle kid misses her mother, but he has done it before. He thinks he can do it again even if he's not one hundred percent sure about it.
He thought he would feel free and good one he left his childhood home but he just feel hollow.
He just quit his first job. He feels like a failure. The job wasn't half bad and his co-workers were decent but by the end he had been feeling restless like he was going nowhere, so he worked just enough to have a little bit more of money. Enough to get by for three months more or less. When he had enough money he talked with his supervisor to inform him about his decision. Immediately after that he got in his car. He didn't even know where he would go next. He had money saved to survive for a while but it was nearly enough to live comfortably. Even the three months that he could go by had to be budgeted.
That was a week ago. Now he is in the middle of nowhere not knowing where he is heading. Holding a cupcake and a candle that was two dollars too expensive. He is a little bit loss and a lot hopeless to say the least. He couldn't really see himself making it far.
When he went to light the candle he realized he had forgotten to buy a lighter. So he make his wish to an unlit candle. “ I wish I make it to 30 ." He really hope that the Universe had heard him and was feeling particularly generous.
3
He likes Peru but being in a foreign country with a language that isn't his first brings about a particular kind of loneliness that he had never felt before. The people are really nice but he hasn't been able to make any friends. It isn't like he had any friends before but the barrier language adds another layer of difficulty. It isn't like he doesn't know any Spanish. When he arrived he could barely get by with his high school knowledge. He couldn't really speak it or understand the locals when they spoke fast or said longer sentences. But he had been in Peru for a year now and his Spanish has improve so much. More than half of his roommates spoke Spanish as their first language and some of them knew only basic English. So he learned and he now understands 95 % of what the locals say and can make conversation with them. But that's on a good day, there are some days like today when his brain just refuses to understand any language other than his native English, when he feels like he is not really there when people talk to him a he can't even come up with a simple frase to respond. Today when he went to the market he forgot how to say thank you, so when the vendor gave him what he had bought he tried to thank him but he just couldn't get it out. The woman didn't seem really bothered about it. She told him the price with a sympathetic smile but he didn't understand if he had to give her sixty or seventy pesos. So he just gave her a hundred pesos and left quickly.
He felt so embarrassed because he knew how to say those things he knew how they sounded. He knew that sesenta was sixty and that setenta was seventy. He knows that thank you is gracias. His Spanish is nowhere near perfect and it is heavenly accented. He speaks slowly to avoid making mistakes, but he is proud of what he has learned and how far he has come. Therefore today felt like a punch to the gut. And logically he knows that everyone forgets a word or more even in their native language. Hell, this morning he forgot how to say lightbulb when Connor asked if he needed something from the hardware store. But it's different and it makes him feel dumb when it happens in Spanish.
So here he is now, in his little room in a house full of men in his early twenties that he couldn't really befriend and with an overworked brain that complains every single time there's a noise on the other side of his door. He doesn't really want to talk to anyone in any language. He isn't even sure he would enjoy company right now.
To be honest the only voice he wants to hear is Maddie's. She used to sing him to sleep when he was little and his brain wouldn't give him a rest. That's what he needs right now to turn off his brain a little bit. He reaches to his bedside table, an old thing that belonged to the person that lived there before him, and grabs his headphones. He listens to instrumental music hoping to drown out his thoughts. It doesn't work. He finally falls asleep two hours later trying to see himself being happy here in the future and failing completely.
4
He really thought he had found the place where he would spend the rest of his life and the people who would be there for him no matter what. A place that became even better with Maddie's return and Eddie's arrival to L.A. He got back his sister and made his first best friend ever and maybe it was a little bit childish and naive but he really thought things could only get better. Maybe he was wrong and should have learned by now not to get his hopes up.
Buck is on his bed after his first shift back after the mess that was the lawsuit. Everyone was cold and dismissive. It hurt. At least Hen was kind and understanding as always. He is so grateful for her. She became like a big sister to him. She was different than Maddie who had to raise him until he was twelve and had a more maternal role. Hen teases him and treats like the annoying little brother that she never had. But she never treats him like am actual nuisance. She helped keep him afloat at work today. Every time he felt like walking out of the door and coming back to the loft he remembered that at least one person wanted him there and that person was one the smartest and most intelligent people he has ever met.
The other reason that kept him going was the fact that he had fought tooth and nail to get back to work and to his family. Though it seems he lost part of the last one. Today at work reminded him a little to his parents' house in Pennsylvania the long silences, the disregard and the maddening feeling of being an intruder in his own house. The difference is that his parents' house never felt like home but the fire station did. Bobby made it a home when he thought him to cook safely without burning himself, Chimney made it a home when he made a joke after a tough call making everyone feel a little less heavy, Hen made it a home everytime she ordered a cake from his guy to welcome somebody to the 118 and Eddie made it a home just be being himself, just by being his partner.
If Buck was being honest with himself anywhere that had Eddie or Christopher in it felt like the home he never had. But he hasn't seen Chris in a while and he misses him like a limb and it is a little harder to keep swimming if you're missing one of those. He would love to be able go to the Diaz house and help Chris with his homework and talk about space and making him mac and cheese . But he can't, so he stays in bed staring at his ceiling because he knows he doesn't have the energy to prepare himself a meal. God he's so pathetic, no wonder he always finds himself in the same situation. Fucking everything up.
Also he finds himself trying to fill the hole left by Eddie's absence. He has tried working out more, cleaning the station from top to bottom, going on Wikipedia to research everything that even seem a little bit interesting but nothing works. When he is at the gym he wants Eddie as his spotter, when he is cleaning he turns his head to talk to him to find him missing, when he finds something fascinating on the internet he opens his conversation to send the interesting fact to Eddie. Bottom line he misses his friend. He misses having someone to laugh with, to pass the time with, to be himself with. He had found something he never had before and he lost it trying to get it back. They had created a safe place where they could be themselves and that was hard to come by and even harder to build. But then again maybe he hadn't found his place after all and he was just living in borrowed time.
God. He was getting tired of this feeling of not knowing what came next, of doubting if he could keep going. He was fucking exhaust he just wanted the world to stop for a while so he could breath and gather the strength to put one foot in front of the other, but the Universe didn't work like that so he better suck it up, sleep and get himself ready for his next shift. None of this was easy but what other choice did he have?
5
He felt like he was thirteen again and he hate it. Maddie had left again and he can't really be mad at her. She is sick and she can't get get better here in L.A. This time she isn't with Doug and she has a family to come back to. She has a home to come back to. Buck really hopes that is enough.
He knows she is strong, she survived Doug so she can survive everything. There is this sense of dread however that he can shake of. Some of it probably has to do with how he left things with Chimney. He didn't want to keep Maddie's secrets when they were wrecking havoc inside of his friend, but he also didn't want to betray his sister's trust. He understands why Chimney is mad at him because he doesn't know what he would do if someone keeps something like that from him. He can't imagine what he would do if someone kept Eddie's whereabouts from him. But it wouldn't be the same. right? Eddie is not his boyfriend and Christopher is not his son. But he wants to be that for them. He wants to be an undeniable parts of their life. He longs for a life where he isn't terrified about Eddie leaving the 118 and therefore leaving him.
He knows that when Eddie left the 118 he didn't have the intention to cut off Buck and he hasn't. The thing is that they don't see each other as much and he doesn't really know where he stands in Christopher and Eddie's life. He doesn't think there is a “your dad best friend (probably) that sometimes takes care of you including the times when he goes out on dates even though he wants to the be one on the date" shaped hole to fill in the Diaz household. And wasn't that a revelation to have after the shooting and taking care of Eddie until he could take of himself again. There was something about the nights spent besides Eddie's bed the first few weeks after he came home. The weeks when he was terrified of losing sight of his best friend, of not hearing him snore through the night and move while he slept. He sometimes woke up after a nightmare and the only thing that could calm him down were his fingers on Eddie's pulse. He thinks he realized around the last few days of the first week when he was sleeping on an uncomfortable inflatable mattress practically on the flloor and thought that he wouldn't want to be anywhere that didn't have Eddie in it. It was an incredible revelation but not really a surprising one. These feelings he had for Eddie weren't new, he just didn't know to recognize them. This was in part because the love he felt for Eddie was like no other he had felt before. With him Eddie felt safe like he was wrap in a blanket in a chilly day. Eddie was his safe haven while his other relationships were a whirlwind of emotion and passion that left him wrong footed and asking himself what had he done wrong.
Now Eddie is not with the 118 anymore and he doesn't really know what to do with that. He doesn't know if he is allowed to continue going to Eddie's house knowing what he knows now. Eddie's is straight. Buck thinks. Although he hasn't ever thought Eddie as particularly interested in romance. The only person that Buck thinks Eddie has being in love with is Shannon even if their relationship was complicated. He doesn't even think he was in love with Ana the little time they were together. And Buck sometimes feels that Eddie's warm gaze on him carries a meaning that is not entirely platonic. But that just wishful thinking on Buck's part. If Buck late at night indulges in the possibility of Eddie being in love with him and imagines that he is in his arm to be able to fall asleep when nothing else works that is his business.
He is in the loft with his keys in hand. The ring that also has the one that opens Eddie's front door. He isn't completely sure he will be welcome. He isn't even sure if Eddie is home but he can't stay a minute longer in the loft. He needs to get out and leave behind the feeling of drowning that he knows like an old and annoying acquaintance.
He opens his door, goes down the stairs instead of taking the elevator to let out some of his nervous energy and gets into his Jeep. He starts the car but doesn't know if he will chicken out before he arrives. He hopes not. He hopes that he makes it home even if he is not that hopeful that he will.
+1
He is in his loft with Eddie. He has a strong suspicion that he is supposed to distract Buck and the take him to his "surprise" party when everything is ready. He appreciates the calm that is time spent with Eddie. Even more before the chaos that will surely be the party. He knows he'll love it because it was organized by his family and Bobby will surely be cooking.
“Are you even listening to me? " Eddie asks trying to sound annoyed but an amused smile curving his lips betrays him.
“I'm thinking what food Bobby made for the party" Buck asks.
"What party?" Eddie ask innocently.
“ My birthday party"
"Today is your birthday?" Eddie asks trying to act surprised but missing by a mile
"Yeah" It's Buck's turn to sound amused .
"How did you know?" Eddie asks giving up pretending to be shocked.
"Well" Buck makes a show of thinking hard about it as if the 118 crew and family weren't the most obvious people he knows. " I heard Hen ordering a cake with his guy, Bobby kept asking me all week if I had wanted to eat something especial lately repeatedly, Maddie made sure I didn't have anything planned for today, I found a draft of a birthday banner in Chris' history notebook while I was checking over his homework, Chim avoided me all week. And don't forget that you put " Buck's surprise birthday party" in your fridge's calendar."
"Shit" when he hears Eddie's response he couldn't keep it in any longer. He started laughing while Eddie tried to look mad but that only set him up further. Eddie because he can't be irritated when Buck looks so happy also starts laughing. After a few minutes the laughter subsides but both men are smiling and a little bit red in the cheeks.
" Though to be honest" Eddie starts after they recuperated. "I'm not actually surprised, we aren't really a subtle bunch. Just act surprise when we arrived or Hen will blame me"
" So where will the party will be? At Bobby's?" Even though Buck knew about the party he hadn't try to figure out where it would be.
"At mine, Mr detective"
"Ha ha ha" Buck fake laughs at Eddie's teasing nickname " When can we go? I'm starving."
"Stop pouting. They will be ready when they are ready. No need to rush. I'm thirsty. Do you want a beer while we wait?" Eddie asks like they are at his home. As he is not offering Buck the beers he bought himself yesterday.
"Sure" Eddie then goes to grab them and that's how they spent the next hour. Teasing, talking and holding the beers but barely drinking. And Buck can't really help but falling in love a little bit more with t his best friend. Everytime Eddie makes him laugh, everytime he looks at him like he is worth it. Everytime they stop talking and Buck feels not like he is drowning but like he is standing in solid ground. Like he is not lost. He has learned to live while he is in love with his best friend and to love the moments he spends with him. Also they kind of reached a silent understanding and he has a feeling like today is the day that it will not be silent anymore.
In that moment though a ping interrupts Buck's train of thoughts.
"They are ready for you, birthday boy" Eddie says with an easy cheerfulness that wasn't there before. Right the he silently thanks Frank for helping Eddie when he couldn't. For giving him a chance to live freely.
. . .
When Eddie parks at his driveway he turns to Buck with a blinding smile and says “Don't forget to act surprise. And smile" he proceeds to do an exaggerated grin that makes Buck laugh again.
They get out of the truck and get to the doorway. Eddie looks at him before opening the door and smiles again. This time is soft and carries so much emotion that Buck feels a little overwhelmed for a moment. He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. Only when he opens his eyes and nods at Eddie the latter turns the key on the lock.
They are welcomed with shouts of "surprise" and Buck tries to look caught of guard. He doesn't think his acting was very convincing but it doesn't matter because Christopher comes barreling into Buck and he can't do anything other than hug him tight. He is already dreading the teenage years when this casual affection will become rare. But now is not the time to worry about the future. He will appreciate tonight and he'll enjoy his time with his family.
"Look, Buck. I made it myself, dad will say he help but he only hung it up. I did everything else " Chris says this while pointing to the actual banner that Buck saw as a sketch. It says "Welcome to old age, Buck" he laughs. He remembered the sketch saying a simple "Happy Birthday, Buck".
"Are you sure your dad didn't gave the idea of what to write?" Buck teases.
"Yeah. Well you kind of game the idea. You're always calling dad old because he is in his thirties, so now that you're thirty you are also a little becoming an old guy . Don't you think? Chris asks innocently. The kid may be all that is good but he also has a sharp sense of humour and an knack to make fun of Buck and Eddie. He looks dumfounded at his best friend, and father of this child, hoping to be defended, but Eddie is laughing so hard he is almost crying. Karen has to propped him up so he doesn't fall. He turns again to Christopher who has a smirk in his face and is going in Maddie's direction probably to play with Jee-Yun. He didn't even realize when he started walking away. He stays with his mouth hanging open for a little until Chim comes up to him to save him. He hugs him.
"Happy birthday old man" He says jokingly. At this all the people in the room let out their barely held laughter. Buck should have known that Chim wouldn't have save him. He had faith in his brother nonetheless. They talked after he came back with Maddie and they fixed their issues and they're closer than ever but after this Chim owes him one. A big one.
The next person who takes him in their arms is Maddie. Her eyes are a little bit watery but Buck doesn't sense the profound sadness that they carried before. He is a little bit sad that he doesn't really know how to read them but he knows Maddie has Chimney who can understand her like an open book. It puts him at ease that her sister has someone with who she doesn't be to be strong all the time. He gets what's more important though.
"I'm so proud of you, little brother. You deserve to be happy" she says simply while throwing a subtle glance at Eddie at the end of her sentence. She goes away leaving space for other people to come to him . It's short but it means everything coming from her big sister. The person that has known him since he took his first breath.
Bobby and Athena come next.
"I made your favorites, kid" says the first. And that's more than his own biological father ever did for him. Athena gives him a pat on the shoulder, firm but with the love that her mother's touch was always missing.
"Come see the cake" Hen suddenly says. He thought the cake was going to be something elaborate but when he is close enough to see it the only thing apart from the white icing there was written is "See you next year, Buck". And Buck was so grateful for Hen and for his family. He had people that would be there for him even when he wouldn't be able to believe he could make him. Just them being there gave him the certainty. And he had learned to stand in his own two feet and that people leaving didn't mean they were leaving him. But he had also learned that he would always have family with him even when some of them were not near. He didn't know if they would come back but he had faith in the people around him as they had trust in him.
. . .
The party was over. The only people left at the house were Buck, Eddie and Chris. And just two of them were awake.
Eddie and Buck were in the kitchen. Eddie was doing the dishes while Buck was sitting at the table. He wanted to help but his best friend hadn't allowed it. Eddie's back is to him and in the silence of the night he feels like he is ready to let go of old fears.
" When I was thirteen I thought I wouldn't make it to eighteen. When I did it it felt like a miracle to be honest. Then I was nineteen. I was alone in the middle of nowhere and being thirty seemed impossible. I couldn't figure out what would become of me. I felt like I was failing." Eddie has stopped washing the dishes and is now facing Buck. He is silent waiting Buck out, because he knows he is not finished. "Those weren't the only times I felt hopeless and lost. It got better when I joined the 118 and I met you but sometimes the future still felt impossible. I had my moments of doubt."
He doesn't say anything for minute gathering his strengths." Doctor Copeland has helped me process those feelings and I can't guarantee that I never feel like that again but now I know that I have people around me that care. I realized that I care and I want to make it to forty and to fifty and and to sixty. You get the drill. But I just don't want to make it. I want lo live and to enjoy the moments that lead me there. Dr. Copeland asked me what would make me happy now. I didn't even have to think because the answer was you. You and Christopher" he stopped then. He was so concentrated in delivering his speech that he didn't realized how close Eddie had come. He was sitting in the chair closest to him. He looked hopeful. That soft look in Eddie's eyes made it impossible not to say what he felt." I'm in love with you, Eds. I don't really know when it happened I just know that what I feel is nothing new. I've been carrying this love for you for years and I think is time for us to enjoy it" Buck is now afraid that he came on to strong but he continues anyway. " And if you don't feel the same nothing has to change or if you want I can give you space. But I needed you to know"
" I do" Eddie responded breathless as if he had been the one talking for a what felt like hours.
"Do you what?" Buck let's himself be hopeful.
"I feel the same way for you. I'm in love with you Evan Buckley." Eddie is now smiling so brightly that Buck can help to mirror the look on pure joy on his face. " I've been in love in my live just one time before and I've been trying to recreate that feeling with other people. It didn't work with Ana and I don't it will work with anyone. It hasn't really work with you either" At these last words Buck face falls. Eddie seems to understand quickly that he fucked up because he hurries to say " What I made with you is different. What we have we made it together. I had the time to know you, to be your friend. You have seen me broken on the floor and you still came back. You still love me and you made falling in love with you so easy. So natural. But you gave the time I needed. You made me realize that I didn't have to recreate what I had before. You made me realized that I deserved softness and support, that love is not a duty. You made me realized that love is someone folding your clothes when you can't and continue to do it because they know you don't like it. Love is staying on my bedroom floor when it hurt my shoulder having anyone else on my bed. Love is the big things and the little things. And I discovered what love is by being loved by you. Hell I'm still discovering what it's to love. What it is to be in love. But I know it will be worthwhile if it with you, Evan."
Eddie still has a grin on his face but he is crying a little bit and Buck wipes the tiers away with his thumb. He does it with all the care that Eddie deserves and his smile grows wider. Eddie grabs his hands by the wrists and put his foreheads together. Now they are breathing the same air and time seems to slow. They stay like that for a while enjoying each other's presence. Buck doesn't know who leans in first but they are suddenly kissing. And it's soft and it's loving and it's slow. It feels right, like coming home after a long time in a foreign land. They break apart but they don't go far their foreheads still glued together.
"Let's go to bed, mi corazón" Eddie says. Buck melts and buries his head on Eddie's shoulder. Hearing the term of endearment reminds him of an old couple in Peru that had a tiny stall in the market. He remembers longing for the kind of love that they had. Something lasting and profound. Now he has it and he can't wait for what comes next.
They go to bed too tired to do anything other that changed into comfortable clothes and burying themselves in the sheets. They hold each other. "Hasta mañana, mi cielo " Buck says to Eddie just before sleep takes him.