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Once, Itachi happened to appear on his windowsill in the middle of the night.
With no particular reason, and yet with desperation hidden in his eyes.
Kakashi made them tea and then they were sitting in quietly. Hatake knew there is no point in asking questions. If Itachi didn’t want to talk, he would make up some lies in a spot. But if there was something he wanted to say, he would, eventually. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but at one point.
After that, Itachi left him with a polite smile.
“Thank you, captain. I think I needed that.” He just said and disappeared.
Kakashi hadn’t seen him for two weeks.
***
Another time, Itachi was more talkative. However, he came to Kakashi’s flat right before dusk and the older man was still tired after his mission. Hatake really wanted to listen to everything Itachi had to say, but his body couldn’t take it anymore. He didn’t remember falling asleep but he was sure he didn’t have any blankets while he was listening to Itachi.
***
Next time, Kakashi and Itachi had a proper talk. They ate dinner, and laid down, first in the salon and later in the bed. And they talked, about nothing and everything. About their last missions, Kakashi’s time as leader of team 7 or these happier memories of their childhood.
Itachi fell asleep next to him and Kakashi didn’t have the heart to wake him up. He just turned around and went to sleep.
When he woke up, his flat was empty.
He had not seen Itachi for almost three weeks.
***
Sleeping next to each other wasn’t anything special for many shinobis. Especially when you’re in ANBU, and you try to sleep without being detected. Sleeping, pressed to another human body was nothing new when you couldn’t just start a fire. He’s done this way many times before, with his teammates, and as well when he was a captain.
One night, Itachi showed up in his bedroom window. Kakashi let him in, younger boy was smelling like soap from ANBU quarters, hair still wet, left loose. Uchiha was shivering from the cold but probably was unaware of that, something else on his mind. Itachi sat on his bed, Kakashi left him a blanket and went to the kitchen.
When he came back, Uchiha was covered in blankets, hair in a bun, looking at the floor like it was the most interesting thing in the world. Kakashi put a tray on a bedside table and gave the other man one cup.
“Did something happen?”
“Yeah.” Was Itachi’s simple answer. He didn’t seem eager to elaborate.
“Well.” Kakashi sighed after a while. “I’m going to sleep, goodnight Itachi.” He said and got up. Uchiha looked up, concerned.
“Your bed is here?” He said, slightly worried. “I should sleep out there, I shouldn’t even be here…”
Kakashi sighed again.
“This bed is big enough, just move a little.”
Hatake was almost asleep when Itachi spoke.
“Kakashi?” his voice was really quiet, and he started thinking that he imagined that.
“Yeah?”
“Why aren’t you married?”
Kakashi furrowed his brows. He turned on the bed to look at Itachi, but the other man was facing the window.
“Is it a necessity to be married?”
“Kind of.”
Kakashi furrowed his brows even more.
“I didn’t find anyone that I love enough, I suppose.”
Itachi spoke after a while.
“Marriage isn’t about love or your… preferences? It’s just the thing you do, especially as a main clan member.”
Oh. Kakashi shouldn’t be surprised that was Itachi’s stance on marriage. He thought it was going to be more about eternal love and marital fidelity for him, but he was Uchiha at the end of the day. Clan before everything else.
And it was quite funny in Hatake’s head. If you think about these nights which Itachi spends in Kakashi’s flat you can almost say they’re lovers, hiding from Uchiha’s (nonexistent) wife.
Well, without doing what lovers actually do together.
“You should marry whoever you want, and only if you even want this in the first place.” Kakashi started. “Is this what’s on your mind?”
“Not really. I was just being curious.”
In the morning, Kakashi woke up to the sound of the wind from the ajar window.
***
“You know, he never leaves you from his sight. Like a threat, that needs to be watched.” Kakashi looked at Tenzo, who just started his shift and appeared behind him. “Did you fight? Or started relieving stress together?
Kakashi looked at Itachi on the other side of the room, who seemed to be very focused on the documents in his hand.
“Neither, I suppose.”
Tenzo only hummed in response and went to his desk.
Kakashi didn’t hear “That’s quite interesting, captain” and also did not see another Itachi’s glance.
***
He was here again. He hated this because he knew what was going to come next. It’s always the same day. It’s always the same forest. It’s always the same Chidori ripping off Rin’s chest and her lifeless body in his arms.
“Kakashi!” This scream is new. And it’s coming from outside of the woods.
He opened his eyes abruptly. The room is dark and the only source of light are street lanterns. Itachi’s hair is hovering over Kakashi’s face. The hands of the younger man are on Hatake’s arm and face.
“It’s not real, Kakashi.”
“But it was real.”
“But it’s not anymore. You’re here, in your bedroom, not there. I know the guilt is crawling in your skin, but all of that is in the past.”
Kakashi just realized that his hands are clasped on Itachi’s arms and he looks at him with his Sharingan. He let off of him, but then he noticed that there were light bruises and scratches on his arms from his fingernails.
“Itachi.” Kakashi gasped quietly. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t-“
“That’s okay. Your brain thought it was true, so your body reacted like it was real.”
“Huh? No, I’m talking about your arms.”
Itachi looked at bruises with furrowed brows.
“They’ll heal.” He said, shrugging.
***
They didn’t have sex. They didn’t even kiss.
But maybe Kakashi was wondering how it would be. He would never admit this out loud though.
They didn’t see each other often. At the end of the day, they’re ANBU captains with separate missions.
Most of the time they spend their time in silence. They ate dinners, read books, or lay beside each other. Sometimes though, they talked. Mostly during nighttime, when you cannot be seen.
There were nights when they shared their past that haunt them to this day.
Itachi was always so careful with his actions as if he was afraid to break something sacred.
Kakashi was wondering why him. Itachi could’ve been in any boy or girl bed right now. And yet, he’s here, in his flat.
But after months, he concluded that Itachi doesn’t trust people, probably at all.
They had known each other for years. They saved each other lives multiple times. When you work in ANBU you must trust your partners with your body and soul, even if these people aren’t trustworthy at all.
Kakashi had some flings in his life. Sex was nice, but at the end of the day, he couldn’t be in a relationship with those people.
Most people in the village were civilians. There was also plenty of shinobi who never took a life. Kakashi didn’t want to come back home and talk about his work. And mostly, he didn’t want to be judged for that. Even when people don’t say anything, you can always see the disgust on their faces when they think you cannot see it.
And it was easy with Itachi. They had the same job. They’ve committed the same crimes. They felt the same guilt.
Even if their little relationship started because of Itachi, Kakashi found out he was starving. Most ANBU members had their own coping mechanisms, and most of them were rather destructive. Right now, Hatake was craving a bit of normality.
A few months ago he would say that he was in Itachi’s life in a position of a 'lover'.
Now, he was more of a 'wife', that you come back after work, eat meals together, and sleep in the same bed, but you look for pleasure in other people. Maybe that was a thing that Uchiha was doing on other nights.
And Kakashi didn’t know what Itachi was actually looking for. It wasn’t sexual relief, they were sleeping so many times in one bed and Itachi had never done anything about that. Both of them were pretending in the morning that they weren’t waking up pressed to each other when Itachi stopped leaving his house before dusk.
And maybe these new mornings become Kakashi’s favourite. Itachi cooking in the morning and dogs around him, waiting for falling bits, was definitely a sight he wanted to remember.
“Why aren’t you married?” Kakashi asked during one of these mornings.
“I… don’t feel like I’m an enough good person for that.”
Kakashi looked at him concerned.
“You’re acting like a good husband already, and we’re definitely not married.”
Itachi chuckled, throwing a few slices of sausage on the floor. Dogs got it before these could hit a surface.
“This feels more familiar, though,” Itachi whispered, looking slightly abashed.
***
“Shit.” Kakashi hissed in pain. Itachi carried him out of the battle zone to the closest place they could hide. They killed all the enemies in the area, but you never know if there aren’t more of them.
They found a small cave where Itachi lay Kakashi down. He sent a crow to another ANBU team to send a healer.
Hatake was trying to get rid of the armour. Itachi helped him out and tried to get to the wound. It shouldn’t be there, they had armour to protect them. However, the attack went through metal, just like some sort of acid. The wound was still bleeding and Kakashi started breathing faster.
“How he even attacked… He was already dead.” Hatake was trying to rip off the material of his shirt, but his hands were shaking.
“I don’t know, maybe curse or summon technique. Probably activated right before his death. Can you stop?” Itachi asked.
“Sorry.” Kakashi put both of his arms alongside his body. Itachi went back to cleaning his wound.
Thankfully Hatake dodged the attack at the last moment. If it hit him in any vital organ, he would’ve been dead. Right now, it was just an ugly wound on the right side of his stomach.
“We need more water, wait for me.” Uchiha tried to stand up, but Kakashi stopped him. Hatake did a few signs and a light stream of water went from his hand.
“What are you doing? We don’t know if you’re not poisoned, you should rest.”
“If I’m poisoned then I’m already dead.”
Itachi sighed but went back to cleaning the wound. Kakashi took off his mask and his heavy breathing was clearly hearable. Uchiha tried to stop the bleeding and bandaged his stomach as carefully as he could. Hatake was probably aware that the other man tried to do his best, so he was quietly hissing when he didn’t bite his lip in time. Itachi sighed. He didn’t really have any medical skills. As well as Kakashi, who could heal maybe some bruises at best. He hoped the other team is going to find them soon.
Kakashi raised his arm and put his hand on Itachi’s cheek, caressing it lightly.
“Hm? Do you need some-“
Hatake pulled Uchiha and kissed him hard. Itachi was stunned by his action but tried not to damage the wound. He ended up kissing Kakashi in a quite uncomfortable position, with his arms around Hatake to keep his own weight, but to his own surprise, he didn’t want to stop.
“What was that?” Itachi asked after Kakashi broke the kiss.
“Well, if I die today...” Uchiha only shook his head in disbelief and tried to get up, despite Kakashi’s whines.
“Don’t be dramatic.” Itachi tried to hide a smile on his face.
“Are you going to leave me to die here, alone?”
“I’m going for help. Lie still.”
***
“I still cannot believe you left me like this.”
“And you are still here, whining for no reason. I guess, I haven’t done my job well enough. I’m sorry, captain. Won’t happen again.”
Kakashi rolled his eye. Itachi smiled lightly and left a box on the bed table. The dogs on Hatake’s bed raised their heads and started to wag their tails, so Uchiha has no choice, but just to pet them.
“Is it dango?” Kakashi said teasingly.
“Yes. It is.” Itachi answered, not looking at the other man. “And you better enjoy them.”
Kakashi smiled. “I definitely will.”