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He’d been in the middle of some perfectly fine whiskey on one of his rare night-outs when he got the phone call. “I’m sorry,” he said with a grimace when he couldn’t ignore his jazzy ringtone any longer.
He genuinely meant the apology, too. Talk about embarrassing, having his phone ring like this when they’d meant to take the night off together. He wished desperately that it wasn’t Kuko or Jyushi, or some other reason that would force him back to Nagoya at this time of night.
“No, please,” his companion said and raised his glass of non-alcoholic drink. “Go ahead, Hitoya.”
“Thanks.” He glanced down at his still-ringing phone and blinked down at the caller ID, not quite believing the name that was flashing across his screen. Well, it wasn’t Kuko at least. “Huh,” Hitoya said. “It’s one of yours.”
Jakurai tilted his head to the side. He squinted at the phone Hitoya was holding up for him to see. “Doppo-kun?”
“Wonder what he could want at this time of… Yeah, Kannonzaka. Slow down, you’re not making sense.”
Though this was the man who beat him at the last Division Rap Battle, Hitoya still found himself amazed at the motor mouth that powered Shinjuku’s Berserker, even on an off-night. To say the salaryman was frantic was an understatement and it was hard for him to piece anything together, save for the stray “Yokohama police station” and “It wasn’t my fault, really!” he’d caught between the furious stream of apologies.
“I got it. Yeah. I’ll be right there.” He sighed and ended the call, still not sure what to make of it.
“Is he all right?” Jakurai asked.
Hitoya’d also caught the “Please don’t tell sensei!” – impossible not to when that seemed like the main thing Kannonzaka wanted to make sure he heard. “Just peachy,” he said. “Listen, I have to go. Kannonzaka just needs my help with something, told me to tell you not to worry about it.” He hadn’t, but Hitoya figured Jakurai needed the assurance. “Let me get the bill so I can get out of your hair.”
“If that is what he says,” Jakurai said, although the questions were still lingering in his eyes. It was a testament to his character that he chose not to probe any further than that. “But I believe it is my turn to take care of tonight, no? Let me take care of the bill.”
“Heh. Don’t expect to do the same when you drop by my neck of the woods next time.”
“I would expect nothing less. Do tell Doppo-kun I asked after him, would you?”
And Hitoya would have done just that, he really would have… only several minutes later, when he finally arrived in Yokohama, he came face-to-face with a very red-faced Kannonzaka Doppo sitting inside a holding cell with his smudged office suit on his lap and his shirt sleeves rolled up to the elbows. His necktie was wrapped in a loose sort of bow around his head.
Inside with him were none other than Aohitsugi Samatoki and Amayado Rei, both similarly red-faced and disheveled in appearance… and also one Arisugawa Dice. He, too, looked a little roughed up – but then again, Hitoya guessed, this was how he always looked.
“It’s quite the line-up, isn’t it?” Beside him stood Yokohama Police Sergeant Iruma Jyuto, who was lazily puffing away on a cigarette while surveying the motley crew before them.
“What the fuck? What the hell is this, Jyuto? I thought you said no smoking on the premises!”
Iruma rolled his eyes. “You idiot. The rules don’t apply to me because I’m not the one facing charges, am I?”
“You fuckin’ – that’s dirty!”
“Those are the rules, I’m afraid. But of course you would know, wouldn’t you, Samatoki?”
That set Yokohama’s bad boy back down. He crossed his arms tightly and grumbled to himself, seething at the injustice of being denied a cigarette.
“I’m sorry!” Kannonzaka said immediately. “I – I’m sorry, Amaguni-san! It’s just… it’s just, you’re the only lawyer I know, so…”
“The only lawyer any of us know, actually,” Amayado said then. An unlit cigarette was dangling lazily from his mouth. “See, what’d I tell you, eh Samatoki? Pretty sweet being a rapper, isn’t it?”
Aohitsugi continued to sulk. “Keep your damn thoughts to yourself, old man. Listening to you’s what landed us here in the first place.”
“Not me!” Arisugawa said. “I was framed! I don’t know any of these guys, I swear! I’m innocent!”
“Nobody asked you, you bum,” Kannonzaka muttered, frowning viciously at the gambler.
Hitoya sighed and turned to address the Osaka conman. “Where did you even get that, Amayado?”
“What, this old thing?” he replied, not a singular care in the world. “Beats me. Didn’t even know I had it on me, to be completely honest with ya.”
Iruma balked, nearly chomping his own cigarette in two. “I frisked you!” he said. “How the hell – you’re not supposed to smoke that in there!”
“This whole fucked-up world is against me,” Aohitsugi said, now also groaning upon seeing Amayado’s cigarette. “This is so fuckin’ unfair.”
“And yet you somehow keep ending up in my holding cell. Honestly, Samatoki, you really have no one but yourself to blame if you keep finding yourself in these situations.”
“Shut the fuck up, you damn rabbit!”
“Eh? Aren’t you two supposed to be teammates? What, can’t get your ol’ buddy to spring us outta here, Samatoki? What kinda friendship is this if y’can’t do yourselves any favors?”
“You misunderstand the situation you’re in, MC MasterMind,” Iruma said, cutting in. “You see, there were witnesses. And if there were witnesses, that means you three are completely and absolutely fucked. There’s no way you’re leaving this place without copping the consequences.”
Hitoya had to hand it to him. The man knew what words to use to strike the fear of the law into anybody.
It worked a little too well on Kannonzaka, unfortunately. “Ohhhh,” he moaned, clutching his head in his hands. “Haaah, I knew it, I’m so screwed. What am I gonna do on Monday? Baldie’ll dock my pay even more if he finds out I have a – a police record! Shit, I’m so fucked. What if they fire Hifumi because – because of me? What will sensei think?! Oh, God, I’m the worst, just the worst…”
“You got that right Jakurai’s worried to hell about you,” Hitoya offered, wanting to lend some comfort to the poor guy. “Don’t worry, I didn’t tell him what it was you did like you asked.”
“... can’t have sensei worrying about me, oh no, can’t have that… useless, why’d you have to be so useless, you pathetic, spineless – haaah… ”
“Sheesh,” Arisugawa said. “He just keeps on goin’, doesn’t he?”
“I thought you’d know all about that, Arisugawa,” Hitoya said, commiserating somewhat on account of having felt the effects of Kannonzaka’s destructive train of thought firsthand.
“First time?” Aohitsugi said, looking strangely triumphant. It was the look of a man who had been in jail so many times that the repeat offenses were more annoying than anything at this point. “Don’t worry, pal, you’ll get used to it.”
“I don’t want to get used to it!”
“Heh. He’s right. You do this one time, you’ll keep findin’ excuses to do it next time. An’ next time an’ next time. Just like se – ”
“Right, stop, stop, stop.” Iruma screwed his eyes shut and sighed. His hands immediately went to his pockets to fish out another cigarette. “You three are in so much trouble like you wouldn’t believe. I wouldn’t even know where to begin and don’t even let me get started on you, Samatoki.”
“What? Why’s it always me, you lousy cop?! You wanna blame somebody, you’re barkin’ up the wrong fuckin’ tree, let me tell you that!”
“Ah, division camaraderie,” Amayado chimed in. “Nothing quite like it in the world.”
“My division!” Kannonzaka screamed again, like he suddenly remembered their existence even if he’d been invoking their name all night. “Ohhh, what will they think? Matenrou’s ruined! Because of me! Why did I have to get mixed up with you two?!”
“Ha!” Aohitsugi barked. “That’s not what you were sayin’ when we – ”
“Nothing! When we did nothing!”
“What was it you three did anyway?” Hitoya said. “I don’t think I caught you clearly over the phone, Kannonzaka, you were getting so excited back there.”
“See, this is why I told ya I should’ve made the phone call for us three,” Amayado cut in. Then he snapped his fingers and his face lit up like a Christmas tree. “I got it! Hold on, ol’ daddy Rei’s gonna… Let’s see if I still got it… Ha! There y’are.”
He pulled out a phone from inside his shirt.
Iruma began sputtering anew. “I – I frisked you!” he insisted. “What the hell? How did you even hide that?!”
“Heh. This old man’s still got some tricks up his – hold on. Yo, sensei! Rosho, yeah, it’s me. I – oh, he hung up.”
That got Aohitsugi to get up from his seat. “You useless old man! I oughta – ”
“Hey, chill, yakuza. I look like I can control my teammates’ temperaments?”
“You’re dead, you hear me?!”
“Why don’t ya get your cop friend to get us outta here like we thought y’would, huh?”
“D – don’t drag me into this, you – ”
“You can drag me into it, I didn’t even do anything! Matter of fact, where’s my phone call? I didn’t get no phone call!”
“Nobody asked you, Shibuya!”
“You’re just as deep in this shit as the rest of us, salaryman! Take it like a man!”
“I wouldn’t even be in this deep shit if it weren’t for you two!”
“Ha! You’re a real funny guy, Kannonzaka. Because I clearly remember you tellin’ us – ”
“Nothing! I told you guys nothing!”
“Not even that thing about your boss?”
“Or your job?”
“Or your – ”
“All right, that’s it.” Miraculously, Hitoya’s outburst got all of them to shut up and give him their full attention. He exchanged looks with Iruma beside him and although no words were said between them, their “you see what I have to put up with every day?” was heard clear as day. “Now listen here and listen good. If there are two things I hate, it’s wet socks and – ”
“ – oh, hell, not this shit again – ”
“ – wet socks and being dragged out to do some work in the goddamn middle of the night for no good reason.” Hitoya drew a long breath through his nose and brought out a cigarette of his own. He leaned over to Iruma who’d offered to light it for him. “Jesus.” He released a puff. “Of all the people to know on this bitch of an earth.”
“Hey, whaddaya know, the lawyer’s got a dirtier mouth than me!”
“I – I’m sorry, Amaguni-san, really!”
“Hey, that’s one thing we’ve got in common, lawyer-san. I hate wet socks, too!”
And this was it, Hitoya reckoned. He’d finally reached his breaking point because this was why he preferred working with children, wasn’t it? Kids, see – they didn’t know what they were doing, not yet. But adults… Adults really ought to know better. So to see the likes of Aohitsugi and Amayado and maybe even Kannonzaka to some extent – Kannonzaka, of all people, really? – to see them sit here and make a mockery of society’s rules… Well, it was too much.
He’d been about to act on it, on the building migraine in his head, when suddenly –
“Say, does anyone have anything to eat? What’s a guy gotta do to get some chow around here?”
Arisugawa Dice. It wasn’t a stretch to say that everyone in that holding cell owed their lives to the man. Hitoya’d been about to really go off on all of them if he hadn’t piped up right then and there.
They all looked as one to Arisugawa. He hadn’t been making things up. His stomach grumbles might have been heard all the way in Nagoya at this rate.
“The hell are you doing on my turf anyway, you gambler?” Aohitsugi demanded.
“Hey, that hurts.” Arisugawa pouted. “I got a name too, y’know? And if it so pleases your royal mafianess, I was in the area – ”
“Loafing,” Iruma supplied.
“Hey, I wasn’t loafin’! I just popped on over to have some dinner with my good friend Rio! I just got sleepy on the way, is all.”
Aohitsugi made a face. “You actually like what Rio makes?”
“It’s actually not that bad,” Kannonzaka said.
“Oho, sounds interesting,” Amayado said. “Guess I’ll just have to see for myself next time.”
“Next time?” Iruma said, seething. “There’s not going to be a next time! You understand? Especially not after tonight!”
“Which we still haven’t gotten to the bottom of,” Hitoya reminded him. “The longer this goes on, the less interested I am in actually finding out. Although I gotta hand it to you, Kannonzaka. It’s almost a talent how often you land yourself in these situations.”
“I’m sorry! I’m really sorry, Amaguni-san! I know how much sensei was looking forward to spending tonight with you in Shinjuku, so really… I’m sorry!”
“So you gettin’ us out of here or what? Don’t tell me Kannonzaka called ya all the way out here for nothin’.”
“And I wish to God he hadn’t.”
“I – I’m sorry, Amaguni-san! Really! I’m sorry, I’m sorry!”
Hitoya waved this away and turned to scowl at the rest of them. “I oughta just let you rot in here for the rest of the weekend, see if that teaches you a lesson.”
“But you don’t even know what the fuck we did!” Aohitsugi argued.
“I don’t have to. Just looking at you’s enough for me to want to throw the books at you.”
“Where’s the fuckin’ justice in that? ”
“You’re asking me, Katen? Really?”
“Oh, God, this is all my fault, all my fault, I’m so useless… ”
“You know, if anything, I suppose we could let Kannonzaka-san go, just this once,” Iruma suggested. He was glancing at the salaryman with a sorry look in his eyes, which was something Hitoya could honestly relate to – and that wasn’t just because of Jakurai’s influence. Kannonzaka really did look… pitiful cowering inside the cell like that.
And if anything, it was very likely he’d been roped into whatever it was that happened if these were the fellows he was caught with. “I guess we could,” Hitoya agreed. “You were drunk out of your mind, weren’t you, Kannonzaka? That’s why you got yourself involved with these chumps.”
But here, Kannonzaka hesitated. “I… I wouldn’t go so far as to… Look, they’re actually not so bad once you get to know them, they’re just… Just, ah…”
“Just what, Shinjuku?”
“Will you lay off, Samatoki? Haven’t you done enough to the poor man tonight?” Iruma said. “Now listen here, Kannonzaka-san – ”
“Kannonzaka-san this, Kannonzaka-san that,” Aohitsugi groused, mocking his tone. “What I wanna know is why he’s getting the royal treatment around here. You ask me, this is preferential treatment!”
“Kannonzaka-san is being treated with the respect he deserves because unlike some other lowlifes, he at least knows what it’s like to show remorse.”
“But I didn’t do anything!” Kannonzaka whined.
“So he says,” Amayado said, chuckling. “Y’should have seen him when he – ”
“Nothing!” Kannonzaka screeched. “When I did nothing! Nothing at all, please believe me, Iruma-san!”
“Hey, me too! I didn’t do nothin’!”
“With you, gambler, that’s exactly what the problem is.”
“No fair!”
“Life is not fair, eh Samatoki?”
“You shut the hell up, old man. An’ really, Jyuto – and you too, you shitbag lawyer – you wanna know what happened? Why don’t you ask your precious Kannonzaka-san right here? He don’t look it, but he can be a hardass if he wants to be. And you know what? That gets my respect in my books.”
Aohitsugi sat back, satisfied.
Amayado clapped a hand on his back and grinned. “Attaboy, Mister Hardcore,” he said. Then, looking back at Hitoya, he added: “Y’see? Now after all that hard work our friend Mister Kannonzaka here put in, wouldn’t you wanna bail him out just this once? Just to see what else he’ll come up with after tonight?”
But they were mistaken if they were both expecting to be repaid with tears of gratitude and emotional declarations of loyalty. “You make me sound like – like some kind of criminal!” Kannonzaka protested.
“Which you are,” Aohitsugi pointed out.
“Aye,” Amayado agreed.
“Which I am!” Kannonzaka conceded, completely giving up. “P – please, Amaguni-san, Iruma-san! I’m sorry, really! I won’t do it again after tonight, promise!”
“Well, that’s just it, isn’t it?” Hitoya said, exasperated. “I don’t even know what the hell you people did so I wouldn’t know how to bail you out, either.”
“Yeah, I wanna know, too!” Great, now even Arisugawa wanted in on the action. “And you know what? I’m gonna tell Gentaro all about it, too. He thinks he can come up with a better story than this? Ha! No way, man! You can bet on that.”
“Are we just fodder for you Shibuya pieces of shit?” Evidently, not all of the alcohol had exited Kannonzaka’s system just yet. Either that, or some ugly switch in him just turned on every time he heard Fling Posse’s number three talk.
“Trust me, Amaguni-san, it’s probably best if you didn’t know,” Iruma said because of all of them, only he seemed to care about Hitoya’s wasted time. “And in any case, I think this makes all divisions accounted for, sans Ikebukuro – ”
“ – thank fuckin’ God – ”
“ – quiet, Samatoki – all divisions, I was saying, or at least nearly all of them, and I’m glad for it, too. This is a police station after all, not a juvenile delinquent center.” Iruma swept a look over them all and sneered. “I say, gentlemen – aren’t you the least bit ashamed of yourselves?” He paused. “Not you, Kannonzaka-san, I know you regret this enough as it is.”
Hitoya huffed and crossed his arms. “Not me. I’m just the lawyer.”
“There ya go!” Amayado said. “Knew you’d come around eventually.”
“Let me make myself clear: I’m the lawyer, not your lawyer. Catch my drift, you grifter?”
“Ah, hell. It was worth a shot.”
“This is so not fair,” Arisugawa continued to whine. “Look, I swear I didn’t do anything, okay? And also, I’m friggin’ starving, so if it’s all the same to you, I’d like to have my complimentary dinner please!”
“Complimentary – !”
“What kinda cops do you people have in Shibuya?”
“God, you just can’t stop embarrassing yourself, can you? You're shameless, but I guess that's what happens when you gamble for a living, haha...”
“Ha! Y’got guts, kid. I like that in a guy.”
“What are you all looking at me like that for? I know my rights!”
Hitoya sighed. “There’s nothing in the law that accounts for complimentary anythings in a holding cell, Arisugawa.”
“Who says I get to trust you?”
“I’m a lawyer for fucksake! If I find out you heard this nonsense from Yumeno Gentaro, I’ll tear you a new one. Don’t test me, I’ll really do it!”
“Ha! As a matter of fact, I – wait a minute… Aw, man! You can’t be serious!”
“I’m surprised you can actually be this stupid, Shibuya. Really. I’m honestly pretty fuckin’ surprised. And I’ve already talked to stupid – right, Jyuto?”
“My, but you’re even touchier than usual today, Samatoki. What’s the matter? Afraid I’m embarrassing you in front of your new friends?”
“I’ll kill you, you damn rabbit!”
“L – listen, Amaguni-san – ”
“You say sorry one more time, Kannonzaka and I swear Jakurai will be the first person I’ll tell about tonight.”
“S – sorry!”
Amayado continued to sit serenely in his corner of the holding cell, his sunglasses glinting in the dark as if everything was going according to plan. And it might have even been true, too. Hitoya wouldn’t be the least bit surprised if it turned out he’d MasterMinded this whole plot.
“Say, what are the chances any of us bring this up again at the next DRB?” Amayado finally said. “Think us six could grab some drinks then instead of battlin’ each other? It’s real taxing on the vocal chops, y’know, the rapping. And anyway, I’m just an old man playing a young man’s game. It’s been gettin’ real hard to keep up with all your youngin’ energy, y’know?”
“Oh, no.” Kannonzaka was backing away from Amayado now. “We are not having another drink together. Not now and not in the next life!”
“Aw, don’t worry about it, Kannonzaka, drinkin’s not so detrimental to your health once you get used to it.”
“You’re detrimental to my health!”
“Wow. You think you know a guy,” Aohitsugi said, looking genuinely hurt by Kannonzaka’s fierce denials. “But don’t worry, Osaka, I got dibs on you at the next DRB. You want a fight? You got it.”
“Heh. Lookin’ forward to it.”
“Hey, not fair! I don’t wanna go up against some crummy lawyer!”
Hitoya felt his head start to throb. “Listen here, Arisugawa. You better start praying your team doesn’t go up against mine. I don’t give a shit if you’re defending champions or not, your ass is grass if I see you across that stage. You hear me?”
“Look, man, I just said – ”
“See, there’s two things I just can’t stand. Soggy cigarettes and bums who can’t respect a profession when they see it. That means you, gambler. You understand?”
“Ha,” Iruma Jyuto said, smirking. “That’s one other thing we can both agree on.”
“Hey, Jyuto! No fraternizing with the enemy!”
The police sergeant rolled his eyes. “Didn’t you just say we were going after Osaka next? What’s wrong with – ” Just then, the police radio on his belt fizzled to life and some garbled report sprung forth from the little box. “Yeah, what? What? Oh, hell no, you are not – hello? Dammit!”
It didn’t take long for Iruma’s annoyance to cross over into genuine anger, and the quick switch was enough for Hitoya to look his way. “What’s wrong?”
Iruma clicked his tongue. “It’s nothing,” he said. “But let me at least take the opportunity to apologize in advance, Amaguni-san.”
“Apologize? What for?”
But before the Yokohama Police Sergeant could get another word out, the door to their room burst open and in walked another police officer who was looking every bit as apologetic as his superior. “I – I’m sorry, Sergeant,” he started to say. “It’s just, we figured you’d know best how to handle this kind of – ”
“Never mind that,” Iruma said, waving him off. “Let’s just get this over and done with.”
“What’s…” Hitoya craned his neck towards the door to see. The dread washed over him instantly the minute he saw who else had come in. “Oh, hell.”
“What the hell?!” Kuko screamed, pointing a finger at him. “What are you doin’ in Yokohama, money-brain?”
“Yo!” Yamada Jiro greeted, striding right in after Kuko. “Wow, look who else is here! Yo, Doppo-san!” His grin froze on his face when he saw Amayado sitting inside the holding cell. “You,” he said, growling at the conman.
“E – eh? Jiro-kun? What are you doing here?” Kannonzaka carried on, oblivious to the teen’s change in demeanor. “I – I didn’t have anything to do with this, right? You’re not in jail because of me?”
“Now this is a real interestin’ turn of events! Real interestin’.”
Arisugawa pouted and crossed his arms. “Interesting nothin’,” he grumbled. “Who cares? I’m still hungry!”
Finally, Aohitsugi glanced at Iruma and rolled his eyes. “You and your big fat mouth, you useless cop.”
“Shut the hell up, Samatoki.”
Hitoya rubbed his temples and nearly moaned out loud, now completely and utterly resigned to the fact that with this final nail in the coffin, he could officially kiss the last of his Saturday night goodbye. “Fuck me,” he said. “I need a cigarette. And a whiskey. And twelve hours of sleep at least.”
“That’s three things.”
He’d been about to snap back at Iruma Jyuto, tell him to mind his own damn business, but stopped short when he caught the same tired, pissed-off look on his face as well. “So it is,” was what he said instead, starting to laugh for lack of anything else to do. “So it is.”