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James and Regulus meet every second evening at the astronomy tower. They never talk about why they do it or how it doesn’t make any sense for them to see each other. But they still do. Always in the shadows, always in the dark.
It doesn’t bother Regulus that they do it this way. In fact he is very very grateful that he gets to have James Potter the James Potter for himself. Even when it is just for a few hours a day.
And it doesn’t really matter that he is treated like a dirty little secret. As long as he gets to have some time with James, who cares? Regulus gets that it is hard for James to be with someone like him. James Potter the golden boy of the Gryffindor tower walking around with him? The Slytherin prince who is in addition to that also a Black. Everybody gets why he doesn't want to be seen with him. Nobody with sense would.
So he stays silent. Like he is about most things in his life. His friends, especially Pandora, know how he feels about this. But then there comes this moment right now. When he walks up the stairs of their tower and knows in a few minutes James will be here. Somehow the other boy always seems to know when Regulus is up there.
So he sits down and waits. After a minute or two the loud Gryffindor comes up. With him around all the pressure and stress from the outer world somehow goes away for Regulus. It is like the world stops spinning and only the two of them matter anymore.
Regulus looks at him and sees that something is bothering him. It’s been like this for the past week. His stupid brother and like every other friend James has right now is talking to him about Lily. Just a few months ago Regulus is sure this would have been everything James has wanted. Because after all this time in the last years when James was trying to get Lily to go out with him he stopped some time ago. And now it seems like, about half a year later, she finally has shown some interest in him.
Usually Regulus wouldn’t bother about this kind of gossip but unfortunately James is special to him and he knows every tiny second about this drama.
Now James doesn’t seem to be as much interested in Lily as he was in the last years and Regulus is trying really really hard to not think of the reason behind this. It would be foolish of himself to give him this kind of hope.
They don’t speak about what they are doing and it is in the dark. If James Potter would have wanted something from him, he knows how stupid this alone sounds, the whole school would know it by now. But they don’t so things are clear. This is a strange kind of friendship in which James might enjoy his company alone in the night. But never somewhere else.
So James sits beside him and leans his head on the shoulder of the younger boy. Regulus becomes completely stiff with it. They never interacted physically like this. But after a second of becoming adjusted to it he doesn’t freeze anymore and starts enjoying it.
They both look at the stars and after a minute or so James turns around his head and looks at the other boy.
“Can you tell me about them, just a little bit?”
Regulus lets out a little laugh. By the time now he must have told James every story about the sky that he knows about. But he knew that this question would come after some time so he did his research to find new ones.
“Well I think you will be interested in your sign, Aries. Look around there and you can see it. Aries is named after the flying ram that rescued the prince and princess of the old Boeotian kingdom Athamasin in ancient greece. Within their escape the princess Helle fell off. Later a part of the mediterranean sea was named after her.
After the rescue prince Phrixus sacrificed the ham and became his Golden Fleece. The ham, Chrysomallus, then was sent to the sky so his heroism would always be remembered. In some stories Chrysomallus himself was a son of the sea god Poseidon which is why his fleece was golden. His fleece was also rumored to have healing powers.”
While he was talking James' eyes began to close and it seemed to Regulus that he wasn’t the only one who relaxed with their company. Maybe after all his idiotiv friends have been right. Maybe he could be the reason behind James not really wanting Lilly Evans anymore. Maybe he just needed to be brave once in his life. And yes, probably the golden boy won’t return it. But this closure would help as well wouldn’t it ?
So he turns his head closer to James, who opens his eyes and looks right into his. James must have gotten what he wanted to do and he closes the last centi meters between them. Their kiss doesn’t feel too good to be honest. It feels like kissing someone for the first time and both parties don’t really know what to do with each other. But this is the greatest thing on earth. Because he was trying to kiss James Potter and the other boy actually leaned into it, which means they will be able to do it again. This alone makes Regulus' heart beat ten times faster.
When they let go of each other there is a really huge grin on his face. Looking back now he wouldn't have needed to make such a huge thing out of it. But he is a black and he gets to be dramatic about things. Who really cares now that James doesn’t want to talk about this with anyone else? This isn’t a bad sign he is just afraid of Sirius this doesn’t automatically mean he is the second choice again.
And after all Pandora said that she felt James falling for him in a romantical way. When was Pandora ever wrong?
But with that Regulus looks in James eyes again and now he can see the fear in them. Fear what would happen now? Why would James be afraid of him or this situation?
And then he gets it. All his happiness disappears and his smile is gone as well. Yes, maybe James doesn’t want to tell anyone their friends because of his brother. But he doesn’t want to kiss him because of someone else. The beautiful girl that after years, years in which Regulus was already his, finally returned his affection. What would he have against that ?
James doesn’t want him. Maybe he could have if Lily wouldn’t have said yes, but most ironically out of all he was the second choice again. And with Lily there the answer to him is no. So he needs to be the bigger person and stop this.
“Just tell me you’re in love with Lily and I'll stop.”
“I don’t know.” James' voice is breaking, tears are starting to be in his eyes. And of course it is he was always the boy who feels too much, he is probably crying because he knows he makes Regulus sad with this.
“It’s just.. You’re confusing me.”
Regulus gets up fast. Somehow this played out exactly how he thought it would but even worse.
“Well if you’re not confused anymore tell me.” He snaps at him. And then he leaves the astronomy tower. Alone. Like it should be.