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"I see you." Is the first thing that Eddie says when Buck opens the door to his apartment to find his best friend standing in the hallway at eleven o'clock in the evening looking all kinds of distraught.
"I–, what?"
"I see you, Buck."
"Well, yes. You're standing right in front of me." Buck says, stepping back to let Eddie in the door. "Why are you here? Where's Chris?"
"At Pepa's for the night." Eddie shakes his head like he doesn't understand why Buck is asking, like it's irrelevant, and he leans against the kitchen bench. "But that's not–. Buck ."
The way Buck's name crosses his lips is almost like a wine, a plea. Eddie's shoulders are a tense line while he rings his fingers together and chews his lip. Buck's skin prickles with apprehension.
"Do you want a beer?" Buck asks slowly.
"No. No, no thank you. I just–." Eddie stumbles through his words like they're too big for his mouth. "No, I just need you to listen for a minute."
He takes a deep breath and shifts his feet like he's settling himself.
" I see you, Buck! You are kind, and you are thoughtful. You–, you hate mustard and love cooking shows and you screw your nose up every time you see one of those little scraggly dogs but you'll stop to pat it anyway.
"You are always doing things for everyone else. You are supportive and genuine and you love my son, Buck. And he loves you too and I will never be able to thank you for everything you have done for him, for both of us, and I will never be able to make it up to you. But Buck, I see you, every part of you. Even the parts you don't like and even more so the parts that you can't see."
Eddie is red in the face when he slams his jaw shut and stares off absently at Buck's sink, his eyes wide and glassy.
Buck steps closer to him, slowly, like approaching a spooked horse.
"Eddie, I–." Buck doesn't really know what to say, what can he say to follow a speech like that while his mind is still reeling and his heart is pounding in his chest? This feels like something big, something important. "I appreciate that, but what brought this on? Are you okay?"
Buck has to stop himself from reaching out a hand to test Eddie's temperature because the man looks three seconds away from passing out.
"You said, yesterday, at the cemetery, that you thought that you felt like Natalia saw you. But how could she, Buck, how could she when she doesn't know you? " Eddie chews the inside of his cheek as his eyes flit between Buck's eyes and his chin, never resting anywhere for long. "Maybe the lightning strike did change you, I can see that change but you are still you . Still all of those things I just said just–. You're alive, Buck, and I think you feel that way now too and you don't have to pretend to be the 'same old Buck' for anyone because you are him. You are my best friend, and my partner, hell, even my co-parent in all the ways that matter."
"Eddie–?"
"No. No, if I don't say this now I don't think I'll be able to, so listen. You–, just listen." Eddie points a finger at Buck and then finally locks eyes with him. Buck feels as though Eddie's dark gaze is boring straight into his soul. "I see you. I see you but more than that I know you. I love you. I am so glad you are alive and I never want to know another minute without you in it."
Buck feels it, he feels seen. But he's always felt seen by Eddie. Eddie always understands exactly what Buck is trying to say even when he doesn't have the words, and knows exactly what he always needs to hear. Buck has never felt dismissed or overlooked by Eddie and by God it's been in front of him all along and he realizes now that his vision was so clouded by searching for the things he thought he needed that he didn't realize he already had everything he's ever wanted.
"Eddie, I–." Buck kind of wants to cry but if he starts now he's not sure he'll stop. Every ounce of pent-up frustration and confusion and hope and terror that has been fighting within him since he woke up in the hospital is pressing at his seams and he suddenly feels too small to contain any of it.
"Do you understand me?" Eddie continues and Buck suddenly realizes that he's right in front of him, toe to toe with Eddie's hand hovering by Buck's waist like he wants to touch but is afraid Buck might break, so Buck steps into him and wraps his arms around Eddie's shoulders, both hands instantly cupping around the back of Eddie's head as he draws him in.
"Yes," he whispers in Eddie's ear as the other man meets him seamlessly and gathers Buck up, holding him back just as tightly. "Yes, I do, I promise."
"Good."
Eddie leans back after a few long, deep breaths and cups Buck's checks in his hands. "You okay?"
"I feel like I should be asking you that. You're the one that barged in here rambling like a madman. Are you okay?"
"Never been better." Eddie grins. "I'm going to kiss you now."
"You are?"
"I am." Eddie says firmly and Buck's stomach does a summersault. "Are you ready?"
Buck chuckles at the absurdity but also at how genuine the question is and how strongly the sense of right washes over him.
"I am now." He says and then Eddie does. Their lips meet in the middle in a careful press, each of them unsure, out of practice, and overwhelmed. But then Eddie smiles against Buck's lips and they're pressing together again, this time firmer, more sure of themselves and each other, and then all Buck can feel is Eddie, Eddie Eddie.
His hands on his cheeks, Buck's on his shoulders, their chests pressed together and their arms squished between them.
They pull away for a breath before Eddie dips back in to leave one last searing kiss against his lips and then they're breathing heavily into the tiny slither of space between them as they both grin manically.
"I see you." Eddie whispers and it sounds like I love you, so Buck kisses him again.