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Is this a normal day in New Dream for our favorite cast of crazy teenagers, right? WRONG! It seems like no matter what, no one in the universe of SYN could catch a break either in canon or fanon but that’s beside the point. Our group of misfits that being: Six, Mono, Renny, Stub, Netty, Lez, Alle, and Greeney were all seated in their respective karts, sometimes eyeballing each other but most of the time, looking straight at the track ahead of them. Glares and determined looks slowly morphed into looks of nervousness and fear as they stared at the Tick Tock Clock track, staring at the very fast spinning mechanics going around and around till the end of time.
Mono gave a faint swallow, shrinking down into the seat of his kart already feeling motion sick and they hadn’t even started. Alle narrowed her eyes at the track, trying to mask any trace of nervousness she felt. The Brothers tried their hardest to be steelfaced though Renny was nervous and Netty was mentally shatting bricks ten times over. Greeney was sweating buckets to the point the green streak should’ve come off, he looked like he was about to have a stroke and who could blame him? Finally, Lez and Six both sat in silence for the longest seconds of their lives then turned their gazes to face each other, completely unsure for once in their lives, the same thoughts running through their heads.
Before the lights went off, Lez dropped the bluntest bombshell that everyone agreed with, even Mono and Alle to probably everyone’s surprise. “Welp, we’re fucked.” The group was off to the races, five seconds into the race and already things were getting havoc. The swinging clock hands were in their faces with speed that no one expected, the group of eight were slapped in their fucking faces then were thrown off the track and killed instantly. Nah just kidding, about the instantly killed part, not about the part where they got slapped in the fucking faces by the clock’s spinning hands many, many times, the force sometimes knocking some of the gang on their sides.
Netty, being the smallest motherfucker in the SYN universe, was flung from his kart and sent flying at Renny like a bird. The boy in question barely had enough time to mimic Simba’s ‘oh crap!’ before he was launched backwards in his kart by Netty slamming himself on his face, almost cracking his spine in the process then he landed flat on his face, his kart landing on top of him. Stub, who was a motherfucking brick wall who couldn’t be moved, plowed through the clock hands like they were nothing, making it across safely. Alle skidded across the track, her hands gripped the steering wheel with such a tight grip that she almost broke it with her bare hands.
She gritted her teeth hard to the point she nearly broke a tooth, her body slid to the side as her kart did the same looking like a skateboarder doing some dumbass trick. The bodyguard gave a cocky smirk, her several braids flying in the air as the wind blew through them, she felt like she was on top of the world. That is, until she was smacked by the clock hands making her faceplant on the ground, Alle was not amused. Lez got lucky, smashing into an item block and getting a superstar. The second he used it, the exiled teen felt like he had snorted five pounds of crack and started having manic fever dreams but at least, Lez was able to get past the fast pace clock hands.
Six, however, put on the deal with it shades and used her powers to skip pass the entire track cuz she didn’t give two fucks. When the star power wore off, Lez needed a few seconds to recover from the mad fever dream he was having before he took off to the next part of the track. The boy gave a cocky smirk as he traveled the short distance to the next part, figuring everything would be easy as pie and because he was a cocky prick who never looked before he leaped, he jumped on the cogs with no fear. Which was a bad idea cuz the motherfuckers were spinning so fast Lez and the remaining racers couldn’t find jack shit so they could hang on for fucking dear life. Control was lost, sanity was lost, Mono nearly lost his stomach, good thing the kart came with free puke bags.
Seriously if anyone had any idea of the chaos that would ensue, they would’ve fucked off this stupid track the first chance they got. Lez smashed into the first item he saw, getting three bananas which he yeeted onto the track before yelping in surprise as his kart was swung like a top in the direction it was going, flinging Lez into a wall like Alle was yeeting him into a hut back in New Dream, how the cocky dumbass didn’t get stuck in the wall was beyond him but there was no way he was going to question any good fortune. He silently blessed the Lakitus though he reckoned they would be making a fortune from New Dream’s insanity of a Mario Kart styled race.
Mono let out the most high pitched girly scream a boy could ever produce before his stomach recoiled inside him causing him to grab the nearest puke bag then retch into it. Lez was too prideful to admit it, but even he was starting to feel sick from spinning like he was a goddamn top. He almost did try to stop his kart so he could look for a bag, but he managed to hold it together. Stub, Alle, Mono and Renny decide to say ‘fuck it!’ and joined hands together, figuring that they couldn’t get out of this shitshow by themselves. Stub lead the way, plowing through the cogs like he was plowing down Merv (no, not in the way you’re thinking, dear reader/listener), skidding pass Lez and nearly knocking him off the track much to all their, minus Mono who was too busy puking his guts out on the side of his kart, amusement and not Lez’s obviously.
It took a few minutes though to some, most notably Mono and Lez, but the group managed to make it across. Everyone decided to take a breather mostly for the sake of their stomachs and their poor boss who had stopped vomiting but was still as green as the green streak on Greeney’s forehead that he still had on. Speaking of Greeney, Mono weakly lifted his head off the side of his kart to peer around the Tick Tock Clock Track, eyes widening when he took notice of one kid out. “Wait, where’s Greeney?” At his question, everyone’s eyes widened and heads turned this way and that, trying to find the green teen.
Greeney wasn’t doing too good on the map because he couldn’t get pass the first ten fucking metres of this stupid ass map and he thought Fervidlizard32 had already made his life a misery. But no, Wendigo Studios, hey that’s me, had to be a massive bitch and stick his green ass behind the fast moving pendulum so he could get slapped around like he was a fucking fly. Every fucking time he drove up to the pendulum, he was slapped back to square one. Greeney let out a groan as he face planted onto the front of his kart, head spinning from being slapped to the ass and body aching. “Ugh, I fucking hate my life.”
Back with the other members of New Dream, the next part of the track came up and it was just like the first part except the clock hand was smaller than the first but it was still spinning like the previous one. “Aw shit, here we go again,” Alle muttered under her breath in exasperation, putting a hand up to her face. Everyone heard her and they nodded their heads in sympathy, this was not going to be fun. Sure enough, the trek across the track was not fucking fun, in fact, it was fucking painful. Probably even worse then the first clock hand, actually no, this motherfucking clock hand was far more fucking worse then the last.
When Lez first attempted to drive on the clock face, he was slapped right off the track, stopped right in his tracks from the happy slappy or by some fucked up laws of physics, Lez was knocked all over the clock face before landing back on the track the others were on. The mismatched eyed teen’s eyes rolled around in a circle before he violently shook his head and yelled out: “What the fuck?!” Nobody said a word in response to what Lez did, they only stared at the next clock face in dread, this was going to take a while.
Two Hours Later…
So much trial and error later, the group were still struggling to cross the clock face.
Four Hours Later…
They were still fucking at it, gee it sure is boring around here.
So much later that the old narrator got tired of waiting and she had to bring in a new one.
Another few hours later. “For fuck’s sake, can we move things along here, I’m all out of time cards and Midnight Matter and Wendigo Studios are getting fucking tired of our bullshit,” Netty complained, straightening himself in his eldest brother’s kart and yeeting aside several time cards that Renny, for some reason, had in his kart. Stub gritted his teeth, pulled out a mushroom that he snagged from an item block then shoved the motherfucker into his engine with all the strength in his muscles till no one could see it.
Once he finished doing that, he fired up his engine quite literally as the thing started smoking and fire appeared around the lid, something that concerned everyone, even Lez who expected this behavior from Merv, not someone like Stub. Lez shot Alle, a concerned look who returned it though the latter was sweating more nervously then usual, a look that asked the question before either of them could open their mouths. It seems like Stub had had enough of this shit, no doubt about it. “You’re fucked,” Lez sighed, putting a hand against his face. Alle barely had enough time to retort, only managed to pull off the most hilarious, at least to Lez, ‘oh crap’ before Stub’s kart dragged all of them through the clock face at top speed. Stub somehow, managing to bust down the clock hand like he was a walking breathing brick wall. By the time the group reached the end, Stub was pissed off, everyone else’s hair was a goddamn mess and poor Mono ended up puking his guts out much to the disgust of the Lakitus who had to clean that shit up.
Netty squealed as he was launched from Renny’s kart and crash landed into Lez’s arms, almost cracking the older boy’s spine in the process. Netty let loose a whimper as he curled up like a frightened kitten on the boy’s chest, small hands gripping the fabric of his red sweater. Once Lez recovered from the shock of nearly having his spine broken in three different places, the boy straightened himself in his kart and looked down at the small redhead, clearly not amused at this little torpedo nearly cracking his spine then clinging on to him like the fucking world was going to end or something. Netty snapped to attention and scooted away from Lez with the reddest blush Lez had ever seen on him, realizing how awkward the situation was.
Lez merely rolled his eyes at that but nonetheless he started up the kart and started after the others, at this point Lez knew he wasn’t going to win this race but honestly that was the least of his concerns. The boy couldn’t help but smirk as the homestretch came up, finally this whole bullshit would be over and honestly Lez was grateful not that he would ever say it. Netty saw the home stretch as well but he was more focused on clinging onto Lez’s waist as tight as he could, not wanting to be flung out of the kart for the third time, two times was enough for the poor little cutie. Lez saw this but decided against saying anything at the moment, the last few minutes were coming up then he could pry Netty away or ask his brothers to get him a fricking crowbar, but even he knew blasted tools can’t last for even the simplest of jobs.
However because Lez has an awful relationship with both his authors, shit just had to rear its ugly head and mess everything up for him, *cough, cough* chapter 24 of Seven Year Nightmare *cough, cough*. As the mismatched eyed teenager drove in between the fast moving cogs, thelawsofphysics.exe stopped working and Lez dropped off the track like he hadn’t done that shit already much to everyone else’s amusement. Lakitu then got tired of Lez’s bullshit and dropped him off the course with Netty hollering: “What the fuck, Lakitu?!” at the top of his lungs.
Finally, the two were dropped back onto the track, Lez decided enough was enough and drove over the cogs into the air, his white and black hair flying in the wind that came with the airtime. Netty let loose a panicked squeal as he ducked down into Lez’s kart, Lez looked unfazed but smug as he was nearing the finish line. The others on the ground all watched him with widened and bated breaths, Six gave zero shits as per usual. Mono caught her coming up and stared at her as if to ask ‘where the hell have you been?’ Six merely pushed her shades up and merely shrugged her shoulders.
Finally Lez crossed the finish line much to his delight and relief, unfortunately for him, his aim was slightly off once again and he fell off the track again. Thankfully for him, Lakitu caught both him and Netty, putting them back on the track…right behind poor Greeney, pushing him straight into the clock pendulum as if Greeney wasn’t suffering enough already in this whole entire fanfic. “Well, this was the most violent racing track fic I’ve ever read,” Fervidlizard32 muttered (probably your own reaction to this fanfic). “Legend has it Greeney is still trying to pass the pendulum to this day,” I concluded with a shit eating grin, my tongue sticking out. “The end.”