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“Is this really what you wanted?”
“I don’t think I have a choice in the matter.”
The dead silence was sickening. It was nothing but me, completely alone in the dimly lit room of the temple. This place didn’t feel like mine, it never did. I was strung along by a higher power. And for a moment, I thought I had won when I slain the one who put me here. I had forced them to be one of my own. A follower like the rest. I could do things the way I wanted to. No more listening to a disgusting perverted so-called “God”. They had to listen to me. Thus, we did things my way. And for a while, that’s exactly what happened. Life was good for all of us. With that foul beast in my clutches we didn’t have to worry about anything. The old Bishops were gone. The only surviving member was pacified. Living happy joyful lives like we all had always wanted. For the first time in my life. I was happy.
To think I once thought this bliss would last forever. One day, on the 97th day, the God that had brought me so much torment fell dead. I didn’t think it was possible, even when weakened they were still a God. An immortal being of untold strength. Yet we all woke up on a day like any other, staring down the corpse. For a moment I was relieved. They were a pain to deal with. Even without their full control over me, they knew how to get what they wanted. Things quickly went downhill. One by one, more people dropped dead. Like the measly little spiders that infested our camp. They all dropped so quickly, you would think someone had been doing this on purpose. An ancient plague that struck back with a fierce vengeance. In what felt like an instant, everyone was gone. Everyone but one. A lone wolf. My first and most loyal follower. He looked to me for guidance. He thought I could do something. I could only look and solemnly shake my head. He took the hint.
We had gone into the temple to consider our options. Gaining another large following like that, was it even possible? The lone wolf had believed so.
“You started from nothing!” He stared into my eyes with optimism, “Surely you could do so again. Even if it takes some time, you can do it, I know it’s possible.”
He was but a simple follower, I couldn’t expect him to see what I saw. The world was slowly falling apart. In the few short hours when the end came I could sense it starting. The beginning of the end, as they say. I had no faith. In the literal sense? Not quite yet. But my own desire to go on had already been fading since the beginning.
I offered him one last ritual. As the last gift for his undying loyalty. I told him not what I thought. Of my own dying faith. He showed excitement, unjustified optimism. I had considered my options. A bonfire? Take off the edge with some mushrooms? Deep down I knew what he really wanted. The same thing everyone had wanted from me. What he wanted from me. An overwhelming feeling of disgust took over. I went with a different option. With the last remaining strength I had, I had sacrificed him to a God that no longer was. His blood curdling screams filled the empty room echoing through every crack and crevice. I felt nothing as he plunged into an empty black void.
That’s when loneliness took hold. I had snapped out of my self induced trance and realized what I had done. I left myself with quite creaks of the temple. Pitiful reminders of my past left me more hollow than before. An overwhelming tingle of emptiness took its place. It may have been a paralyzing numbness to keep me from going mad. Truthfully, I think I had always felt this way.
The next day came. For a moment I left the temple to see what was left. It was like time had come to a standstill. Not a thing moved out of place. It wasn’t until now I had examined the body of the old God. This death wasn’t a normal one. I had expected to see blood shed. A stab wound or some kind of illness we had somehow missed. No. It was nothing I had ever seen before. I couldn’t describe what I was looking at. It was otherworldly, a sight beyond description. It was as if something had tried to remove him entirely and only left scrambled bits and pieces. Hastily done and distorted past recognition. I had only been able to tell it was the old God because it was in the same place I had walked onto when I first saw them dead. A few others, followers I was meant to be closer to, had suffered the same fate. For the rest, a seemingly random roulette of deaths. Everyone had died of various different causes. Murder, poisoning, drowning. Any horrific death you could think of. This was something far above the old God’s doing. He couldn’t have done this. He didn’t have any reason to. They all still gave him exactly what he wished for.
I retreated back to the temple where I would spend my final days. That old God, as terrible as he was, he had taught me all I know. Gods could not exist without a cult to worship them. And as I was the only one left, the burden of penultimate death lay in my hands.
I didn’t want to think of this anymore. Looking back at the cult I had built filled me with loathing. I had always hated all of it. None of the joy I had felt was real. It was all a lie. Built in manipulation and desperation for something better. Did I ever truly enjoy myself? Even during those days of bliss when I had been able to do what I wanted. Was I truly happy? Or was that happiness just what I had thought I was meant to be? I had too many questions. Questions that would never get answered. I tricked myself into believing they never had answers in the first place. Made it easier to digest. The day felt longer than others. Time slowed down around me. Like the unmoving cult outside. I spent most of that day sleeping.
My final day arrived. The rain was heavy, soaking me in water. The shittly made roof soaked everything in the building. I awoke in the early dawn to a voice I couldn’t recognize. All I did was chuckle to myself. My own insanity caught up to me on my day of reckoning. At least I wouldn’t be alone.
The voice spoke to me. Curiously, it cared for my opinion.
“Is this really what you wanted?”
I answered without hesitation, “I don’t think I have a choice in the matter.”
“You could’ve gone out and gotten more followers, no? Bring them back from the dead. You had done it before.”
“Who’s to say there was anyone left past these walls? Even the void will eventually eat what it was fed.”
The voice went silent for a bit. I wondered if I had done the right thing with the lone wolf. Perhaps a death by sacrifice was better than the death that soon waited the rest of us.
The voice returned, “Did you care for any of the people you had come across?”
A bit more hesitation. I had almost thought I had some humanity left in me, “No. Not a single one of them. They were all puppets. Fake people to make me feel better. The lover I claimed to hold dear was but a carbon copy of the one I lost to a God of violence. The lone wolf wasn’t even my first. A lie I told myself to make them feel more special. I couldn’t even tell you the names of the rest of them.”
“Did you ever truly love?”
“My love is but a childish crush at best. And a manipulative ploy at worst.”
The voice went silent again.
I had taken the chance to ask it a question myself, “What is happening to me?”
“You’re being reshaped. This world brings painful reminders.”
“Heh, you really are the voice in my head.” I forced myself to sigh, the silence between questions got more unbearable, “Will I remember my time here?”
“I have no plans on letting you do so. I want to forget this.”
“What are you?”
That was the last I had heard from this voice. Not even they knew what they were. That’s what I assumed. I had been so busy chatting with this strange voice of fate that I had ignored how much I was shivering. My thoughts plagued me with the worst it had to offer. My anxiety had peaked. Night was ever so slowly approaching. I’d be gone soon. At the last moment, the full weight of the moment hit me. I was nervous, anxious, scared for what little I had of my life. I rushed around the room with a sudden last burst of energy. I was terrified. I wasn’t ready for this. Laying down in the pentagram scratching at the wet floorboards. Desperately trying to make sure I remember how it is to feel.
I wanted to go out like the rest. Maybe I’d be able to see them again in a new world. In a better place where we could have truly enjoyed each other’s company. The numbness might be healed by then. My vision went blurry, my mind racing as its final moments drew painfully close. A recognizable and revolting swirl of gold and purple danced around my mind. A brief flash of agonizing sorrow as bright red blood filled what was left of my body.
On the 100th day, I felt nothing.