Chapter Text
I. A Grave Miscalculation
Judai had mixed feelings about everyone coming along.
On one hand, he couldn’t deny he had needed their help to strengthen the interdimensional rift so that he could even come here. However, the cost of that was that they now made for quite a large group, which would undoubtedly hinder things. That worry unfortunately held weight as Judai witnessed everyone clumsily and slowly orienting themselves upon their abrupt arrival in this new dimension.
He watched, anxiety rising.
The group claimed they wanted to save Johan since he had saved all of them, and Judai knew deep down that there was some truth to that but what really bothered him was one undeniable fact — most of his friends were only here because they had followed him. Judai had been the one to initiate this rescue operation and his friends all joined their efforts because they wanted to support him. The thought should have been an admirable one, but Judai could only see the downside. They had all thoughtlessly trailed after him and assumed Judai would take on some responsibility for their well-being.
Unfortunately for his friends, that had been a major error in judgement on their part because Judai found himself in no mood to hold hands or to babysit. He had initially turned down their offers to help, told them to stay behind while he went on alone and he had meant every word. Judai knew this search was going to be dangerous and time was of the essence. They had already wasted a whole day at Duel Academia since returning, and at a glance, this new dimension seemed desolate and vast.
Johan could be anywhere. More importantly, he could be wounded or in danger.
Judai’s eyes glazed over and his mind dangerously wandered to a haunting memory, the last thing he saw before blacking out and waking up back at Duel Academia…Johan’s eyes closing shut followed by a small cry of pain as he tried to shield himself from the blast of Rainbow Dragon and Armityle’s attack.
It was as if Judai felt the pain of the blast himself, right in his chest. He refocused and turned away from everyone. His friends were all capable and could look after themselves.
They didn’t need him, but Johan did.
Judai started walking, beginning his search. If they wanted to travel together, then his friends would just have to keep up with him.
II. Desperate People are the Most Dangerous
The aroma of something similar to beef stew wafted over from the nearby hearth. Some of the people they were sheltering with were minding a large pot, and as they added spices, the tantalizing smell permeated the small space. However, the promise of a delicious meal didn’t rouse Judai’s usual appetite like it once would have. He mindlessly fiddled with the Kuriboh keychain as he sat on the floor, alone and tucked away in a corner. Judai and his friends currently found themselves underground, instructed by Freed and his companions to wait until the light of the comet died down before continuing their search. Judai tried to stay calm and be patient but it felt like no matter what he did, his mind could only keep coming back to one thing.
Or rather, one person.
The keychain’s pom-pom-like body was super fluffy, and the feeling reminded Judai of soft teal hair. Johan used to lay his head on Judai’s shoulder sometimes, and Judai would be tempted to reach out and play with Johan’s hair. In the end, Judai only had the chance to run his hands through it once while Johan rested safe and sound in his lap. That had been the night before everything changed…
The memories made Judai’s heart ache.
His chest was constantly tight, but at least his eyes were dry. He had cried all his tears at Duel Academia, back when he thought Johan was gone forever and not just missing.
Judai stopped fidgeting, glanced down at the keychain and was greeted by a set of odd eyes. One eye had been partly rubbed off by its previous owner. Was Johan anxious right now as well? Was he scared? Was he also desperately trying to search for Judai?
Judai’s worrying thoughts came to an abrupt stop when a voice interrupted them.
“That’s a cute trinket. I’ve never seen a Kuriboh keychain like that before. Where’d you get it?”
Judai glanced up and saw Jim with two plates of food. He offered Judai the smaller one and a smile. Judai looked back down, ignoring the plate.
“Johan gave it to me.”
“I see,” Jim carefully commented. “It’s a lovely gift.”
Judai nodded but tucked the keychain safely back in his pocket as Jim sat down next to him. He put the plate he brought for Judai down in front of him before he started digging into his own heaping portion. Jim ate a few bites before reaching out again.
“You should try eating something. It’s our first real meal since coming here. We have a lot of ground to cover and you’ll need the energy,” He offered.
Judai thought about that and even though his stomach was twisted in too many knots for him to feel hungry, he did have to acknowledge that food was energy and that energy was important in this situation. He picked up his plate and took a small bite of food. If Jim was happy about that, he didn’t show it. The transfer student just carried on eating his own food next to him and Judai found himself feeling somewhat thankful for it.
Earlier, after Judai had desperately questioned the dying soldier about Johan, all his friends seemed a bit put off by it and were giving him some space. Jim was the first one to approach him since. Jim saved a sizable portion of food on his plate for Karen and let out a small whistle.
“I have no idea what that was, but it was tasty!”
Judai didn’t comment as he worked on finishing his own food. His lack of an appetite was causing him to eat with much less enthusiasm than he usually did. Jim couldn’t help but notice.
“Things have been a bit rough since coming here, haven’t they? How are you holding up?”
Judai paused his eating and looked down, a shadow covering his eyes.
“It was always a possibility that things would be rough,” he stated matter of factly. Somewhat coldly, he added, “You didn’t have to come. You hardly knew Johan.”
Jim glanced over at Judai, concern finally showing on his face. Judai hated seeing that expression directed towards him, but he wasn’t sure what to do about it. He contemplated getting up and leaving, but Jim spoke up before he could.
“Yes, but Johan hardly knew most of us, and yet he still risked his life to get everyone back home.” Jim crossed his arms. “He's a fellow transfer student and he fought bravely for everyone. O’Brien and I agree that we won’t accept Johan’s sacrifice either.”
Judai gripped his spoon tight as memories of the duel with Yubel flooded his mind.
“I don’t understand why Johan did that.”
“He did it to save us,” Jim replied.
Judai found himself feeling sick again as he remembered Johan’s bright smile and last words. Johan hadn’t looked sad or uncertain at all, just determined with the choice he had made. The image haunted Judai.
“I know Johan did it to save us, but he sacrificed himself so easily for everyone else’s sake. He didn’t think of himself at all, he didn’t even hesitate.”
“Johan seems to be that kind of person,” Jim said. “When we were running low on food near the end, he was the first to volunteer to give up his portion, and when one of us was too tired, he’d offer to take over the patrol at night. He’s selfless and appears to be the type who naturally puts others before himself.”
Judai had noticed these things about Johan too, and he used to admire them, but now he found himself deeply resenting these traits instead. Judai put down his plate. He could feel tears forming at the corners of his eyes, but he forced himself to blink them away.
“I wish he wasn’t like that,” Judai admitted, the pain evident in his voice. “I wish I could have done something to stop him.”
“His noble act wasn’t in vain. The rest of us returned home safely because of what Johan did,” Jim reminded him. “It was a tense situation and nothing more could have been done back then, but we can do something now, and we are. All of us want to find Johan and bring him home too, Judai. You understand that don’t you?”
Judai’s shoulders began to shake as he desperately tried to verbalize his anxieties.
“But we’re just sitting here! I want to keep going — I want to keep searching. Johan could be at that prison camp Freed told us about. I’m doing nothing right now when he could be suffering! It makes me feel so powerless.” Judai’s head hung low and he looked utterly exhausted. “We all returned home but Johan was left behind. I have to find him.”
Jim placed a hand on Judai’s shoulder gently, carefully.
“Judai, you aren’t alone in this. I believe that no one should get left behind and that includes Johan.”
Judai had heard Jim, but he answered the comment with silence. He knew the words were supposed to be a comfort but they did little to reassure him. From his perspective, this discussion only highlighted the unfairness of everything, causing Judai to feel even more restless and frustrated. He didn’t have anything more to say and he couldn’t sit still anymore.
Judai stood, but as he did, Jim reached into his vest pocket and pulled out a folded piece of paper.
“Look, Freed gave me a map of the nearby area,” Jim said. “That prison camp isn’t too far away from here, so once the comet dies down, we should be able to get there rather quickly.”
Judai’s heart began beating rapidly in his chest at the reveal of the map. His eyes widened, and he eagerly looked at Jim as he quickly sat back down.
“A map!? Can I see it?”
“Yes, of course.”
Jim laid the small map out and Judai keenly started scanning it, eating his food with more enthusiasm while doing so. This map would take them to where Johan might be, and Judai wanted to be sure to study it carefully.
–
Noticing Judai was now hyper fixated on the map and seeming more energized again, Jim stood and stretched, feeling a bit better about the situation. The conversation he just had with Judai wasn’t particularly motivating, but Jim hoped he had been able to at least properly express that they were all in this together.
Jim felt profound sympathy for Judai. Like most, he had noticed how Judai and Johan had instantly paired up after their passionate exhibition duel. For the short time they had been at Duel Academia, the two had been joined at the hip, tackling almost everything together. It was also obvious that their connection had bloomed into something deeper during that time. Jim didn’t want to question the pain or guilt Judai must have been feeling, so he tried to give his friend some grace and hoped he could at least cheer him up a little.
“I’m going to get seconds,” Jim announced to Judai. “There’s lots to go around so feel free to grab some more too.”
Judai just nodded but didn’t look up. There was some stew on his face and Jim chuckled.
Back by the large pot of food, Jim began scooping up another fresh plate. As he did so, Asuka wandered close. She was fidgeting awkwardly with her blue gloves. She seemed anxious and tired, though Jim could hardly blame her for that after everything they’d experienced so far. He took his time and waited patiently for Asuka to speak up.
“I saw you sat with Judai for a bit,” she eventually said. “How is he?”
“You could always go ask him?” Jim had meant the comment lightly, but he noticed Asuka’s worried expression only deepend.
“I tried speaking with him earlier, and I don’t think he wants to listen to me. He’s been very focused on finding Johan and not much else,” she admitted.
“Judai is going through a lot right now and he might not listen,” Jim acknowledged. “But you all seem to be close friends. If you keep trying to reach out to him, he might listen eventually.”
“I’m worried about Judai, but the truth is, I’m also afraid.”
“Why are you feeling afraid?”
Asuka didn’t respond right away. She glanced around and gestured towards an unoccupied corner. Jim understood and the two walked that direction.
Jim brushed the ground with his hands, clearing the floor of some dust and motioned for them to sit down. Asuka hugged her legs to her chest and continued, “Earlier, I couldn’t believe Judai would go that far. That poor soldier was dying, and he questioned him about Johan anyway. He showed no concern for the soldier or his family. It was shocking.”
“No, what he did wasn’t right,” Jim agreed. “But he’s wracked with guilt. There’s no denying he’s feeling desperate. To Judai, that soldier could be the only person who knew where Johan was.”
“I am trying to understand where Judai is coming from,” Asuka said. “I know he’s hurting, I just wish I knew how to help.”
“Being here and supporting him is helping plenty.”
“Yeah.”
The two sat in silence. It wasn’t uncomfortable, but the gravity of the situation they found themselves in did make the mood heavy. Asuka seemed to be considering everything they talked about and eventually, a small smile graced her face. Though, Jim noticed it didn’t quite reach her eyes.
“Thanks for talking with me, Jim,” she eventually said. “I still feel a little uneasy about everything, but I do feel a bit better too.”
“Of course.” Jim returned her attempt at a smile. “I said this to Judai just now as well, but I mean it. We’re all in this together, Asuka.”
“We are,” Asuka said. “And if this is what Judai has decided, then we have no choice but to follow him, right?”
Jim nodded, but before he could say anything, Fubuki approached them.
“Have either of you seen Judai?” he asked.
“Yeah, I was just speaking with him,” Jim answered.
When Jim took Fubuki and Asuka to where Judai had just been, a wave of disappointment and shock washed over him. Judai’s plate sat abandoned on the floor, polished clean, but the map Jim had shared was nowhere to be seen. Jim’s shoulders sagged as he quickly realized the error in judgement he had made. He had just wanted to try and cheer Judai up a little, give him a piece of good news, but it seemed he had underestimated the depth of Judai’s desperation.
“I’ll go see if I can find Judai,” Jim announced. “Asuka, you and Fubuki should let everyone else know!”
Asuka and Fubuki nodded, leaving swiftly. Jim ran and their urgency already attracted the attention of some of the others. Jim just hoped that they weren’t too late.
III. Sore Feet
Judai was searching the entire compound from top to bottom, and he dueled every monster he came across. Unfortunately, none of them claimed to know anything about Johan, so far. The frustration Judai felt was beginning to wear him down.
He panted, utterly exhausted. Judai staggered a little and allowed himself to sit on a nearby rock to catch his breath for a moment. However, he didn’t want to rest long because whenever he did, his mind wandered, and this time he found himself thinking about that boy who had looked eerily like Johan, and how Zure had obliterated that boy faster than Judai could even blink.
That warm presence that had been standing next to him — gone in a flash of light.
Just like how…
Judai felt bile coming up his throat. He retched, and not for the first time after his duel with Zure only hours before. The experience had been a haunting one, the memory etched in Judai’s mind.
He couldn’t help but take the situation and twist it. What if instead of that boy, it had really been Johan? What if Judai had finally found him but then they were attacked, caught off guard and then Johan…Johan…
Johan’s green eyes, filled with determination, flashed in Judai’s mind.
Judai hit the rock he was sitting on, causing his knuckles to bleed. Just the thought of what could have happened made his knees shake and his heart pound in his ears. He wiped at his mouth with the back of his hand, eyes wide.
Judai had to be more careful. He had to annihilate these monsters before they had the chance to ever get the jump on him again.
His thoughts were interrupted as Hane Kuriboh returned to his side and announced that he had found another group of monsters lurking near the other end of the hall. Judai shakily stood. His spirit partner looked concerned, but Judai ignored it and carried on.
He felt tired and he felt weak, but for Johan, he would be strong. He would be relentless.
If it was for Johan’s sake, he was capable of anything.
IV. A Haunting
Judai twitched as he heard strange, broken humming and felt someone shakily petting his hair. Slowly, he opened his eyes and was met with a familiar gaze.
Judai scrambled to sit up, realizing he had been resting in Johan’s lap. His hands hovered, unsure if what he was seeing was only an apparition.
“J-Johan…?”
Johan nodded, offering a small, tired smile and simply answered, “Yes, Judai. It’s me.”
Judai hastily pulled him into a desperate embrace. Johan strangely didn’t return the gesture. It was like his arms were suddenly a dead weight at his side. Sensing something was off, Judai glanced over Johan’s shoulder and finally took in their surroundings. Behind Johan was a single large mirror which Judai could see himself and Johan reflected in. He hesitantly gazed around and saw there was nothing else around them but a vast, never-ending darkness.
“Where…are we?”
“I don't know,” Johan mildly stated. “But I think our real bodies are somewhere else.”
Judai gripped tighter, almost as though he were afraid of Johan disappearing into this darkness if he let go.
“Where are you? How can I get to you?”
Johan didn’t answer right away. It was as if the question genuinely stumped him.
“I’m not sure. I’ve been stuck wandering here for a long time but my consciousness is weak. I’m myself but I’m also not? I’m some version of myself that’s stuck here. It’s like I’m growing more and more detached from who I am. I can’t even sense my family anymore.”
Judai noticed that Johan’s voice did sound fainter, almost as though talking was a strain, and this combined with how flippantly Johan discussed the absence of his family was very concerning. Johan had made the comment more like it was a fact and less like it was a concern. If Johan’s family really were gone, or he had lost the ability to see them, he would never be this calm and collected about it.
To say it was jarring would be an understatement.
Judai finally pulled away and stared at Johan deeply, scrutinizing everything about the boy in front of him.
Johan’s usually vibrant green eyes looked dull, with dark circles lining them. It was like he had been desperately awake for a long time with no rest. His arms still hung limply at his side, like he was too exhausted to move. The weight of the darkness in this liminal space seemed to be taking its toll.
Judai put his hand over Johan’s but as with the hug, Johan didn’t reciprocate. He looked hollow, like a stripped-down version of his true spirit.
The sight was breaking Judai’s heart into a million pieces.
Johan continued.
“I’ve been trapped in this darkness for so long but suddenly, I stumbled upon you. You wouldn’t wake up, so I sat with you until you did.”
“You’ve been in this darkness this whole time?” Judai barely got the question out.
Truthfully, it was hard to tell how long it’d been since they came to this dimension. The days had dangerously blurred together, so while it could have only been days, it very easily could have been weeks instead. Judai placed his hands on Johan’s shoulders.
“Johan, I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry.”
“Don’t apologize. You’ve been searching for me, right?” Johan murmured.
Judai’s eyes widened, betraying his desperation.
“Of course I’ve been searching for you! I haven’t stopped — I won’t ever stop!”
Johan closed his eyes and reached for Judai’s hand that rested on his shoulder, though his hold was weak and the action seemed to take great effort.
"The next time you find yourself in this place, make sure you have a guide,” Johan said. “Otherwise, you’ll be trapped in this darkness. You won't be able to move backwards or forwards, you’ll be stuck here. Drowning in memories, forever.”
Instantly, a shiver went through Judai and he felt a strong sense of foreboding. The words were confusing and he didn’t understand what Johan was trying to tell him, but he knew they were meant to be a warning of some kind.
"Johan, I don't know what that means,” Judai whispered, gripping Johan’s shoulders tight.
Johan’s eyes had a milky, glazed-over look to them now. He was looking in Judai’s direction but he seemed unable to focus his sight, his pupils flickered as though he were recalling something.
“I unfortunately can’t get to you, but I know you’ll find me. You always do, everytime.” Johan’s voice was soft. “You’ll find me. You’ll find me again and again and again…”
Johan had trailed off but no more words came out. Tears silently spilled from sightless eyes as his expression shifted to one of deep remorse and guilt.
“I’m so sorry, Judai,” he finally choked out.
Judai froze and a horrible pit formed in his stomach.
“J-Johan?”
Suddenly, Johan was no longer directly in front of him. Judai could only see the reflection of Johan in the mirror. They were facing one another but the image Judai saw made him break out in a cold sweat.
Johan’s eyes were now completely sapped of any life and his face was deathly pale. Darkness was climbing up him, as if staining his clothes a deep, rich black. Johan’s head lolled and his body went completely limp as the darkness continued to engulf him.
Judai scrambled to the mirror as fast as he could.
“JOHAN!”
Judai frantically reached out but could only feel the mirror’s cold glass. His fingertips uselessly clawed at the surface. Unable to reach Johan on the other side, Judai raised his fists, ready to smash the glass but then suddenly, there was a blinding light.
–
Judai woke up, hyperventilating.
“Judai!” A voice called out.
Judai felt a hand on his back, trying to help steady him. Fubuki cautiously spoke.
“Hey, it’s okay. You were just dreaming.”
Judai’s eyes were still wide, frenzied, and he couldn’t bring himself to speak just yet, but as he woke up, he was getting a better grasp on his situation. He was in a compound, searching for Johan. He had been feeling exhausted and must have dozed off or passed out when he sat down.
“We shouldn’t linger here,” O’Brien’s voice calmly stated. “I’ll carry Judai back to camp. Manjoume, give me a hand.”
Manjoume went to help lift Judai up, but before he could, Judai slapped his hands away.
“No!” Judai yelled, “J-Johan, he’s in danger! I haven’t finished looking, he could still be here!”
O’Brien, Fubuki and Manjoume exchanged a look between themselves.
“You were gone a long time, so O’Brien, Manjoume and I came to look for you,” Fubuki gently explained. “You had passed out after dueling so many monsters at this compound.”
O’Brien crossed his arms. “I don’t think Johan’s here, Judai.”
Judai shakily stood, finally regaining some of his energy. Manjoume reached out, placing a hand on Judai’s shoulder.
“Come on, let’s go back to everyone else. You need a break.”
Judai brushed Manjoume off harshly and didn’t bother turning around to face his friend.
“I said, I haven’t finished looking.” Judai repeated, voice uncharacteristically firm. “Even if Johan isn’t here, there could still be a monster who knows something.”
“But why have you been dueling them all?” O’Brien questioned. “Most of the monsters here are low-level soldiers. You can ask them if they know anything and then let them go.”
“I don’t care how weak they are, these monsters are no better than Zure!” Judai yelled. “What if they were lying? If they don’t tell me and I let them go, they might do something that would put Johan and Freed’s companions at risk.”
Fubuki shook his head, seeming wary. “That’s a dangerous way to look at things.”
Manjoume agreed, “When you duel and win, you’re essentially killing them, Judai! Don't you care about that at all?”
“Johan’s in danger and he’s waiting for me.” Judai’s eyes had a wild look in them. “I have to do whatever it takes, Johan would understand! He sacrificed to save us too!”
Manjoume’s hands clenched into fists.
“How can you even think that!? Johan sacrificed himself to save us!” Manjoume reached out and shoved Judai. “But you’re going around sacrificing everyone for his sake! Do you seriously think that he’d want that!?”
Despite being shoved, Judai took a measured step towards Manjoume.
“How do you know what Johan would want!?”
“I’m beginning to think I know him better than you do.” Manjoume’s voice had a cold bite to it.
“Take. That. Back.”
The two were close to blows so O’Brien interjected, even going so far as to stand in between them. He stared at Judai, pointedly.
“Johan cared about you, Judai, and you two were very close. We all know that.”
“It’s just pissing me off that you seem to think we don’t care enough about finding Johan!” Manjoume snapped at Judai. “You’re the one who needs to check in with reality, not us!”
Judai turned his back on them. Voice cold, he stated, “You guys go wait back at the gate where it's safe. There’s only one last place I haven't checked here yet. I won’t be long.”
A guard had mentioned that some Sonic Ducks were in a corral near the back of the compound. If Judai secured those, they could search much faster…
Johan’s lifeless expression flashed in Judai’s mind.
Not waiting for further comment, Judai left his friends and ran off.
The three left behind weren’t surprised anymore — running off on his own was all Judai had been doing since coming here. In silence, they stood there and watched him go.
For the first time, his friends all hesitated to follow after him.