Chapter Text
That evening, Sho found himself aimlessly wandering outside, feeling anxious and restless after the confrontation he just had with his friends. He couldn’t handle hearing how Manjoume, Kenzan, Asuka and Fubuki had been speaking and reminiscing as though Judai were gone forever. Yes, Judai was missing, but it had only been a week since they came back from that dark and twisted dimension. Just because Judai hadn’t returned with them, it didn’t mean he never would. It was too soon to lose hope and give up.
Judai hadn't sacrificed himself nor did he say he’d never come home, and Sho resolutely clung to that. There was so much he wanted to say, and so much more he wanted to make amends for. Sho acknowledged these sentiments of his were somewhat selfish, but after everything that happened, these were his true feelings. He had reflected a lot over this past week, and despite the lingering fear and anxiety, he kept coming back to the same conclusion. He cared about Judai a lot. He wanted to do better by his closest friend, and he desperately wished for the chance to be able to do so.
Sho pulled his Ra Yellow jacket closer around himself when a chilly wind blew past. It was early spring and their graduation would be happening in a couple months, the final year of school abruptly approaching to a close. They had all been gone a long time, equating to nearly three months passing in their own home dimension. It was shocking to discover time seemed to pass differently between the two spaces, because their time spent in the dark dimension had easily felt like years, not just months.
Sho was wondering if Judai was still experiencing that strange time discrepancy, wherever he was, when suddenly, a bright light similar to a shooting star passed his vision.
–
When Judai returned that evening, literally crash landing like a meteor back to Earth, Sho wasn’t sure if anyone would trust him when he eventually shared the story. Even now, sitting in the Osiris Red common area with only Judai beside him, Sho was having a hard time believing that this was really happening.
Judai had asked about getting some fried shrimp, but now that he had some in front of him, he wasn’t even touching the food on his plate. Sho was feeling at a complete loss on how to properly approach things. There was a lot he wanted to say, but he had no idea how to begin.
Judai was back, but he was very different from how Sho had remembered him. Judai used to have such soft and friendly features, but now it was as if everything was sharpened, hardened. Most noticeably, Judai’s brows were constantly furrowed, and his eyes had an undeniable severe look to them. Sho wasn’t naïve enough to assume that his friend would return from everything unchanged, but it was still jarring to witness.
No one was in the common area anymore, so it was just the two of them sitting across from one another at a table. Time carried on in silence, then, without a word, Judai stood and went to get a glass of water. The untouched fried shrimp sat like a strange memento to the past on the table. Sho picked at a loose thread on his yellow sleeve and glanced around awkwardly. Judai opted to drink his water by the sink, and as he did, Sho happened to notice that he had two deck holders clipped to his belt, which was unusual. That’s when a thought suddenly came to him and Sho remembered.
There was something Judai had to do. A very precious item that he had to return.
“If you want, I can take you to him,” Sho offered. “He’s been waiting for you.”
Saying a name wasn’t even necessary. Judai finally regarded him properly and Sho saw a spark briefly flicker in his friend’s deep brown eyes.
–
Sho and Judai were the only visitors at the Duel Academia infirmary that night, and Johan was currently the only patient. The heart rate monitor beeped steadily as Johan slept. He was hooked up to a couple machines that monitored his health and also an IV drip.
From the foot of the bed, Judai looked on with an unreadable expression. His focus remained on Johan as he asked Sho, “How is he?”
“He passed out when we were all transported back home and didn’t wake up until a couple days ago. I heard his physical injuries aren’t so bad, but he’s been slipping in and out of consciousness, so he’s been bed ridden. Everyone has been taking turns visiting during the day, but it’s a 50/50 chance if he’s able to stay awake for the entire visit or not.”
Sensing the heavy weight of the moment, Sho hadn’t stalled, and he quickly shared everything he knew. After, he paused to see if Judai had anything more he wanted to ask or even anything else to say in general. However, Judai seemed to be thinking very deeply, lost in his own thoughts. His face was expressionless, but his eyes were alarmingly bright. Sho noticed Judai’s hand was resting carefully on Johan’s deck holder.
Sho was no longer in that fiendish dimension so he couldn’t see duel spirits anymore, but he assumed this reunion with the Gem Beasts was going to be an emotional one and figured he should give them all some privacy. With that in mind, he didn’t verbally excuse himself, but he wasn’t sure if Judai would have noticed either way.
--
The only sound now was the heart rate monitor beeping a steady rhythm. Judai did notice Sho’s silent departure, and he vaguely felt a bit guilty that he hadn’t said much of anything. He had thought that seeing everyone again wouldn’t have affected him so much, that he could have put on a better act than this, but it seemed he wasn’t quite as up to it as he first thought. Judai let out a weary sigh and closed his eyes.
“He’s recovering well.” A voice called out to him in his mind and Judai startled slightly — he was still getting used to that new sensation. Opening his eyes quickly, it was easy to see that visibly, no one else was in the room with him, and Johan, but in reality, there was another presence.
After a moment, Judai whispered out loud. “Will he be okay?”
Yubel morphed into view, revealing themselves fully. Their arms were crossed and their big draconic wings were elegantly folded behind their back. They hovered slightly above the ground as they stayed by Judai’s side.
“Yes, Johan has a strong heart.”
Yubel didn’t elaborate, so Judai nodded in response and glanced at Johan more closely, but his eyes squinted in scrutiny when he noticed something unfamiliar. “Why is his hair grey here? It wasn’t like that before.”
Judai wanted to reach out and brush at the spot, but he hesitated, his hand hovering where he had extended it. Instead, he opted to point to a very visible patch of silver hair by Johan’s left temple. The patch rested just where Johan’s bangs ended, slightly above his ear. It was small but stood out starkly against his bright teal hair.
“It’s my fault.” Yubel regarded the slumbering boy as they provided a simple but somber explanation. “After Johan’s soul finally returned, his body likely reacted this way from the shock. It should have been done more delicately, but the process was so abrupt and his soul had been separated for a long time.”
Judai thought of the changes his own body went through after fusing with Yubel. Despite not experiencing the same thing, Johan’s body had been possessed by Yubel for a long period of time. The notion that Johan’s body didn’t escape unscathed was sadly a believable one. Judai’s feelings regarding everything were complicated, but there was one thing he believed with certainty.
“Johan shouldn’t be going through this, but none of it is directly your fault.”
A pulse of gratitude went through Judai initially, but then he could feel a stirring of regret in his heart that wasn’t his own. It swirled, amplifying the existing feelings of guilt that Judai already held. He swallowed and looked away from the hospital bed, unable to bear the near overwhelming remorse that both he and Yubel carried when it came to Johan.
The two of them reflected for a time, and silently tried to comfort one another. Eventually, Yubel gently suggested, “When you’re ready, you should wake his family. They have been sleeping for a long time, waiting for this moment.”
Judai gave a nod before reaching for his belt and retrieving the other deck holder that he had been keeping securely clipped beside his own. When he did, Yubel faded away again. Judai knew they were doing this out of courtesy because they weren’t sure how Johan’s family would feel about their presence just yet. After he had fused with Yubel, the Gem Beasts retired into a deep slumber, much like their respective duelist.
Judai cradled the deck box in both hands, like a dear treasure. He then very carefully placed it next to Johan, by his right hand. Instantly, a bright light emitted and all the Gem Beasts slowly morphed into view around Johan’s bed. Judai stepped back to give the family space.
Ruby was quick to curl up on Johan’s chest. Amethyst Cat stayed by his bedside, her tail anxiously swishing side-to-side.
“Oh, Johan…” she uttered, her tone sounding tortured.
The other spirits all had equal looks of sadness and weariness as they settled in. With a heaviness in his chest, Judai couldn’t help but notice that the commotion hadn’t managed to wake Johan.
The Gem Beasts weren’t looking at him. Understandably, they were focused solely on Johan. Judai felt bad for interrupting their reunion, but he wanted to at least pass along what Sho had shared with him.
“I was told Johan has been fading in and out of consciousness but that he did wake up a couple days ago. Hopefully, you’ll all be able to see each other soon,” Judai said.
He then averted his gaze and braced himself for their reaction. The Gem Beasts had every right to be mad at him and lash out, especially since they knew he had fused with Yubel, the very duel spirit that had done them all so much harm. Judai steeled his heart as best he could and stood ready to accept whatever words they wanted to have with him.
He hadn’t been expecting Emerald Tortoise’s wistful and gentle voice to say, “Thank you, Judai. For bringing us back home to him.”
Judai glanced up and saw that all the Gem Beasts were staring at him now, and not with looks of blame or anger, but instead, with varying levels of resolve and gratitude. Ruby nodded her head once in acknowledgment before curling back up and afterwards, the duel spirits all returned their attention to Johan.
Judai let out a shaky breath he hadn’t realized he had been holding in. This small family had been through a lot, and he didn’t feel like he deserved their grace.
Not wanting to infringe on their reunion any longer, Judai went to leave. However, he paused at the door and after a moment, found himself asking, “Could I come back and visit another time?”
To that Sapphire Pegasus simply replied, “Of course, Judai. I think Johan would like that.”
--
Feeling more encouraged after his brief interaction with the Gem Beasts, Judai decided to visit Johan the next evening. He opted to come in through the window this time since he didn’t want to attract too much attention to himself. Word had spread that he had returned to the island, but Judai wasn’t feeling quite ready to face everyone just yet. It was a little selfish to pick and choose like this, and he acknowledged he should see everybody eventually, but for now, he just wanted to tackle things at his own pace.
The window latch opened from outside easily, and Judai quietly made his way over to Johan on the infirmary bed. Johan appeared to be sleeping, the heart rate monitor beeping in a steady rhythm. Judai had hoped he’d catch Johan when he was awake, but this was fine too. He didn’t mind watching over him. The Gem Beasts were all out and lounging in the space. They each greeted Judai, and Ruby even climbed up onto his shoulders. She seemed to be searching for someone.
Judai gave her an apologetic look as he made a guess. “Sorry, Ruby. Hane Kuriboh is still resting.” When the purple duel spirit chirped sadly, Judai added, “I’m sure he’ll come to see you soon.”
“I hope so. Ruby has been beside herself with worry, but I have to say that I understand how she feels.”
Judai froze as soon as he heard the familiar voice, and he felt his stomach twist in knots. He was excited but also terribly anxious at the same time. When he turned around and saw Johan’s eyes were open, staring back at him with genuine relief and happiness, Judai almost wilted.
“Judai, I knew you were back but it’s still a relief to see for myself.”
As though he were being pulled by a magnet, Judai found himself moving closer and he immediately sat down in the chair next to his best friend's bed. The Gem Beasts returned to their cards, giving the two duelists some privacy and the tiny room suddenly felt much larger.
As Judai sat in front of him, he wanted to say more but all that tumbled out of his mouth was, “Johan…”
The two kept staring at one another, their eyes never breaking contact and a strange, surreal feeling passed over Judai. It was a mixture of relief, joy, but also a lingering unease.
Judai had technically seen Johan right after he had saved him, but then everything following that happened so fast. There had been no time to properly talk or check that Johan was actually alright. Seeing the abnormal silver patch of hair, Judai’s hand reached out but like last night, it hovered, betraying his hesitation. They had been close before, but a lot had changed since then…
Feeling unsure, Judai went to put his hand back in his lap, but Johan reached out this time. He brought his hand up to Judai’s. His touch was also hesitant and featherlight as he gently brought their fingertips together, in an unspoken question.
In response, Judai entwined their fingers. The action felt right and sure enough, both of them visibly untensed, offering shy smiles as they laid their joined hands together to rest on top the white infirmary sheets. In the absence of words, their hearts reached out instead.
Judai could sense Yubel, and they gave him a gentle nudge, encouraging him to follow this feeling. So, as he rubbed his thumb over the back of Johan’s hand, Judai was finally able to ask the one question that had been weighing heavily on his mind since Johan had first disappeared in a pillar of radiant rainbow light all those months ago.
“Are you alright?”
“I’m fine,” Johan squeezed Judai’s hand back, but when Judai’s eyes flickered towards the IV that was hooked up to his other hand, he added, “This isn’t anything I can't handle. I’ve been getting better each day.”
Judai appreciated Johan’s optimism and attempt at reassuring him; it partly worked. However, when Judai observed the dark circles under Johan’s eyes, the various machines that Johan was hooked up to and the grey patch of hair above his ear, it was hard for Judai to shake off any shackles of guilt that still gripped at his heart.
“Johan, I need to apologize to you and your family. Everything that happened to you, I —”
“Judai, please don’t,” Johan interrupted, with gentle, pleading eyes. “You shouldn’t be apologizing. If anything, I need to thank you. You saved us.”
Judai recalled how Johan had said something similar when Judai had rescued his soul from Rainbow Dragon.
“Why are you apologizing? You saved me.”
Judai didn’t believe those words fully back then, because Johan didn’t know the whole truth, and even now, he probably still didn’t. All the horrible things that had transpired in that dimension…
Judai was lost in his own thoughts, so Johan continued, “And thank you for bringing my family back to me so quickly after returning. I’m glad they helped you and that you and Yubel were able to come together so you could find peace in your hearts.”
Judai visibly jolted, and he unconsciously removed his hand from being entwined with Johan’s. Johan didn’t stop him from pulling away this time.
“You know about that?” Judai barely managed to get the words out.
“My family shared with me everything they witnessed.” Johan looked apologetic. “I hope you don’t mind.”
Judai could feel his anxiety rising. “I’m just surprised, I guess. I wasn’t sure if they’d want to talk about what happened so soon. I wanted to tell you, I wasn’t going to hide it, I —”
“Judai, it’s alright. I never felt you were hiding it from me.” Johan gently interrupted Judai’s anxious rambling. “I’d have understood if you wanted more time before saying anything, but I thought I should let you know that I know already.”
“You all must have complicated feelings about it.”
Johan didn’t sugarcoat it.
“I’ll be honest, my family does have mixed feelings. They’re hurting from what happened, and from how we were all used. The Gem Beasts don’t fully understand why Yubel went about things the way they did, despite knowing now that Yubel was contaminated by the Light of Destruction.”
Judai forced himself to make eye contact but his hands still balled into fists in his lap. “I get if you all have some resentment, given what happened, but I want you to understand that Yubel wasn’t themselves.”
“Their love for you was pure, but it became corrupt and misguided because of the Light of Destruction. I understand they weren’t their true self because…”
Johan went to say more but trailed off, seeming unsure. In the end, he opted to look past Judai and stared at the moon that was visible from the window. It was hard to do so, but Judai forced himself to wait patiently and not speak up. He sensed that what Johan was about to say was important.
After collecting his thoughts, Johan tried again. “I experienced a fraction of Yubel’s pain. Before they moved my soul to different places, for a very brief time, we shared a consciousness and I could feel all their whirling and complicated emotions. It was overwhelming. Painful.” Johan paused again, looking uncomfortable and he started fidgeting with the bedsheets. “It’s not my place to share how they felt back then, so I’ll stop there, but I want you both to know that despite everything, I’m genuinely happy for Yubel. They found you, Judai, and you two reconciled. They don’t have to feel that pain anymore, and I’m glad for them.”
“Johan…”
“Have you been doing alright?” Johan asked. “Since fusing I mean. I’m sure it’s been an adjustment.”
The hesitant but knowing look Johan gave Judai quickly broke his heart all over again. Johan hadn’t fused with Yubel, but they shared a consciousness for a time, and Yubel had used Johan’s body for even longer. No one could ever completely understand what Judai was going through, but if there was someone who could somewhat try, Johan would probably be the closest.
Judai decided to be honest. There was no use denying it or trying to hide it.
“It’s been hard. I’m still getting used to what I am now. I’m not fully human anymore, and I'm not sure what that all really means yet, but this was the best way to take responsibility. Not just for what Yubel has done, but also for what I’ve done as well. Calling it an adjustment is a bit of an understatement, but I know Yubel and I will figure this out eventually, together.”
“I see,” Johan simply replied and he offered a small sympathetic smile. He had acknowledged Judai’s words, but delicately chose not to specifically comment on what Judai had just said. Judai actually found himself feeling grateful for it.
Fusing with Yubel hadn’t been a simple decision, but it was undoubtedly the right one, for many reasons. Having to defend that decision was something Judai didn’t look forward to and was partly why he had avoided everyone else since coming back. He was grateful that Johan, as always, seemed to understand.
“You shouldn’t be worried about Yubel and I right now though.” Judai changed the topic. “At least let me apologize for the fact that you ended up having to stay here like this. I remember you mentioned how much you hate hospitals.”
“I’ve been sleeping through most of it, and I have my family with me now. It’s not so bad.”
Judai had a strong suspicion that Johan was lying about that last part. As he stared into his friend’s tired eyes, he also noticed that Johan had leaned back into his pillows.
“You look like you’re about to fall asleep right now,” Judai said.
“Yeah, and you just got here.”
Judai found himself giving advice that he hadn’t been following himself lately. “You should listen to your body. If you need to sleep, then you should sleep.”
“I finally get to see you again, and I can’t even manage to stay awake?” Johan looked down and quietly admitted, “I don’t want you to leave yet.”
Judai managed to give the smallest of smiles and he reached out, taking Johan’s hand in his own without any hesitation this time. “Then how about I stay until you fall asleep?”
They smiled shyly at one another, and Judai shifted his grip, rubbing the back of Johan’s hand with his thumb. The action had its desired result, Judai could instantly see Johan relaxing further. Finally, Johan closed his eyes.
The room was quiet with the exception of the heart rate monitor beeping steadily. Judai watched Johan’s chest rise and fall, and just when he was sure he had drifted off, Johan surprised him.
“Judai?”
“Hmm?”
“I missed you.” Johan’s eyes were closed, and his voice was faint. “I kept thinking about you, and I’m really glad you’re back. I missed you a lot…”
It was as though time froze for the briefest moment, and a wave of emotions washed over Judai. Complicated feelings of love, gratitude and longing poured out his soul in a mighty surge, and he wasn’t sure what to do with them. Yubel’s warmth in his heart wrapped over Judai like a heavy blanket, and he let himself try to be comforted.
“I missed you too.” Judai eventually whispered, unable to hold back voicing his own confession. His voice shook slightly as he said the words out loud that he had desperately wanted to say for so long. “I thought about you everyday, I couldn't accept that you were gone. Johan, I missed you so, so much, and I’m really glad that you’re okay.”
The words had flowed out of him like water, but it was because they were honest and came from Judai’s heart. Even though Johan hadn’t heard him, just being able to stay by his side for now, being able to say these words at all, was enough for Judai.
The room was washed in a blue light, and the window Judai had opened allowed a gentle ocean breeze to drift in. The faint glow of moonlight managed to catch on the lone tear that rolled down Judai’s face and he held Johan's hand a little more tightly.
Upon returning to Duel Academia, Judai hadn’t been certain what to expect. Who would be there to meet him? How would he talk to anyone about what happened? Many worries raced in his mind, but right now, in this moment, he felt a semblance of acceptance, peace and relief. Judai knew he wanted to come visit Johan again tomorrow, and for the time being, that was enough.
Everything else could wait a little longer.