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Sleep came less and less for Adam. He wasn't sure why, but in the past five nights he'd memorized every crack and waterspot on his ceiling. Tonight was no different, as he laid in his bed curled up on his side, facing the wall. He was exhausted, both physically and mentally, but he just couldn't slip into unconsciousness no matter how much he wanted to.
Adam groaned, running a hand over his face and pulling his comforter higher. He had to work in the morning, early. And he didn't even want to think of the homework and studying he still needed to do. Gansey had also mentioned something about a spot on the leyline looking promising to their search for Glendower, which meant a few hours of blindly trapezeing around the middle of nowhere.
Adam didn't want to think at all, he just wanted sleep. He wanted to not be tired anymore. Was that too much to ask?
A soft rustling of leaves could suddenly be heard in his deaf ear, and Caebswater whispered 'Greywaren.' Adam closed his eyes. An image of Ronan came to mind, standing by the altar in the church, bathed in gentle candle light but still looking dark. Caebswater did it again, louder this time, 'Greywaren.'
There was a knock on his door, a hesitant voice calling "Parrish?"
Adam had known Ronan to be many things, but hesitant wasn't one of them. He got out of bed, turned on his bedside lamp, and trudged to the door, opening it and leaning against the frame. Ronan looked different, like he was sick. He was paler than usual, a barely visible sheen of sweat across his forehead. He rang has hands together and Adam wondered what was wrong.
"Jesus, Parrish, you look like Noah." Adam gave a half hearted snort as Ronan stepped past him and into his crappy apartment. "Seriously. Do you know what sleep is?"
"Apparently not. And apparently you don't either. What are you doing here?" Adam asked with no bite. He was too tired for this.
"I was dreaming."
"And I was sleeping." Adam lied. "So what? You always dream."
"Bullshit you were. You haven't slept in days," Ronan pointed out, plopping into Adam's wheely study chair.
"Well, you're not helping my case. What do you want, Ronan? Do you live to annoy me at ridiculous times in the early morning?"
Ronan merely smirked. He didn't say anything in response. He just spun Adam's chair around a few times, and Adam watched. There was still something off about him, Adam decided. Ronan hadn't looked him in the eye the entire time they'd spoken. Usually, they had staring matches, silently daring eachother to be the one to look away first. And, he'd certainly have some kind of witty response at the ready, challenging Adam. Always challenging him.
"Like the view?" Ronan snickered, but his eyes were on the wall behind Adam. He tugged at the leather bracelets circled around his wrist.
Brushing the hair out of his eyes, Adam moved towards his bed. He pulled off a blanket that always stayed folded up at the end and an extra pillow, setting them on the floor for Ronan. He then turned off the lamp and crawled into his bed. "If you decide to share what's on your mind, I'm listening. If not, goodnight, Ronan."
Everything was silent for awhile. Five minutes, ten, twenty? Adam wasn't sure. Finally a small squeak came from his chair, and light footsteps moved towards Adam's bed before stopping. "Adam?" It was filled with the same hesitancy Ronan had when he first called Adam from the door.
"Yeah?"
"I was dreaming."
Adam turned to face Ronan, sitting up. "Okay."
Ronan sat on the edge of Adam's bed, resting his elbows on his knees and putting his face in his hands. His shoulders were tense. "About wasps." Adam hesitated, staying quiet. "Gansey was still in Monmouth. I thought... I could've killed him. If I brought even one back, I could've killed him."
"It's not your fault, Ronan," Adam reassured, reaching out a hand and carefully resting it on Ronan's shoulder, giving it a gentle squeeze. He relaxed under Adam's touch slightly, but only for a moment before tensing up again.
"It is! I can control my dreams, but I didn't fucking do anything. I didn't even think about Gansey, I just... watched them. I thought they were cool. It wasn't until one landed on my hand that I realized I fucked up."
"Hey," Adam said firmly. He moved his hand to the side of Ronan's neck and got him to turn his head towards him. Ronan's eyes were as dark as Adam had ever seen them, anger written all over his face - anger at himself. "Shit happens that we're not proud of. People get hit," he gave a wry smile, "and people dream of dangerous things that could kill their friends. It's all about intentions. Did you want to hurt Gansey?"
Ronan gave him a sharp look. "Of course I fucking didn't, Parrish."
"Then it's not your fault."
"Intentions, huh? Did you want to get the shit beat out you by your deadbeat father?"
Adam returned the sharp look Ronan had given him. "Don't make this about me, Lynch."
Ronan narrowed his eyes like a challenge, but his demeanour lost its tenseness. He leant closer so he was just inches from Adam's face. Adam noticed Ronan's eyes flicker to his mouth, and Adam didn't feel guilty for doing the same.
"Then don't spew shit you don't believe." They sat like that for a few moments before Ronan seemed to remember himself. He went to move away from Adam - if he stayed like that any longer there was no telling what he'd do. He liked Adam. He really liked Adam.
Adam's hand on his neck stopped him from going anywhere. "Who said I didn't?" He challenged. It was always a challenge between them. It didn't matter that Adam was exhausted now - he felt he couldn't back down or it would just add fuel to Ronan's ever present fire. "Maybe," he continued, shifting so he was seated in Ronan's lap. He smirked at the surprised, incredulous look on Ronan's face. "I believe very firmly in intentions."
Struggling to gather himself, Ronan slowly found his words. "And what do you intend to do?"
"What do you want me to do?"
"I thought this was about intentions."
"Not if...not if you don't want it." There was a pause in Adam's words, and he looked suddenly nervous and unsure. His fingers tightened slightly where they rested on Ronans shoulders, and Ronan realized something.
"You son of a bitch," Ronan muttered. "I can't fucking believe you. You knew, this entire time - longer even, and you didn't feel the need to let me know it wasn't all one sided."
"Sorry," Adam said sheepishly. "I had to make sure it was all coming from me, and not Caebswater. It took some time, but..."
"But? What's the verdict, your honour?" Ronan's hands found Adam's waist, feeling hopeful.
Adam smiled. He looked soft, warm, at ease. Ronan wondered if he could ever dream something as beautiful as Adam.
"I intend to kiss you," Adam said quietly.
"I fully intend to let you," Ronan replied, his eyes on Adam's lips again. Adam's thumb brushed along the sharp edge of Ronan's jaw very gently, and Adam exhaled lowly as Ronan inhaled sharply and they kissed. Adam pushed Ronan onto his back, still kissing him, and Ronan wiggled them around until they were properly lying on the bed, pulling a blanket up around them.
"Go to sleep," Ronan whispered, pressing his lips to Adam's again. Adam wanted to say something about Ronan's dream, to make sure he was okay, but he could barely keep his eyes open. "I'm okay."
Adam muttered something about Ronan being a mind reader and was asleep in minutes, tangled so close with Ronan you wouldn't be able to tell where one ended and the other began.