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The whispers started when Gray had absorbed Memento Mori.
Granted, they were hardly noticeable over the cries of Natsu from above. Even if he wasn’t completely aware of their presence at the time, Gray would later admit that those whispers were what motivated him to take down Mard Geer with his bow.
Once the markings disappeared, so did the whispers, and neither returned.
That is, until a few weeks later.
The marking returned mere days after he and Juvia had moved into Amefurashi village. When they first returned, Gray could do nothing but look down at his bare arm and follow the jagged spiral marks up to his shoulders. Then he finally noticed the voices whispering to him.
Use the magic.
Find E.N.D.
Hurt those who’ve wronged you.
Hurt.
Hurt.
Hurt.
Those thoughts were easily shaken away before Juvia had made her presence known. She inquired about what was wrong but Gray had shrugged her question off, preferring to not worry her.
When he had gone to Porlyusica to ask about the markings and whispers. Porlyusica had seemed concerned but reassured Gray that she would do everything she could to help keep his magic at bay. After they worked together to calm his magic, Porlyusica had specified for Gray to return to her if his markings so much as spread an inch further into his body or if the whispers worsen.
Gray had to leave for Erza’s covert mission soon after. As his markings played a part in his disguise, his slaying magic was constantly active, but he never did manage to check in with her once the markings began to grow. Or when the voices became louder .
The voices gnawed at his mind, tempting him into the darkness. It’ll be fine. They would say. You won’t get hurt if you just accept it.
But he couldn’t. He had to follow Porlyusica’s advice and not lose control.
For the most part, that is.
Now and again, when any of the members of Avatar seemed to get suspicious of him, he would let himself sink into the madness a little. He’d let the slaying magic’s claws grab hold of his heart and let that manic grin spread across his face. Gray’s memory always grew hazy around those times he let himself go. It would always be a blur of negative feelings and crazed laughter bubbling up within him.
He hated looking back on it. There was a growing fear that one day, those negative feelings that formed whenever he let himself go would take over. A fear that he’ll lose himself.
It’ll make my act more convincing . He reasoned. Just don’t do it too often and you’ll be fine.
When Natsu, Lucy, and Happy showed up on purification day, there was a small part of him that was relieved. It was a small part of him who knew they’d be a big enough nuisance that he’d have to betray Avatar early and never have to force himself into that dark place ever again.
Gray felt himself relax the slightest bit as he let his magic power die down in his friends’ cell. He relished in the way his hair fell flat and in how he finally got to let his marking crawl off his body. He wanted to smile as the voices finally turned back into whispers...
When Lucy, Natsu, and Happy weren’t looking, Gray let his face morph into a frown. That wasn’t right.
The voices were supposed to disappear along with the markings, not just fade.
Unfortunately, Gray didn’t have much time to dwell on this development, as he and his team left to stop the purification. Despite being ever present in his mind, the events from that day managed to drown out the magic’s whispers.
By the time it was nightfall, Gray had already forgotten about the whispers, having grown used to the voices during his time with Avatar. He laughed with his friends and didn’t pay much mind to the slayer magic trying to claw at his heart once more. It relentlessly tried to drag him back. To activate his markings and sink him back into the madness.
But he didn’t.
He couldn’t.
Not when he had his friends to ground him.
But then came Invel.
The voices had gotten so loud as soon as he woke up to Juvia laying on the ground, motionless and surrounded by a pool of blood. His markings hadn’t even made its way onto his body yet .
They yelled at him, tempting him to just let go like before, to sink into his magic.
“He deserves to die ,” they said, louder and clearer than ever before, “don’t you think, Gray? ”
But Gray didn’t give in. He wouldn’t deny that it was tempting, but he kept himself grounded with what little determination he had left. He stayed and ignored the oh so loud voices even when he learned E.N.D.’s real name.
Gray stayed until he saw how far gone Natsu was. He could practically feel the bloodlust rolling off E.N.D. as Gray tried to get an answer out of him. Once Gray came to realize he might have to watch another person close to him die, he thought it would be better to slip away into his magic. Let it do the demon slaying for him.
Gray couldn’t remember much of his fight with E.N.D. It was mostly a blur of anger and grief. He remembered flashes of flaming claws swiping at him and E.N.D.’s own angry eyes glaring at Gray.
It was Erza’s interference that seemed to pull Gray-and seemingly Natsu-out of his haze, and Juvia’s sudden return is what grounded him.
After their victory against Alvarez-and after Gray noticed the voices once again grew louder even with the marks gone-Erza expressed some worry for him. She stated that during his fight with E.N.D., she had noticed that his markings now covered half of his face. She inquired on if he should see Porlyusica, but Happy had quickly wormed his way into their conversation, informing Erza that Gray’s markings had returned to how they once were. That seemingly eased some of her worries.
Happy had no idea how thankful Gray was for his interjection.
If I could manage it in Avatar, I can manage it here. He thought to himself. I don’t need to see Porlyusica about this.
And besides. A voice hissed in his head, and Gray wasn’t entirely sure if it was his or his magic’s. She’s probably busy with all those who were injured during the battle.
And so, he stayed quiet about it, preferring to not worry his family.