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Stan wasn’t upset that Wendy left him. He knew a girlfriend he’s had on and off since fourth grade wasn’t going to last, and he didn’t really care. But he doesn’t really want to face the reason why. Stan Marsh was not gay, not at all.
Wendy left him for good after putting the pieces together (yaknow, his friendship with Kyle, the gay porn magazines in his room that he barely hides, etc). She didn’t really care, she just… would rather not date a gay man.
“Stan,” Wendy hums, looking the boy in his eyes. He doesn’t even seem sad, she notes, he just wants this over with.
“What, Wendy?”
“I still wanna be friends, if that’s okay,” she says quietly.
Stan nods, “yeah, that’s fine.”
“But you know why I’m doing this, right?”
Stan shakes his head.
“Because you don’t like me like that,” she frowns. “You know… I like girls too, right?”
“You’ve told me this before,” Stan says, “I’m not pissed about that. I don’t care.”
“I think I only like girls,” she admits quietly, “and, uh, I think you’re in a similar position.”
“…You think I only like girls?”
Wendy sighs, “no, I think the opposite.”
“I’m - I’m not gay, Wendy.”
Wendy frowns, “I know it’s hard, but please… don’t be ashamed to be yourself around m-”
“Fuck this, I’m going home.”
Apparently, home is Kyle Broflovski.
He knocks on the boy’s door, again and again annoyingly until Kyle opens the door, a pissed off expression on his face.
“Oh, it’s just you. Thought you were, like Jahovah’s Witness or something.”
Stan chuckles, “nope, just me. Can I come in?”
Kyle nods, moving aside to make room for Stan in the doorframe. When Stan comes in, he closes the door.
As they walk to the red haired boy’s room, Stan speaks up.
“Wendy says we’re done,” he begins, “for good this time.”
“Yeah, well she says that every time.”
“She’s a lesbian, I think.”
Kyle freezes. “Oh.”
They continue heading towards Kyle’s room, finally opening the door and heading inside. Once they’re in there, they lock the door.
Once both boys are seated on Kyle’s bed, the other boy talks.
“So… she’s a lesbian?”
“I think so…”
“How do you think?”
“She said she only likes girls.”
“Pretty solid evidence.”
“Yeah,” he chuckles. Stan decides to keep the second part of he and Wendy’s conversation to himself, though. At least for now.
“Are you, like, sad or anything?”
Stan shakes his head. “Not really,” he shrugs, “it was coming.”
“Yeah,” Kyle nods, “you deserve better than Wendy. Someone who, like, actually likes men.”
“What? Why can’t I date lesbians forever?”
Kyle laughs. “Dude, you tried that in, like, fourth grade.”
“Just ‘cause you fail one damn time doesn’t mean you should give up forever!”
Kyle shakes his head.
“Well, man, I know you say you’re not sad, but I’m here for you.”
Stan smiles softly at the boy.
“Can I, uh, ask you a question, though?”
“Anything, man.”
“Why aren’t you bothered? You guys have been dating since, like, forever.”
Stan shrugs. “I never really had feelings for her, I think… I know that’s fucking cruel, but I only realized that, like, today.”
“You never liked Wendy?”
Kyle’s mouth gapes open.
“Yeah, man.”
Kyle sighs, “Cartman owes me ten bucks.”
“You - You bet on me?!”
“Hey! It was Kenny’s idea.”
“Bastard,” Stan grumbles.
“So, what kind of girls do you like?”
“Nosey,” Stan teases.
“You’re my best friend, I have the right to know!”
“So, uh, you know how Kenny likes guys, right?”
“Uh… yeah? I guess.”
“I think I might be like him.”
“Dude, Cartman so owes Kenny ten dollars too.”
“Stop betting on me!”
“So… you’re gay?”
Stan hesitates, but nods. “I think so.”
“Sick,” Kyle chuckles. “Got a crush on any guys?”
Stan shrugs.
“Who?”
Stan stays quiet.
“What boy do you like?! You gotta tell me.”
“You don’t know him!”
“Bullshit!” Kyle laughs, “I know, like, everybody you know.”
“No, seriously! He’s, like, from uh… Ohio.”
“Ew,” Kyle huffs.
Stan crosses his arms, standing up.
“He is totally not ew!”
“Your taste in everything is terrible, I’m sure your taste in men is, too!”
“Hey!”
“What? I mean, who else listens to Talking Heads anymore?”
“Like your taste is any better!”
“Miku fucking rocks, man!”
“I - I meant your taste in women!”
Kyle goes silent.
“Shit, did I strike a nerve?”
He shakes his head. “It’s funny, actually,” he fidgets with his hands, “cause uh, I like this… girl. Totally looks like you. Black hair and everything.”
“Dude, you like Wendy?!”
“Gross, no!”
“That’s the only black haired girl we know!”
“Okay, maybe it’s not a girl. Anyways, can we play Skyrim or something?”
“What?”
“I wanna play Skyrim,” Kyle repeats.
“No, the first part.”
“What first part?”
“The person you like isn’t a girl.”
“Yeah, so? Teach me to play Skyrim, you pussy!”
“You’re gay?”
“You didn’t know?”
“No! Obviously I didn’t know!”
“Damn, Cartman really kept his mouth shut about that?”
“You told Cartman before me?!”
“Uh…”
“You fucking dick!”
“Hey, hey,” Kyle throws his hands up in a mock surrender, “in my defense, you’d totally make fun of who I like.”
“Like the Ohio boy is any better?”
“Hey! That’s your Ohio boy!”
“There is no fucking Ohio boy, Kyle!”
Kyle furrows his brows. “Stan… do you like Kenny?”
“Gross!”
“Hey, Kenny’s not gross!”
“Do you like Kenny?”
“Ew, no!”
“Why can you say he’s gross but I can’t?”
“Stan,” Kyle huffs, “if you don’t tell me who you have a crush on, I’m going to assume it’s, uh… Cartman! And you don’t want that, do you?”
“Hell no it’s not Cartman!”
“Blah blah blah, my name is Stan and I like Cartman!”
“It’s you, loser!”
“Me?”
“No, the other fucking you in this room.”
“You made up the fact that I’m from Ohio?!”
“That’s what you’re mad about?”
“Well, yeah!”
Stan sits back down next to Kyle, who’s now fidgeting with an Xbox remote.
“You’re not mad at me, right?”
Kyle shakes his head. “Wish you told me sooner…”
“Don’t be a bitch, man. This is hard for me.”
Kyle leans to the side slowly, until his head is resting on Stan’s shoulder. He sighs.
“What do we do?”
Stan shrugs, mindful of the boy now on his shoulder.
“We could, like, have a hot gay makeout session.”
Kyle swats at Stan’s arm. “You’re gross.”
“Can I at least kiss you?”
Kyle nods, lifting his head up.
Stan holds his jaw with one hand, placing the other into his own lap before leaning in and pressing a quick kiss to Kyle’s lips.
He pulls back as soon as he can, eyes wide. “Sorry.”
“I said you could.”
“Still.”
“Do it again.”
Stan gulps, then nods. He kisses Kyle again.
It’s longer this time, but still just as confused and awkward as before.
They kiss until the duo lose their breath, panting as they pull apart, just looking at each other.
“Do you wanna be, like… boyfriends, dude?”
Stan nods frantically.
“Awesome.”
Kyle dives back in.