Chapter Text
Jeno has always been more of an introvert, a ‘home buddy'. He grew up in a loving family, teachers and classmates adored him, and for all he wished to keep mostly to himself, he would always end up being approached by others.
So no, he didn't scare people away, and even though he thought of himself as someone awkward, people would walk away more often than not with a smile on their faces after a quick conversation with him.
At some point though, it all changed.
Jeno was not considered someone warm and approachable, he outright flinched when someone got too close to his space, body growing tense and mouth drying. But he didn’t intend it, he didn’t want to fear people, their thoughts behind heavy and lingering stares.
But it was impossible not to, when all he could see was their attention on the flower mark on his neck.
Big and vibrant, scarlet red with perfectly white fringes.
Everywhere he went, people would stare. He’s way too familiar now with the feeling of eyes on him, the hushed whispers, phones not so secretly pointing at him to snap a picture of the popular flower marking his skin.
The mystery of blooming flower marks on one’s skin is one that humanity fails to explain, long having accepted it as a miracle, a blessing in the vast majority of cases.
The flower marks are realer than any tattoo artists could hope to achieve recreating, looking more like real flowers pressed against glass than a drawing. These flowers bloom from the purest and rawest feelings, impossible to deny or fake and they go from meaning a simple ‘affection’ to ‘disdain’.
And Jeno was lucky enough to bloom one of the most popular flowers, be it desired by romantics or seen in the media.
A gloxinia.
‘Love at first sight’
So people’s attention being stolen by the sight of his flower is reasonable, for how popular the flower is, it’s uncommon to see someone marked with it.
Jeno is sure people expect him to proudly show it off, to hold his head high as he feels the stares on the left side of his neck right on his gloxinia, to smile and blush with a hopelessly in love sparkle in his eyes while reaching for the hand of the person who made it bloom, the person he fell for with a single look.
But he can’t.
Instead, he raises his shoulders, tries to wear hoodies or turtleneck shirts, hide the flower from everyone’s sight without making it obvious otherwise it may garner more attention. Jeno stares at his reflection, at the flower marking his skin and he doesn’t smile, his heart doesn’t flutter, he only feels bitter and resentment against this so-called ‘miracle’.
Because there is no one at his side for him to reach for.
The person he bloomed for isn’t his lover, he doesn’t get to feel soft adoring kisses against his gloxinia, a loving whisper of his name making the flower tingle and sing.
Jeno has made his peace with it, after all he bloomed his gloxinia during his first semester studying at SMU and he’s already on his sixth semester, he has had plenty of time to get used to the attention.
That doesn’t mean he takes it well when a random teenager taps on his shoulder and asks him if she can take a picture of his gloxinia.
He’s sitting at a table inside a hole-in-the-wall café with his friends, catching up about their summer break and none of them can pretend to take well to the girl’s downright rude question.
Flower marks are so intimate to everyone, even if they’re basically branding their feelings for all to see, that asking someone about them, even if you’re friends with them, is considered to be disrespectful.
Thankfully one of his friends snaps out of it before the silence can stretch any longer, clearing his throat and faking a smile with ease, Donghyuck leans forward on his seat catching the girl’s eyes. “Hey, it’s not ok to go up to someone and ask them that,” he explains, ever so blunt.
The girl’s eyes widen and her posture changes, from a bit shy but excited to cornered, shoulders moving up and a frown forming on her face. “But I didn’t mean to be rude! It's just I’ve never seen someone with a gloxinia before,” she looks away from Donghyuck back to Jeno and he can see in her bright eyes that it’s true, she didn’t mean any wrong, her eyes sparkle with admiration and something else, something Jeno is familiar being looked at with.
A desire to have the same flower.
“It’s really beautiful! Your partner is so lucky you’ve bloomed that flower for them!”
Jeno bites on his tongue and the smile he forces on his lips comes easily, a well practiced mask to the common assumption people make. “Thank you, but I’m not comfortable with people taking pictures of it, I hope you understand.”
He doesn’t bother telling her the truth that he doesn’t have a partner, that the person he bloomed for is not ‘lucky’ or even aware they’re the reason for the bright red gloxinia branding him.
Every time that truth comes to light, he only receives a pitiful look, a stranger’s hurt for his tragic situation and it makes him feel so very pathetic.
Why hasn’t he simply moved on?
The girl sighs but nods and apologizes before walking away back to the table with her friends, two other teenegers that look as disappointed as her that she didn’t get to take a photo of the rare flower mark on his skin.
“Kids these days are so rude, man.” Yangyang shakes his head, reaching across the table to grab one of the cookies in Donghyuck’s plate. “Why do they think it's ok to do that?”
“Alright grandpa, do go on and continue whining about someone else’s flowers then,” Chenle drawls from beside Yangyang, ignoring the offended glare Yangyang sends him. “Because that is so mature,” the sarcasm drips from his voice and the empty look in his usually kind stare, causing the Taiwanese to sit back with an affronted noise.
“Maybe he shouldn’t be blooming for someone’s boyfriend,” Yangyang quips back, no doubt about to continue his rant the girl unknowingly interrupted.
Yangyang is the only one in a relationship in their small friend group, he has been dating Huang Renjun for over a year now and the two are seemingly perfectly happy. Renjun is an education major, one who has no qualms with his boyfriend sharing with the world how his back is covered in beautiful and colorful tulips -pink, red, orange and white tulips meaning happiness, true love, understanding and purity- but recently someone has clouded the perfect picture of their relationship.
A close friend of Renjun has bloomed yellow hyacinths on his right arm, pretty cute flowers for the meaning they carry ‘jealousy’. Yangyang doesn’t doubt for a second the flowers bloomed for Renjun and from what Jeno has heard, the two became closer during a summer course they took together and were basically inseparable while Yangyang had traveled back home.
“He should cut him out of his life,” Yangyang grumbles, glaring at the cookie he stole from Donghyuck, picking up his fork to stab on it, breaking it. “Renjunie hasn’t said anything about it so he may not have realized that dude fell for him but…”
“Then don’t worry, it's better he doesn’t and the poor guy will move on without confessing, his flowers will wilt and disappear eventually,” Chenle shrugs, his attempt at comforting their friend half hearted at best. Donghyuck sighs and is about to add something to the uncomfortable conversation but Jeno is faster.
"What if it doesn't?" Jeno mutters as he reaches for his glass of water and focusing on it so he doesn't see the way they glance at his mark "Then what happens?" he mentally curses himself when he can hear the longing on his voice, unable to hide how much he wishes that could happen to his own mark.
Donghyuck who is sitting next to him hums as he considers his question for a couple seconds before he shrugs. "Then he'll have to learn to live with it I guess and Yangyang too," Yangyang lets out a groan at the simple idea, mumbling under his breath he hopes those ugly yellow flowers disappear once and for all. "Stop worrying about it Yangyang, it's not like Renjun is going to reciprocate the dude’s feelings when his whole back is covered in tulips thanks to you," Jeno doesn't need to look at his friend's face to know he had rolled his eyes at the last part.
Jeno glances at Yangyang’s face, seeing how the bitterness melts away and a warm smile replaces it, his eyes shining with adoration as he remembers all the tulips. Jeno could swear for a moment he's about to get his own yellow hyacinths blooming somewhere on his body if he keeps looking at his smitten face, how he can basically see honey dripping from his eyes.
Thankfully Chenle changes the topic to instead complain about a group project he was forced into and how he found one of the members to be so annoying and it's impossible they see eye to eye. They laugh first as they listen to him complain before Donghyuck surprisingly reveals he has been in a group with said boy before and he didn't have any problems with him making Chenle feel betrayed. Jeno hides his laugh behind his hand seeing how Donghyuck just shrugs while Chenle protests he's now looking like the bad guy thanks to him, Yangyang loudly whispering they all knew it already though and that makes Chenle whine even louder.
Try as he might, Jeno’s mind keeps replaying how the teen looked at him after gushing about his flower, knowing she might have made up a whole scenario about Jeno being in a perfect relationship with who caused his gloxinia to bloom.
It has happened before and he doesn’t doubt it will happen again. He wonders if someday people will realize with a single look that no, he isn’t dating this ‘lucky’ person. When he looks too defeated and small, after his heart finishes breaking beyond repair.
“Forget about that girl Jeno," Donghyuck randomly says while they're making their way inside the elevator of their building. Jeno glances at him but Donghyuck doesn't meet his gaze and reaches to press the button for their floor. Jeno's eyes follow his hand, the small and cute yellow acacias contrasting with his image, the piercings, the slit eyebrow and ripped jeans.
He had never asked Donghyuck about them when they appeared overnight and Donghyuck never mentioned them either. Jeno had looked them up to know their meaning once and after he found it he understood why Donghyuck was not loud about them as he was about almost everything. Concealed love is not something to be loud after all, even for him.
Jeno whispers a quiet thank you once he's opening his door, Donghyuck walking past him on his way to the door of the apartment next to his. Donghyuck was able to listen and he waved at him with a bright smile "Don't worry about it, neighbor!" Jeno gives him a small smile back with a much less dramatic wave of his own and they both enter their shared apartments.
"Jeno!" He looks up, still nudging his shoes off to Jaemin who peeks from inside the kitchen "We forgot to go grocery shopping yesterday, should we go now?" With a tired sigh, Jeno nods and places his backpack down, thankful he had not removed his shoes yet. Jaemin walks towards him and ruffs up his hair ignoring the glare he sends him.
Jaemin bends down to put on his sneakers listing out loud the things they need to buy and Jeno hums taking his phone out to open a note and write it down in case they forget as they've done so before. Jaemin stands up straight and reaches for his wrist pulling him to follow him out their apartment, a bright smile on his pink lips that he sends his way when he glances back to mention they should also pick up a couple of those small cartons of flavored milk Jisung always drinks when he visits them. His smile, his big doe eyes, his sweet and deep voice, it all makes Jeno's heart flutter against his will and he can only hope Jaemin doesn't feel the way his heartbeat changes under his fingers around his wrist.
The gloxinia in his skin burns.