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A smile spread to Vash’s lips as he looked up at the large dark gate that blocked the entrance in front of him. The high walls and the uninviting impression reflected more the character of a closed institution than that of an orphanage. But the loud children's laughter that occasionally found a muffled way across the boundary betrayed the true operation of the gloomy building. Vash grabbed the iron door knocker and banged it twice against the dark wood. The laughter behind them fell silent for a moment, before they came twice as loud, this time accompanied by the excited shuffling of shoes. His heart was racing with anticipation and he shouldered his bag before the gate opened a crack with an uncomfortable squeak.
Vash recognized half the face of one of the Sisters who looked after the children at the orphanage. He raised his hand and smiled.
"Hello."
It took a moment before the woman seemed to recognize him, then her eyes shone too.
"Vash!", she called and hurriedly closed the gate again.
Moments later, metal clicked and wood creaked. By now, he knew that there were several locks on the other side to make breaking into the orphanage at least a little more difficult. When he last visited, some of the Sisters told him that there had already been several attempts. The reasons for this were mainly the stocked pantries. Some desperate residents from the town at the foot of the mountain on which the orphanage was built saw no other options to get some food.
The gate finally opened with an even more deafening noise and Vash only had a moment to catch his breath before the first children pounced on him. He lost his balance and fell backwards onto the sand, laughing. Countless children's hands pulled and clawed at his coat while calling his name over and over again. It was only with difficulty that he was able to stand up under the roar.
"It's fine, it's fine!" He laughed and put his left arm around one of the children who was just pressed to his side while he ruffled one of the boys' light curls with his other hand. Both squeaked happily, which also made him smile even more.
"We missed you, Mr. Vash!" "Can you tell us another story, Mr. Vash?" "Did you bring us any presents?"
Everyone shouted wildly until finally the loud voice of the Sister who had opened the gate brought some calm to the chaos.
"Now finally calm down and let our guest arrive first!", she said while crossing her arms in front of her chest. Her voice was stern, but the smile on her face betrayed her true feelings. The children finally let go of Vash and he was able to get himself back on his feet. He brushed some sand off his pants and grabbed his bag before following the Sister into the orphanage's yard. Of course, the Sister's words had only little effect, because as soon as the gate had closed behind them, the little ones buzzed around Vash again like moths around a light.
Vash just made it to the back of the yard, where a narrow canopy offered at least some shade from the scorching desert sun. As soon as he sat down under it, a semicircular circle formed around him. Beaming children's eyes looked at him in fascination when he opened the elastic band of his bag and reached inside.
"Well... which one of you was particularly nice and would like a present?", Vash asked and immediately several hands shot up and everyone shouted wildly. He had to grin. Of course, he had more than enough stuff with him. After all, none of the children should end up empty-handed. He pulled out several small wooden figures in the shape of a cat and some of the girls squealed enthusiastically. He handed each of them one of the figures and after they thanked him with a hug, they ran back into the courtyard laughing.
"Mr. Vash! Can you tell us a story?”, one of the boys asked and the children next to him nodded enthusiastically. Vash put the bag next to him and leaned against the wall behind.
"Sure, I've experienced a lot in the last few months! How about the story about the big robbery of a bank? Or when I had to lead a young man through a field full of geysers?”, he thought out loud and watched with satisfaction as the children's faces in front of him beamed with curiosity. Vash eventually settled on the bank robbery story. It had happened just a few weeks ago in a small town and he had gotten into the situation more or less by accident. Unfortunately, the whole thing didn't end without bloodshed and injuries, but of course he left that part of the story out for the children. In all of his stories there was always a happy ending. Many of the children here had already experienced far too much suffering for their young age. So they should enjoy at least some happy stories.
After Vash finished his narration and each of the children got a small toy from his bag, he let his gaze wander around the yard and stopped at the small stable. He got up, shouldered his bag and walked towards it. Inside were several small blue birds, still very young. Vash remembered that the Sisters had explained that they raised some of the animals themselves so that they could explain to the children how to treat them peacefully and lovingly. Next to the wall stood a half-full bucket of grain while the young birds greedily pecked in the straw. Apparently they had just been fed. And Vash could well imagine by whom. It struck him immediately that, as always, there was no trace of him. It was almost as if he could anticipate his arrival and then flee beforehand.
"It's good to have you back, Vash", a voice snapped him out of his thoughts. He looked up to see Agnes, the Head Sister and the Head of the orphanage. She smiled and he couldn't resist to hug her in greeting. A laugh escaped her as she pinched his cheek. Agnes was such a kind hearted person and in her eyes, anyone who was even remotely younger than her was a child who needed to be protected.
"I'm happy to be here too. The kids are fine, yeah? No more illnesses?”, he asked, having a hard time keeping the concern out of his voice. When Vash last visited, some of the children had been suffering from a terrible cough and fever. Of course, no suitable medicine could be found. But Agne's smile calmed him down a bit. She nodded.
“Yes, fortunately everyone has recovered. And there were no repercussions either. All are well.”
Vash sighed in relief and leaned against the wooden railing of the stable. The knowledge that he couldn't help the poor children, that he couldn't alleviate their suffering, had given him countless sleepless nights. He was even happier to hear that everyone was fine. He looked back at the blue birds, which Agnes noticed immediately.
"You must be wondering where Nicholas is, right?", she asked, but actually she didn't need an answer. Vash scratched the back of his head in embarrassment and laughed nervously. Was it that easy to read him?
"Actually, I should have gotten used to the fact that he's never here when I come to visit. It's almost like he has a knack for avoiding me”, he said and Agnes laughed.
"You know he doesn't like being the center of attention. But it seems he has found a good friend now.”
Vash raised an eyebrow in surprise and looked at Agnes. That was actually news. He knew Nicholas as a quiet, withdrawn boy who, while always looking after all the children like a big brother, was not really attached to anyone. Not even one of the Sisters had been able to crack his hard shell. So Vash was all the more pleased to hear that he seemed to have found a friend now.
"How did that happen?", he asked curiously.
"We got a new child a few weeks ago", Agnes began to tell. "A boy. Livio. Very shy and weepy. He was almost always crying. We don't know exactly what brought the two together, but from one day to the next, the two were suddenly inseparable. Livio never leaves Nicholas's side and Nicholas always seems to keep an eye on Livio.”
Vash was so happy to see the light in Agne's eyes when she told him about the two boys. It showed that she took what was developing between Nicholas and Livio as a good sign.
"They're on the roof, aren't they?", he asked and Agnes grinned knowingly.
"Where else?", she answered with a wink.
Vash thanked her and made his way to the stairs that led to the roof of the orphanage. Children weren't normally allowed there, but Nicholas had always been someone who didn't believe in rules and regulations. He paused for a moment in front of the door, wondering if he should announce his presence to the two boys. But no. He wanted to know how the two treated each other when they felt unobserved. So he didn't push the handle of the door all the way down and slowly opened the door. That way he avoided the telltale squeak it used to make. Vash squeezed his way out through the narrow gap and could already hear soft giggles.
"That's so cool, Nico-nii!"
That had to be Livio. His voice was full of admiration and Vash wondered what Nicholas had shown him to get such a reaction. He leaned against the door and crossed his arms over his chest as he listened to the soft conversation. Again and again the soft click of a lighter sounded and he had to smile. So Nicholas still had it. He'd shown it to him reluctantly the last time Vash caught him with it. He had promised him not to tell any of the Sisters as long as he was careful about it.
"Ouch! Ah… oh no, I'm sorry!” Vash heard Livio whimper.
He finally decided to step out of the shadows to look around the corner. Nicholas and Livio squatted side by side. The lighter lay on the floor between them while Livio had one of his fingers in his mouth.
"Is everything alright?", Vash asked, drawing both of their attention. Livio looked at him like a frightened animal and immediately hid behind Nicholas, who eyed him impassively. No. Not impassively. Vash saw a small twinkle in his eyes, but Nicholas looked away so quickly he could have imagined it. Vash walked towards the two boys and squatted down next to them.
"So you're finally here again", Nicholas murmured, reaching for the lighter to quickly pocket it.
"Naturally. You know how much I love to visit you", Vash said, grinning broadly and got a dirty look from him. It was such a pleasure to tease him. But this time he wasn't just here for Nicholas. Vash‘s gaze shifted to Livio, who was still hiding behind his friend and eyed him uncertainly. Vash held out his hand and smiled encouragingly.
"Can I see? You hurt yourself, didn't you?"
Livio's gaze darted to Nicholas, who just nodded. Only then did Livio break away from him and slid closer to Vash. He put his small hand in his and Vash looked at the reddened finger. He probably burned himself on the lighter, but luckily it wasn't that bad. Just a flush.
"I think I have something for you." Vash let go of his hand and rummaged in his bag before pulling out a small band-aid. Livio watched the white piece curiously as he carefully wrapped it around his finger.
"Perfect! That should be enough. In a few days it won't hurt anymore.”
Vash couldn't read the expression in Livio's eyes, but tears suddenly pooled in them and ran down his cheeks. Before he could react, Livio had thrown himself into his arms and was crying against his chest. Vash hadn't expected such a reaction, but he was pleased that he had apparently gained his trust. He stroked his hair soothingly and whispered some uplifting things to him. When he looked back at Nicholas, the boy gave them a wary look before sticking his tongue out at him. Vash had to laugh at this way too cute reaction. When Livio broke away from him, he wiped the remaining tears from his cheeks.
"Is everything alright?", Vash asked him and he nodded. "You're Livio, aren't you? I am pleased to meet you. I'm Vash.” He offered him his hand, which he hesitantly took and shook slightly.
"Will you tell me what you did?" Vash looked at the two curiously. This time, Livio didn't get Nicholas's permission first, but immediately started talking. Apparently Nicholas had shown him a great trick with the lighter that he had been trying to copy. Unfortunately not with success, because he had gotten his finger too close to the open flame. At Livio's urging, Nicholas pulled out the lighter and showed Vash the trick too. With skillful hand movements, he twisted it between his fingers, threw it briefly in the air before opening it with a sweeping movement. Vash was impressed.
"Wow! That's really cool!”, he said, openly and honestly showing him his excitement. And for the first time today he saw a different reaction from Nicholas. His usually unaffected facial expression changed and a slight blush settled on his cheeks while his eyes darted back and forth, only to avoid his gaze. Did Vash throw him off with the compliment? If so, he absolutely had to do it more often, because he wanted to see more of this reaction, so much more.
The ringing of the bell from the yard made them all jump. Livio got up immediately.
"Dinner time!", he called and wanted to run, but Nicholas made no move to follow him. "Nico-nii?", he looked at his friend questioningly, but Nicholas shook his head.
"Go ahead", he said, "I'll be right there."
Livio didn't seem particularly convinced, but a quick glance from Nicholas was enough to get him moving again. Vash listened to the door squeak shut before looking at the boy in front of him, who didn't show any emotion.
He was about to ask him if everything was okay when Nicholas lifted his head and looked at Vash. There was a wild expression in his eyes that he couldn't place.
"You're four weeks late!", he suddenly yelled, punching Vash in the chest.
Of course he didn't have the strength to hurt him with that, but his sudden outburst of emotion surprised him. Four weeks late?
"I don't think I quite understand what you mean. I'm late?”, Vash asked while Nicholas ground his teeth.
"The last time you said you'd be back for the celebration! But you didn’t came! You're four weeks late!"
Vash‘s heart was racing in his chest and his thoughts started running for a moment before he finally understood what Nicholas meant. The celebration! The celebration of the anniversary of the orphanage. On his last visit he had promised that he would be back in time to celebrate with everyone. And apparently that had been four weeks ago. An unbelievably terrible guilty conscience spread through him and he didn't know what to say. An apology wouldn't be enough, he realized when he saw the hurt look in Nicholas‘ eyes.
"Nicholas, I-!"
"I waited until night time, but you didn't come!"
Something was choking his throat. Not a word Vash could say now would reach Nicholas. So instead Vash grabbed his arm and pulled him against his chest. The boy immediately tried to free himself from his grip, but Vash was simply stronger. Until Nicholas finally gave up and leaned against him.
"You're so mean!", he muttered against his coat.
"I know. And I hope one day you can forgive me."
"Never!", he growled, but Vash knew he wasn't serious.
Vash ran his prosthetic left hand through Nicholas‘ hair and felt him tremble slightly as the cool metal brushed against his scalp. He smiled and enjoyed the moment while it lasted. When Nicholas tried to push away again, he let him. The look in his eyes had calmed down, but he kept trying to scowl at him. The bell rang a second time as Vash stood up and reached for his bag.
"We should join the others for dinner“, he said, nodding toward the door. Without a word Nicholas followed his request.
The dining room was filled with murmuring conversation, clattering dishes and the smell of spices. Vash looked down the four long tables until he spotted Livio at the very end of the last one. Nicholas seemed to have found him too, as he sprinted to the serving counter, got his portion and sat down with his friend. Vash had to smile. One of the Sisters behind the counter waved at him and pointed to the pot in front of her with a questioning look, but he shook his head. No, he had picked up a little something down town before. He knew how scarce food was, and he didn't want to even take one much-needed bite from the orphanage.
As Vash walked down the narrow passage between two tables, little hands kept grabbing his coat to stop him. He halted a few times to listen to the children before finally reaching the end. He sat down across from Nicholas and Livio. Livio was just shoving a spoonful of sweet porridge into his mouth before grinning widely as he looked at Vash. Nicholas, on the other hand, kept his gaze fixed on the tray in front of him while his fingers drummed the edge of the table in an irregular rhythm.
"Aren't you hungry?", Vash asked him, raising an eyebrow. Nicholas mumbled something incomprehensibly before grabbing the apple that was also on the tray and bit into it.
"Thank you, Mr. Vash", Livio said, and when he looked at him, he held up his hand, spreading the finger with the band-aid. "It doesn't hurt anymore!"
"I’m glad to hear."
"But I won't try anymore. I'm not as good as Nico-nii.” Livio hung his head and his sad sight broke Vash‘s heart.
"Don't say that, Livio. Don't let such failed attempts unsettle you. Don't just give up. I'm sure Nicholas is a great teacher and can teach you this in no time. Am I right?"
Vash grinned widely as he looked at Nicholas. The boy just turned his head to the side as he continued to chew on his apple, but his bright red ears told he had heard perfectly. Livio followed his gaze and carefully grabbed the sleeve of his friend’s shirt.
"Will you teach me, Nico-nii?", he asked softly.
Seemingly surprised by the direct question, Nicholas turned his head and looked at his friend before nodding curtly. He raised his hand and clenched his fingers into a fist, spreading his little finger. Vash didn't know what that meant, but a beaming grin appeared on Livio's face as he mimicked the gesture and the two hooked their little fingers.
"Vash! Look what we could find in town!” He looked up as Agnes appeared next to him. She excitedly held up a camera.
"We've been meaning to start tracking all kids' development for a while now, but somehow we just never got around to it. But now... what do you say? Shall we take the first picture of you three?”
The idea was great. Vash looked questioningly at Livio and Nicholas. Livio nodded enthusiastically and Nicholas' face had regained that typical neutral expression. Vash walked around the table and squatted behind them. He put his right arm around Livio, pulling him closer and making him giggle.
"Nicholas, smile. At least once for the photo”, Agnes asked while holding the camera in front of her face. Out of the corner of his eye, Vash could see Nicholas not complying as he continued to stare stubbornly ahead. A sudden idea struck him. Vash put his left arm on his shoulder and let his index finger of the prosthesis ran down his neck. As expected, a shiver went through the small body and Nicholas‘ facial expression changed. Luckily, Agnes saw the change too and quickly snapped the shutter. It only took a few seconds before the photo came out of the front part of the camera. Agnes gave it a few shakes, then laughed heartily as she looked at it.
"That was mean“, Nicholas muttered, giving him a glare that Vash could only return with a grin.
"Here. Check it out. It's perfect.” Agnes placed the photo on the table in front of them. Livio immediately leaned forward and looked at it curiously. Then he giggled again.
"Nico-nii! You're all red!”, he laughed and Vash had to agree. While Livio and he grinned brightly for the camera, an unfamiliar look of surprise lay on Nicholas' face. The blush on his cheeks underlined the whole thing. He just looked cute.
But it seemed that he wasn’t so happy about it. Nicholas hurriedly got up from the table and ran a few steps before turning back around again and holding out his hand.
"Livio. Come on”, he called.
His friend didn't need to be told twice and followed him. Hand in hand they ran to the back exit. A depressing feeling settled over Vash’s mood. Did he go too far? Had he cornered Nicholas too much? The two boys finally stopped at the door and Nicholas turned to look at Vash.
"I can shoot five cans at once with the slingshot!", he said proudly. "Shall I show you?"
And at that moment Vash knew that he wanted to protect them both from any harm.
- - - -
"He is gone?"
The bag hit the sandy ground with a thump as all the strength left his hand. It had been a little over a year since his last visit at the orphanage. The deep expression of sadness and concern in Agne's eyes caused such a painful tug in Vash’s chest that even the last gunshot wound he received was overshadowed.
“They came a month ago and took him away. They said he'd have a better life where they were taking him.” Agnes' voice was shaking, which only added to the uneasy feeling in his stomach.
"Who are they?", Vash asked, but she just shook her head.
"They didn't say anything specific. Except they belong to a church and have already taken in many children to give them a much better chance at a good life.”
"And yet you're filled with guilt. Why?” His throat felt bone dry.
“Maria, one of our Sisters, overheard something down town. She heard some women talking about a church community that roams the area picking up orphans.” Agnes had a hard time holding back her tears. “But they don't do it out of kindness or charity. They’re using the children for horrible experiments!”
For a moment Vash felt detached from his own body. As if he was floating far above them towards the blue sky. His ears were ringing loudly and the pounding of his heartbeat made his whole body vibrate. His mind was racing, but he couldn't hold any thought for more than a second. Just one word kept buzzing around in front of him. One name. Nicholas.
“I just let them take Nicholas. I thought I would do something good for him, give him a chance for a normal, maybe even better, life. I should have checked more carefully who they are and where they are from first. But... I had no choice."
A twitch went through Agnes' body and she began to cry bitterly. Vash knew she wasn't to blame, even though he wanted to blame her for the mistake. But running an orphanage was not easy, especially in times like these, when food was becoming scarce and more and more children were being dumped at the gates of orphanages. He was angry. Angry at himself for being late again. Had he been here sooner, he might have been able to avert this whole thing. He didn't know how, but there certainly would have been a way. And if he had taken Nicholas with himself. As impossible as it would have been. Vash had to think of his last visit. How Nicholas had stuck his tongue out at him. How he'd glared at him for not making it to the celebration. How proud he'd been of the lighter trick he'd wanted to teach… Oh no.
"What about Livio?", Vash asked, which elicited a heartbreaking sob from the Head Sister that almost tore him apart. No. No, it couldn't… but Agnes voiced his worst fear.
“They came back a week later and took Livio with them. I only found out about the experiments a few days ago, otherwise I would never have..."
Vash clenched his prosthetic fingers into a fist. So hard it was a miracle they didn't snap. A fire of unbridled anger burned inside him as he vowed to himself to find the boys and bring them back unharmed.
A vow he would never be able to keep.
But this was something, he would only find out years later.