Chapter Text
When Touya wakes up, he’s in his own bed at the Todoroki estate; gasping for breath, his body covered in still-sizzling sweat as the feeling of those wicked blue flames danced across his skin. When he stumbles to the bathroom, shaking all over and sick to the pit of his stomach, he finds himself desperately looking at his skin in a panic; snowy pale like his mothers, trails and wandering strips of fresh pink scarring, and tender new burns wrapping around his small body. Nothing like the swaths of ruined purple tissue, so haphazardly held together with dulled silver staples. No melting chunks of skin slipping from his form and turning into only so much ash in his wake. When Touya looks in the mirror, gulping down air as though it might be for the last time, what he sees is entirely different from who he had been moments before.
When Touya wakes up, he is no longer Dabi, and it’s a pain he wasn’t prepared to experience again.
The early morning light was barely cracking over the horizon, birds waking slowly from their slumber and filling the air with song, the noise like a car alarm in Touya’s brain. He…he had been somewhere else, he had been someone else, he remembered; he could feel it in his soul, in his ever-burning bones. In that dream(was it even a dream?), he had experienced a whole lifetime…
He had lived a life that might be-a life that was more hell than even his father’s Quirk could ever produce. He had gone down a path of destruction and flames and anger, following after the supposed destiny he had been born for, and it scared him more than any beating ever could. Touya had always expected more from his life; his family expected more from him-how could he ever have become such … a monster ?
How could his father have let him become like that -
Dabi …He had been Dabi... He had been filled with such raw power, desperation, rage, and then…
Watching himself die in second hand: both suffering through each flesh-seering moment, and not, was enough to make him sick. The teen staggered from the sink and clung to the ceramic bowl of the toilet as his stomach heaved and brought forth nothing more than hot bile. This was a nightmare. This was an omen , at worst, but what if…what if it was something else?
What if it was another chance?
A chance for what though? He wasn't a hero , and if his dream( premonition? ) was anything to go off of, he never would be a hero. So what exactly was he supposed to do with all this information swirling around in his head, threatening to pop it like an over-inflated balloon? His entire body ached from the anxious shivering wracking his thin form, a couple of decades of memories and too-real terrors filling his mind like he was sharing space with a parasite. Someone else’s memories(they couldn’t be his, they just couldn’t-), hovering like a storm cloud, predicting mayhem and pain beyond belief.
What…what was he supposed to do -?
Dragging himself from the bathroom at last, Touya searched his room high and low, scattering his school books and papers across the floor as he rifled through them. Finally, he managed to excavate a blank notebook and a pen from the pile. He tiptoed around his sleeping younger brother and hurried out into the icy chill of the early autumn air, a spot of sobering clarity helping to center him as the breeze blew across his face. He could feel it; Touya could feel the wind bite at his skin, and it sent a shiver down his spine as a sense memory of numbness and sparks of agony popped to the forefront of his mind. He…he needed to write it down. All of it, everything he could remember. It all needed to come out before it disappeared like a puff of smoke. That would help, it had to help-
It was important, he didn’t know why yet, but…he was sure it would make sense in the future.
Whatever future he was headed for.
Touya’s memory had always been impeccable: precise and photographic in detail, and so he took full advantage of it, spending the first few hours of daylight scribbling furiously, until his hand began to cramp and throb painfully, scouring his mind for every last bit he could recall. It would all come together when he got it down on paper, he thought to himself; he could take a look at the whole picture of what was awaiting him, and plan around it. Plan against it. There had been so much hatred in his chest, burning brighter than anything he had felt before.
Dabi…Touya himself; had been tossed aside by the man he had idolized, his father had chosen to move on to pound the next generation of heroes into his image. His father had abandoned him on that mountain, leaving him to crumble into that darkness; he’d become an experiment for a monster he couldn’t fully picture, bent on world domination. His mother was locked away, consumed by the madness his father had sowed in her…
It all swirled around in his head like a tornado, wisps threatening to disappear into the air even as he grabbed hold of them to record. Touya wouldn’t let it happen again though; not if he could help it.
He needed to get out of here, that was first and foremost in his mind; staying in this house seemed to be the key trigger for the domino effect of this doomed timeline he was trying to avoid. Seketo Peak, the fire, and then…
It hurt his head trying to make sense of the flashing images buzzing through his brain, like a surge of electricity zapping him right between the eyes; like there were still things he was missing, things he didn’t know- couldn’t know yet. Why, he wasn’t sure, but he needed to find out everything he could. Find everyone he could, and that was going to be the hardest part of it all. Touya had a handful of names already, a dozen or so fuzzy faces just out of reach; to the best of his ability, he might even be able to find a couple of them on his own, but he was only 13 . He couldn’t even go into town by himself without someone ratting him out to his parents. He was going to need outside help: adult help, and not from his parents .
Bitter, alien memories of his father invaded his mind’s eye-beard aflame, with his infant brother at his side, fully grown and built in the man’s image. He could picture their mother, dragged out and shut away, the pain of her being separated from her entire family…and the anger of never being protected by those who had known. Thoughts and feelings, sensations that were far too adult for him to comprehend flooded his mind like a tsunami, and the notepad fell from his hands as he clutched at his head.
These weren’t his thoughts, they weren’t his memories, his life- But at the same time, he knew it had to be. It could only be him, in his heart and soul, he could feel it. In his mind, he could almost see a twisted reflection in a broken mirror: purple, silver, and bright turquoise, staring back at him. A portrait of exactly what kind of monster he would become should he fail at correcting his path. He needed to prevent this, he had to save himself, his family; his friends. If this really was a second chance, if the fates really were allowing him the opportunity to try again …well, he had to take it. He was Touya, not Dabi. He didn’t want to become Dabi, not if he had a choice.
He would save himself-from himself -by any means necessary.
“Touya…?” The white-haired teen nearly screamed as his brother’s voice startled him from his internal spiral. Natsuo yawned and rubbed his eyes in the doorway to the porch, “Why’re you up s’ early? Are you gonna go train again…?”
“H-huh? Oh uh, n-no…” Touya did his best to try and hide the frantic journaling he had been doing behind his back, but the younger child was quick to notice, even with his tired eyes.
“Whatcha writing’?” He asked, his bare feet slapping across the hard flooring as he made his way to his brother’s side on the porch, cool wind tussling his snowy locks. Touya felt himself freeze as a flash of memory crossed his eyes- Dabi’s memory of Natsuo. Much older, exhausted; jaded…staring at an altar with Touya’s face on it. It was terrifying, and he could see it reflected as such on his face. His little brother moved in closer with immediate concern, wrapping his arms around Touya as he shook like a leaf in the breeze.
“H-hey! It’s okay, you uh…you don’t have to tell me…but you’re making me nervous…” Natsuo pulled back from the tight hug and his storm-grey eyes met bright blue; just like their father’s, “You’d…you’d tell me if something really bad was gonna happen, right? I-I mean, I know dad’s been gettin’ real mad during training with Sho, and you tryin’ to train, but-”
“I have to leave, Nat…” Touya finally said, his voice just barely a whisper, trying to keep from breaking, “I can’t stay here in this house- w-we can’t, none of us can! I-I can’t die here-”
I can’t die here again! I can’t -
Touya gasped weakly as another flash of Dabi’s life hit him like lightning: the pain of tears burning his eyes, bright and blinding; blue flames surrounding him, his body burning, calling out for his father who wouldn’t come; waking up-
“Touya!!!” The older boy came back to himself sharply, his brother shaking him with tears in his eyes, “Y-You’re really scaring me, please say something! I-I should go get mom-”
“No!” No no, not their mother. Endeavor would see his fear and paranoia as a weakness-a madness-just like hers; he’d try to send Touya away, send them both away! He’d never escape; he’d become Dabi again and again, and keep dying over and over and over -
“No! N-no…we have to leave , Natsuo.” He stood quickly, clutching the spiral-bound notebook tight to his chest as his little brother stared after him, tense and anxious as he tried to unravel what exactly was happening in Touya's mind. Natsuo had seen his older brother upset before, had seen him make himself sick from crying, the look of fear after a nightmare, the fire in his eyes as he ranted on about their father; this was something different altogether. Touya had a distant look in his eyes now like he was seeing something just beyond, something that the younger boy couldn’t-
When Touya grabbed his hand suddenly Natsuo couldn’t stop the yelp of pain as he jerked back; with as worked up as his brother was getting, his quirk was starting to overheat him. He knew his brother had problems controlling himself and handling his emotions, but he looked like he was about to implode. The older boy tried to back away, his panicked mind only telling him to run-Dabi was telling him to run-but Natsuo got to him first, wrapping chilled arms around his brother in an attempt to soothe him.
“Okay, okay- Y-you’re okay, Touya, please be okay…” The snowy-haired boy stammered, clutching onto his sibling tightly. It was almost unbearable, the heat coming off of him; even with their mother’s Ice he still had trouble withstanding it. Slowly though, shockingly, he felt the older boy start to relax at the cold touch. He felt his brother’s body heat start to level out, his hands no longer scorching Natsuo’s nightshirt, and the younger boy pulled back with a timid smile.
“Are…are you gonna be okay?” Natsuo asked quietly, still unable to get Touya to meet his eyes, “If you really wanna leave…I-I’ll come with you.”
Those words seemed to pull his brother from whatever mental tarpit he had sunk into, looking into Natsuo’s eyes as though searching for a lie, or betrayal in his words. So used to being ignored or simply brushed off, the teen was so sure this was a trick. Instead, he found nothing but loving concern. A flash of Dabi came to Touya once more, but this time it was a softer feeling; bittersweet, but sincere.
He believes me-
“W-we gotta go. Soon.” Touya whispered now, a half-baked idea already forming in his mind. He had names, he even had numbers for some of them, though he wasn’t sure they were in the right order; some of the memories swirling through his head were still foggy and far away, but others were painfully clear. Whoever he had been as Dabi, he had been busy; he could still feel that there was more he was missing, but he was certain he could unravel it soon. He just…needed a little help. He pulled away from Natsuo for a moment to flip through his notes, the jumble of his writing almost like static before his eyes as he searched rapidly for what he needed.
A connection, a confidant that wouldn’t turn them in; an adult they could hopefully convince to help them along. It’d been one of the first names he’d written down, the first he recalled as he had hurried to scribble out his supposed past(future?)life as a villain.
Giran.
Whoever he was, he was important, and Dabi had trusted him. By logic, that meant that Touya could trust him too, right? The gears in his brain were turning faster than he could keep up with, and he hissed in pain as he felt steam start to pour off him, his skin hotter than a lit stove. Natsuo was quicker to lay hands on him this time, letting the icy nature of his quirk soothe his brother’s nerves. He’d never seen him like this before; so uncertain, yet so confident in his decisions. The only other times Touya acted like this was when he was attempting to prove their father wrong.
Was this…just another way Touya planned to show him that he could still be a hero? It seemed different though from that, like he was treading on a new path entirely. Wherever his brother was headed though, he would try to follow. They had to stick together, after all, they were family. Within the next hour, the teen had a bag packed for the both of them, and a note slid underneath Fuyumi’s door. She would be the only one who would worry about them, Touya was certain. He wanted them all to be leaving, all of them together-
But he needed to slow down. Being impulsive and hot-headed seemed more likely to lead him back toward that darker timeline than lead him away. He had to be brave, he needed to be smart about this; it wasn’t just him on the line, it was Natsuo, Fuyumi, and Shoto-
-and possibly the rest of the world.
He needed to make things right.
Taking his little brother’s hand, he led the two of them out through the courtyard and past the estate’s gates. Touya didn’t turn back; there was no stopping him this time.