Work Text:
Hey, hey, before you start reading, can I just say something?
I’ve added a few things to the office. New content to make it more interesting, you know?
Please tell me what you think.
Okay, I’ll let you get to reading now.
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Stanley sat at his computer, absently pressing random buttons on his keyboard. He was vaguely aware of the yellow arrow sitting on his desk, rambling about narrative tropes. Suddenly, green text flashed on the computer screen. Stanley jerked forward, staring at the words.
Hey, Stanley. It’s me, the settings guy. Happy birthday :]
The words flickered once. Twice. Then they vanished, returning to a blinking green cursor. Stanley didn’t move, still gawking at the screen. The Narrator droned on, oblivious to employee 432’s brief message.
A loud bang suddenly rang through the office, startling them both. It sounded a lot like a confetti popper, Stanley noted.
“Wh- Stanley, did you hear that noise? I assure you that I have nothing to do with it!”
Stanley leaped to his feet, already rushing to the room with two doors. He was fairly certain the settings person had something to do with it. The Narrator quickly followed, sliding off the desk and onto the carpet. “What- Who is this settings person? You know them??”
He shrugged in response. That wasn’t important right now. Curiosity was pulling fiercely at him, urging Stanley to see what- oh.
The room, completely transformed, would have been unrecognizable if not for the two open doors. It looked as if someone had taken generic pictures of a birthday party and thrown them into a mismatched pile.
Banners and streamers drooped from the ceiling, dangerously close to touching the ground. Balloons labeled Happy 12th Birthday Step-Niece were crammed into every corner, pushing against the ceiling in a vain attempt to escape.
As Stanley stared in wonder, his eyes fell upon a banner. Happy birthday, Stanley!!! it read, plainly declaring whose special day it was.
And in the center of the room was a sight that pulled a gasp from the Narrator. “Stanley-” its earlier confusion returned tenfold in the form of annoyance. “Stanley, you’ve never seen a Twister mat before, have you? Well, I’ll have you know that it is a terrible game! The creators clearly didn’t consider sentient arrows would want to play! Why, no such thing as accommodating-”
Stanley had already shot across the room, heading for a table in between the two doors. A delectable looking cake sat on the table, covered in golden yellow frosting. Swirling black icing spelled out The Stanley Parable! accompanied by three candles in the shape of the game’s initials.
But the best part? A small present sat next to the cake with a huge bow wrapped around it.
Out of the corner of his eye, Stanley saw the Narrator stretching over his shoulder, peering down at the box. “A present? Stanley, have you been hiding your birthdate from me this entire time? Wait, no- That cannot be true. I never gave you a birthday! So who in the world would set up a party for you on this particular-”
Something was waved past its face, causing it to stop talking and stare. Stanley held a yellow cat toy, with fake golden feathers attached to the end of a string.
Once he’d gotten the Narrator’s attention, Stanley pointed to the cake. It would be a shame to let it go to waste. Did the Narrator have something to cut it with? Like a cake knife or something.
Stanley knew full well that he couldn’t eat or drink in the parable. There was no need for it. Plus, the Narrator always said that coding in food or drinks would be a hassle. However, he was very interested in hearing the Narrator’s reaction to his thoughts.
Stanley was not disappointed. The line reared back, as if offended by the question. “Stanley, you seriously need to have more regard for your personal health! What if that cake is- oh, I don’t know- filled with uranium? I really don’t have strong faith in your ability to consume large amounts of uranium. The possibilities of something going wrong are endless! And I really cannot have the protagonist dying in the most unflatteringly stupid way possible,” it finished with a huff.
The office worker had to fight to keep the smile off his face. The Narrator was… how should he say this.
“Say what.”
Hilarious. Especially when it was ranting.
Stanley then dashed through the left door, leaving behind the Narrator’s angry splutters.
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Thankfully, there was nothing off about the meeting room. And the Narrator had stopped whining at Stanley and gone back to his usual dialogue. Stanley grinned as the Narrator prodded him in the side. Past the broom closet and up the stairs, the two didn’t encounter any surprises.
As the doors to his boss’s office swung open, Stanley was met with a cacophony of meowing. The noise was unmistakable, despite him having never heard a real, living feline before. An absurd amount of cats filled the office, lounging on the couches and leaping across the tables.
Several of them wandered over to Stanley and the Narrator. Grinning, the office worker immediately bent down and began petting the cats.
“Stanley began to pet the cats. This was a poor decision on his part, as he knew nothing about the cats’ health. Yes, I’m willing to bet that at least one of these felines has rabies!”
As if on cue, one of the cats tried to lick the Narrator. “Oh, no! No, no, no, no- get away from me!” The cat was undeterred, stepping closer to the rapidly retreating arrow. It pointed up at Stanley, almost pleadingly. “Stanley! You have to help me out here, this cat is trying to eat me alive!”
He rolled his eyes at the Narrator’s dramatics, but turned away from the cats to pick up the line. Carrying the Narrator in his arms, he made his way to the keypad behind the boss’s desk. Cats still swarmed around their feet, but at least the Narrator was out of their reach.
Stanley honestly doubted the cats actually had rabies, or any dangerous disease. But maybe being in their proximity made one overly dramatic.
“2 - 8 - 4 - 5,” the voice growled, pointedly ignoring Stanley’s remark. They then made their way to the elevator, trailed by a large herd of felines. Just as the door was about to shut, what seemed to be hundreds of cats flowed into the elevator. It was as if they had turned into liquid; an obvious sign that these weren’t normal cats.
Although the elevator was practically stuffed with cats, there was still an area of clear space for the Narrator and Stanley. The door closed, all the cats meowing up a storm, and Stanley silently pressed the down button.
“And here we are! Almost at the Mind Control- oh my god. Stanley, why are there crustaceans everywhere!?”
Stanley peered out of the elevator, barely able to see that the gray metal floor had turned into yellow sand. He couldn’t even see what the Narrator was referring to, as the cats had flooded out of the elevator and into the hallway. He simply shook his head, unable to find a better reaction. This run just kept getting weirder and weirder.
Oh, right. Stanley remembered that he was still holding the Narrator and - seeing that the cats had disappeared down the hall - decided to unceremoniously dump it on the sand.
“OW! Stanley, what the he-” the line stopped. “Did you really have to drop me like that? A warning would have been nice!”
The office worker shrugged in response, amused by the Narrator nearly swearing. The sand was soft, so it couldn’t have hurt that badly. And the cats clearly weren’t interested in the Narrator.
The arrow muttered something under its breath before sliding down the sand filled hallway. Stanley quickly followed, noticing several cats dashing down the ESCAPE hallway. He hoped the Curator would take care of them.
In the Mind Control Facility, the metal flooring had also been replaced with sand, the occasional crab scuttling across it. With cats trailing behind them, Stanley followed the Narrator through the facility. He smiled faintly upon hearing its usual monologue. Even when the whole office was going haywire, the Narrator still did its job.
“Why of course, Stanley. If I don’t bring some semblance of normalcy, who else will?”
Oh yes, and being stuck in a time loop in an office building was normal.
“You know what I mean.”
Now facing the control panel, the air seemed to be charged with electric anticipation. The cats clamored and meowed behind Stanley. The Narrator was a good few feet away, watching Stanley with thinly veiled impatience. He took a deep breath. Then pressed the OFF button.
Blackness. And a rising chill of uncertainty that Stanley no longer felt. In front of the gathered crowd, the usual scenery had been replaced by a beach. The yellow sand stretched out of the facility, where it eventually met with crashing waves. Stanley couldn’t believe it. Water. Ocean!
Adding to the bizarre, impossible yet possible sight was hundreds of balloons. It seemed that the birthday party had been brought to the beach too. Following the cats spilling through the open door, Stanley stopped a few feet from the water. The salty air felt heavenly against his face. Sand had definitely gotten in his shoes, but he didn’t care one bit.
The cats seemed equally unburdened, getting tangled up in the balloons or practically launching themselves into the water. Stanley’s gaze snapped to the sky, where several of the cats had managed to glitch their way up there. They floated slowly towards the horizon, into the unknown, supported by bundles of balloons. Back in the water, fearless, water loving cats were swimming freely.
The office worker turned back around, noticing the Narrator wasn’t, well, narrating. The line was simply sitting inside the dark facility, watching the chaos.
He waved to the arrow. No reaction. He tilted his head. Hey! Narrator!
“What? Oh yes, hello, Stanley. I was simply distracted by... whatever is going on out there.”
Stanley hummed, before taking a seat on the sand. He patted the ground next to him. The two of them could sit out here together. There was a good chance this wouldn’t happen again, so why not enjoy it while it lasts?
A beat passed. Then the arrow slid out into the sun, curling up next to Stanley. The two of them sat there, watching the glitching cats and listening to the crashing waves. It wasn’t a normal ending. Far from it. But... It was a happy one.
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