Chapter Text
Nick has done a lot of thinking in recent months. A lot more than he was ever doing about his life before he met Judy. She really kickstarted a lot for him both good and bad, though thankfully mostly good. She got him to open up after so long keeping himself locked down tight. He’s grateful, for sure, and definitely overall happier with his life. But he didn’t open up completely. There’s something much scarier to him that he buried deeper than anything else.
When Judy officially asked him out a few weeks ago, those feelings started to creep their way back up. He hasn’t thought too hard about them for a very long time. Now they’re almost inescapable. His eyes linger on the dresses in storefront windows, on the models in advertisements. It was all easy to ignore when he was putting himself in the box society wants him to be in, but he’s out of that box now.
He knows he needs to talk to Judy, and he settled on today being the day for it. They both have the day off and are spending it together in the rainforest district. Judy may have been overly idealistic about what Zootopia is like when it comes to all things social, but the city itself is a marvel of construction. It’s nice to get to see it and really appreciate it instead of being focused on some scheme or working some case.
They’ve just gotten into one of the sky trams again, to which Judy takes lets out a satisfied exhale before saying, “it’s nice to be up here without having to worry about any missing mammals.”
Nick smiles a little bit. “It’s definitely all a lot prettier when we didn’t just go through several near death experiences.”
Judy gives him a smile back before looking out over the city below. It really is beautiful. So, Nick feels a small pit in his stomach as he thinks about what he wants to bring up to Judy. It almost seems like he would be spoiling all of this. If he doesn’t bring it up, though, he’s not sure he’ll ever manage to.
He takes a deep breath. He just has to go for it. Trying to seem casual, he starts off vague by asking, “you know Carrots, how did you figure out that you like girls?”
Judy turns and gives him a funny look. “Didn’t I say how when I told you? I watched one of Gazelle’s music videos when I was younger. That’s a pretty common experience from what I’ve heard”
Nick shakes his head at her and clarifies, “I mean, how did you know that’s what those feelings meant?”
A tinge of concern mixes into Judy’s confused expression. “What is this about, Nick? You’re bi too, you should have the same answer to that question as me.”
Nick isn’t sure what to say now. This wasn’t a very good starting point and he’s just feeling more anxious about this. He opens his mouth to try and say something but no words come out.
Judy looks much more concerned now and steps closer, reaching out to lightly touch one of Nick’s paws. “Is there something you want to talk about?”
A flash of fear jolts Nick and he pulls away from Judy, turning to look out over the canopy instead. He does his best to calm himself down. From the corner of his eye he can see Judy step closer to him. She starts reaching out to him but hesitates before pulling back. He looks away to another part of the canopy, slowing his breathing, letting the sound of trickling water wash over him.
Finally he closes his eyes and takes a breath. “Being a fox is… hard,” he starts awkwardly. He opens his eyes again, not entirely looking at Judy but at least looking to where she’s back at the age of his vision. “I told you a little about that last time we were here. How I’m supposed to just, be… it’s a box I’m forced into. You helped me out of it, but…” he trails off, the words catching in his throat. Judy remains attentive at his side, concern obvious in her body language.
Nick looks down at his paws hanging over the railing and sighs heavily. He settles on saying, “that’s not the only box I’m forced into.”
Judy tilts her head a little, clearly confused. “Nick, you can talk to me about being bi.”
“No!” Nick shouts. He turns the other way before slowly slumping down against the side of the tram. “That’s not it, not- not exactly,” he adds more quietly.
Judy crouches down with big, sympathetic eyes. There’s some realization in them too. Gingerly, she shifts a little closer and then asks, “do you… want to be, Ms. Wilde?”
Emotions pop like sparks in Nick’s chest but just as quickly are gone, leaving it hard to parse things. “I don’t know,” is all Nick says in response, voice small.
Judy grasps Nick’s paws and looks him in the eye. “I’m here for you, alright? I’ve got plenty of experience with this.”
Nick looks back at her. “Really?”
She smiles a little and explains, “when you have as many siblings as I do, some are bound to end up questioning things.”
That would definitely explain how she jumped to this conclusion so fast. “What things do you do to help?” Nick asks, still feeling uncertain but not as much as before.
“Well, most recently for my sister Lena we started with just using a different name and calling her she and her,” Judy answers. “And then for Ruth, she wanted to be done up all nice in makeup and a dress, she looked really good and that was before she even started hormones.” There’s a lot of love and excitement in her voice. She looks down again and asks, “how does any of that sound?”
Nick has felt slightly reassured, but fear is still gnawing at him. “I don’t know,” he replies in a defeated tone. He was so focused on explaining things to Judy that he didn’t consider what it would actually lead to. “I…” he trails off.
Judy squeezes his paws and says, “it’s okay if you aren’t, you know. My sister Mary thought she might be a boy, but-” She cuts herself off as Nick shakes his head.
“I’m scared that I am,” he clarifies in a small, quiet voice. Judy’s bright expression softens. Nick adds, “it’s hard enough being a fox.”
Judy just looks at him for a moment, gears turning in her head. “Do you think you would be fine if we just dropped this now and never brought it up again?”
Nick stares at the floor of the tram. She really does know how to dig right into this. “No,” he concedes with a sigh.
A little smile creeps onto Judy’s face again. “So what do you say, Ms. Wilde?”
A small bit of emotion sparks in Nick’s chest. Hmm, maybe not Nick. He hasn’t put thought into any kind of name. Or she hasn’t. All this about referring to herself in his own head is weird. Regardless, he asks, “what do you have in mind?”