Chapter Text
Akito stood frozen on stage, a lump stuck in his throat and he felt like the gazes were needles, poking holes at him. He was doing fine… But he stopped singing.
The next words won't come out of his mouth. He no longer could hear the music but the mutterings of the audience. See the disappointed expressions of his parents. Ena mouthing him words of encouragement to continue singing.
He brings the mic closer to his mouth, but nothing comes out. Not a single word. Not a single sound. Akito's body trembles, his mind becoming fuzzy and his eyes beginning to sting.
"I…"
Akito can't do this…
"I'm sorry…!" he runs out the stage, dropping the mic, ignoring the calls of his teacher. He runs, wiping the tears from his eyes. He just can't …
Akito doesn't know why he suddenly stopped singing. Oh right… Because someone stopped the music on purpose in order for him to mess up.
Olive green eyes blink, staring at the crowd. The crowd stared at him with a confused expression. His friends covered for him, singing his lines as he stood still on stage.
He can feel his heart beat against his chest. His palms sweat and his throat go dry. He brings the mic close and opens his mouth in an attempt to sing his next line.
"That was embarrassing," he remembers someone saying.
His breath hitched and nothing came out of his mouth. He even tries to dance, but his body just won't move a muscle. Not even a finger.
He simply stands frozen on stage until the performance ended. Once they all got back stage, Akito ahead of the three, An grabs his arm tightly, pulling him towards her roughly.
He can tell that she's pissed , most likely, seething . I mean like… Who wouldn't?! After weeks of practice, one of them suddenly freezes on stage and doesn't sing nor dance!
"I… I'm sorry…" he says softly, his stomach churning and his chest welling up with guilt. It really made him want to cry. But he had no place to cry when he was the one who ruined the performance.
"What was that, Akito?"
Akito doesn't know… The feeling inside his chest just keeps growing. He can feel the aura of An being pissed. He's guilty.
"What was that?!" An yelled, pointing at the stage, face red with anger. It won't be a big deal if it was just a normal event… But it's not just an event… This is big and Akito ruined the chance.
"An-chan, please calm down," Kohane says softly, worried of what would happen. But An doesn't listen, this was unacceptable. So unacceptable.
Akito was the one who kept talking about this event, the one who told the group that they should join, the one who signed them up, the one who told them to practice even until it was past 8 in the evening and the one who chose the songs for the group to sing.
"I can't ! How am I supposed to calm down after all our practices! All our hard work just going down the drain?!" An screamed, throwing her arms, her face becoming redder and redder.
She's furious .
But Akito just kept silent, he couldn't bring himself to say anything because of the fear that's still in his chest despite the performance being finished. "Akito, what happened? Why did you stop?" Touya questions with a frown, he's not disappointed. He's confused.
The teen looks at his friends who had different expressions. He can't bring himself to say anything. He opens, then closes his mouth again. He doesn't even know what to say.
"Akito… I'm being serious … What the hell was that all about?" An stopped yelling, but he can tell that she's holding her anger back. Akito doesn't know… That would be a lie…
He knows… He knows why he suddenly froze. Why did he stop singing… Stopped dancing when they finally had the crowd screaming for their group to perform.
He knew he messed up… Akito let his past get to him. It's what makes him a pathetic person.
Touya's expression becomes more serious, they're not joking around. Out of all the events, this one was the event where they sacrificed their time for. The one where they gave every bit of their energy for.
So he's not surprised that they're angry. He knows that his past won't be an excuse.
He tries to say something, but his stomach keeps churning, his heart keeps pounding against his chest. His palms sweating and his eyes stung.
Kohane, An and Touya stare at him, waiting for a reply. And the only thing that escaped his mouth was a pathetic, miserable, "I'm sorry…" An exhaled and grit her teeth, she walks past him, Kohane giving her friend a look of, "what did you do" before following her partner and Touya shook his head and walked past him and saying, "I know there's something bothering you but… You shouldn't let it get in the way of our performance," he walks out the venue, leaving Akito to himself.
The teen stood there, looking at the ground. "F*ck…" he wiped his eyes.
"That was embarrassing," he remembers them say again.
Akito stares at his bedroom ceiling. He couldn't sleep… After what happened, he simply couldn't fall asleep. If only he sang… Then things wouldn't be this way…
If only he forgot about what happened in the past or moved on , then things wouldn't be this way… Wait… At the end of the day… He's the one at fault, right?
He cursed under his breath and got up from bed… Akito grabs his phone and stands at the center of his room, he plays music and when it is time for him to enter…
"Ah… He messed up…"
It felt like something blocked his throat and he choked on his words. He couldn't sing, his hands trembled. His heart simply kept banging against his chest and his mind was racing.
He can't sing… He really can't sing. Akito wants to cry, but he pushes it aside and decides to force himself, push himself to sing. He doesn't stop the music and keeps trying.
"Ah… It's the one who messed up…"
"Have you heard that he…"
"The music stopped and he froze…"
"Wasn't he the one who…"
No matter how many times Akito tried to sing, he just couldn't. He can't sing, he couldn't even sing a single word, not even a letter. Everytime he tries to sing… Dance… It feels like someone's choking him or like his body is being chained.
His bedroom door opens, his father entering his room, shooting him a glare, "TURN THAT OFF! IT'S 1 IN THE MORNING!" Akito fumbled with his phone, turning the music off and goes to bed.
His dad huffs and closes the door, leaving Akito alone with his thoughts. Just because of what happened back then… Is why he can't sing?
F*cking ridiculous. Maybe he can try again tomorrow… Right… Maybe he's dreaming… Maybe he's tired and just needs sleep. Yeah… That must be it. Akito closed his eyes, praying that it would be okay tomorrow.
The ginger haired teen taps on the file in his phone, there's no way will he play music early in the morning and get his parents mad at him for disturbing their sleep. Especially his sister who loves sleep.
He bites his lower lip, his finger tapping on the side of his phone and that same feeling from yesterday, of his stomach churning coming back. But he inhales and exhales, he then opens his mouth to sing.
"Disappointing…"
His breath hitched, his mind fuzzy and once again, he couldn't sing. It feels like he was being choked by someone, hindering him from singing. The only thing inside his head, is how much people sh*t on him after that performance… How he's scared of going through that again.
Akito brings his hand up, it's shaking. He tries to stop it, but it won't. He clutches the shaking hand with the other and pressing his hands against his chest and bending a little.
He only needs to stop thinking about it… Yeah right. It doesn't work like that, things don't work like that. People, especially him, don't easily forget about experiences, especially when they're not good.
"Calm down… Calm down…" he whispers to himself and crouching, his breathing wasn't steady. F*cking calm down already. But he can't. With every second that passes, it feels like he's about to lose his mind.
He can feel their stares at him. He can hear the remarks of those people. He sees the light becoming farther and farther from his reach. It's like he's being tied on the ground, being held firm in his place.
His eyes stung and his eyes glistened, pressing his palms against his ears to block them away. He shuts his eyes and mentally counts, hoping that in the count of 10, it'll all be gone.
In the count of 10, he can sing.
In the count of 10, he can dance.
In the count of 10, he can forget.
In the count of 10, he can smile truly.
Yet again, it doesn't work like that. The world isn't that kind to him, for his problems to just vanish in thin air. He wants to scream, he wants to cry, he wants someone to stop him from himself and he wants to unhear the words said and unsaid.
"Akito?" like he's been brought back to reality, he remembers that he's in SEKAI because he planned to practice. No… Not practice. He planned to get himself together.
But I guess things took a turn. "What are you doing?" Len asks, his face an expression of confusion. Wondering why the teen was crouching and pressing his palms against his ears.
The ginger haired teen let out a shaky sigh and turned to him, saying, "It's nothing," the virtual singer hummed in confusion and shrugged it off, much to his relief. The confused expression, changed into excitement, "Oh right! And Touya and the rest are here too!"
Akito froze and felt his stomach twist again. The thought of seeing them, after what happened yesterday didn't make him feel well. It made him sick to the gut. He waves a hand, "Nah. I'm good,"
Len pouts and grabs his jacket, "But you promised that we'd sing a song together," his mind keeps racing, but he doesn't want to worry Len and lets the virtual singer pull him to the direction of the cafe.
With every step that he took, it was like the road was becoming narrower. It was like the cafe was far away than before. Despite Len rambling about this and that, he couldn't hear him as his mind was elsewhere.
"Akito?" he blinks and notices the virtual singer looking at him with worry. He realizes that they're close to the cafe, seeing the name "Crase Cafe" from where they are. He wants to talk with his friends… "Pathetic,"
He takes a step back, his expression twisting into anxiety. Akito sees how worried Len is but he doesn't care about that right at this moment. He takes another step back.
It's like… A fight or flight instinct… His head telling him to run away and his legs were wobbly but dying to get away from here, heck, out of the SEKAI.
"Akito?" the blond virtual singer calls out again.
He takes a third step back before completely breaking into a run. Running away from the cafe, "AKITO!" he keeps running, he taps on the file and he's back at his room.
Akito lets out a shaky breath, a breath he didn't even know he was holding for a long time. Once again, Shinonome Akito has run away from his issues instead of facing them.
"That was embarrassing…"
"He shouldn't have signed up if he would just run away…"
"I feel bad… Someone destroyed his performance…"
Akito slams his head against the wall.