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She used to go to bed without him, and when she’d wake she could simply place her hand on his shoulder or kiss his cheek. She’d just whisper, “Mulder, come to bed.” He’d take her hand and lay next to her. He’d stay by her side and hold her. His eyes open. She could see the gears turning in his head. She saw the desperation written on his face. Even if she was in his arms, he wasn’t thinking about her.
The first time she’d truly realized was the night where he told her he wasn’t done yet. There was still more to see. She told him that it would be there in the morning, but he wouldn’t move from his spot. It was the first time she hadn’t felt his body pressed up against hers in the early hours of the morning in a long time.
It was only a week after that when she’d woken to the sound of the door shutting. She’d ran to where he usually stayed and saw that he was gone. This was the first night she cried. The chase, this obsession, was getting worse. She remembered the time she told him he was like Ahab. She told him he was going to end up like the man trying to snap pictures of nothing.
The truth was, nothing was ever good enough to keep him away from the truth, not even her.
Sometimes she wondered, no hoped, that he was spending time with another woman. It would hurt like crazy, but at least he wasn’t out searching. She knew that’s not what was happening. No, she knew where he was. A part of her just didn’t care anymore. Just like a part of him didn’t care. She knew he loved her…. but she knew he loved his chase more. She knew she wasn’t enough to make him truly happy. It killed her inside.
The wind was raging and the storm was heavy against their home. She listened as the door shut, and then she stood. She packed a bag. She made sure on packing as much as she could, knowing she wasn’t going to return. She walked right out the front door. She drove to her mother’s and cried on the old woman’s shoulder.
“Dana, it’ll be okay. He loves you…” Maggie Scully whispered to her daughter. Stroking her hair, and cradling her. This couldn’t be the end.
“The worst part is…. what if he doesn’t even notice I’m gone?”
………
The next morning when Mulder returned he didn’t notice the little things that indicated her leaving. He didn’t see that her clothes were picked up, or that all of her chargers were unplugged. He didn’t see her laptop had gone.
It wasn’t till he got upstairs, waiting to see her laying in bed like always, that he noticed. The spot was empty. The bed was made. A note lay in the center of the bed.
“I can’t do this anymore.”
It was all she could write.
He noticed. God, how could he not?
She was gone.
He noticed.