Archive of Our Own

The couch creaked a little as Lila shuffled, tipping to the side and curling her feet up. The TV blared in the background as she repositioned herself, cushioning her head with one arm and closing her eyes. Dear God, she was exhausted.

Diego had taken Anita out for some daddy-daughter bonding time, and honestly, Lila was more relieved than she wanted to admit. The day Anita had been born, Lila had promised herself she’d do everything for that child, that Anita would want for nothing, and get the life she deserved. What she hadn’t realised at that moment, was just how hard that would be. Two years later and while the breast feeding and the waking up every hour was gone, Anita had new needs. Lila didn’t begrudge it, not really. She was just so, so tired.

So, when Diego suggested that she got some rest while he took Anita out to the park, Lila could have kissed him senseless right there. Only she had no energy for that, so she just nodded and dropped onto the couch. Diego had kissed her on the forehead, drawn the curtains closed again and led the little one out of the apartment.

And that was how Lila found herself half asleep on the couch, vaguely listening to the painful acting on whatever daytime TV show she’d thrown on. It was bliss, a moment of peace.

The phone rang.

Lila’s eyes snapped open, all exhaustion forgotten. Less than ten people in the entire world knew that number, and less than three actually bothered to call it. Only Klaus ever rang for something casual, and that was always late at night. Before midday, it was almost certainly an emergency.

Striding over to the phone, Lila snatched the handset off the hook, ready to shout at whichever imbecile had so rudely interrupted her nap, but she was cut off by an automated voice.

“This is a collect call from an inmate at...”

Lila didn’t even bother to listen to the rest of the recording, pressing 1 and waiting for the call to connect. The ringing stopped, replaced by the ambient sound of a crowded area, and Lila sighed.

“Hey, Five.” She said, voice flat.

“Hi Lila.” Five replied, tone identical to hers. They both paused for a moment, the noise of the holding cell filling the awkward gap.

“I’ll be there in twenty minutes” she sighed, dropping the phone back onto the hook and heading towards the door. She paused only to grab her coat and bag, and to write a note to Diego. It didn’t take her long to summarise the whole situation, just four words.

Five is in jail.

Okay, maybe five words.

Five is in jail, again.

Note written, she locked the front door, clambered into the car and set off towards the city jail, it was a familiar enough route. She’d done it plenty of times before. Pulling up in the parking lot, Lila turned off the car, leaned forwards, and rested her head against the steering wheel, closing her eyes for a moment as she lamented the loss of her moment of relaxation. She stayed like that for a few minutes. She needed some time to herself, and Five could bloody well wait.

A knock on the window knocked Lila out of her reverie, head whipping up from the wheel and hand jumping sharply to her pocket, where she carried a Swiss Army Knife. Old habits died hard. Looking to the side, Lila was greeted with a soft smile from a middle-aged woman. Suppressing the urge to scowl at the woman, Lila opened the car door, stepping out and staring at the woman. Her hand continued to hover closely to her pocket as she pressed on a polite smile.

“Can I help you?” she asked. The woman continued to smile, but her brows had furrowed slightly.

“I’m sorry,” the woman replied, “I just wanted to check you were okay, you’ve been hunched over the wheel for the last ten minutes.”

“And?” Lila snapped, feeling oddly threatened. Why had this woman been watching her for ten minutes? Did she not have better things to do?

“I’m sorry.” The woman repeated, bringing her hands up in a placating motion, “I overstepped, I was just a little worried.”

Lila looked the woman up and down. She seemed harmless enough, if Lila was being honest. Lila was probably overreacting a little. Dropping her hand away from her pocket, she gave the woman a small smile, watching as her shoulders visibly dropped. As if unsure what to do next, the woman stuck out her hand, offering it for Lila to shake.

“I’m Elizabeth.” She said, hand still outstretched. Lila took the hand, giving it a quick shake, and offering her name in return. With that, she turned back to the car, grabbing her bag and locking the car door.

When she turned back, the woman was still there, but she was looking nervously at the door of the police station in front of them. It was a large building, all gray concrete and hard edges, with little windows and peeling paint. Cinder blocks stamped with the City Police emblem were dotted around the entrance, no doubt to prevent anyone taking a speeding vehicle to the front door. It would have been intimidating, had Lila not spent most of her life somewhere far scarier, or if she hadn’t already been here several times before. Lila glanced back at the woman, who hadn’t moved, and was still staring at the building.

“It’s not going to eat you.” Lila quipped, patting the woman on her shoulder, “Come on.”

“Oh, yes,” Elizabeth replied, shaking herself a little and smiling at Lila, “right you are.”

Lila gave Elizabeth a small smile, before striding towards the station. Elizabeth jogged a little to keep up.

“So, what brings you here?” Elizabeth asked. Lila groaned internally. God, small talk. She’d shown one small moment of kindness, and this was how she was being repaid?

“Handing myself in,” she replied, grinning at Elizabeth’s shocked face.

“Ah.” Elizabeth replied, “What for?”

“Double murder.” Lila replied, smile widening as she watched the fear fill Elizabeth’s eyes, enjoying it for just a moment, enjoying the sense of power it gave her. It was just like at the Commission, when she…”

The enjoyment was gone. Lila dropped the smile, replacing it with a kinder expression.

“I’m kidding. I’m here to pick up my—" Lila paused, unsure how to describe Five. “My brother-in-not-law…ish?”

Elizabeth looked at Lila, no longer scared, but a little confused.

“He’s my boyfriend’s brother, and he’s a god-awful little shit.”

Elizabeth nodded in understanding, and the two of them continued walking, heading through the front doors. Lila immediately caught the eye of a receptionist she was now painfully familiar with, who beckoned her forward with a small smile. Lila started to move, before spinning back round to look at Elizabeth.

“Wait, why are you here?” she asked, probably a little sharper than necessary. Elizabeth sighed deeply, sad eyes locking with Lila’s.

“I’m picking up my son again.” she said, pinching the bridge of her nose. “He is also, as you so pleasantly put it, ‘a god-awful little shit’.”

Lila nodded politely, before turning away and heading over to the reception desk. She’d done her good deed for the day, being polite to a stranger and not stabbing them when they’d scared the crap out of her. That was enough for now. Now she had to deal with her own shitstorm. God, she hoped she didn’t need bail money.

“Mrs. Hargrave?” the receptionist started. Ugh she hated Diego’s fake last name.

“Ms. Pitts,” Lila interrupted, “still not married, Jessica.”

“Still? Come on, Lila, the little one has got to be eighteen months old by now!”

“She turned two last week actually, and I’m still not getting married.” Lila huffed. Jessica smiled.

Lila didn’t mind her, not really. She was really rather rude, and Lila was always surprised to discover she hadn’t been fired, but Lila had some respect for the lack of tact. Jessica sifted through her files, pulling out a couple of stapled sheets and handing them to Lila. Lila didn’t even look at them, she’d read them all before, the standard procedures for a parent or guardian when a minor had been arrested.

Not for the first time, Lila thought back to the hours after they’d arrived in the brand-new universe. There’d been a brief moment of joy, before reality had sunk in as they’d wandered aimlessly round the city. With no powers, no ID, and no money, “Living their lives” looked like it was going to be significantly harder than they’d first thought.

Until Five had come barreling back into their lives again. Literally. The man had flown out of an alleyway and straight into Diego, the two of them tumbling onto the ground. Lila had jumped straight into high alert, grabbing Five by the jacket and throwing a punch at him. She’d only realised who it was after her fist had connected with his face, but there had been no time for apologies, as a cop had darted round the corner just a moment later. Lila had known the plan from one quick glance at Diego’s face, stern with resolve, protect Five.

And they had. They’d convinced the man that Five couldn’t possibly be the person they were looking for, and that he’d been with them all night. It hadn’t been hard; the cop was not the brightest bulb in the box. He’d left them with a warning to get out of the bad side of town, and a stern glare at Five. Lila had assumed that would be the end of it, that Five would probably insult them, wander off, and never be seen again.

Oh, how wrong she had been. Five hadn’t been a constant presence, per se, but he’d been an irritating one. Always appearing at the most inconvenient time.

It hadn’t been all bad, he’d helped Lila and Diego acquire papers and ID, but he’d also turned up at their door drunk out of his mind on several occasions. There would be a knock on the door at three-am, and Diego would just shake his head, muttering something about it being like Klaus all over again.

Then he’d disappear for several weeks on end. A few times Lila had received unexpected visits from social services, wanting to speak to the “young man”, but she’d always managed to palm them off, and convince them he was perfectly fine. Other than that, it was radio silence, until a phone call like the one today. At least this one hadn’t been from the hospital.

Lila dropped the papers back onto the reception desk, and Jessica gathered them back up, filing them away before pointing over to one of the desks.

“Officer Bainbridge wants to speak to you.”

Lila glanced over at the desk Jessica was pointing to. An older man with round glasses was watching her. His uniform was neat, and his desk devoid of clutter. Lila grimaced; he looked like an absolute ball-ache. She should have just left Five here. Still, she was here now, so she sauntered over to the desk, dropping into the visitor chair and swinging one leg over the side. She looked the man up and down, before raising her eyebrows, the corner of her mouth twitching upward.

“Officer.” She greeted.

“Ms. Pitts, I presume?” the man asked, matching her raised eyebrows with his own. Lila didn’t reply. It was a stupid statement, she wouldn’t be sat there if she wasn’t.

The officer waited a moment, clearly expecting a response. When it didn’t come, he cleared his throat, reaching into one of his desk drawers and pulling out a paper file. He dropped it onto the desk with a thud.

“Is Five a nickname?” he asked, looking up from the file at Lila. Lila blinked, slightly taken aback by the question.

“What?” she replied.

“Five. Is it a nickname? The kid doesn’t respond to anything else.”

Lila scrambled for a minute, desperately trying to remember whatever name Five had stuck on his forged birth certificate. It began with an “F” sound, she was sure. Finley? Fred? Philip. She was sure it was Philip.

“Uh, yeah. He’s called Philip, but he’s always been Five.”

“Right, of course.” The officer said, nodding slightly. Lila couldn’t help but feel it was her the officer was assessing, rather than Five. Lila felt her irritation growing. The whole thing was ridiculous, she didn’t sign up to be some bullshit de facto guardian for a sixty-year-old twerp. Swinging her legs back off the arm of the chair, she leaned forward, staring down the officer.

“Are you charging him with anything?” she asked.

“Well, we’re—”

“Are you charging him?” Lila interrupted, enunciating each word.

“No, but—”

“Then we’re done.” Lila snapped, standing up and taking a step towards the holding cells at the back of the precinct, “go and grab the little shit, and we’ll be out of your hair.”

“I hear you have a daughter.”

Lila stopped, spinning on her heel to face the officer, hand dropping towards her pocket.

“Whatever is in your pocket, Miss Pitts, I suggest it stays in there.” The officer said quietly, “Why don’t you come sit down.”

Lila glanced away from the officer, taking in the rest of the precinct. There were four officers within easy reach of her and her knife. Unfortunately, there were five more spread around the room, and all of them would reach a pistol long before she’d ever reach one herself. She was heavily outnumbered. Glaring back at the officer, she sat back down, crossing her legs slowly, and leaning back into the chair.

“Are you threatening me?” she asked, voice low and deadly.

“Not at all, Miss Pitts. In fact, I suspect most of my colleagues would consider my behaviour right now to be all too lenient. Particularly as you’ve walked into this station with a weapon. Would you be so kind as to place it on the desk?”

Lila shrugged, pulling out the knife and handing it over. From this position she could easily grab a stapler. That would do enough damage to cause a distraction. Anyway, there was still the gun problem.

Still, she felt awfully naked without it.

“Excellent.” The officer said, a small smile on his face. “In answer to your question, no, I’m not threatening you, but I don’t think you’re fully aware of the position you’re in.”

Lila just kept glaring. She did not sign up for this shit.

“I did a little bit of research into you. Not many records out there, not till a couple of years ago, but that’s probably fine. It’ll probably go unnoticed. You’ve no criminal record. You and your boyfriend have jobs, you’re paying your taxes. There would be no reason to question what’s clearly an administrative error.”

Lila nodded just a little, suddenly acutely aware that she’d underestimated this man, and that the life she’d built in the last two years, the boring and domestic life that she loved with all her heart, was at risk.

“What do you want?” she whispered.

“You misunderstand me again, Miss Pitts. I don’t want anything. All I want to do is let you know this. ‘Five’, isn’t being charged today.” He said, wiggling his fingers as he said Five’s name. “The gentleman he attacked in the street isn’t pressing charges, but this is the third time Five has been arrested in six months. Questions will be asked. Questions about your ability to parent.”

Questions about whether they can raise Anita.

Lila nodded, giving the officer a tight smile. With that, the officer got up from his chair, leading Lila over to the holding cells. Lila let out a small breath. This part of the process was a part she was familiar with. Leaning against the wall, she waited until the officer reappeared, Five in tow.

Lila quickly found herself understanding why the other party to Five’s fight had chosen not to press charges. It looked like Five had received his just desserts already. He was sporting a split lip, and a pretty hefty black eye, along with bruises on his cheeks and a cut just sticking out from his hairline. His customary shirt and blazer were gone, replaced with a plain gray T-shirt that Lila guessed had come from the station. It was an odd look with his dress pants and smart shoes.

“Nice look” Lila quipped, crossing her arms and smirking at Five. Five replied with an icy stare, but Lila just shrugged it off. She was well immune to death-glares, she was raised by the Handler after all. Lila followed Five and the officer over to the front desk, where Jessica was waiting for them.

“Hey Five” Jessica said quietly as she dropped a clipboard onto the desk, handing Five a pen.

“Hey Jess” Five muttered in reply, dropping the frosty expression for a second, and giving Jessica a quick smile that was usually only reserved for Viktor or Klaus. Jessica handed over the evidence bag with Five’s belongings without another word, and Lila quickly spotted exactly why he was in one of the department shirts. Head wounds did always bleed a lot.

Belongings collected, Five strode out of the police station, straight past Lila’s car.

“Oh no you don’t!” Lila shouted after him. Running to catch up and grabbing his arm. Five span round, and Lila watched as he clenched his fists as if to blink. A flash of pain crossed his face, the same one Lila saw every time he remembered his powers were gone, but it was quickly covered with a glower.

“Let go, Lila.” Five ground out, eyes locking with hers. Absentmindedly, Lila wondered if his scowls were more effective in an old man’s body. Right now he looked like a petulant child.

“Not gonna happen, kinder shit. Get in the car.”

“And why would I do that?” he asked. Lila snorted.

“Because I just gave up my nap to pick you up from the nick and you should be fucking grateful, that’s why.”

Five glared for a moment more, before relenting, walking back towards the car and muttering something under his breath.

“What was that, Five?” Lila said loudly, grinning.

Five grumbled again, Lila just picking up “Stupid British accent” at the end of the sentence. She laughed. Only yesterday Diego had grumbled the same thing when Anita had called her cookie a biscuit.

Lila wondered if the Hargreeves family had ever noticed their similarities, instead of focusing on their differences. With the amount of arguments she had witnessed, she suspected the answer to that was no. Opening the car door and climbing in, Lila watched as Five did the same on the passenger side.

Only then did she realize she had no plan. She needed to sort this out. To stop Five’s behaviour from threatening her family life, but where did she start?

“We’re going shopping.” she said, shoving the key into the ignition.

Huh, even she hadn’t been expecting that. Judging by Five’s furrowed brow, he hadn’t been expecting it either. Regardless, Lila was no quitter. They were going shopping.

Thirty-five minutes later, and Lila found herself wandering around the kids’ section of J.C. Penney, Five trailing around after her with a shopping basket, looking bored out of his mind. Lila picked up a couple of t-shirts, spinning around to show Five.

“What do you think, Five? ‘be mer-mazing’ or ‘I believe in unicorns’?” she asked, waving the two in front of him. Five looked between the two of them, inspecting the pink and purple mermaid tail on the first t-shirt, and scrutinizing the anatomically incorrect horse head on the second. For a moment, Lila thought he was going to give her a genuine opinion. Then he stepped back, crossing his arms and giving Lila a flat look.

“They’re both shit, and Anita can’t read. What the hell are we doing here, Lila?”

Lila shrugged, putting the unicorn t-shirt back, and dropping the mermaid one into the basket. She picked a couple more shirts at random, dropping them into the basket and ignoring Five. Surprisingly, Five didn’t argue, he just continued to traipse after her, following her into the pants section. He only spoke again when Lila tried to put a pair of bright green leggings in the shopping basket.

“You’re not dressing Anita in that, she’ll look like Peter Pan.” He said, snatching them from Lila’s grip and hanging them back up. “Why are we here?”

Lila shrugged again, but this time Five clearly wasn’t having it.

“No, Lila, enough of your bullshit. You’ve picked me up enough times before, and you’ve never dragged me shopping afterwards. What’s your play?”

Lila paused, looking at Five. Really looking. He’d grown considerably in the last two years. He was probably taller than his adult body had been, and it looked like he still had some growing to do. Diego had commented on his height the last time he’d seen Five, and it had led to a vicious argument, where Five had refused to accept he was anything about 5ft 9.

Five's view was that he’d been fully grown before, and that had been the height he’d reached. Lila had elected not to point out that his growth had probably been stunted in the apocalypse. Unfortunately for their neighbors that night, Diego didn't consider keeping that thought to himself

The current problem, however, was that while Five once again had grown upwards since Lila had last seen him, he hadn’t grown outwards. He’d never exactly been bulky. Now though, he, was bordering on emaciated.

“Have you actually been eating?” Lila asked.

“What’s it to you?” Five responded, immediately defensive.

“What’s it to me? How about the fact that you look like a child whether you like it or not, and the government thinks Diego and I are your fucking guardians.”

“You mess up one decimal point,” Five muttered, pinching the bridge of his nose “and you get treated like a toddler till the end of time.”

“No Five, this would be far easier if you were a toddler. Toddlers don’t get arrested!”

With that, Five threw his arms up, walking away, before spinning around and storming towards Lila, shoving his finger at her chest.

“You know what, Lila, I put up with you because my idiot brother managed to knock you up and fall in love with you. But don’t think, for one second, that I like you.”

Lila laughed at that, throwing her head back and cackling.

“And you killed my parents, Asshole. I thought we established hatred a long time ago.”

“So why do you suddenly give a shit?” Five snapped.

“Because they’re going to take Anita away!”

Oh God. They were going to take Anita away if she didn’t figure this out, if she didn’t figure out how to help Five.

And honestly, if Lila was entirely truthful with herself, it wasn’t just about Anita. She wanted to help Five anyway, to stop him from slowly killing himself. She'd seen enough death already.

“What?” Five whispered, so quietly that Lila hardly heard him.

He paused, glancing around. Lila did the same, pleased to see that their little argument wasn’t being watched by a crowd of customers.

“What do you mean, they’ll take her away?” He asked, stepping closer. “You’re her mom. Diego’s her dad. They can’t take her away.”

“They can, and they will.” She replied. Her guarded expression dropping for a moment as the worry engulfed her. “One of the officers at the precinct has already spotted that our papers don’t match up.”

“Which one? Office Bainbridge?” Five asked, fists clenching as if to blink, and lips curling to a sneer. “If he dares—”

“No, Five. He wasn’t like that. He was… helpful. He wasn’t going to turn us in.”

“He’s still a liability.” Five replied, and Lila nodded slowly in agreement. In many ways, Five and Lila thought the same way. Family came first, and nothing was beyond limits. A little bit of murder wasn’t even a question.

Then Lila shook her head a little. They weren’t at the Commission anymore. The cycle had to be broken.

“We’re not killing him, Five.”

Five looked at her, confused.

“I really don’t think he’s a threat, but your behavior is.”

Five looked at her, still confused. “You’re her mom. They can’t take her away.”

“Five, you’re not getting this are you? All your papers say we’re your guardians, so every time you pull bullshit like this, they call us, and they assume we can’t control you. They assume we’re bad parents, and if they think we’re bad parents, they’ll take her away.”

“No, Lila. You’re not getting it.” Five replied, grinding out each word as if Lila was in kindergarten. “You’re her mom. It doesn’t matter how bad you are, no-one’s allowed to take her away. No-one can take Anita off you, no-one has that power.”

Oh.

Reginald.

There was no question that Five was an intelligent man. His brain worked like no other. Watching him work through complex mathematics was actually rather mesmerizing, but, for all that intelligence, he wasn’t as experienced as he let on. Thirteen years sheltered with the rest of the Umbrella Academy, forty years of isolation and five years as her mother’s little pet. When did he ever have the chance to learn about the real world?

And Reginald, he was certainly not above manipulation. Lila had seen it with her own eyes. There was no part of her that doubted he had told them a parent’s right to their child reigned supreme, that no-one could ever take them away. Why would Five have ever thought any different?

“That’s not how it works, Five” she said softly. “If the state don’t think you’re doing a good enough job, if they think you’re abusing your child, or neglecting them, they can take them into care.”

Five stared at her for a second.

“Then why didn’t…” he faltered.

“Your dad was very rich, and well connected. Oh, and a fucking alien.”

“But after Ben, at least. They should have…” Five stopped again.

“I know.” Lila replied, watching the cogs turn in Five’s brain.

Five looked away, fiddling with the handle of the shopping basket with a murmured “huh.”

Lila turned away too, once again browsing through the kids clothes. She walked between a few stands, feeling the fabric of different pairs of colorful pants, actively ignoring Five for a moment, trying to give him some time to process.

When Lila’s patience ran out, which was probably less than five minutes later, she grabbed another pair of pants, shoving them in Five’s face. These ones were rainbow, with a mermaid scale pattern printed down the legs.

“What do you think of these?” She asked, waving them in his face till he swatted at them in annoyance, grabbing them and throwing them in the basket.

“Equally as awful as everything else you’ve chosen today. Maybe she should be taken away.” He deadpanned.

“Hey!” Lila shouted, swatting him on the arm.

“What’s with the mermaid fetish anyway?” Five asked, ignoring the smack from Lila.

“Dunno,” Lila replied, “I only wore gray till I was like twelve.”

Five nodded at that. “I only wore uniforms.”

“And then it was apocalypse chic for you!” Lila replied with a grin, before adding softly, “I just don’t want Anita to turn out like me.”

“Like us.” Five noted, face twisting a little.

“Yeah.” Lila whispered.

Picking up a sweater and another pair of brightly colored leggings, Lila pulled the shopping basket from Five’s hand, grabbing his sleeve and dragging him towards the checkout.

“Come on, I want ice cream.”

Five, surprisingly, didn’t protest.

Lila watched as the waitress brought over two giant ice cream sundaes. Glancing at Five, she saw him switch from pure joy, to nausea, and back to a more tentative excitement. Not for the first time since she’d picked him up that morning, she wondered what he’d had to eat lately. Until today, she hadn’t seen him in almost six weeks.

She didn’t say anything, though. In fact, they’d hardly spoken since the outburst in the store. He hadn’t even put up a fight when Lila had bought him a sweater to throw over his t-shirt. It was only May, and she was sure she’d spotted him shivering.

As soon as the ice cream was placed on the table, Lila grabbed the spoon and started to devour hers. Five was a little slower, but was soon eating as well. Lila decided now was as good a moment as any other.

“How’d you wind up in the jail again anyway?” she asked, adding “I mean, you look like you lost a fight with a goose.”

“A goose?” Five asked.

Lila nodded sagely. “Have you ever fought a goose? Absolute bastards the lot of them.”

Five ate another spoonful of ice cream, shaking his head with disbelief.

“So, what did you do?” Lila asked again.

“Nothing. Had a fight.” Five grumbled.

“I gathered. Who did you fight?” she asked. God, it was like drawing blood from a stone!

“Jumped up moron and his mates, nothing big.”

“Big enough to leave you bruised to shit.” Lila replied. The black eye on his face was blooming quite beautifully now. The two of them had received quite a few dirty glances from other people in the mall. Lila would have questioned why people were showing so much distain to someone who was clearly a victim of violence, but the bruises and scratches across Five’s knuckles were visible from a mile away. He was no wilting flower.

“I don’t get it Five. Can’t you just be glad the world isn’t ending?”

“Can’t I just be—” Five cut himself off, anger rising. Lila subtly glanced around to check the other booths, but customers had been giving them a wide berth since they arrived. Five could probably afford to raise his voice a little more without them being kicked out.

However, instead of shouting as Lila had been expecting, Five’s voice dropped low, to a seething, deadly whisper.

“Don’t you dare tell me to just ‘be glad’. You have no idea what I’ve done. What I’ve been through to get here. Just to save your boyfriend’s sorry ass along with the rest of my damn family because my brother couldn’t have a breakdown without ending the world!”

He was swinging his spoon around now with great vehemence. Lila reached out, snatching the spoon from him, and shoving it in her mouth.

“Ew.” Five muttered. Exactly the reaction she was aiming for. Lila laughed, dropping the spoon back on the table.

“Okay, first of all, don’t play any of that ‘You don’t know anything about my life’ bullshit with me.” She said, now waving around her own spoon. “Whether you like it or not, I understand better than anyone else you know.”

It was true, and Five knew it. It was probably the only reason they could tolerate each other. All the others, all the Umbrella Academy and Sparrow Academy and anyone else they met, they were bogged down with their moral dilemmas and consciences.

None of them would never get it. Killing another, not because they deserved it, but simply to get through another day. Even finding joy in the act, because there was so little joy to find elsewhere. No, Lila hadn’t lived alone for decades like Five, but she’d been in the business of murder since she was a child. She knew a thing or two.

“Then you know it doesn’t stop.” Five muttered.

Lila did know that.

She knew how often Diego woke her from nightmares. How they both jumped at the wailing of police cars, and how Lila had noticed the other day that Anita looked wary at the sound. Not a single one of them had come out of their lives unscarred.

Only, now she was trying her best. She was smiling at sirens, and buying mermaid leggings. It didn’t solve the problems, it didn’t make the nightmares go away, but it was a start, because, God, her life had been hell, but her daughter’s was going to be amazing.

“It doesn’t,” Lila conceded, reminded of the conversation she’d had with Allison over two years before. “but you’ve got to find something. Something good, and cling on to that. Or you’ll drown.”

Five hummed, sticking his finger into his sundae glass and scraping some syrup from the edge.

“I don’t know, Five.” She continued, “You’re a grown man. Do what you want to do. Just find something.”

Five looked up from his glass.

“Like mermaid pants?”

“Yeah,” Lila nodded, “Like mermaid pants.”

Five hummed again, running his finger along the edge of his glass once more, before getting up from the booth.

“Thanks for bailing me out, I guess.” he said, turning to walk away.

“Wouldn’t have done it if it had actually cost me money.” Lila replied, waving a hand dismissively.

“Obviously.” Five deadpanned, facing the door. He twisted back, pausing for a moment. “I’ll, uh. I’ll come see Anita soon.”

“Sure,” Lila nodded, “and, you know, be careful. It’s a lot easier to hate you if you’re alive.”

Five gave her a mock salute, before finally walking out of the door. Lila sighed, dropping some bills on the table and heading out herself. She had a long awaited appointment with her couch and a blanket.

Lila didn’t hear a word from Five for three months after that, but he also wasn’t arrested, so that was something.

When he did finally appear on their doorstep, it was with a sleeping bag in one hand and a shopping bag in the other. He thrust the plastic bag into Lila’s hand as soon as she opened the door a crack.

Lila looked down at the bag, before looking back at Five, who was staring at her expectantly. Getting the message, Lila opened the bag, pulling out the object inside.

It was a plushie mermaid.

Lila pulled the door open wide, stepping to the side and smiling.

“Come on in, Five.”

He did.