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Crosshair was a walking disaster. People tended to realise that within a day of meeting him, tops. And Boil had been with him long enough to have that same realisation a hundred times over.
He had so much going on in that head of his, he made seasoned veterans look like toddlers in the "who has the most trauma" arena. Boil had actually lost track of the mental list he had been curating of 'Messed-up shit Crosshair has been through'. Though he was sure Howzer and Kix had a physical copy somewhere, so he wasn't too put out.
And that was only touching on the mental issues he was dealing with, let alone the physical.
If anyone assumed that Cross was weak by taking one look at his emaciated, pale body, littered with bruises and marks, not to mention the mess that was his hand and lungs... well, he wouldn't blame them, exactly. But he also wouldn't feel sorry for them when they soon found out just how conniving and vicious he could be in a fight.
Vicious verbally, too. Honestly, it wasn't hard to understand why he'd been so hard to get along with, before. Even now, when Crosshair was restraining himself, which he clearly didn't do often in the past, his words could cut deep. Though the truth tended to, he supposed.
Boil remembered what he'd said to the sharpshooter after their brief fight a while ago.
"I kinda prefer it when you're an asshole", he'd said, only just beginning to understand the way Crosshair functioned. He'd meant it at the time, since he couldnt understand the conflicted feelings clutching at his chest in response to Crosshair's acceptance and understanding, so different from what he'd come to expect from the man.
Now, he just... liked Crosshair, whether he was being an asshole or otherwise.
Maker, he wanted to slam his head into the nearest wall.
Oh. And the man also happened to be a danger magnet. How could he have forgotten that part, considering how often he was left wondering whether Cross was even still alive.
At the thought of Crosshair's most recent dance with death, Boil's first clenched, unbidden. Next time, he was---
"Boil, if you keep doing that, you're going to burn a hole in the back of his skull"
A voice interrupted his inner turmoil.
Fives.
He turned to Fives, face scrunched up beneath his helmet. He supposed it was obvious who he was staring at when his body was practically vibrating with stress.
Still, he decided to ignore his jibes.
"Fives, please tell me you're here for something other than bothering me"
"Aw, dont be like that. I know you secretly enjoy my company"
Boil ignored him again.
"How're you holding up, Boil?" He asked, and Boil relaxed a little.
"Better. Mostly" he grimaced under the bucket. "At least, I've been able to eat and sleep fine. You?"
Fives took a pause as he thought about it.
"I'd say I'm good. Doing better than most of us, at any rate" he smiled, though his eyes betrayed him. Quickly, Fives changed the subject.
"So, what's new with your Cyare?" He waggled his brow.
Boil heard his own growl through his speaker, though he hadn't meant to rise to the bait. At least not so quickly. Fives just knew the best way to get under his skin at any given moment, unfortunately.
And at that moment, it was Crosshair.
Boil prepared himself for the argument that was about to ensue.
"The usual" he responded. "He's barely sleeping, barely eating, probably about to pass out, yet still acting like he's fine"
A flash of a memory came to him. Crosshair's most recent breakdown still had him reeling from the intensity of his words, and the dread in his eyes.
Boil himself felt like he was about to have a breakdown, actually. Especially as Fives continued to badger him for what felt like the hundredth time about their progress in the relationship department.
Progress that was nonexistent, but Fives would never let up that easily.
"Come on, you cant be that stupid!" He whispered loudly as Boil told him as much.
"Crosshair gets some leeway since I'm pretty sure he's never even considered dating someone, and probably has no idea how you look at him with literal hearts in your eyes, but you! You could---"
"Will you keep your voice down??" He sighed heavily. "Whatever you idiots are seeing, I'm telling you, it isnt there. Now would you please drop it?!" He ground the words through his teeth, almost hysterically.
As much as his family was concerned for him, the one thing they didnt get was that Boil wasn't wallowing in self-pity just for the sake of it. Crosshair was... he could be fragile. No matter how severe and unyielding he came across as.
Boil was scared to death that, in his own ignorance, he was going unintentionally break the fractured parts of him that had only just started healing.
No. He had to wait. He had to be sure.
Crosshair had left with Howzer sometime ago, while Boil was occupied with Fives. He sighed, a little annoyed that Fives had distracted him long enough for him to lose sight of the sniper. Eventually he relented, taking comfort in knowing that Howzer was with Cross. That he wasn't alone.
Boil got up to leave, heading somewhere, anywhere, he could get some much needed time to just think.
But of course, nothing was going to go his way today.
Fives was still there, following closely behind him as he entered his room. Honestly, Boil should have locked him out. But something told him not to.
"Y'know... you are allowed to love. Again."
Maker, he was not going to have this conversation. That was so much worse than the playful-albeit annoying- jabs he had imagined Fives was here to throw.
"Fives, that's enough!" He turned to the man, scowling beneath the bucket.
"Boil... I'm worried about you" his face displayed as much, clear as day.
He couldn't take it anymore. He took off his helmet, leaned against the wall, and slowly curled into himself, voice muffled into his knees as he folded. Fives made a sound of concern.
"Why did it have to be him. Why, of all people, did it have to be the most oblivious, reckless, mean-spirited, spite-fueled maniac alive" he started to rub at his eyes and temples.
Fives grimaced, in some form of sympathy. But quickly reined in his reaction.
A moment of silence fell between them, and Boil was sure that the conversation had ended.
But then Fives' face did that thing it does when he thinks of something crazy.
"Eh... well, yeah, why him actually?" Fives asked. Boil sniffled, and lifted his head up from his knees, unsure what expression he was showing. "Not to insult your walking tree-branch, I'm just curious"
Boil was going to point out that he did just insult him, but then he started to contemplate the question.
"Because... he's funny" he sniffed, looking away.
Fives suddenly looked concerned.
"Boil, I have not seen an ounce of humor in that man, so unless when you're having your little sleepovers he starts gossiping like a teenager, I dont-"
"Funny to watch, di'kut. He's just so... not 'weird', but..."
Well, yes 'weird', but it felt wrong to say that when it was usually meant as a negative attribute.
"Everytime I see him I feel like I'm... like I'm about to ride a rollercoaster"
"O--k..." Fives scrunched his eyebrows. "I was thinking more of concrete things, like 'oh hes so kind', 'oh hes so handsome', y'know? But no, keep going, it's better than nothing" he added when Boil looked like he was going to end the conversation right there by strangling Fives.
Boil huffed.
"Because of the way he treats the young ones"
Fives nodded at that, apparently agreeing far more with that assessment. He stared at Boil as though he expected him to continue.
"Because... he's so loyal to his brothers, still so proud of them, even after everything that happened" Boil frowned for a moment, remembering all the stories Cross had told of his brothers, how they were never painted in a negative light, and wondered whether Crosshair would be extended the same treatment. "Loyal in general, really"
"Because he's a stubborn bastard when he wants to be... and probably even when he doesnt want to be"
Fives looked particularly pleased at that addition.
"Because of the way he is willing to sacrifice every part of himself for someone he barely knows"
"Because of the stupid way he smiles, like it's a curse, like he's never genuinely smiled a day in his life until being here, with us"
Fives grinned.
"Because of the fact that he is still standing, fighting, after everything he's been through"
"Because--"
Because he is everything, his mind supplied.
He stopped abruptly, almost in shock. The silence had taken hold once more.
Kriff. He was so done for.
"Heh, I think you've got it all figured out, Boil"
Fives was smiling, oblivious (or perhaps not) to the emotional pit he had just landed himself in.
"Trouble is, when is Crosshair gonna figure it out?"
"Never, Fives. I swear, if any of you try to force this , I'll never forgive you"
"What if it's not forced though? Just... a little nudge, 'cause--"
"No!!"
"But he's never going to figure it out otherwise!!" Fives sounded almost distraught.
"Exactly!!"
Fives opened his mouth to speak, but said nothing. He slowly relented, and surprisingly kept quiet for some time after that.
"...alright. It's your call to make, Boil. If you wanna miss out on using the best wingman at your disposal, that's your business" he said with good humor. His hand came to rest on his shoulder.
"You should get some rest, Boil. And I dont mean just sleep" Fives added when Boil was about to interject. He wasn't tired, afterall.
"You need to let your mind relax, Boil. Crosshair will be fine without you for an hour or two. Promise"
Fives smiled as he stood. He was almost out of the room when he called out:
"Just to be sure though, you do think he's handsome on top of all that, right?"
Boil threw a helmet his way.