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There are loves that become resistant to damage, like wine that improves with age, so how I feel for you grows.
There are loves that seem to end and flourish, and in the autumn nights they turn green, just like the love I feel for you.
(Hay Amores, Shakira)
On March 12, in the year 1815, precisely ten days after his 24th birthday, Colin Bridgerton unexpectedly realized that he was in love.
Yet he did not act on that love in that year, or in 1816, or 1817, or at any time until 1845. Colin would never forget that day, that instant when he looked at Penelope Featherington and his world as he knew it changed forever. That day, Colin understood that this woman was the love of his life, the sunshine in his dark days, the anchor that kept him coming back to London, a beautiful flower that had blossomed in adversity.
For Colin, that was a day to remember. And Colin knew Penelope would always remember that day as well; someone’s wedding day tends to be unforgettable for the person getting married.
Colin found it impossible to define the moment he fell in love with Penelope, it was a love that grew little by little, so gradually that Colin didn't realize when his feelings towards her had changed. However, he could define the exact moment when it all made sense. It was the second he saw Penelope enter the church in her wedding dress and walk down the aisle. In that instant, Colin wanted to be the man waiting for her at the altar, to be the man who swore to love her and protect her for the rest of her days, but it was not meant to be, at least not yet. It was a revelation at the wrong time, Colin had no choice but to resign himself to losing her.
After a rather busy social season, in which his main objective was to attract possible suitors and get an advantageous marriage proposal for Pen; within the first month they made it happen. Lord Debling, an Earl, proposed to Penelope after a short courtship. The wedding was set for the following month and Penelope left with Debling to his country state the day after the ceremony.
It was a revelation at the wrong time, Colin had no choice but to resign himself to losing her, to letting go of the love of his life. There was no doubt that wisdom came when it was too late.
Following the wedding, Colin decided to continue his travels, years went by in which he was not present at the social season. He continued to correspond with his mother and his siblings, Violet always insisting that it was time to go back and settle down, but Colin never came back, still grieving his lost love before it had even had a chance to evolve.
Colin's journals were filled with unsent letters, letters to the love of his life, telling her of his experiences, of the places he knew, of how much he wished she were with him at this moment. Even though Colin knew that Penelope would never read those letters, as it was inappropriate for a single man to write to a married woman, he continued to write them, imagining the witty and smart responses of his dear Penelope.
Dear Pen,
After a few weeks I am finally getting to Bombay, Kate recommended a good place for real high tea and not what we get in England. I have to accept that Kate is right, even if Anthony finds it hard to admit it, Indian tea is much better. It is prepared with care, which treats the consumer to an explosion of flavors, with the large amount of spices it contains; cinnamon, cardamom, pepper, anise, ginger…all the spices you can imagine.
I will be in India for a couple of months. There are so many places to visit here that I still don't know where to start, but I’ll keep you posted.
Yours,
Colin
My dear Pen,
Today I got to know the most impressive destination in India. I came to the city of Agra to visit the famous Taj Mahal. I had been told about its beauty, but nothing could prepare me for the majesty that I found when I was in front of this building.
It is a huge mausoleum, surrounded by beautiful green gardens and canals. I was there all day touring the place, and it was incredible to witness the white marble that covers the building change its hue depending on the light it receives from the sun.
So much perfection of course must have love in its origin. Only the greatest love could have inspired such magnificence.
You see my dear Pen, an emperor named Shah Jahan built this monument to house the tomb of his wife Mumtaz Mahal, who died giving birth to her fourteenth child. The emperor promised her wife that he would build her a tomb and that he would visit her every year.
It was so that he moved heaven, sea and earth to fulfill the last wishes of his beloved. It is not difficult to understand such an obsession. If you asked me for a wish, anything, I would do the impossible to give it to you. If you asked me for my life, I would gladly give it to you. If you asked me to make you a building as a symbol of my love, I would carry each stone myself, travel to China, Punjab, Arabia and any destination to search for the most beautiful gemstones that could do justice to your beauty.
Always yours,
Collin
My Beloved Pen:
We arrived in Tuscany a fortnight ago. If you could only witness it Pen, you would love the magnificent and colorful landscapes, the hillsides covered with vineyards and olive groves. It is a true earthly paradise.
Today I witnessed the most beautiful sunrise. The yellow of the sun peeked from the horizon, so bright, so beautiful and so warm, it made me think of you. If only I had understood before, that you were my sun in the gray days of London.
It is remarkable how in each step I take, in each place I visit, in each work of art that I admire, I find something that reminds me of you. I have enjoyed sitting on the sand and contemplating the waves. It has given me a tranquility that I do not perceive, if it is due to the beauty of the place, or to the fact that when I look at the blue of the ocean, I feel that I am looking into your eyes. I watch the waves of the sea dance and melt into the sand, just as I would like to melt into you. This same sea that has also seen me cry so many memories of you.
I thought that the distance that I put between us would be oblivion, but every moment that I spend away from you is torture. I am hunting for reasons that make me believe that I am still alive.
Yours forever,
Colin
—---------
At 33, Colin gave in to pressure from his mother and returned to London with the intention of getting married. His mother was happy, she had even prepared a list with the names of all the debutantes of this season.
Colin made the effort, signing dance cards for several debutantes, striking up conversations with them, even courting one of them. Miss Beckett, who was in her second season, was a beautiful, young blonde woman from a good family, she enjoyed reading and playing the piano, the perfect debutant. Colin felt attracted to her. Yes, Miss Beckett was what he needed to finally settle down and leave the past behind. He believed that there was a possibility of having a good marriage with her.
Those beliefs vanished the moment he saw Penelope again. At Kate's dance at Bridgerton House, Penelope reappeared in his life for the first time in nine years. She wore a green outfit that accentuated her bust and fell beautifully over her lusciously curvy body, her red hair arranged in soft curls. Colin went up to the Deblings to make small conversation and asked Penelope for a dance. Pen smiled. As she was no longer a debutante, Colin didn't have to dance with her, or at least that's what she told him.
But Colin wanted to dance with her, to have her close to him again, in his arms for at least a few minutes and imagine, just for those moments, that she was his and that only the two of them existed. He would take those moments to memorize her, the color of her eyes, the fiery red of her hair, the feeling of touching her back with his hand, the tone of her voice, her smile, each of her freckles, all of her. He would keep in his memory every aspect of her and imagine the life they could have had together, the children they didn’t have, the future that never happened. What wouldn't he give to have her for at least a second, to be alone in a world where only the two of them existed. But it was impossible. The reality was that Colin would always belong to Pen, but Penelope belonged to someone else. It was time to accept that although he was born for this woman, she was born for someone else.
After that dance, Colin ended his courtship with Miss Beckett. The Bridgertons married for love, and that was what he dreamed for himself, but he realized that he could not tie himself, or her, to a loveless marriage. It was at that moment that Colin Bridgerton decided that he would never marry, because he would never love anyone like he did Penelope Featherington.
He was doomed to be devoted to her all his life.
That evening, Colin returned to his bachelor's flat in Bloomsbury, repacked his trunk, and left to continue his travels.
-------
It was on one of his trips that he met Mr. Dorset again, who by mistake took one of his journals and read it. Colin was upset, for those journals contained all his love sorrows, the private letters that told the story of his miserable life.
"So you and Penelope Debling." Colin nodded as they talked at a club in Scotland.
“You know, I have an acquaintance who might be interested in your journals. Your writing is exquisite, Bridgerton. Have you thought of publishing these diaries… removing the name of your beloved of course. We would not want to cause a scandal.”
"No, these letters are just for her." Colin couldn't believe Dorset's comment. Why would he want the whole world to know of his disgrace, of his stupidity for letting go of the love of his life?
"This may be the only way for her to read those letters." Dorset had a point, Penelope loved to read, Colin hoped that despite the years, this hadn't changed. And if it was an old friend's book, of course she would read it. Also, being a published writer gave him a purpose, a goal in his life, something he had been looking for for so long and that he felt he had lost the day he lost Penelope.
Only a year passed from this conversation, when “An English Man in Greece'' was finally published. Six months later “An English Man in Scotland” was published, and every six months a new book about his travels was published. His books were sold throughout England. London society recognized him and asked him to sign their copies. On many occasions, his admirers inquired about the mysterious woman who inspired him to write. They all believed that she was someone he had met on one of his trips; perhaps an Italian, a Greek or an Indian woman? No one imagined that his object of devotion was in Mayfair, just a few streets from his family's home.
—------
Colin knew that his mother was concerned about him, about his forlornness and his new behaviour.. Colin had never considered himself a rake like his brothers, but after deciding that he would never marry, he began frequenting brothels in the towns he visited. He couldn't deny that he had a type of woman that he always looked for, in each brothel he requested the most voluptuous ladies, preferably redheads. Colin tried to imagine that those women were Penelope, but to no avail. They satisfied his carnal desires, but never satisfied his emotional desires. Sex without love was unsatisfactory to him, but it calmed his loneliness a little.
Thus Colin spent what should have been the best years of his life, traveling the world and writing about his experiences, longing for that woman who was one day his friend, and now was a wife and mother of two children, Agatha and Thomas. Children that could have been his if only he had recognized his own feelings when he still had the chance.
—------
Now, thirty years later, at the age of 54, while having tea with his brother and his wife, the Viscount and Viscountess Bridgerton, he received the news he had been waiting for since he let go of Penelope. Colin knew that a man who presumed himself to be good, should not be relieved by the death of another man. Even so, Lord Debling's death brought him an emotion that he couldn't describe as anything other than bliss. Debling's passing meant that after thirty years, Penelope was free. Colin would finally have the chance to declare his love for her.
Colin waited a couple of weeks before he visited Penelope. He didn't want to be a bother, after all, she was still in her mourning period. He knew it wasn't proper for him to visit her so soon, yet he couldn't wait another day. Before leaving his bachelor lodgings in Bloomsbury, he looked in the mirror to make sure he was presentable for such an important meeting. . It had been almost twenty years since she last saw him, but it had been ten since he last saw her.
He had visited his mother on her birthday. He was only in London for three days, and on the third he decided to go for a walk. It was then that Penelope appeared, with her maid and her daughter, who looked to be about eight years old.
She was the spitting image of her mother, with her red curls, her freckled face and blue eyes. Colin followed them through a few streets without letting himself be seen. He was discovering her daily gestures, her newfound confidence, the maturity of the person he loved the most and the graceful way she handled herself in her new role as wife and mother.
Now he would see her again. He adjusted his cravat and combed his hair; which though still black, was beginning to show the first hints of silver as a testament to the slow fading of his youth. Colin left his lodgings and climbed into the carriage that would take him to the Deblings' house. Nervous, he knocked on the door, the butler let him in and led him to the drawing room, where Pen was sitting reading. Colin smiled, seeing her so focused, made him long for those days when he always found her next to Eloise in Bridgerton House, talking or reading a book while his younger brothers played games.
Penelope wore a green dress that matched her skin tone and her red hair. She wore a simple pin on her hair, which she styled in soft curls that fell down her back. Looking more beautiful than ever, Colin stared at her as she turned the page of her book, so interested in it that she hadn't even noticed him entering the room. Colin cleared his throat to make his presence known.
"Lady Debling, I came to pay my respects. I was so sorry to hear of your husband's passing."
Pen finally looked up, her gaze directed right at him. Those blue eyes that appeared night after night in his dreams; those eyes that had once looked at him with admiration, and now looked at him with wonder.
"Mr. Bridgerton, I did not expect to see you here. I thought you might be exploring the Americas, or some other exotic destination."
Colin sighed deeply, trying to find the right words.
"I've been in London for a month. I'm not the young man I used to be anymore, I can't take long trips without feeling immensely tired. So for now, there will be no more world tours."
"I'm sure your family will be very happy for your final return”. She replied.
"It's what my mother always wished for, if only she lived to see it, instead of being left with the disappointment that I was to her." Colin smiled sadly, remembering that his mother only cared about seeing him happily married and in love, but his stupidity didn't allow him to give his mother what she wanted most.
"Colin, how can you say that? Your mother…she was always so proud of you, her son the adventurer, the renowned writer. She tried to hide it, but deep down, I know you were her favorite." Penelope smiled warmly at him, one of those smiles that she reserved only for him in their youth, and that caused in him a feeling that he had not been able to describe until the day of Penelope's wedding, love.
"Thank you, Penelope." Colin paused for a moment. "How are you? How are your children?" That wasn't what Colin wanted to say at the moment, but it was the expected conversation. Besides, Colin really wanted to know about her well-being, losing her husband shouldn't be easy.
"Fine.” She replied with a smile. “I'm fine, Colin. Would you like some tea and sandwiches? I am sure there is no need to ask, I suspect you still have an insatiable appetite. ) I'll call for them."
Colin's stomach began to growl at just the mention of food.
"Thank you, Pen."
They sat in silence as they waited for the food, Colin wondering how to finally express the true purpose of his visit.
"Penelope, I love you." Colin just blurted out the words. He realized that, given his circumstances, there was no right or easy way to say it. Penelope looked at him strangely.
"Sorry Colin, I don't think I understood your words, what did you say?"
"I love you, Penelope. I love you with all of my being. I love you with everything I am, everything I have been, everything I thought I could be one day. I love you with all of my past, with what is left of the future. I love you, Penelope." Penelope was speechless, then a frown formed on her face. This was not the reaction Colin expected.
"Colin, my husband just passed away just two weeks ago, and you're here to tell me this now?”
"Penelope, forgive me, but I had to tell you. I have loved you for more than thirty years, and for everyday of those thirty years, I have regretted not having realized in time that you were the love of my life."
Pen was upset, as if Colin's words were an insult and not a declaration of love.
"You cannot love me, Colin. You don't even know me”.
"Pen, I've known you since we were children, we were the best of friends, there was a time when we trusted each other with everything. Our fears, our dreams, our hopes for the future…"
"But Colin, that was years ago, when I was a debutante…I'm not the same girl you knew, the one who was in love with you. I believed you were perfect”.
Colin was surprised by those last words. "Were you…in love…with me?". How could Colin have been so blind? Penelope loved him and he never knew it, three decades later he comes to learn that his love had been reciprocated. One more regret to add to his endless list. Still, he felt a glimmer of hope, if Penelope had loved him once, maybe he could make her fall in love again.
"There's no point in thinking about the past. It was a childhood love, an illusion of a girl who knew nothing about life”, she added, dampening the flames of his newly found discovery.
"Pen, now that we have a second chance, we can take it. Love each other like we should have done since we were young, leave behind our regrets”.
"Maybe you feel regret, but I don't. I don't feel remorse, nor do I wish I had a different life than the one I have. You feel remorse, you speak for yourself, not me. I was happy. Maybe I didn't feel love for my husband at first, but I managed to love him, and he loved me. Together we built a life, a home, a family. I could never regret the decisions that led me to this moment, to have my two children. How dare you, Colin? Just because you feel lonely now doesn't give you the right to come looking for me”.
"Penelope, I've been waiting for the moment to tell you my feelings for years. The reason I never got married was because, because…no one could ever compare to you”. Penelope's expression softened at these words.
Had Colin really waited for her all this time? Did he really love her so much that he could never forget her? The same Colin who once announced that he would never dream of marrying her.
Penelope's thoughts were indecipherable to Colin. Would she be offended that she didn't respect her mourning? Would she accept his love?
"But I understand that you don't want anything to do with me, just give me the opportunity to visit you, to recover our friendship… please”. Colin would take whatever Penelope would give him. If they could just be friends, Colin would happily accept it.
"Colin, I'm not feeling well, it's been a long week. I'm exhausted and I need to be alone."
Colin understood. It was the kind of excuse a lady used when the visit was not welcomed anymore. Colin felt saddened by the rejection of the woman who once was the only one who looked at him with admiration. Colin gave a little bow, but as he opened the door, Penelope spoke.
"But maybe you can come tomorrow…"
Colin turned to look at her again and saw the smile that disarmed him. Colin smiled in return.
"I will see you tomorrow, Pen."
—------------
It was thus that Colin began his routine of daily visits to the Debling house. Every day he brought her a bouquet of flowers, sunflowers to be exact, which he knew were Pen's favorites. The next day a bouquet of wallflowers. Another day a bouquet of purple violets, the next an arrangement of tulips, and after several weeks an arrangement of red roses. Penelope always greeted him with a smile.
It was on one of these visits that he finally met Penelope's daughter, Agatha Bennet. Agatha was identical to Pen. It was like traveling back in time and seeing his beloved again in her younger years. In some other universe, Agatha might have called him father, and not Mr. Bridgerton, as she was now addressing him.
"Mr Bridgerton, it's a pleasure to make your acquaintance." Agatha gave him a small curtsy.
"Mrs. Bennet, the pleasure is all mine, if you allow me to say so, you are just as beautiful as your mother." Agatha blushed at the compliment.
"Thank you, Mr. Bridgerton. I have heard so much about you, that I've been wanting to meet you for a long time. Besides, I have to admit that I'm a big admirer of yours, your books are truly wonderful."
"Thank you, Mrs. Bennet. I assure you that whatever you have heard from me is probably not true”. Agatha smiled. "You know, Mr. Bridgerton, I have always been curious to learn more about that woman that you describe in your stories, she must be an exceptional lady, to provoke such feelings and inspire such beautiful prose”.
Colin turned to look at Penelope as he said, “That is quiet right Mrs. Bennet. The woman to whom I dedicated all my work, is an extraordinary woman. I met her when we were young and, without realizing it, I fell in love with her. She became my reason for existing, she accompanied me, without being aware of it, to every destination I visited. My love for her grew over the years, it became stronger. Despite the time and distance between us, I never forgot her."
Colin stared at Penelope as he spoke these words, and Penelope looked back at him, surprised by the intensity of his feelings for her. For a moment, they completely forgot about Agatha's presence, until she spoke again.
"Mr. Bridgerton?" Agatha looked from one to the other with a suspicious smile. "It is not my desire to interrupt your visit, however I require to have a few moments alone with my mother, before I retire to the country with my husband."
"Of course, I shall take my leave” He nodded to both ladies. “Good day. Mrs. Bennet, Lady Deblin”. And with a nod, he was gone.
—------
On another occasion, while he was alone having a drink in Modrich’s Club, he was approached by a young tall, good-looking blond man of about nineteen; Lord Thomas Deblin, Penelope's son.
“Mr. Bridgerton” he began “If I may, it is quite strange how you have been visiting my house on a daily basis, and I haven't had a chance to engage in conversation with you. Thomas Deblin.” Thomas held out his hand, and Colin rose to his feet and shook it.
"Lord Deblin, it is a pleasure to meet you." Colin invited him to sit at his table.
"To be completely honest, Mr. Bridgerton, I cannot say the same”. Thomas was very young, however, his demeanor showed great confidence in himself. He reminded him a little of Anthony, who had also inherited a title and a great responsibility at a very young age. "I must say that I do not appreciate you calling on my mother so often. It is not proper."
“Lord Deblin, excuse me, I do not mean to inconvenience you, but I am afraid I cannot accede to your request. Your mother, I have high regard for her, and I intend to continue our friendship”.
“I repeat, Mr. Bridgerton, you are no longer welcome in my home. So please refrain from visiting. Excuse me.” Thomas downed his brandy and left.
—---------------
Colin reluctantly stopped his visits to the Deblin house for the next week. He hoped Pen wouldn't think he had forgotten her. Colin then came up with a solution to communicate with her, it was time to visit Bridgerton House again.
Kate was sponsoring Georgiana this season. Georgiana Crane was the complete opposite of her mother, an educated young woman, who studied the arts, accomplished in dancing, needlework and the pianoforte; with beauty and grace worthy of a diamond. Eloise thought that she could not be of much help to her daughter, so she asked Kate for her sponsorship. So that meant, for the duration of the season, Georgiana would be living in Bridgerton House.
Georgiana had an excellent relationship with the Deblins. Eloise and Penelope had passed their closeness onto their children, and to this day, Georgiana maintained a great friendship with Thomas and Agatha. Colin wrote a short letter, asking Georgiana to personally deliver it to Penelope the next time she visited.
My dear Pen:
My days without you are so dark, so long, so grey, so sour and so hard.
My days without you have no nights, the hours have no beginning or end.
If you feel even half as much as I feel about you, please give me some hope and come to meet me at my lodgings in Bloomsbury, I will be looking forward to it.
I love you,
Colin
Just three days later, Colin received the response to his request. Dunwoody, his butler, announced the arrival of his visitor at his lodgings. Pursuant to his instructions as to what to do if Penelope called on him, Dunwoody immediately ushered her into his study, making certain that they were not disturbed.
"Good afternoon, Colin." Penelope wore a sky-blue dress, which combined with the beautiful blue of her eyes. He didn't understand how it was possible, but every day that he saw her he was more in awe of her beauty.
"Pen, you did come”. Colin couldn't contain his emotion, before he could say anything else, Penelope approached him, pulled him by his cravat and kissed him, catching him off guard. Colin took Penelope from her shoulders and stopped her. She glared at him, shocked at the rejection.
“Colin, I thought this was what you wanted”. She said, her feelings now more confused than ever.
“And it is, but I don't want to compromise you. We should get married first. Tomorrow if possible”.
Penelope laughed at the absurdity of his comment. “Compromise me? Are you worried about my virtue? Colin, I am a widow. There is no virtue to protect”.
"Pen, I think it is best if we wait.” Colin replied, though she was correct about her virtue.
Penelope's countenance changed suddenly, a hint of disappointment in her eyes. "I see, Colin. You don't want me. I understand. Maybe I should go”.
Colin couldn't believe Penelope's words. How could she think that he didn't want her? If he had spent every night, every day, for more than thirty years, dreaming of her, of kissing her lips, caressing every part of her body, exploring every corner of her skin. There was only one way to convince her, so Colin moved closer to her, looked into her eyes as he placed his hands on her cheeks, and kissed her.
"Stay". Colin put everything into that kiss, a lifetime of longing, of desire, of repressed love. He released them in the instant his lips touched Penelope's. "Stay”, he told her as he kissed her cheeks, her forehead, her nose and her lips again. "Please stay”. Penelope agreed. Colin took her hand and led her into his bedroom.
Colin closed the door behind them and kissed her again, this time with more passion. He had waited so long for this moment for so long and did not think he could wait any longer. So, he asked her permission to remove her dress. Pen allowed him to undress her until she was completely in the nude. Colin stepped back to admire her, reveling in her beauty. However, Pen looked uncertain at Colin's steady gaze. She was trying to cover her breasts with her hands, every wrinkle, every stretch mark and every imperfect part of her body that were a testament of her age and her two pregnancies.
"Colin, please don't look at me like that” She whispered.
Colin took her hand and led her to the mirror in the room as he stood behind her. "Penelope, you are perfect, you are beautiful. Just look at yourself and look at me. I want you, all I am looking for is to love you, adore you like the goddess you are. I have waited so long for this moment, for the opportunity to touch every part of your body, to savor your lips, your breasts, all of you. I didn't think it was possible, but you are even more alluring now."
Penelope watched in the mirror as Colin cupped her breasts with his hands, caressing her nipples. Penelope moaned at the contact, and little by little, he lowered his hand until he reached her sex. Penelope moaned louder this time. Colin’s member had already reacted from the moment he looked at Penelope in all her naked splendor, but the sound of her moans aroused him even more.
"Colin, please don't stop…touching me." Turning her back to the mirror, Penelope took Colin's hand and led him to the bed, ordering him to undress as well while she lay down. Colin immediately complied and took off his boots, his jacket, his breeches and his shirt, until he was completely naked before her. Colin then covered Penelope's body with his own. "I need you inside of me, Colin…please…I want to feel you”.
"As you wish, my love." Colin penetrated her, provoking the most beautiful sound from her, a cry of pleasure that he swore he would invoke in her every day that she would let him. Colin kissed her nipples, her neck, her lips until they were swollen, leaving his mark all over her skin.
Their bodies merged into one. Colin slid inside Pen, the thrill of him inside her, forcing Pen to dig her nails into his back, imprinting herself on him, marking him as her own. Because Colin was hers, he always had been. And he wouldn't make the same mistake twice. He would never let her go. His devotion to her would never wane.
"I love you, Penelope. My Penelope”.
"I love you too, Colin."
—------------
The dance at Bridgerton House would be the last of the season. Colin attended, certain that Penelope would be there too. It would be the Deblings' first ball since their patriarch's death. However, Penelope did not arrive, but she did send him a message with Georgiana. The note said she was feeling ill, and had to rest, but asked him not to worry, she would visit him the following day. Without Penelope, Colin devoted himself to observing the members of the ton. He saw how her niece danced with Lord Rutherford, who had been courting her for a few weeks.
Colin turned his gaze to Thomas Deblin, and noticed that he hadn't taken his eyes off Georgiana and her suitor for quite some time. What was that look in his eyes? Was it Annoyance? Sadness? Jealousy? Did Thomas Deblin have feelings for his niece? It seemed pretty obvious now.
"You should tell her your feelings, Lord Debling". Colin announced, appearing as quick as flash to where Thomas stood.
"Excuse me?" Thomas replied.
"Georgiana, you should tell her how you feel, before it's too late. My sister-in-law tells me that Mr. Rutherford intends to propose to her this very week”.
"Georgiana is my friend, nothing more”. Thomas said, with great irritation at Colin’s interference.
"My mother used to say that one should marry their dearest friend” Colin advised, a hint of sadness in his voice.
"Why should I take advice from you? You've never been married” Thomas snorted.
"You shouldn't take advice from me” Colin replied “but my mother was a very wise woman, and I wish I had listened to her. My life would have been completely different”.
Thomas looked at him curiously.
"That muse of yours, the one you talk about in your books, what happened to her?" Colin considered Deblin's question, thinking about how to answer him.
“She… she was my best friend. I didn't know how to understand my feelings until it was too late, and she married another”. Colin hung his head in shame, still full of regret at his lack of action after all this time.
“Oh…I’m sorry to hear that.” Thomas replied “But, I’m afraid to tell her. What if she doesn't feel the same? Our friendship will be forever changed, and I will lose her”.
“At least you will know whether or not your feelings are reciprocated, and you will be rid of the uncertainty. Besides, once she is married, she will belong to her husband and your friendship will end”. Thomas seemed to contemplate Colin's words as the dance ended.
"Thank you, Mr. Bridgerton”. Thomas moved towards Georgiana, and Colin watched as Thomas led her towards the terrace. He felt immense satisfaction at this scene. At least Thomas would not be the victim of repressing his own feelings.
The biggest news of the ball that night had been the engagement between Georgiana Crane and Thomas Deblin.
—---------
"It's my mother, isn’t it?" Lord Thomas Deblin questioned Colin, with an assurance that implied he need not answer. "The woman you told me about, the one who never learned about your feelings until it was too late, the one you missed every day of your existence, is my mother”. This time it was no longer a question, but a statement. Colin just nodded.
"It is. I met your mother when we were young. Her bonnet blew with the wind, and it landed in my face, causing me to lose my balance and fall off my horse. She ran over to me, apologizing profusely and was quite distraught. But I laughed and told her that it was my fault. At this she calmed down and gave me the most beautiful smile. That day, without realizing it, I had sealed my destiny forever”.
"Mr. Bridgerton.” Thomas said, with a taut demeanor, but with a fleeting hint of sympathy in his eyes. “The only thing I) require of you is to treat my mother well. I will no longer interfere in your relationship, but know that if you harm her, I will kill you myself. I will challenge you to a duel and believe me that after finding happiness with Georgiana, I will have every intention of returning alive."
"Lord Deblin, fear not” Colin replied, with a slight bow of his head to show his surrender at his bold statement. “I would rather kill myself than harm your mother”.
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Colin and Penelope were finally married at the close of the season of 1845, just five months after her husband's death. Of course, they were the talk of the ton. A widow marrying before the end of her mourning period was not well received. Still, that didn't stop them. After all, what would a Bridgerton wedding be without a hint of scandal?
It was a small ceremony, with only their family members present. Colin promised to love her, devoting the rest of his days to Penelope. In the remaining years of his life, he was going to sum up thirty years of love and adoration in every moment they were together,
It was never too late for a second chance.