Chapter Text
in another life you were my babe
in another life you were the sunshine of my lifetime
what would you trade the pain for?
i’m not sure
1 February 2023
“Nagi-san, Nagi-san!”
Nagi whips his head around as a bony hand grabs his shoulder. Long nails dig into his upper back. He blinks at his would-be attacker and shrugs the hand off, greeting her with an unimpressed glare. It’s only Mori Yumi, the boss’s personal assistant, and a huge pain in the ass.
“What?” Nagi asks, reverting his gaze back to the computer screen. He’s in the middle of an intense Solitaire match and doesn’t want to be disturbed. Okay… maybe Solitaire isn’t his first choice in games. But his options at work are limited due to the stupid no cell phone use during work hours policy. To make things worse, pretty much every website that isn’t related to his job or productivity is blocked on all office computers. It’s such a pain.
“I’ve been trying to reach you all morning, Nagi-san,” Mori-san says coolly, not at all put off by Nagi’s dismissive response. Despite her petite stature and girlish looks, Mori is widely known as the office tyrant. Few people are brave enough to cross her. “Your phone is on do not disturb and I couldn’t even leave you a message as your mailbox is full.”
Nagi sighs, blowing his long fringe out of his eyes. He hoped that if he ignored Mori-san she’d go away. Unfortunately, she doesn’t take the hint and insists on buzzing around his desk like a parasitic wasp. Today is turning into such a hassle.
“I’ve been busy,” Nagi tells her, avoiding her eyes.
He’s too tired to deal with her judgment and disappointment. Nagi already knows that Mori-san dislikes him and considers him a terribly incompetent employee. It’s unnecessary to cause a scene and remind him on a daily basis. At least most of his co-workers have already left for an early lunch. Not that he cares what they think. It’s just annoying to hear them whispering behind his back.
Already over this conversation, Nagi attempts to focus on his game but Mori-san is relentless. She grates her nails against his desk, demanding his attention. He refuses to lose this battle though and bites down on his tongue, trying hard not to cringe. He’s asked Mori to keep her hands off his desk several times. Yet, somehow he’s the one who sucks at listening.
“Nagi-san,” she repeats when he doesn’t respond. “I tried to email you as well and imagine my surprise when your vacation message from a month ago is still active!” Every word is heavy with resentment.
Even Nagi with his pathetic social awareness senses that Mori-san is close to her breaking point. Why do people care so much about work? What’s so good about working anyway? If it were up to him, he wouldn’t work at all and be perfectly content to stay home every day. In fact, Nagi wishes he could go home and sleep rather than deal with bothersome people.
Since going home is impossible, he settles for the next best option: choosing violence. With a bored expression, he looks up from his game. He meets Mori’s gaze in defiance and shrugs. “Haven’t gotten around to it yet. Been busy.”
“Clearly!” Mori-san snaps, eyes narrowed and lips pressed tight. She slams the stack of papers Nagi still hasn’t gotten around to filing against the top of his desk. Nagi isn’t sure but thinks she wants to smack him. She has the same look in her eyes as Isagi did when he said that Noel Noa was overrated.
“Well, busy or not, the boss wants to see you, as soon as possible! And you better not keep him waiting and waste his time like you do mine. We’re swamped today if you haven’t noticed.”
Nagi groans in response and slumps forward in his chair. His day is about to get infinitely worse. How annoying. He had plans to beat his solitaire grandmaster record this afternoon. Now that will have to wait. He glances at the clock. Thirteen minutes remain until lunch.
“But it’s almost lunch time. I thought we were allowed lunch every day. The boss said—”
Mori-san lowers her head and sighs, looking defeated. “Fine,” she says between gritted teeth. “Take your lunch but make sure you meet with the boss right after. If not, I will be back to personally escort you. Do you understand, Nagi-san?”
“See the boss after lunch. Got it.”
“And—make sure you empty your voicemail. As Yukimiya-sama’s assistant I need to be able to reach you… At. All. Times.”
Without another word or glance at his co-worker, Nagi returns his attention to his computer screen. Having a job is such a pain. Nagi is aware he complains about most things in life since living in general is a pain. Even so, working for a living is by far the most annoying part of being an adult.
Most people would say Nagi has a good job. He works for a respectable company and makes a decent enough salary to afford an apartment, pay for food and utilities, and still have enough money left over to buy the latest games that interest him. And yet— Nagi can’t escape the emptiness and dread twisting in his chest every morning when he leaves for work. Or the sluggish pace that the workday creeps by and melts his brain. Not even his solitaire games can hold his attention. He’s so mind-numbingly bored.
When was the last time anything interesting happened in his life?
Every day is such a chore.
“I thought the point of this game was to make stacks of all the suit cards in order. Why are you leaving those hearts and clubs in columns when you already have their ace piles?”
Nagi lets out an exasperated sigh. Why can’t he catch a break? Apparently, Naruhaya never received the memo that Nagi is the office weirdo and prefers to be left alone. Whenever he has a free moment, Naruhaya loves to show up at Nagi’s desk. He isn’t even discouraged if Nagi barely participates in their conversations. Rather, he’ll happily chatter away while Nagi spaces out or plays his game. The guy sure is persistent.
Reluctantly, Nagi admits Naruhaya is less irritating than his other colleagues. It’s just that Naruhaya’s constant state of hyperactivity can be a lot to handle. His overzealous nature clashes with Nagi’s life mission to expend as little energy as possible.
And yet… he doesn’t have the strength to chase him away, especially while he waits patiently for Nagi to answer.
“You should avoid stacking the suit cards higher than 4 til you turn over all the cards in the stacks. That’s just basic strategy. How do you not know that?”
“What are you even saying, Nagi-chan?! I’ve never done that before and still win all the time. Easy.” Naruhaya flashes a smug grin and then sticks out his tongue. “You’re not the only one that plays games on his work computer.”
Nagi closes his eyes for a moment. Talking with people is such a hassle. Why hasn’t anyone figured out a way to make humans communicate telepathically yet? Then no one would have to speak. Life would be so much easier. “This is grandmaster level, dummy. You can’t be so casual with your moves if you wanna win.”
“Grandmaster difficulty, seriously! And you can beat it? I always play on easy. I thought that grandmaster level was impossible to solve.”
“Nah. Every grandmaster deck is solvable. It’s the random ones that sometimes aren’t. Most of the time I can figure them out though.”
Naruhaya stares at him in awe. His brown eyes shine as if filled with imaginary hearts. “If you actually used that big brain of yours for working, we’d all be in trouble!” He laughs and leans in, attempting to ruffle Nagi’s hair with his left palm.
Too slow. Nagi denies his play instinctively dodging and weaving out of reach. Even if Naruhaya is harmless, Nagi doesn’t like to be touched by other people.
“Awww, you’re so unfair, Nagi-chan.” For a moment, Naruhaya looks disappointed but then breaks into an easy smile as if recalling something important. He rushes to the desk closest to Nagi’s, hiding something behind his back. “Here! Before I forget, I brought you this.” Wide smile still in place, he shoves a tall, frozen drink into Nagi’s hands.
Nagi frowns and regards the unexpected beverage. “What is it?” he asks, bringing the cup to his nostrils and sniffing.
“A tropical smoothie, of course! You’re always complaining about eating being a pain so all you gotta do is drink this. Not even you can complain. I did good, right?”
In theory, Nagi can’t refute Naruhaya’s logic. Eating is a pain and drinking is much easier. He’s still uneasy but decides to give the beverage a chance. Free shit always tastes better, so he lifts the oversized straw to his lips and takes a sip. He supposes it’s passable and much tastier than that green, chalky drink Naruhaya brought him last time.
“Guess it’s less of a pain than buying lunch.” He offers the drink a half thumbs up. “What flavor is it?”
“Glad I could help! It’s mango and passion fruit. And…since I never see you eat fruit so 2 birds one stone. Even my youngest brother approves of this flavor.”
Naruhaya beams again. His entire face lights up, warm eyes crinkling at the corners. Nagi wonders if his face ever hurts from smiling or from talking so rapidly. Sometimes Nagi thinks Naruhaya looks like a fuzzy, energetic dandelion.
“Now hurry up and finish so you can talk to the boss.”
“How do you know about that? Is Mori telling everyone my business now?”
“No, no, no. Yumi-san didn’t say anything,” Naruhaya insists. “I just happened to overhear by accident. I swear.” He holds up his hands defensively, waving them in front of his face. “Besides, you're not the only one the boss’s been meeting with. Rumor has it that…” he leans over the desk closer to Nagi and lowers his voice, “layoffs are happening so you better take this seriously. Promise me that you will.”
Nagi doesn’t understand why this is so important. Why does Naruhaya care about something that has nothing to do with him? He nods anyway. Humans are such strange creatures.
“I can’t lose my work buddy, can I?”
“Right.” Nagi bites down on the paper straw. He’s unsure how to feel about the news. Losing his job is whatever. If he gets fired, it would be annoying to find another job. But he’d deal. Either way, this meeting is gonna suck. He might as well get it over. At least for Naruhaya’s sake, he’ll pretend to care.
“Thanks for the drink,” he says, pushing back his chair and standing from his desk. He takes another noisy gulp and decides it’s not terrible. “Next time I want boba though.”
“Sure thing, Nagi-chan. It’s a boba date.”
Nagi saunters into the boss’s office, dragging his shoes against the floor with a resounding screech. He ignores Mori-san’s dirty look as he passes by her desk and announces his presence. Apparently, the boss will “be with him in a minute”. What a pain. Wasn’t Mori-san nagging about how urgently the boss needed to see him? Now he isn’t even ready. For real his co-workers are mad weird. They hold a fundamentally different understanding of the term urgency. For Nagi it only applies to life or death situations.
How is he supposed to entertain himself until the boss is ready?
Resigned to his fate, Nagi notices his eyelids drooping. He spots a comfortable couch that’s calling out as a perfect place to take an afternoon nap. Too bad it’s within view of Mori-san’s desk. No doubt she’ll start scolding him as soon as he doses off. That would be worse than not sleeping. Nah, even if he’s tired, it’s better to stay on his feet and far away from his nemesis.
It’s been awhile since he visited the boss’s office. While not the best employee, Nagi’s effort is acceptable enough that he isn’t often summoned like some naughty schoolboy. Despite his parents being lenient, during high school he was unjustly ordered to the principal's office on several occasions. Falling asleep during exams is not a crime. An eerie sense of déjà vu rushes over him and he fails to shake it off.
Next to the waiting area, a row of lighted pictures catches his attention. Two new photos framed in elegant, cherry wood stand out against the wall, most likely from Yukimiya’s latest modeling shoot. Next to them, a photo of the entire Bastard Munchen team and several of the Ajajax teams of the last few years are lined up. All of the pictures are immaculate and autographed from what looks like the entire team.
Nagi rolls his eyes. Of course, the boss needs to display these in the waiting room to impress clients. Everyone needs to know the boss has a famous brother and he loves to name drop his brother or accomplishments in every conversation. Nagi will never understand why humans try so hard to impress each other. Nagi has never wanted to impress anyone in his entire life. Why would anyone want others to like them that much?
Oh well, it must be another one of his supposed “quirks” that Bachira claims are “endearing” but everyone else finds strange. Not like he cares.
Lost in thought, Nagi startles when a polite cough comes from behind his back. He turns around and meets the dark eyes of Yukimiya Kei, his boss, and Kenyu’s older brother. Unfortunately for Kei-san, he doesn’t share his brother’s model good looks. He’s more plain looking with stern features and a massive forehead. The tight way he slicks back his hair doesn’t help. He’s also on the shorter side, barely coming up to Nagi’s chin. Then again, most people are considered short compared to Nagi’s 6’3 frame.
“Good afternoon, Nagi-kun. Sorry to keep you waiting. Will you join me for a chat?”
Nagi nods in greeting. “Sure, boss,” he says in his usual monotone drawl. The boss doesn’t seem to be in a bad mood. Then again, Nagi’s not great at reading people. With his head down, he follows into the private meeting room and takes the seat offered to him in front of the boss's grand, mahogany desk. The sleek leather chair is plush and comfortable, way more comfortable than the stiff chairs they use at their desks. How unfair. Why do clients deserve more comfortable chairs than “hard working” and supposedly “valued” employees? He wonders if Naruhaya knows about this.
“So Nagi-kun, do you know why I called you in?”
Nagi blinks and focuses his attention on Kei-san, meeting his gaze. He takes a loud slurp from his drink before answering. “Not really.”
Kei-san purses his lips and gives Nagi a contemplative look. “You can relax, you’re not in trouble. I want to discuss your performance.” He leans back in his chair, pushing his elbows off the heavy desk. “You’ve been with us for the last 3 years, correct?”
“Sounds right.”
When it comes to unimportant things, Nagi has a terrible memory. The last few years blurred together. Why does it matter how long he’s worked here anyway? Every day is exactly the same. Boring as hell. Better not to tell the boss though.
“And how would you rate your performance?” Kei-san tilts his head to the side and stares at Nagi expectantly.
This conversation is already a hassle. How is he supposed to know how to rate his performance? Isn’t that the boss's job? He doesn’t remember anything about job rating being in that super boring document with his job description. Of course he doesn't say that though. Over the years, Nagi has learned it’s better to reveal as little as possible until people tell him what they want.
Instead, he responds with a simple, “Fine.”
“Just fine? Is that the type of department you think I’m running? I’d consider us an exceptional company. Wouldn’t that mean that we deserve exceptional employees?”
“Uh…sure,” he says, this time, a little more hesitant.
Kei-san shakes his head and releases a hearty chuckle. “I’m so glad we agree, Nagi-kun. So let’s try this again. Would you say you’re an exceptional employee?”
Huh. Nagi bites down on his bottom lip. How should he answer? He’s already said the wrong thing and will probably make it worse if he answers honestly. What does the boss want to hear? Why are humans so difficult to understand?
Eventually, he settles for saying, “Maybe.”
“You truly are a man of few words, Nagi Seishirou. Exactly how my brother described you.” He chuckles again and turns his attention to a brown folder on his desk. “Why don’t we review your file together then?” He opens the file and skims through the pages.
Nagi can tell he isn’t actually reading but doesn’t call him out. This meeting keeps getting worse. Good thing he has this drink. He fidgets with the cup and takes another loud slurp, making sure to stir the drink with his straw.
“You’re a rather interesting case, Nagi-kun. On the one hand, you have the lowest productivity numbers in the entire department, which is rather concerning.” He furrows his brow as he continues leafing through Nagi’s file. “However, you also have the highest case rate resolution with over 96% accuracy, which is honestly quite astounding. Looking through this case log, there are little to no complaints regarding the work you actually complete. It’s the infrequency of submitting reports that is problematic. Do you understand?”
His boss shoots him a solemn look and Nagi once again feels lost. “Not really.”
“Let me explain it simpler then. Nagi-kun, you are a very bright young man. You attended highly respected schools and your test scores are all top tier. You’re among the best employees when it comes to resolving cases accurately and your problem-solving skills are top notch. I know that if you applied yourself and worked harder you could be among the best of your peers. Don’t you want to eventually move up in the division? You must have some sort of ambition. It would be a shame to waste all that potential.”
Nagi bows his head and stares down at the floor, his long bangs falling forward and obscuring his eyes. So much potential. Work harder. If you work hard, XXX isn't a dream. The familiar words echo through his mind. Here we go again. He’s lost track of how many times he’s heard this exact speech from supposedly well-meaning people throughout his life.
No, Nagi isn’t the slightest bit interested in whatever hidden potential he might possess. The last thing he wants is to work hard. Not working hard is why he took this job in the first place. He’s fine staying exactly where he is. Nagi doesn't have a long term goal or dream. All he wants is to work as little as possible with the least possible effort. The only thing he desires is living a care-free life. No matter how old he gets, he hasn’t changed his mind.
He takes a deep breath. Since childhood, he’s been reprimanded many times for spacing out during conversations. Sometimes he can’t help it. Every time people drone on about his future or wasted potential, the words jumble his mind. His head and vision turn hazy. The boss is still talking but his voice sounds more like static than actual words.
“Nagi-kun, Nagi-kun, are you okay?”
A hesitant palm taps his forearm and Nagi gasps. After taking a few choppy breaths, his awareness snaps back to the present moment. Even so, his head is still swimming with pain, ears numb and muffled as if stuffed with cotton.
“I’m fine,” he lies, trying not to wince from the unwanted physical contact. “Am I fired or what?”
“That’s not what I’m saying.” Kei-san huffs out a tired sigh then offers a tentative smile. “I apologize if I scared you. I know you’ve had a hard time since your accident and we’ve all tried to be accommodating, which is why I haven’t brought this up before. But it’s been 2 years. At some point we have to start moving forward. I’m not firing you and this isn’t a threat either. Take it as a gentle reminder that the company has started to make cutbacks in all departments and I know you can do better. We’d hate to lose you, especially since you came so highly recommended by Kenyu.”
“Got it.” Nagi hopes his voice remains steady. Even if he’s more grounded and was able to make out most of the conversation, he’s not 100% sure what he agreed to.
“Wonderful.” Kei-san breaks out into a polite smile and clasps his hands in front of his chest. “Glad we understand each other. Do you have any questions?”
Nagi shakes his head and Kei-san holds his gaze for a moment, studying Nagi closely as if checking to see if he can spot any cracks in his facade. Nagi knows if he looks hard enough he’ll find him deficient and overflowing with jagged edges. He needs to get out of there.
“You’re free to go, Nagi-kun. But… you’re looking a little pale. Why don’t you head outside and clear your head before returning to work? Can’t have you passing out in the middle of the office.”
“Right.” Nagi offers a slight bow in gratitude and forces his legs out of the chair, pushes trembling arms against the arm rests for support. He’s halfway to the door when Kei-san stops him.
“Take care of yourself and reach out to Kenyu when you have time. He’s always asking about you.”
Nagi nods in response and closes the door behind him. He can’t escape the room fast enough.
He stumbles through the office corridor and ignores whatever Mori-san calls to him while heading back to his desk. When he plops down into his chair, his legs give out, weighing him down as if they were iron shackles anchoring him to the ground.
Summoning all his concentration, he logs back into his computer and restarts his solitaire game. At this point, the old one is long ruined. The boss's words still haunt his mind and Nagi needs to disengage. Dealing with people is exhausting.
“Hey Nagi-chan, how did the meeting go?” A soft voice buzzes in his ear. Of course, Naruhaya is waiting for him. This is just his life now. At least he seems more subdued than usual.
“It was fine.”
“Are you sure? You’re looking a little pale man. You sure you’re good? I’m here if you need to talk.”
“It was fine. I'm fine,” Nagi repeats without turning around. If he can force his stupid brain to remember how to make his mouse work, this nightmare will be over. Everything will go back to normal.
When did he turn into such a liar?