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Zhongli hadn’t quite known how touch-starved he had become before beginning his life as a mortal.
Until he met Childe.
It was little things at first.
“Zhongli-xiansheng, it’s so good to meet you. I have a feeling we’ll be working together quite a lot in the future.” He could recall with perfect clarity the exact words Childe first spoke to him.
It was just a simple handshake. No different from any other. Of course, it held quite a bit of weight to its meaning, as the final stages of his contract with the Tsaritsa were now finally falling into place.
At the time, however, there was no way he could know where that first handshake would take him.
The next time Childe touched him, it was just the clasp of a hand on his shoulder. Zhongli was far more distracted by the way Childe laughed then, boisterous and loud, entirely carefree.
He had, of course, noticed something lay much deeper beyond the facade the harbinger put on. But this moment felt sincere. Honest.
He couldn’t even remember what Childe had been laughing at, just the way his eyes curved into crescents, how wide his smile became, the way he seemed to experience pure joy with his entire body - the shake of his shoulders, the way he patted Zhongli multiple times, how he bent at the waist with an arm over his stomach.
It was strangely captivating. Here was the Tsaritsa’s Eleventh Harbinger, her Vanguard, breaking into giggles at something that he vaguely recalled as being fairly mundane.
Cute, Zhongli had thought at the time. Very cute. He couldn’t keep himself from smiling, too.
In that same vein - the next time Childe touched Zhongli wasn’t long at all afterwards. He had become exasperated at the way Zhongli was - quite childishly, he admitted - refusing to crack even a smile at his antics.
He did find them amusing. He just didn’t want to encourage the harbinger’s teasing of him, lest he become as incorrigible as the funeral parlor director.
It was also quite fun to make the harbinger distressed by his lack of reaction. When had he last found himself feeling so… carefree? Had he ever indulged in something like this, playfully teasing a close friend as though he were…
Mortal. It felt very mortal. The truth of his identity could not be denied - a god over six thousand years old, unwavering as stone.
(And if that stone cracked, how could his adepti or his people possibly feel safe?)
When he spent time with Childe, however, he felt much more like… the young man he claimed he was. There was something oddly thrilling about being treated so much like a mortal. Like an ordinary human. He felt it in the way ‘older’ women would call him ‘xiǎohuǒzi’, the way the chef at Third-Round Knockout would give him an extra rice bun or two because he ‘looked too skinny’, even when he pretended he needed to sleep or eat one the same schedule as others.
The thrill of a new life, one in which he was truly who he appeared to be in his mortal form, rather than dragging millennia of history behind him.
When Childe touched him for the third time, it was like two friends joking with each other - not business partners. He put his fingers on the corners of Zhongli’s lips and forced them into a smile.
Zhongli thought about that moment for far more time than was reasonable. Such a simple, silly thing was so strangely intimate. Like close friends.
It had been… a very long time since he had a close friend. Someone who felt comfortable enough with him to touch him in such a way. Guizhong had been very touchy with him, trying to coax any kind of reaction out of him, always giggling when she managed to draw an eye-roll or a playful swat from him. The look of victorious joy on her face when he would truly, genuinely laugh was infectious.
After her death, and after the Archon War began, it felt like no one had touched him in such a way again. The adepti began to see him more as their god rather than their friend. Combat was what he came to associate with close contact. After Guizhong’s death, it could have been years, perhaps decades before he laughed again.
With Childe, it came easily. And with every friendly touch between them, it seemed like something he didn’t know he was missing was finally being found.
The next time they touched, it was Zhongli who initiated. Just brushing a stray grain of rice from the corner of Childe’s lips with his thumb.
It was almost addicting.
Childe leaned in playfully to allow the adeptus to clean his face, before giving him a grin when he returned to his place.
“What, are you going to feed me next, too?”
While Childe was playful, loud, and touchy by nature, Zhongli was the exact opposite. So after this incident, he became downright clingy in comparison.
He took every opportunity to touch Childe, guiding him with a palm against his lower back, correcting his hold on chopsticks hand-over-hand, allowing the touch to linger a little too long when handing something over to him.
He also took Childe’s suggestion and tried feeding him, though it turned into a bout of teasing when the harbinger refused to be fed.
The boldest touch was when Zhongli had the sudden urge to… put a palm over the triangle of skin near Childe’s Vision. He really didn’t know why he did it. He played it off by asking, “Aren’t you cold like that?”
Childe turned bright red and half-heartedly pushed his hand away. “I’m perfectly fine, thank you!!”
(Zhongli didn’t consciously notice, but that sliver of skin caught his eye more than usual afterward. This was due to Childe wearing his jacket open a little bit further, with every intention to make him notice.
It was a wonder it took them both so long to realize their feelings for each other.)
One day, Childe hugged Zhongli when he greeted him. The adeptus instantly froze up, and wasn’t able to reciprocate before Childe pulled away.
The harbinger didn’t seem to notice, just giving him a bright, wide smile. In the sunlight his red-lashed eyes seemed as deep as the ocean; the freckles across his cheeks like dapples of sunlight between leaves; the scars across his skin a tapestry of countless victories, representing the will to live, no matter the cost.
It was strange to feel like he was seeing the man for the first time. What changed? Friends gave each other hugs all the time. Guizhong was very...
But Guizhong had been gone for a long time, hadn’t she? When was the last time he truly felt the warmth of another’s body against his own?
Childe scrunched his eyebrows, tilting his head slightly, opening his mouth to ask what was wrong–
Zhongli pulled him into an even stronger embrace, burying his face into the crook of his neck. It was so warm. Childe was frozen as he was for a moment, before wrapping his arms all the way around Zhongli’s back, and the consultant practically melted into the touch.
“What’s this for?” Childe had asked with a nervous laugh.
Zhongli just hummed in response.
He couldn’t simply tell Childe that the reason was, ‘I don’t remember the last time I was hugged, and I think you’re beautiful.’
It wasn’t until Vlad coughed awkwardly behind them that they pulled away. Childe was flushed red, and it made his cheeks look sunkissed.
Zhongli felt a bit warmer.
It had become a habit between them to greet each other with a hug, to get each other’s attention with a touch on the arm, to walk side-by-side as closely as possible.
Zhongli couldn’t get enough of it. He often considered taking off his gloves for a day, just so he could find an excuse to touch Childe’s skin with his own.
It was a sort of barrier - despite all of their casual touches, neither had felt the other’s skin. Zhongli, as ever, had most of his skin covered. Childe had no issue displaying the scarred, freckled skin of his arms, or his toned stomach. But with the gloves between them, it seemed impossible to reach out. Not as closely as Zhongli wanted.
He didn’t just want to touch Childe - he wanted to see him. Not just flesh, but everything that was inside of him. His fears, his worries, his dreams, his loyalty, ambition, selflessness…
But there was still something holding them back. Despite how badly Zhongli wanted to know Childe, he knew he could not reciprocate honesty. Not yet, at least.
The backs of their hands often brushed against each other as they walked. It was something about the gloves. They both would subtly jerk their hands away like it was an electric shock. It wasn’t just the leather between them - it was the deception, the unspoken words, every inch of skin and bone they could not give each other.
But one late night, walking the lonely streets of Chihu Rock, Childe did not flinch away. Without a word he took hold of Zhongli’s hand, lacing their fingers together. The story he was telling didn’t pause for a moment, and neither of them acknowledged their linked hands the rest of the way home.
Perhaps it was the infuriating distance between them, that bit of leather and cloth where their skin could not touch, that made them both silent on the matter.
Silent, but… content.
It was so warm, Zhongli thought again. When they had to separate at the crossroads between their apartments, he almost didn’t want to let go.
It wasn’t until after Osial’s defeat and the passing over of his Gnosis that Zhongli realized just how powerful his feelings were.
Before the exchange took place at the Northland Bank, they were a constant presence in each other’s lives. Despite how busy they both became as the Rite of Parting approached and their plans converged, they made time where they could. Impromptu dinner at a street cart. Visiting each other’s offices, even when the other was working.
Afterwards, however, there was… nothing.
Zhongli knew that it would not end well between them. But he had misjudged how well they knew each other. He didn’t expect Childe to become so furious, and of course, Childe did not expect Zhongli to be the puppetmaster of his mission in Liyue.
It was clear from the start, though. He dove headfirst into their relationship knowing that Childe would never be fully honest with him, and he would never be fully honest with Childe. The extent to which they truly knew each other was, in fact, rather shallow.
Zhongli allowed himself to fall deeply, however. He craved to know what was beneath that confident smile, behind those lifeless eyes. He convinced himself that he truly could.
The glove is a common metaphor; a symbol of deception. At least Childe had shown more of his true self to him. Zhongli could never be fully separated from Rex Lapis, no matter how badly he wanted to.
Zhongli’s affections ran far deeper than their understanding of each other ever had.
He missed the warmth of an arm against his own, leaning over to inspect a vendor’s rarities, pointing out the best quality gems to Childe. He missed a simple, quick hug at the start of an outing. He missed sitting side-by-side in one of their apartments for tea. They could have sat across from each other, but by then, it was only natural to be as close as possible.
It just felt cold now without him.
Zhongli kissed him.
They had met by chance in the Guili Plains, right at the beginning of a thunderstorm. Childe was yelling at him as the rain fell around them.
“I’m sorry,” Zhongli said, but it wasn’t quite enough to make up for everything. The things that could not have been avoided. The contract that was made before they even knew the other existed. The things that Zhongli could not bring himself to regret, even now.
He wanted to live his life as a mortal.
“...but I never realized how badly I wanted to live it with you,” he said over the sound of pelting rain.
Childe had looked at him with wide blue eyes then. He looked baffled, unable to comprehend Zhongli’s words.
Zhongli didn’t even know what he was trying to say. He had realized it was the truth only moments before he said it.
It made sense, though. After he met Childe, when did he not imagine a future at his side? If they could explore the countryside of Liyue together - Zhongli watching with fascination as Childe wrought havoc upon anything and everything willing to fight him - forever… It would be a good life.
Their relationship had only seemed to get closer and closer as time went on. Where would it take them if it had continued? An accidental glimpse of one of Childe’s letters said that he regarded Zhongli as ‘his best friend’. Zhongli was more than happy to return the sentiment the next time he mentioned him.
Their usual hugs lasted a bit longer than they probably should have. They held hands without a word about it as they traveled to anywhere and everywhere in Liyue that Childe wanted to see.
Sometimes Zhongli looked at Childe’s face, at his soft cheeks still subtly padded with baby fat, at the messy hair covering his brows, at the gentle curve of his lips. Sometimes he looked and wondered how many freckles he had. Sometimes he looked and wondered what he would taste like, if they were only just a bit closer.
He didn’t just wonder now as Childe stared at him in silence, his arguments ground to a halt at Zhongli’s words. He didn’t just wonder. He held his face between his hands and kissed him.
Perhaps he shouldn’t have. There was no indication that Childe would reciprocate, especially after he let out all of his fury, frustration, betrayal…
Heartbreak.
But Childe didn’t just return the kiss - he deepened it. Zhongli could taste rain between their tongues, the tiniest sting of chili, and a little too much fire-water. It wasn’t what he imagined, but it was more than he could have ever wanted.
When they pulled away, breaths coming out in puffs in the cold, humid air, both of them appeared satisfied. Things weren’t quite right between them, not yet, but the crack in Childe’s heart began to mend.
Childe was affectionate already, but in the wake of their new relationship Zhongli was somehow more so.
Maybe it was because those long days without Childe’s presence had made every moment with him more precious.
Maybe he just liked the blush that painted Childe’s face, the way he looked down in embarrassment, when he kissed him in public.
More satisfying, however, was when Childe did the same.
The first time Zhongli touched Childe’s skin with bare hands was the first time they slept together. At that point, neither had many secrets left between them.
Tartaglia, Childe, Ajax.
Rex Lapis, Morax, Zhongli.
It was only a matter of time before they knew every aspect of the other.
Zhongli felt more now than ever that Childe was beautiful. And he told him this. And Childe flushed from his ears to his chest and protested the statement, and Zhongli whispered this and other praises into his ear until he understood.
Like a crashing wave, Childe helped Zhongli erode the layers of stone around himself, as easily as he removed his clothing. The adeptus had never been so vulnerable to another as he was then. He didn’t need to maintain control here, in the bed they shared, in the ways they touched each other.
In the aftermath, they talked. Zhongli had endless things to share, from stories of his past… to hopes for his future. How he wished to live his mortal life. The things he wanted to do at Childe’s side, everything he never had time for despite how long he had lived.
Childe told him about the Abyss. He guided Zhongli’s hand over each of his scars.
“It’s funny,” Childe said with a gentle huff, his confident smile softened by sincerity. “I think I trust you more than anyone.”
This was also the first time Zhongli told him that he loved him.
At times, Childe would return from his duties to stay in Liyue, and Zhongli would spend every moment trying to make up for the time lost in between. At other times, Zhongli would travel with Childe, admiring the places of Teyvat he had never had a chance to see - though he truly spent much of it admiring Childe instead.
They talked about their future often. When the Tsaritsa’ plans were carried through and Childe was free to do as he pleased.
Where would they live?
“Liyue,” they had decided without hesitation, sitting together on a cliff above the Sea of Clouds.
“But we’re visiting Snezhnaya every summer!”
Where would their relationship take them?
“Mama will be furious if we don’t have a Snezhnayan wedding,” Childe suggested. He leaned forward to offer Zhongli a bite of his lotus crisp, which the consultant accepted, letting it be fed to him as he focused on the papers before him.
Lost in thought as he was, Zhongli didn’t truly register the words until at least ten seconds later. He choked on the second bite offered to him.
“Ch-Childe,” he sputtered, trying to clear his throat. “Are you… proposing to me?”
It was then that Childe remembered all of his thoughts about their future marriage were in his head, as he had been too nervous about bringing it up in the first place.
“You know,” Childe said, resting his head on Zhongli’s lap beneath the shade of a sandbearer tree, “My family is pretty big.”
Zhongli nodded, eyes closed. The sunlight filtering through the leaves warmed his face, and he felt… deeply content.
“And I have a lot of little siblings,” Childe added. “I’m really good with kids.”
Zhongli nodded again, smiling softly. “I know this. You’re very popular with the children who play at the docks.”
Childe nodded. He was quiet for a moment before adding, in a small voice. “I’ve always wanted a lot of kids.”
Zhongli peeked one eye down at him, still smiling. “Very well. Would you like to adopt, or would you prefer I change my form?”
Childe was quiet for a very long time.
“Wait, wh-what?!”