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Livio hated being alone. More than anything, he could not handle even the thought of being alone.
So he dreaded hearing the words ‘assigned beds’ when he first came into the orphanage, and he trembled when he saw how spaced out they were. To the adults, it didn’t look like a terrible distance at all, but to Livio’s little self, it seemed like a whole mile away from the other kids.
He tried to get used to it for the sake of trying to appear normal to everyone else on the first night, but he couldn’t do it. He had made friends with a boy named Nicholas, and ever since they first talked to each other, Livio never found a reason to interact with anyone else when he found total comfort in Nico’s presence. That’s what he ended up nicknaming him, and Nico shrugged his shoulders when Livio called him by that name for the first time, neither amused nor disgusted by it. It stuck.
As for everyone else, they either ignored him or looked at him strangely. Not in the sense that he was too weird to be around but the kind of strange look you give to a kid that’s a little off. No one knew how to talk to an introverted kid like Livio. Nico was the only one that just saw him as any other person, not giving a damn about what anyone else thought. So what if Livio was a little shy?
So after the first night, Livio attempted to sleep by himself. Just to see if he could do it. He was sound asleep for the first hour of the night, and his dreams quickly dissolved into a nightmare. Fragments of his memories before coming to the orphanage whipped around in his slumber. A stranger’s hand was reaching out to him from the ominous darkness but he couldn’t recognize the face. He jolted awake before the stranger could grab his neck, sweating and out of breath. He laid on his side, trembling, and stared into the distance towards Nico’s bed.
While clutching his pillow, he went over in his head all the scenarios that could happen should he go over there. If it were anyone else, he would’ve just suffered; no one was worth the effort to try and find solace in this already miserable life stretching before him. But this was Nico. He wouldn’t reject him, right?
Livio took the risk and psyched himself into jumping out of bed. Realizing the room was still dark even despite the moonlight peeking in, Livio quickly grabbed his pillow before the monsters came after him. He repeated in his head that no one was going to get him as long as he moved towards Nico and kept holding his pillow.
The anxiety was slowly getting to him as he soon associated the shifting of other children in their beds as a sign of a monster approaching him. He was frantic, but he didn’t rush.
Thankfully, Nico’s bed was right next to his bed, so once he took those big steps forward, he was already there. While hugging his pillow, he looked down at Nico, who was sound asleep. He turned his head from side to side to make sure no one was coming after him then he swiftly crawled into Nico’s bed.
Nico groaned lazily in his sleep and rolled his head around as he slowly woke up. “W-What? Hello?”
Livio didn’t come out from under the covers. Rather, he put the pillow behind his back to keep him from falling over the edge and wrapped his arms around Nico’s waist. Finally feeling safe against his body, he nuzzled against him like a cat and closed his eyes.
“Livio?” Nico whispered harshly before pulling the covers up and peeping down the sheets. “What are you doing?”
“Please don’t make me go back to my bed,” Livio whimpered.
Nico hesitated, and Livio clung to him even tighter. He pressed his cheek against his stomach and shut his eyes tight and braced for a bad ending. Nico sighed and reached down so he could pull Livio up to him. They lay together in the exact parallel of each other, and their heads shared his one pillow. “You scared of the dark or something?”
Livio nodded, half telling the truth.
“You big baby.”
“I don’t mean to be a baby…” Livio said.
Nico made an uncomfortable expression and tried to think of something to say. He was exhausted from the day, so he wasn’t really in the mood for conversation. However, he had been a bit mean to Livio throughout the day so it probably wouldn’t hurt to give him a little attention. It was obvious this kid seemed to idolize him. Nico reached up and hesitated when he got close to Livio’s head before placing it down on him. He petted him gently in the way one would pet a golden retriever. “You’re a good… baby.”
Livio looked at him confused but wide-eyed with interest. He pressed up further to Nico for more attention.
“Right? You’re a good boy?” Nico said tentatively.
“Yeah!” Livio said a little too excited, which got Nico to shush him by placing a finger over his mouth. Livio put both of his hands over his mouth all while keeping his eyes on Nico.
Nico sighed and continued to pet him. “Good. Don’t want anyone waking up because of us.”
“Nico,” Livio whispered. Nico looked at him without verbally responding to which Livio hugged him again, nuzzling into his chest. “I’ll be good if you want me to be.”
“You just be good for yourself, okay?” He deadpanned then he saw the whites of Livio’s eyes as they gazed up at him. Livio liked the way he smelled, even if it was the scent of smoked worms.
“Can I sleep here tonight?” He asked.
Nico let out a small chuckle. “Wasn’t that the plan to begin with?”
Livio snuck into Nico’s bed every night. For the first few nights, he’d have to psyche himself up to get up, but by the 7th night, Nico would have already expected him to come over. When Livio took longer than normal to come over, Nico rose from his bed and looked to see if Livio was okay.
“Psst, Livio? Oi Livio? You coming over or what?” He whispered, cupping his hand over his mouth.
After that night, he always rushed into Nico’s bed as soon as all the adults were gone.
They had almost been caught a few times. One time on a random check-up from one of the staff, Nico had to shove Livio’s head down under the sheets to avoid getting caught. By sheer negligence, they merely caught a glimpse of Livio’s pillow under his blanket and assumed Livio was under there. Livio, from below, could see that the staff member shined a light over Nico’s face to see if he was sleeping and then moved away.
A door closed in the distance. Nico sighed an exaggerated breath of relief. Livio popped his head up and cuddled against his friend, trying his hardest not to be so shaken up. “Hey now, what are you trembling for?”
“What if they catch us and make me sleep alone?”
“They’re not going to catch you.”
“They aren’t?”
“I won’t let them catch you. You trust me, right?”
And Nico gave him that cocky little smile he always does when he’s cheeky. Sure, he can’t fight all the staff should they get caught, but he’d think up a million and one ways to ensure that they wouldn’t get to that point. Starting with the pillows. From then on, Nico forfeited his own to make sure the combination of the two would look like Livio’s body. Neither of them minded; the bed was surprisingly not so bad after getting used to it.
Every night they’d talk quietly or make up stories, playing with their imagination. Livio, no matter if he was scared or not, always clung to Nico’s body. Normally on days, he’s scared, he’d hide under the blanket and hug his waist. On nights he was relaxed, he’d hug his torso. Livio would always wonder if it bothered him but the question never stayed for very long because, for one thing, Nico was blunt. If he didn’t like something, he’d tell you. Friend or not.
But what also made him abandon that question was when Nico would pet his head. He wondered if he could hold onto this warm, fuzzy feeling forever when he did that.
[ YEARS LATER ]
“We’ll rest here for the night. You cool with that?”
Nicholas flung his satchel towards the coffee table and began unbuttoning his shirt to peel it off for the night. Despite not having been with each other for years, Nicholas was still comfortable enough to strip in front of his old friend, Livio.
Livio just stayed in the doorframe, unable to process everything that’s happened thus far. The two have only seen each other in passing. His most pivotal memories of their encounters were of Nico getting tortured, him getting shot and him shooting people. They finally reunite, and Nicholas has been acting strange. He still acts friendly towards Livio, but it’s clearly from a distance.
When Nicholas realizes that Livio hadn’t entered the hotel room, he pauses and turns around on his heel like a kid. “Something the matter?”
Livio shook his head and stared vacantly.
“Then close the door, friend. Can’t have people catching a glimpse of me like this, y’know?” Nicholas joked, making hand gestures down at his half-naked body.
“There’s no one here,” Livio commented.
Nicholas scoffed lightly. “Buzzkill.”
Livio immediately dipped his head in shame for annoying Nico, to which Nicholas doesn’t even notice the reaction to go over there and comfort him. He instead goes over to his bed and weighs his knuckles down against the mattress to check the quality of it. “Yup. These will do.” He hops up and gets comfortable. “We won’t stay here long. Leaving here at sunrise, got it?”
Livio closes the front door behind him and walks further into the room until he is standing in front of his bed. He looks down at it and immediately thinks of how sterile the sight of this bed was. Unfamiliar and cold. Empty. But then he looks over at Nico’s bed and thinks to himself how much nicer that bed looks. It looks more inviting and pleasant to sleep on. But he can’t lie to himself like that. He knows why that bed looks better despite being the same bed.
“You okay, Livio?”
Livio slowly looks up to meet Nico’s gaze. He had his arms behind his head and his legs extended out with one leg crossed over the other. He looked like he was on vacation rather than a deadly mission.
“I’m fine.”
Nicholas shrugged. “Okay then. Let’s get some shut-eye, okay?”
Livio nodded, and he got into his bed. He heard Nicholas stammer before saying, “You sleep with your clothes on, Liv? Get comfortable, at least.” Livio’s heart nearly melted at the genuine concern of this nonsensical thing.
Livio sat up at the edge of the bed, farthest away from Nico, and began stripping his shirt off the same way Nico had done it. When he gets it off, his soul nearly jumps out of his chest as he hears Nico whistle and said, “Good boy. There ya go. See? You’ll sleep better now without all those layers on you.”
Livio clutched his hand over his chest as he hung onto that phrase: Good boy.
He wanted to hear him say that again, but he didn’t know how to ask so he quietly savored the one time he was given it. Even if it wasn’t the way he intended it like how he did years ago.
“I’ll look away if you want to take your pants off. I’m telling ya, it works wonders.”
Livio blushed when he heard Nico shift in his bed and some fabric hit the floor. Nico yawned, and Livio heard the bedsheets move so he knew Nico got into bed. “Get some rest, Livio,” Nico said quietly, before turning off the lights. “I’ll see you in the morning.”
Livio tried to sleep. He lay there and stared into the darkness until his mind was thinking up shapes floating around above him. Finding it futile to try any longer, Livio turned in his bed towards where Nico was. He felt like a kid again trying to psyche himself up to go over there. Originally he tried to downplay his intentions by saying he’ll just go over there to talk for a bit and come back. Maybe hearing him again would soothe him long enough so he could sleep. But no, he knew what he wanted. He knew exactly what.
Livio got out of bed and clutched his pillow to his chest. He was naked save for his boxers, and he approached Nico’s bed with wild embarrassment at the idea of laying next to him like this. Should he put his clothes on? Would that assuage the situation from getting too weird more so than it already was? Livio sighed.
Nico was deep in his sleep, and he snored lightly. His head was facing toward the window, and his arms were splayed in different directions. One arm was over his head while the other was extended out over the blanket.
Livio took a deep breath and just hoped for the best. Hopelessly, Livio crawled into Nico’s bed in the same manner as he did as a child which only started the living hell out of Nico. He nearly yelled until he realized what was happening. “Livio?! What are you doing, man?”
Livio stuck his head up from the blankets after he adjusted himself in Nico’s bed. “Can I sleep with you?” He asked with a bit of a pout. Nicholas gave him a bewildered look because having to watch a grown man behave the same way as when they were kids nearly knocked the wind out of him.
“What’s wrong with your bed?”
“You’re not in it,” Livio said bluntly, which made Nico blush profusely. Livio meant it more wholesomely, but Nico has experienced too much in life to have a clean mind about it.
“I like you too, Liv, but you can’t just crawl your way into a man’s bed like this. You’ll get him feeling a certain way.”
Livio blinked and stared up at him. “What kind of feeling?”
“Don’t act all innocent, Livio,” he growled playfully with a hint of mischief. Then before Livio could react, Nico raised his hand and patted the top of his head. “You can’t honestly tell me you don’t know what a guy does when he’s in bed with someone like this?”
Livio’s brain was malfunctioning, and he was already barely understanding Nico’s vocal cues as it was. The fact that he was laying next to Nico while they were both practically naked was already overwhelming enough. The body heat between them made Livio feel woozy.
“What does a guy like you do when someone gets in his bed?” Livio asked, and this turned Nico off. He pulled his hand away, arched his eyebrow, and scoffed with a light laugh. “Ah, jeez, you actually don’t know.”
Livio panicked thinking he’d done something wrong, so he pushed himself up to him until his body was pressed against Nico. “Wait, I’m sorry. Did I say something wrong?”
Nico scooted back a bit in surprise and got all nervous-sounding, “No, Livio, you’re okay. I got carried away there.”
“Maybe if you explained it to me, I’d understand?”
Nico sighed but smiled at him. “It’s not really something I want you to understand.”
“Why not?”
“Because the things men do in that situation are something I don’t want to do to you. I wouldn’t ever… hurt you.”
“You wouldn’t hurt me,” Livio could suddenly hear the desperation in his voice, and Nico noticed it too.
He laughed lightly. “What’s gotten into you? I’m over here telling you I wouldn’t take advantage of you, and you look like a kicked puppy.”
Livio hesitated at this statement, and there was an awkward pause between them. He felt like crying out of frustration but that tension never resulted in actual tears forming. After a second too long, Nico sighed again. “You haven’t changed a bit.”
Nico closed the gap between them and pressed his forehead to Livio’s, which got Livio’s heart beating fast. He then rubbed his thumb against his cheek just to test the waters, and Livio melted into his touch.
“There’s my good boy,” he whispered so sweetly. And the world seems better now.
“You’re my good boy, right, Livio?” He asked, and Livio’s mind was like fireworks. My good boy?
“Y-Yes. I am.”
Nico smiled wider and kept rubbing his thumb on his cheek. “I figured this is what you wanted to hear. It’s what I used to say to you.”
“You’re saying ‘my’ now, though,” Livio observed. “ My good boy.”
Nico shrugged. “Do you do this with anyone else?”
Livio nearly gawked at him. “Of course not!”
Nico lowered down until their faces were parallel with each other, and their noses were almost touched by a few millimeters. “Then that makes you mine.”
Livio could stop breathing altogether if Nico continued to say these things. It was making him want to scream, holler and give in to every emotion he was feeling. It was wild, unwilling to be tamed even by Nico. He didn’t know what more he could want until Nico casually asked, “Can I kiss you here?” He taps the tip of Livio’s nose.
Livio’s eyes widened, and he nodded enthusiastically.
Nico tuts him and looks at him sternly. “Use your words, Livio.”
Livio stutters a bit before saying, “Y-Yes, you can.”
Content with this response, Nico kissed his nose all while Livio lay perfectly still for it, almost holding his breath so as not to interrupt him. Then Nico tapped his forehead. “And here?” Livio nodded, and Nico didn’t bother to fuss him about speaking as he raised his head to kiss his forehead. He smiled against his skin as he tapped his cheek. “Here?” Livio consented, and he kissed him there too. Finally, he got to the spot that sent Livio over the edge— Nico tapped his lips.
“What about here?”
Livio took a moment to respond, but he eventually nodded, unable to believe this was happening. “Yes,” he verbally said so that there was no mistaking it. Nico hummed delightfully as he tilted his head for the kiss. Their lips press against each other softly, and neither of them pulls away. Nico pushes in, cupping Livio’s cheek and gently petting it to keep him steady and calm. Livio knows for certain that Nico can feel his heart thumping in his chest.
When they finally pulled away, they stared at each other for a moment before breaking out into smiles. Livio’s smile was awkward and happy while Nico’s was soft and cautious. “I wasn’t a bad kisser, was I?”
Livio shook his head a little too enthusiastically.
“Something tells me you wouldn’t say it even if I was.”
“I did like… kissing you,” Livio said sheepishly.
“I know you did,” Nico pulled him in so that Livio could hug him like he used to. Livio’s mind was filling up with daisies as he buried his face into his chest. He doesn’t remember feeling this safe and warm inside in a long time. He lets out a little moan when Nico rubs his back, which gets a little chuckle out of him. “Easy, baby, I’m not doing anything to you.”
Livio hid his whole face into his chest, embarrassed. “S-Sorry,” he mumbled into his skin.
“No, it’s cute. Don’t sweat it.”
Despite not having been close to his body like this since they were kids, Livio already loved the feeling of his body pressed against his own. If he could, without the perversions of his mind intruding his mind, he’d trace his fingers along the lines of his muscles. He really wanted to admire him like that but maybe that was too vulgar. If anything, Livio was more than happy to note the one consistent trait of Nico— he smelled like cigarettes.
Livio turns his head just so his words wouldn’t get muffled. “Is this okay? What we’re doing?”
“I don’t see why not. You feeling bad about it?”
“N-No! It’s just… I don’t know what you’re thinking. Do you like this as much as I do?”
And with that, Nico pulls away to where he can look down at Livio in full view. The pull was enough to frighten him again, but something in the way Nico looked at him alleviated any form of doubt Livio could come up with.
A deep frown came over Nico’s face, and his tone shifted to a much more serious one. Livio braced himself for whatever he was about to tell him.
“You were alone for a long time. I know that. I want to make sure you’ll turn out all right just like before.”
“So… you don’t feel the same way?” Livio said quietly, a crack in his heart.
Nico paused and scanned his eyes over every little detail on Livio’s face. Then he smiled, and that grave look on his face all but vanished as if it never happened. He said, “Maybe I do, maybe I don’t. I’m feeling a lot of things right now but to be honest, I’d rather I’d tell you the truth, how I don’t know what feelings I’m having for you right at this moment than give you a flimsy love confession, and have it all be for nothing later down the road. What with what we’re doing out and all. This isn’t a honeymoon trip, y’know.”
Livio’s heart skipped at the sound of ‘honeymoon’, and before he could say anymore, Nico came back in and kissed him. Livio didn’t kiss back for a moment out of shock but then melted right in. He didn’t want to question him any more. He wanted to stay right here forever. Damn the mission. Damn the Chapel. Damn everything except Nico.
Nothing mattered at all once Nico began with, “But make no mistake,” before whispering in a provocative tone in Livio’s ear, “You’re mine tonight, baby boy.”