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The gentle humming of the engine was close to lulling Symmetra to sleep. She and the rest of the Overwatch have just returned from a mission. Or, better wording, are returning. They’ve been on the shuttle for a while now. If Satya was being honest with herself, this annoyed her more than it should. The shuttle was late, and she had a headache. The people speaking were making this so much worse than it had to be, and Sombra wasn’t beside her.
But she wasn’t being honest with herself. She was nose-deep, staring into her hologram. She checked all her designs. Though, she had to admit, the shuttle being late was unprofessional.
Sombra finally walked over to her “you did great in that mission!” her voiced boomed, as it always did. It seemed to rebound inside Satya’s head, though she knew that was impossible. “I know you can see I am working” she hummed, still not looking up. “Can’t I compliment my girlfriend?” Olivia asked, a smile plastered to her face. Symmetra wanted to say yes, she wanted to ask for more or for some sort of contact from the hacker. Anything.
“I'm working, so no” was what she answered instead. She always does this. Why can’t she just speak her mind? “Fine I’ll just sit beside you” Sombra replied.
And that she did. Satya’s headache got worse and worse. The lights blared. The ships engine was no longer calming, instead it was irritating, like a continuous hammering at her skull.
Reluctantly, she stopped her work. She was getting nowhere. She couldn’t think. She used her prosthetic to bend the light to make a cube, then a sphere, cuboid, pyramid and then cube again. The lights that she made didn’t hurt like the others. If they would just use the Vishkar tech, life would be so much easier.
She continued bending the light that her arm formed for the rest of the ride. It didn’t help the headache, but at least she was practicing.
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She could feel a tap on her shoulder. Satya looked over at Sombra; she was standing to the right of her. “Ships about to land”. Sombra put out her hand and Satya took it with her non prosthetic hand. Even after Sombra pulled them back up, she did not pull away.
As the two walked out, hand in hand, towards Sombra’s house. Symmetra could feel her senses fading. The headache controlling her thoughts and her body. Olivia let go of her hand to open the door and spoke more softly than usual, “You still up to watch the movie tonight?”. Symmetra cherish the question, it reminds her why she fell in love with Olivia, not that she needed reminding.
Once Olivia saw Satya nod she gently grabbed her arm and pulled her into her home and onto the couch. “Soo” she drawls, “what movie-“. Satya thought of all the different genres before a sharp pain shot through her skull and she decided that she didn’t care. She didn’t really want to watch the movie; she just wanted to spend time with Olivia.
Olivia wouldn’t do that unless she asked though. It was a nice gesture. Something she did because Satya didn’t always like physical contact, especially earlier in their relationship. Satya couldn’t ask though. That would just be pestering Olivia. That could lead to Olivia getting angry. Which could lead to her being alone again.
“Fine I’ll decide then”, Olivia said, most would find that rude. Satya didn’t. They knew she was just stopping her from spiralling.
The movie clicked on. Satya couldn’t concentrate on it. She was more aware of the constant thrumming in her head and Olivia who was sitting on the other side of the couch to her.
Time passed somehow to slow and yet to quick. The pounding in their head didn’t stop. In fact it got worse. She couldn’t think, she could feel her brain melting. She knew logically that that wasn’t possible. Her brain couldn’t melt, but it may as well have been. She stared projecting light, the shapes, generic, repetitive, did nothing, nothing to sooth her thoughts. The shapes slowly changed, they were sloppy, the sides were off, the patterns weren’t symmetrical.
“Hey Symmetra” Olivia asked, She was looking right at them. It was obvious she had been for a while “your stressed?”. She asked it like a question, but she said stuff like it was a question to others but mean it as a tease. Was she teasing her now? Sombra would do that but would Olivia? She did act very different when she was working, when she was ‘Sombra’. Would she do that to her though? She never teased them before, when Satya said they didn’t like it she stopped.
Had Satya done something? She wasn’t very talkative. Did Olivia want them to talk more? What if that wasn’t the problem and she annoyed her more? She didn’t want Olivia to leave her. They couldn’t be alone again. Vishkar took them away from that life, and now she is out of Vishkar. She could be left alone again. She could be hurt.
And Olivia called her Symmetra. Why? They aren’t working. Is that the problem? That she works too much. Is she still angry about Vishkar? She left. Olivia wanted her to leave. So she did.
“Satya”, Olivia spoke, firmly. Obviously trying to get her attention. “Satya” she repeats, she spoke sternly, not in a way that could be mistaken for anger though.
Satya nods. She doesn’t want to speak. If they speak and that’s what Olivia was teasing them about then she is bound to leave.
“Wanna hug? Or to uhmm turn off the movie?” Her voice is a lot softer now. What is Satya supposed to say to that? What if it’s a trick? Is she asking to trick her? “I. Uhm. Fuck-, I’m not good with crying. Uh. I'm being serious if that helps. I want you to be okay. And you haven’t been- I should have acted. And now you’re crying. And-, I don’t know why.” She takes a breath before she continues.
“You know you can tell me anything. I'm sorry if I didn’t make that clear. I know I dealt with Vishkar badly, but I hope-, that uhmm.... we can work around that. God- that sounds really bad, I swear I didn’t mean it in a bad way. I- you know I’ll shut up now and let you speak”.
Were they crying? They put their hand up to their face. It was wet to the touch. Now that she noticed it, she couldn’t stop it. Her head was pounding. Olivia was looking at her. She closed her eyes; if she didn’t look maybe she could answer. For once she maybe wouldn’t be so self-sabotaging.
Her throat tightened as she went to answer. So instead she simply nodded. “Do you wanna hug?” Olivia asked again. Looking for conformation. It was a kind gesture but Satya doubted that she would be able to reply if she kept doing this. She managed to nod one more time though. She felt the couch sink around her, she expected Olivia to wrap around her. Instead she lifts Satya a little; manoeuvring them both until Satya’s head was lying on Olivia’s chest, both of them lying on the couch. Olivia grabbed the blanket and covered them both in it, making sure it went over Satya’s head.
Being basked in darkness would normally make Satya uncomfortable, but for once this darkness is comforting. “Can I, uhmm- like touch you? Like- for comfort?” Olivia asked. Before she had finished speaking, they felt themself nodding. She found that as long as she didn’t think for too long she could answer. It hurt less. She felt Olivias hand rest on her head. She slowly started to pat and scritch their head.
“You wanna say what’s wrong?”. She heard Olivia ask, she couldn’t find the energy to answer, resting here she could feel her energy drain. “Later then”
They stayed like that for a while. Olivia simply waiting for Satya to speak. She wasn’t unaware of Satyas spiralling; she can assume that’s the issue, but she just wants to be sure.
After hearing some gentle mumbling she assumed Satya was ready to speak. “Could you say that a bit louder?” she needs to hear them to help them. “Do you find me annoying?”
Well that was sadly not unexpected, it’s not the first time Satya has thought like that. Yet the fact that Satya thinks that she could hate her still hurts. She knows Satya can’t help it, but it can still hurt.
“No I don’t. Why would I?” she gives Satya the time they need to answer. “It’s stupid”, god she hates that Satya is so self deprecating, even about their own thoughts, in what universe are your own thoughts wrong. “I can assure you that I won’t care if it’s stupid”.
They lie in silence again for a bit, “I had a headache, and you called me ‘Symmetra’”, shit. She has to take a moment to word her answer, the last thing Satya needs right now is an answer that accidently fuels her spiralling.
“You were bending light, that’s why I called you Symmetra. I'm sorry if that came off as you working”. Satya just nods into her. “I'm sorry about that”. They just nod again. She finds the fact even though they aren’t going to speak that still try to communicate with them quite endearing.
“Is the headache gone?” she wants to make sure they are okay. She kinda assumed they had an headache, simply from the fact that they weren’t speaking earlier. Satya simply responds “not yet”, she decides to continue running her hand through their hair and its here that the gentle humming of Olivia’s heartbeat was lulling Symmetra to sleep.