Work Text:
The truck was warm against the harsh winter winds bursting outside, the radio on almost mute as he stared down at his phone.
Ev 🤠
I’ll be there in like twenty.
Sighing loudly, he turned his phone off and rested his neck against the headrest. His shirt was a basic dark green button up and a pair of blue jeans, yet he felt like he was parading himself for buck. Felt like he was showing off something that he didn’t really know himself.
All he knew was that buck had grown almost infinitely closer to the two boys recently, maybe after the lightning strike? Buck just stayed, was always there, comforting silence and small private smiles. It made Eddie’s heart race and he willed it to stop, willed it to settle, because he didn’t know what it meant.
Sure, when he was younger, there was once or twice his heart copied its exact pulse around his childhood best friend, Jasper. A small curly haired, blue eyed and bright smiled kid, his neighbour. They were inseparable, parents were friends and had weekly dinners. Eddie remembers talking to his father about it, the bone chilling glare he got in return was enough for him to shut down whatever was going on beneath the surface and in turn, shut down their friendship.
He can still remember sitting at his desk and staring across the yard to Jaspers, twiddling with his thumbs as the darkness creeped in, the guilt, the rage, the disgust in himself for letting those emotions in. For feeling that way.
But as he sits here, in the comfort of his truck, no father to reprimand him or slap him across the face about who he chose to care for. It didn’t feel that scary, didn’t feel that unknown. It has been there for a while, stewing in its own silence, waiting for the right time to make itself known.
Eddie just knows, that whatever’s he’s feeling, it’s not platonic and it’s sure as hell not going away.
His phone buzzed.
Ev 🤠
I’m here, where are you?
Turning the ignition off, he hopped out and locked the doors, shoving his hands deep into his pockets. He sniffled against the cold and high tailed it into the bar. Looking off to the side, he saw bucks jeep parked less than four cars down and wondered how he missed it.
Pushing the door open, he shook slightly at the temperature change and looked around for the tall giant, as his eyes scanned the area. A hand shot up, those bright blue eyes accompanying it and his heart heaved in relief. Making his way through the small but comfortable crowd, buck had tucked himself into a booth.
Gaining closer, his eyes only then picked up on the second figure, a brunette, with her hair in a high ponytail and skin tight dress, almost leaning against buck.
“Hey! I hope you don’t mind i included Stacey, she uh kinda cornered me.” The girl in turn, Stacey, shoved him playfully and scoffed as she outstretched her hand.
“Hi, I’m Stacey. Bucks oldest friend, the one he likes to ignore and-“
“Hey!” Buck laughs out as she giggles.
Eddie reaches his hand out on reflex and grabs hers. A small smile gracing his face as he slides into the booth, a sinking feeling sat at the pit of his stomach.
“This is Eddie, my best friend, partner at work and get this.. he’s from Texas.” Buck proudly points out as Stacey’s eyes go wide and her mouth drops open.
“You’re from Texas!” She squeals and Eddie’s eyebrows raise as he nods. Then she’s grabbing her phone and tossing it in his direction. “Tell me you know what this is.”
Looking down, there’s a small picture frame as her Lock Screen, it has the words “bull rider extraordinaire”
“No.” He scoffs, she nods and laughs as he hands her phone back. “How the hell?”
“Seriously, five drinks in and I held onto that thing for like 4 and a half minutes. They were sick of me and just gave me that.”
Eddie laughs as his eyes flick over to buck who’s smiling so warmly and full of some thick emotion Eddie can’t dig into, quickly looking away, he flags down a waitress and orders himself a beer.
“And you?” She twists her entire body to face buck who’s looking at Eddie like he’s grown a second head, before stammering over his words and ordering a beer for himself as well.
The waitress simply not getting the hint stands there looking way too friendly for comfort. Eddie sighs and whistles lowly, shaking his head as she turns to him with an annoyed look.
“Yes?” Through gritted teeth, Eddie smirks and shakes his head.
“The beers.”
She stomps off after that.
Buck and Stacey are both laughing as he tries to conceal his. Then it quiets down as he watches them fall into each other, a hand on bucks arm, a glint in her eyes and he’s physically leaning into her. It’s then he recognises the feeling in his gut, jealousy.
His palms slowly start sweating as the waitress returns all but throwing the drinks down as buck sends her a nasty look, before flicking his gaze back to Eddie, those blues softening immediately. Eddie can’t handle this.
He can’t be.. jealous, really?
Gulping down heavy sips, he places it down with a wince as bucks gaze grows tight and concerned. Stacey’s talking animatedly beside buck who’s obviously not listening as Eddie can’t even breathe properly.
The feeling of suffocating on nothing but fear all consuming him.
“I’ll uh.. I’ll be back, just gotta check on Chris.” Excusing himself, he hits his hip against the table and almost trips on himself getting out. Bucks hand wrapping around his wrist to steady him as he almost breaks his neck to stare down at the contact.
“You okay?” Damn you Evan.
“Peachy.” He mumbles, gently breaking the contact as he strides in the direction of the bathroom. Ignoring the shake in his hand and the sweat dripping down his back.
Shoving the door open, he falls against the sink and breathes heavily through his nose as he closes his eyes. Shaking slightly, the burning feeling across his cheek lifting from its place, all those years ago, making itself known again.
The memories sucking the breathe out of him, the darkened kitchen, the stinging of his left cheek from the harsh slap he got when he told his father about what he felt. The yelling and then nothing but charged silence afterwards, his twelve year old self shaking with fear on the floor.
He vowed not to cry anymore, he vowed to shut that part of himself down, never speak about it, never look at it. He was playing with fire being this succumbed to buck, so entirely consumed by him. Always remembering the burning embers of that hope, crushed to ash because of all those years ago.
“Eddie?”
Sucking in a raggedy breathe, shakes his head and looks to his side. Bucks standing in the doorway, eyes wide and fear rocking his features. He crossed the space so quickly it was almost dizzying.
“What’s going on? Is it Chris, is he okay? Are you-“
“Stop, stop it’s okay nothings wrong.” The look he received told him buck didn’t fall for that crappy coverup.
“Eddie, are you okay?” His hand reaches out to hold gently against his bicep. It lit the fuse in him.
Checkmate.
“You see all the wisest women, the smartest, kindest, sweetest girls. Why aren’t you holding onto one of them?” It was sudden, it was stupid, it was-
“I don’t want them .” He stated, eyes locked on Eddie’s. Eddie broke, his entire body cracked and broke. But to bucks perspective, all Eddie did was glare harder.
“I’ve gotta go.” His voice betrayed him, buck took a small step away with a nod. “I’ve gotta.. I need-“
Then he took off.
—
He sat in his truck for a solid twenty minutes, finger shaking over the number. Pressing it firmly, he raised it to his ears and waited.
“Hello?”
“Hi.”
“Eddie what can I do for you?” His father hadn’t changed, that anger and disgust still evident in his voice. Ever since he broke it off with Ana, since he went home and explained it all because they asked when he was getting married. His father had scoffed and stood up, walked away and shouted horrible things.
“I just want you to know that I don’t hate you, but I don’t respect you. I’m my own person and what I do or don’t do it’s none of your business.”
It was silent for a moment before he spoke again.
“What.”
“You heard me.” His voice shook. “I’m done being scared by you, of you. I’m gay. Take that how you will or won’t, but I don’t want any of what you’ve got to say. Goodbye.”
Hanging up the phone, he threw it across the truck and groaned, hitting the steering wheel a few times.
He sat there for another couple of minutes before getting out and walking inside, throwing his shoes at the rack and flopping down on the couch. Chris wasn’t gonna be back till tomorrow, staying at Denny’s for the third time this week, destroying towers and walls or something.
So he closed his eyes and threw his arm over his eyes before falling asleep.
—
Harsh and loud knocks tore him from his sleep as he shot up. Blinking at the bright lights of his living room as he groaned, standing up and tossing the door open. Blinking dumbly as he recognised the figure.
“Buck?”
He didn’t even reply just barging into his house.. their house. Closing the door softly, he turned and was met with a frantic looking man.
“If I said something earlier that was too much or too forward I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you or disgust you or.. or anything I-“
“Woah! Woah! Hold on, said what?” Holding his hands up in front of him, he tried to think back to what they were talking about earlier but nothing particular came to mind, that or him just waking up.
“When you were asking about why I wasn’t with those women and I said I didn’t want them .” It clicked in his head and he made a small “oh” noise as buck whined under his breathe and started pacing slightly. “That’s why I’m apologising.”
“Why?”
“Why! Because it was totally way off base and I shouldn’t have said it like that-“
“So you didn’t mean it?” Buck just sighed and ran a hand through his hair. Eddie waited, patiently. Sure, he was absolutely fucking terrified of what he was feeling, deep down, but this is buck. It’s Evan. It’s him.
“No I did I just..” he stopped and shook his head slightly. “I know what you’ve been through and your ptsd and everything, I don’t want to freak you out or push you away from me because of something that I feel.”
Eddie nodded and hummed under his breathe and then sat down on the side of the couch, Buck pulled out a chair from the island bench.
“I’m not gonna pull away from you because of something that I’m pretty sure has been pretty mutual for a long time now. But..” he looked over at him, that gorgeous man, sitting so patiently and listening to every word he speaks. “If you want this, me, I need you to just understand where and what I’m thinking.”
Buck nods almost immediately, pushing his feet onto the bars of the seat legs, leaning his body forward. Taking a small breathe.
“You mean absolutely more than anything in my life, apart from Chris. That scares the shit out of me, not because of what it would mean for us but because of how it makes me feel. I’ve known for a while something was different with me, with how I looked at you and watched you, smiled whenever I recognised the sound of your footsteps. But that part of me has been beaten and bruised and hidden for a long time, my family’s not so accepting especially from a young kid who was seeing his childhood friend differently.”
He stood up confidently and walked over to buck who leant back, eyes still watching him, reading him like a book.
“I can go anywhere I want, anywhere I choose, just not home. That’s something that if we do this, you have to understand, I will not go back there. I can’t, it kills me to say that, but..”
“Eddie, you don’t have to say this to me. I’d agree with all of that, because it’s you I’m in love with, not your family.” Bucks confession made him smile softly and run a hand across his face, rubbing the birthmark softly.
“But I do.” He whispered. “You’re sitting in front of me, absolutely beautiful and full of support and kindness. Something I haven’t had in so long, and it makes me bleed dry for you. I can’t hold my tongue, you make me speak so freely and openly and I love that, I love you.”
“You know I would never judge you or laugh at you for something like this.” Buck whispers back. Eyes welling up as Eddie’s other hand caresses his cheeks, buck dips his head and smiles sadly. Bucks hands wrapping around his waist, his head dropping to Eddie’s stomach. “I promise, I’ll protect you, from everything.”
“Oh Evan.”
He pulls back and looks up at Eddie whose tears are falling down his face. Leaning down, he presses a gentle kiss against bucks lips, it made his fears melt away, that final press of contact, lighting those embers up again, the hope springing free and proudly.
“Nothing but your love, it’s all I want, all I need”
Yeah, Eddie knows that no matter what, it’s buck, it’s always been buck.