Work Text:
Manager Tsurumi likes cats.
Maybe. It's hard to say for sure. He could've just been feigning interest when Edogai—the most annoying customer Ogata had encountered thus far—pulled out his phone to show him the photos. Edogai tips suspiciously well for a freelancer.. taxidermist, designer.. whatver the fuck he is. Tsurumi is not above turning on the charm for money, or to just mess with customers for fun.
Ogata has no sympathy for them. Serves them right for thinking they're the protagonist of a café. How oh-so-special they are that Tsurumi would only wink at them. Please , he does that to everyone, including wrinkled old men decades his senior. (Some of whom are related to the employees working here.) Cheap pieces, all of them.
"Miss White," Ogata calls out to his co-worker. When she doesn't turn around, he tries again, raising his voice this time to reach the five-apples-tall girl. "Miss White!"
"Oh! Hello, Ogata-kun!" Kitty turns around. Her stumpy feet pitter-patter on the hardwood floor as she makes her way toward him.
Kitty looks up at him, and smiles. It seems like she's smiling anyway. Her beady eyes closed, and her cheeks puffed up. Smizing. Manager Tsurumi does that sometimes too, that seducer—at least Kitty has an excuse. She does not have a mouth.
"You know, you can just call me Kitty!" She says, beaming at him "That's what my friends call me, and we are friends, aren't we?"
"Hardly," Ogata mutters under his breath. He doesn't consider his co-workers 'friends'. Kitty seems unfazed.
"Is there anything I can help you with?" She asks.
Ogata nods. "Yes, there is."
Kitty perks up. "What is it? I'd love to help."
"Let me carry you for a bit," he says, straight-faced.
Kitty tilts her head to the side. She stares at him like she’s about to ask him to elaborate, but then decides against it. “Okay.. but I have to warn you, I’m quite heavier than I look.”
Ogata looks her over. “Are you? You don’t look like much.”
She huffs, and mutters something about how you shouldn’t judge a book by its cover. Ogata scoffs. He scoops that five-apples tall bitch right up. Easy. (No, not bitch.. That’s a female dog. A female cat would be… whatever.) She isn't’ heavy in the slightest. Ogata can carry her with one arm, leaving his other hand free for last-minute grooming. He wets his palm, shape his brows, and slick his hair back.
“That’s not sanitary,” Kitty warns, concerned.
“Shut. Do you not lick yourself clean?”
She looks offended. Somehow she manages to look offended without a mouth, brows, or seemingly any facial muscles to emote with. “I take baths with Special Melody Herbs! It’s important to stay clean, and it relaxes—”
Well, that makes one of them. “Don’t care. Didn’t ask.”
“Why did you want to carry me by the way?”
“You’re asking too many questions,” scowls Ogata. “Now we wait.”
From afar, Ogata can spot Manager Tsurumi pouring drinks and winking at a table seated with female customers. Whore. Customer service, his ass. He doesn’t need to do all that. Just take what they ordered to their table like a normal person. Why is he, the manager, bussing tables in the first place? Where is that good-for-nothing penguin? No the blue bonbon that hangs around Otonoshin. The host penguin!
“Why are we staring at Manager Tsurumi?”
Ogata is quick to snap back, uncaring if it comes across as defensive. “ You are staring at Manager Tsurumi. I am not.”
If she wasn’t staring before, she certainly is now. Looking at Manager Tsurumi with her big ol’ eyes, unblinking. “I don’t think he’s turning around anytime soon. Are you trying to get his attention?”
“No.”
He’s not… trying. ‘Trying’ implies that he cares, and Ogata doesn’t. Care. He isn’t like the other employees Tsurumi hired. Pathetic lots vying for his attention and approval as if that would pay their bills. Minimum wage slaves counting Tsurumi’s presence as part of the benefits package, in place of health care. Ogata is above them.
That said, doesn’t he like cats? Is this not the time for him to turn around, batting his eyelashes, cooing, ‘Ohhh, Kitty, it’s a kitty!’ ? Ogata’s got a kitty. THE Kitty. Hello Kitty. That warrants a reaction, but so far.. Nothing. Ignore Kitty. Uncaring Kitty. Looking Away to Other Things That Don’t Matter Kitty.
Figures. Ogata broods from his corner of the cafe, resentful that yet once again he’s proven to be right. Manager Tsurumi is a liar, he knew this—of course he would lie about this, too. The most trivial, mundane things not worth making up such as Liking Cats can still be sweet, sweet lies.
Goddamn—
“Ogata-kun, if you want to befriend someone, you should introduce yourself to them and say hello.”
Wait, what? What’s she talking about? “Friend? Are you.. I do not want to be his friend.”
They’re already more than that, anyway, but that's not the point.
“You don’t have to be scared~” Kitty spits out more nonsense, sincerity wafting off of her with no effort. It’s making Ogata sick. “Take BAD BADTZ-MARU, he’s not so bad at all once you get to know him. A simple Hello, Kitty goes a long way! Anyone could become your bestie if you give them a chance.”
Ogata’s certain he must’ve heard wrong. “My what?”
“Bestie.”
“I do not want us to be… besties.” Ogata has just learned the word at that moment. He doesn’t even fully understand its meaning, but already he’s saying it with disgust.
“Here, I’ll help you~ Let’s call him over, shall we? HELLO MANAGER — ”
“NO.” Ogata drops her to the floor in horror. Kitty simply lands on her feet, unaffected, as to be expected for a.. Kitty. He shakes his head, frustrated. “This was a terrible idea. Nevermind. I changed my mind. Let’s get back to work.”
“Are you sure?” Kitty asks, all smiles. “I don’t mind helping. It’s so nice to see new friendships blossom.”
“Nothing will be blossoming today. Goodbye Kitty.” Ogata is already stomping away to the backroom, humiliated by the mere idea she suggested. Thanks fuck Tsurumi didn’t hear her, or else he would look like just another one of his desperate employees…
As soon as he has his back turned, Tsurumi finally takes notice, but not of him. Instead, it’s…
“Ohh, it’s a kitty! Hello Kitty!”
Kitty beams. “Hello, Manager-san!”
Ogata is going to kill everyone in this cafe, and then himself.