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April 18
As long as I remember, I’ve always been different. Not because I am weird. Don’t get me wrong, I am weird. I’m a twelve years old kid who loves math and science, who is passionate about mysteries and who could talk for hours about cryptids and other paranormal stuff. Of course I’m weird ! But it’s not the only reason why I’m feeling so abnormal.
My sister, Mabel, is weird too. She loves glitter, colors that are so bright they burn your retina and very loud pop music. But despite being weird, people like her. They find her “fun” or “characterful”, they want to be her friends. She doesn’t have to think if what she is going to say is appropriate or not before talking. She doesn’t have to worry if she is going to interrupt someone, if people are going to find something she just said rude even if she didn’t want to offend anyone. Mabel simply knows what to say and when to say it, without having to do any effort. It’s natural for her. She understands people, she understands social cues without even learning them. The complete opposite of me. Sometimes, I’m wondering how we can be monozygotic twins, how we can be from the same egg when we are so different.
Mabel is popular at school. But not like the stereotypical mean popular girl that you can see in the tv shows for pre-teen that Mabel likes so much. No, she is the kind of girl with a lot of friends, who always smiles at everyone, and who will sit at the table of a lonely student at lunch to prevent him from eating alone. She isn’t the most popular kid at school, but she sure has a very good reputation. I’m sure she would be the most popular kid at our school if she stopped hanging out with Dipper the total freak.
Unlike Mabel, people don’t really like me. By “people” I mostly mean the kids at school. They always say I’m “strange” or “lame”. That I’m a freak. I guess they’re not totally wrong. So, usually, I just ignore them and pretend I don’t care about what they call me. But if my sister hears them, she yells at them to leave me alone. She always stands up to me, she always protects me. She is my hero. I don’t know what I would do without Mabel by my side.
If it were only the kids, it would be okay. But it’s not like the adults really like me either. Most of my parents’ friends think I’m a rude, uncivil kid when I’m trying so hard to be polite. I just don’t know what they want from me, what they want me to be. As for my teachers… it depends. I remember, in fifth grade, Miss Iris, our teacher, told me that I was “gifted” and that I would accomplish so many great things. She was very nice, giving me more difficult math exercises she had made just for me when I had finished mine. I miss her, sometimes. She was one of the few people who made me feel like I was more than just a broken kid. My current teachers don’t like me, even in the subjects in which I am good. They don’t hate me either, they just don’t really pay attention to me. They told me I was “cheeky” because I corrected them when they made a mistake or because they think I’m aggressive when I’m talking to them when I’m just trying to be nice. It’s hell ! People always seem to misunderstand me. It seems so easy for Mabel. She doesn’t have to wear a mask constantly for people to tolerate her. She can just be herself and that’s enough. I’m never enough.
And of course, there is my body. Because I don’t have only a broken mind, which is too stupid to understand things that seem so easy to everyone like how to do small talk or how to make friends. My body is strange too. First of all, I’ve got this weird birthmark on my forehead. It’s so big and so uncommon. It looks a bit like the big dipper. Okay, it totally looks like the big dipper. In kindergarten, people made fun of me by calling me “dipper” which later turned into “dipshit”. But Mabel has been wonderful, like every time. And she started calling me Dipper too. But not to mock me. To compliment me, to tell me how great she thought my birthmark was, how proud I should be of being so special. And that’s how I got my nickname. By dint of being called like that by my sister, I realized that I liked Dipper much more than my actual name. And so I asked every single person I met to call me that way. I’m still not very confident about my birthmark, I always wear my lucky hat and when I need to take it off, I hide it with my hair, but people stopped making fun of it.
There is a reason why I love this nickname so much, other than the fact it has been given by my twin sister. The point is, I don’t really like my name. Let me rephrase that : I really don’t like my name. I’m not sure how I can explain it, but everytime I hear someone pronouncing my name, I feel like I’ve just been stabbed in the heart. It’s stupid, I know. Dad always says I need to build a shell, to stop being so sensitive about everything. Not that I talked about this with my dad. To be perfectly honest, I have never told anyone the truth about me. I think I realized it a year or so ago but I’ve never accepted it and I kept lying to myself. But I’m so tired of lying. I’m so tired of hiding. I just want to be myself. Just for once. I just want to be enough.
Since I started school, kids have called me a tomboy. I’m always wearing pants and masculine clothes, I’ve always hated dresses and skirts. They thought they were insulting me, but the truth is I loved when they called me that. Because I felt like a boy. Because I’m a boy.
Wow ! I can’t believe I wrote this down. And yet, it’s the truth. I’m a boy. I know it. I know it like I know the sky is blue, like I know Mabel is my sister, like I know I’m different from the others. I feel it deep in my soul. I know it like one last certainty. I’m a boy.
And that’s terrifying. Because I’ve been called a girl all my life. I’ve always been the Pines daughter, Mabel’s sister. But I’m not. I’ve never been this girl. I’m me. I’m Dipper. I’m a boy.
It feels so relieving to write it down. Like I’m finally taking a weight off my shoulders. I feel like I could write it again and again and again. It makes me so happy, so euphoric.
I’m a boy. I’m a boy. I’m a boy.
I wish I could tell someone. But I’m so afraid of what they would say. What if they don’t accept me ? What if they reject me ? I heard stories about coming outs that ended badly, kids barely older than me being kicked out of their home, tossed in the streets. I don’t think my parents would ever react like that. They love me, right ? But I’m scared of their reaction.
Maybe I should tell Mabel. Yeah. Mabel always got my back. If there is one person on Earth who can understand, it’s her. I should tell her. She is my sister. She will support me, like she always does. At least, I hope so.
April 24
I finally found the courage to talk with Mabel about all that. Her reaction was… unexpected.
She seemed very excited and her face lit up with a delighted smile.
"Dipper ! You know what that means ?" She asked me, clapping her hands together like she does when she is very happy. "It means I'm the best sister in the universe, since the last person who had this title is actually the best brother in the universe !"
At this moment, I was so happy I started crying. Mabel took me in her arms, claiming we were sharing a "sincere sibling hug". It's the first time she called our hug like that. Usually it's an "awkward sister hug". I could get used to that new name.
I don't know how I could have ever doubted Mabel. Of course she loves and supports me, no matter what ! She is so perfect. I'm so glad Mabel is my sister. How could I ever live apart from her ?
Then, she asked me a question that caught me out of guard. "Have you thought about a new name ?"
"Not really." I answered. "I think I'll just go by Dipper. I like it and a lot of people are already calling me that, anyway."
By the look on Mabel's face, I could tell she had something in mind.
"You can be called Dipper but it's not a real name !" She exclaimed, too loudly for my sensitive ears. "When you're an adult, you'll need a name to fill out your tax sheets and stuff like that."
Mabel was right about that. I'll need a real name. A real masculine name.
"I might have a few ideas !" She said. "If you're okay with letting me help you find your name."
So that was what she had in mind ! I hesitated a little. It was an important decision. My new name will follow me the rest of my life. And letting Mabel choose it might not be the best idea in the world. But it's my twin sister we are talking about. Maybe I could trust her for finding the name that fits me. And it's not like I was signing an official declaration or anything, I could always choose another name later, trying something else to see which is the best.
Plus, she looked at me with an imploring face and puppy-dog eyes. And she knows I can't say no to her puppy-dog eyes !
"Please. Please. Please."
"Alright !" I agreed.
It was worth it the second she heard me. Her grin was so big I'm sure it hurt her cheeks. She ran and grabbed a piece of paper, a pen, and started writing on it. When she gave me the paper, only a minute later, I realized it might have been a bad idea.
The names of the list were more ridiculous than each other. Some of them came directly from her favorite TV shows, others weren't even real names, just a bunch of letters pulled together and barely pronounceable. Sure Dipper isn't a true name but "Xyler" is ? What kind of name is that ?! It's like someone wanted to spell "Tyler" but failed at the first letter !
But, in the middle of this ocean of names I would never go by, I noticed some names that weren't that bad.
"Mason ?" I asked, raising my gaze to meet my sister's eyes. "Mason." I repeated, feeling a bit more confident. I liked the way it sounded.
"You like it ?" She seemed euphoric. "I chose it because it starts like Mabel !"
A little smile stretched my lips.
"Yeah. I think I could get used to Mason."
Without any warning, Mabel hugged me again, so tight I thought she was going to break the bones in my chest.
"I love you so much, bro !"
My smile grew bigger.
"I love you too, sis."
I'm so relieved Mabel reacted this well. And so happy she helped me find a new name. I changed the first page of this diary, so now it's Dipper Mason Pines' diary ! I really like seeing that name on paper.
So now, I just need to come out to mom and dad. But I shouldn't worry. I'm sure they will react just fine.
May 1
They did not react just fine. They didn't kick me out, otherwise I wouldn't be writing that right now, but I can't say they had a good reaction either. Long story short : I talked to my parents during dinner, telling them I was a boy and all that. Dad laughed. He thought it was a joke, when he understood I was serious, he stayed speechless for a minute. Mom told me it was normal to be confused because of puberty, and that I will soon realize how I'm a beautiful girl and not anything else people on the Internet tried to make me believe.
Mabel tried to intervene, saying that I was a boy and that it was very important to respect my identity. That pissed dad off. He hitted the table with his fist and said that my identity was to be a girl, that I was his daughter. Mom put a hand on his shoulder, calming him. She said it was alright and that every teenager encounters a phase of doubt and confusion.
I tried to explain that I'm not feeling doubtful or confused. I'm a boy. That's who I am. I know it. But they didn't listen. They told me to go to my room. And when Mabel replied, they sent her to our room too.
After that, I spent an hour crying against her chest while she hugged me and told me everything was going to be alright. I know it's a lie. Nothing is going to be alright. Mom and dad don't understand. Of course they don't ! I'm feeling so stupid. How could I have thought they would react well ?! How could I've been so stupid ?!
Mabel fell asleep some minutes ago and I escaped from her arms to write this. I hope this page is still readable even with all the tears on it. Doesn't matter though. I'm probably going to rip it anyway.
I don't understand why can't I be normal ? Why can't I be like the other kids ? Why can't I be the one everybody wants me to be ? Why can't I be enough ?! I wish I was enough, just once. I wish I was enough. I'm not enough. I'm never enough.
May 11
It's been ten days since I came out to my parents. Ten days and nothing has changed. Nothing at all. Our parents act like nothing happened. Like I've never opened my heart to them and they answered by laughing at me. Like they have two daughters. Like everything is fine.
But everything is not fine ! Everything is far from fine ! Everytime they are calling me a girl it’s a slap in the face. Every time they are referring to me with feminine pronouns it’s a blow to my heart. Everytime they called me by my deadname it’s a punch in the chest. I can't breathe. I can't breathe anymore. I can't breathe in my own home.
Fortunately, there is Mabel. Mabel is great, like always. She calls me "Dipper" or "bro" or "Dip-dop". She always refers to me as her brother, while my parents pretend they haven't noticed it. She even corrects them when they use my deadname. I'm so glad she is my sister. I love her so much !
May 20
Today, our parents told us their plan for the summer. Well, their plan for our summer. Apparently, they thought we needed "fresh air". And that's why they are sending us to our great uncle's house, in a little town in Oregon.
I'm sure they think that, if they send me away for a while, I will come back with my head clear of the idea of being a boy. Maybe they think our great uncle can make me change my mind. Or maybe I'm overthinking and they just want to spend time together without us bothering them.
To be honest, I'm not thrilled by the idea of spending the entire summer in a lost town, in the middle of nowhere, with a great uncle I've never met. Mabel and I didn't even know we had a great uncle until today !
And it means either I will have to come out to him and endure his judgment or I will pretend to be a girl and let him misgender me for three whole months. Great !
I've got the feeling it will be the most boring summer of my life.
May 31
We just arrived in Gravity Falls, and settled down at the Mystery Shack, our great uncle's house which is also a tourist trap he runs.
Things didn't get as bad as I thought. We met our great uncle - or grunkle like he insisted (which is a contraction of "great" and "uncle", Mabel loves it) - Stan. He is not that bad, I guess. But he complains a lot about money and he brags about being a professional conman. I can't believe our parents trust him to take care of us during this summer. My theory is that he isn't the real Stanford Pines and that he killed him to take his place, in order to run a crappy tourist trap full of fake items. It makes perfect sense. Just kidding ! Nothing interesting is happening in this town.
When we first met, it was Mabel who introduced me.
"This is my brother Dipper." She said.
I was so worried about Stan's reaction. Surely our parents have told him he was going to welcome two girls. He frowned when he looked at me and I was so sure he was going to say something like "she isn't your brother, she is your sister". But he didn't. Instead, he just smiled and said : "That's a weird name. Anyway, nice to meet ya kiddo !"
Maybe he just forgot what our parents have told him. After all, he has never met us before, so it seems normal that he doesn't really know if he has two great nieces or a great niece and a great nephew. Anyway, I'm glad he calls me Dipper and not by my deadname.
Maybe summer won't be so bad after all.
July 25
Wow ! It’s been a while. I’m sorry I stopped writing for so long but I have a very good explanation : I found a strange journal in the woods, full of information about the mysteries of Gravity Falls. I thought this summer would be boring, I couldn’t have been more wrong ! I’ve lived so many incredible adventures, with my sister and with our grunkle Stan too. So I wrote all my discoveries about Gravity Falls’ mysteries at the end of the Journal.
But don’t worry, I didn’t forget you ! What happened earlier tonight was so incredible, I needed to write it down. And I don’t want to write about it in the Journal. I’ll might have to show it to other people sometimes - like I already did once or twice - or better, I’ll might finally meet the author and give them back their journal. Either way, I don’t want them to find out about… Well you know, the whole thing about me being a boy but not having the body they kind of except for a boy and all…
I want to tell people when I’m ready, if I’m ever ready. And I felt ready to tell it to Grunkle Stan. After all, we fought zombies together. This kind of stuff brings people together, I guess. He is a good grunkle, a little rough around the edges but still. And I’m kinda afraid that, one day, he will refer to me as a boy while talking to my parents on the phone and they will tell him that I’m not and he will freak out. I’ve been afraid of it half of the summer without finding the courage to talk to him about it. It’s better if he finds out about it from me than from anyone else, especially if the “anyone else” is my parents.
So, tonight, after dinner, I asked Grunkle Stan if we could talk. Mabel was in our room, in the attic. Earlier that day, when I told her I was going to come out to him, she offered to be here with me, as a moral support. Although I appreciated the offer, I declined. It’s something I want to do on my own.
“There is a problem, kiddo ?” Grunkle Stan asked in a concerned voice.
If I’m being perfectly honest, I like it when he calls me “kiddo”. I must be tired, I’m writing without thinking. I will erase that line before Mabel finds it !
“No. Well… not really.” I said, hesitant. Suddenly, all of my confidence was gone. “It’s just that… There is something I wanted to tell you.”
Stan gave me an encouraging nod. “Sure. Go ahead !”
A part of me screamed not to answer. To stop right now, to never tell him. Because he would make fun of me, because he wouldn’t understand. Because the last time I trusted an adult with it didn’t end well. Because there was no way he would accept me, no way he would accept a freak like me. But I ignored it.
“There is something I didn’t tell you, besides the whole story with the Journal. It’s not like I lied to you, or hid things from you. It’s just that I wasn’t feeling ready to talk about this. But now… Now I’m feeling ready.” The voice in my head told me to shut up again. I kept talking. “Truth is… I’m a boy. Of course I’m a boy ! But I’m just… I’m not…”
“You’re just not born a boy” Grunkle Stan cut me off. He has said that like it was evident.
At that moment, I was so surprised that I think I froze for a whole minute. “You knew about this ?” I asked, when I was finally able to have a coherent thought.
Grunkle Stan looked at me as if the answer to that question was so obvious that it didn’t need to be asked. “Dipper, I was here at your birth ! I was the second one to hold you and your sister, after your father. I even punched your Grandpa out of the way !” He smiled as he seemed to remember that moment.
I didn’t know Grunkle Stan was here at our birth. Mom and dad never told us about it. I totally forgot to tell that to Mabel earlier. Now she is asleep but I will tell her tomorrow. I’m sure she will be very happy about it.
“So… You knew all along ?” I asked, still confused.
“Yep !” He answered, pressing on the ‘p’. “I thought I was welcoming two girls for the summer. But then you showed up and your sister introduced you as her brother and I just went with it.”
I still have trouble believing it. Grunkle Stan knew since the beginning. And he just used my name and my pronouns without any question, without misgendering me not even once. It seemed too good to be true. It still seems too good to be true.
“And you’re okay with that ?”
“Why shouldn’t I ?” He shrugged, then added, in a more serious tone. “Look, kid, I’m not going to say I totally understand because I’m not sure I do. But I don’t need to understand everything to know that, if you say you’re a boy, then you’re a boy. Who am I to decide that I know better than you who you are ?”
He gave me a smile and I just jumped in his arms. He laughed, a little surprised, and hugged me tight. We stayed like that a little while before I took a step back.
“Thank you Grunkle Stan.”
For any answer, he took off my hat and ran his hand through my hair, ruffling it in the process.
“You should go to sleep, kiddo.” He told me.
I nodded and took back my hat before heading for the stairs. The moment I was going to go up to my room, I heard Grunkle Stan calling me back.
“Hey, Dipper !”
I turned to him.
“If you ever need anything… Or if you just need to talk… Just remember that I’m here, all right ?” He said, in a soft voice.
I smiled. “Thank you. You’re the best grunkle in the world, you know.”
“I know, I know.” He chuckled. “Now, go back to your room. It’s past your bedtime already.”
I did, and told Mabel everything. She was literally beaming with excitement. She couldn’t fight the urge to storm in the living room to yell “I’m pan !” while throwing rainbow glitter all around her.
“I don’t even know what that means.” Grunkle Stan answered, seeming a little confused but less than what you can expect in a situation like this. I guess he just got used to Mabel's weirdness with time.
When Mabel explained it to him, he nodded. “Okay, so it’s kinda like being bisexual but not exactly.” He summarized.
“You know what bisexual means ?” She asked, seeming surprised.
Grunkle Stan laughed. “Of course I do ! I’m bisexual.”
That wasn’t something I saw coming. Neither did Mabel. I guess we both looked stunned because Stan laughed again.
“You don’t have the exclusivity on being queer, kids.”
Mabel looked so happy at that moment, I’m sure she couldn’t have been happier even if she had learned that unicorns were real. “Grunkle Stan, that is so cool !”
“Sure thing, sweetie. I’m glad you both trust me enough to tell me about it.” He said before ruffling her hair too. “But you really should be sleeping right now. Both of you.”
We both went back to our room after wishing him goodnight. Mabel exclaimed she needed to make us all pride sweaters. But she fell asleep just after she started knitting. I guess the emotions of the day were too much. I’m feeling very tired too. I should go to sleep. But I just wanted to write all of this down before.
It went much better than I imagined. I’m so grateful to have people like Mabel and Stan in my life, who accept and support me for who I am and not for the person they want me to be.
I can’t believe I didn’t want to go to Gravity Falls in the first place. This is probably the best summer of my life ! I love being here so much. Here, everything is weird and people are okay with that. I’m still feeling different but it doesn’t feel like a big issue anymore. It feels like I could be different, I could be me here, and it would be enough. The Mystery Shack feels like home. It’s so strange that this house where I just spent a month and a half feels more like home than my own home. But here we are.
I wish I could stay in Gravity Falls forever.
August 9
You won’t believe what just happened ! Honestly, I’m not sure I believe it myself. Turns out our grunkle Stan has a brother. And I don’t mean our grandfather Shermie but another brother. A twin brother. Stanford Pines - the real Stanford Pines, because it turns out that Stan’s true name is Stanley - the author of the journals.
I can’t believe I finally met the author ! I have dreamed of that moment so many times. And not only I met him, but he is part of the family, he is my great uncle. This is better than any of my dreams !
I gave him back his Journal. I hope he won’t mind about the new entries I wrote. I’m so glad I’ve never written anything about being trans. He didn’t tell me anything about the journal since he took it back. He didn’t say a lot of things, to be honest.
I’m a little disappointed. There are so many questions I want to ask him, so many mysteries I want to discuss, so many discoveries I want to share. But Great Uncle Ford says he doesn’t have time for it. That he has to do some important things that a child can’t understand. He hasn’t spoken to us a lot since we met him, always working in the basement where he changed the access code to prevent anyone from going there.
I wish I could talk to him. But I guess he doesn’t want to. I’m sure he only sees me as a strange kid who gets over excited for nothing and who ruined his Journal by adding stupid entries.
August 11
Today was an amazing day ! I finally got the chance to spend time with Great Uncle Ford. And we played Dungeons, Dungeons and More Dungeons together. It was so great ! Until the evil wizard from the game came to life and kidnapped us. Fortunately, we beat him, with the help of Mabel and Grunkle Stan. Anyway, it was kinda scary but it was a great adventure nonetheless. And Great Uncle Ford told me he would love to play DD&MD with me tomorrow!
I’m so glad I’m spending time with him. He is so cool, and smart. I wish I was more like him ! He is a freak too, but he didn’t let it weaken him. He is so strong and confident. Yeah, it would be nice to be a little more like him.
August 15
The more I spend time with Ford and the more I’m feeling happy. I love being with him. I love playing with him, going on adventures and listening to him explain to me every mystery he encounters during the years he spent studying Gravity Falls and during his interdimensional journey.
He has complimented me on my entries in his journal. He said that I’m very smart and that I should be proud of myself. He doesn’t seem to mind my lack of social skills, or my excited monologues or the way I rock back and forth when I’m sitting somewhere - something even Mabel finds annoying.
I noticed that there are little things he does that I use to do too, like fidgeting with his pens or playing with his fingers. He isn’t very good at socialization either. He doesn’t really know how to talk to people and the way he constantly stares at people’s eyes, even I, who doesn’t know anything about social norms, can say that it’s not what is commonly expected. Ford is weird. Ford is a freak. But more than that. Ford is a freak like me.
Every time he calls me “my boy”, my smile grows bigger. I love when he says it. I can’t find the words to describe how good it feels when he calls me like that. It feels warm, it feels right. It feels like I’m finally where I’m supposed to be.
I didn’t tell him that I’m trans yet. I’m not sure I ever will. I’m so afraid of how he will react. I know I’m probably worrying for nothing, like I did before telling Grunkle Stan. But I can’t help but worry. What if he saw me differently ? What if he is disgusted ? What if he stopped spending time with me ? What if he stopped calling me “my boy” ? Great Uncle Ford hasn’t been in this dimension for thirty years. He is from another time. Nothing says he would react well !
No. I must keep it from him. I don’t want to lose the trust he has in me. I don’t want him to see me differently. I’m sure Grunkle Stan won’t tell him without my consent, nor Mabel. So, it’s alright. He doesn’t have to find out.
It’s not like I’m staying here forever, anyway. We are in the middle of August. Summer will soon be over. We will soon go back to Piedmont. This thought makes me very melancholic. I don’t like the idea of leaving. I love Gravity Falls so much. I’m feeling home here. I don’t want to leave.
I wish I could stay with Great Uncle Ford. He makes me feel like I’m enough.
August 23
Today may be one of the best days in my life. I really need to tell you everything !
So, I was out with Great Uncle Ford. And we were talking when he said : “You and I are some of the strangest beans this town has ever seen, Dipper.”
And, without thinking, I just said : “Mason.”
I don’t even know why I said that. It just comes out of my mouth, like it was hiding for too long.
“What ?” Ford frowned, an expression on his face that Mabel calls the “confused owl”.
“My real name is Mason.” I explained. “Dipper is just a nickname. But everyone got used to it, and now it feels too late to tell everyone the truth.”
At this moment, I was so upset with myself that I didn’t shut up, that I spoke in the first place. Because now, I couldn’t go back - except if I stole Blendin’s time machine again.
“Forget it, it’s not important.” I tried to sound casual and failed. “It’s kind of a dumb name anyway. But I kinda like it because Mabel chose it for me…”
“Mabel chose it for you ?” He asked.
And I realized I said too much. I almost cursed under my breath. I couldn’t believe I had been so stupid. I should have shut up ! I should never have said anything. But I did. And now, it was too late. Ford wouldn't understand. He would never look at me the same way again. He would never want to spend time with me again. He would only be disgusted and disappointed because that’s what I am : a broken boy just good to disappoint people because I can’t be what they want me to be.
“Yeah…” I admitted. Because it was useless to lie now. “My birth name… it… It doesn’t suit me.”
For a second, I was afraid he would ask me what my birth name was. Because I was sure I couldn’t bear to hear it, let alone to say it. But he didn’t.
“Doesn’t suit you ?” There wasn’t any disgust in his voice. Just a slight confusion.
I sighed. “It’s a feminine name.”
“Oh.” He simply answered.
I tried to hold back my tears. I didn’t want to cry, especially in front of Great Uncle Ford. What would he think of me if I started crying for something so childish as hating my birth name ? “When I was born, the doctors said I was a girl. When I grew up, people always told me I was a girl. Even now, even when I tell people I’m a boy, they still say that I’m a girl. But I’m not ! And I never was.”
I felt something wet on my cheeks. So much for not crying !
But Great Uncle Ford didn’t say any of the terrible things I thought he would say. He didn’t remain silent and judgmental either. On the contrary, he started rubbing my back gently.
“It’s alright, my boy” His voice was soft and reassuring. “I’m sorry, I didn’t want to make you cry. I didn’t know that.”
“It’s okay, I didn’t want you to know.” I said while wiping away my tears.
“I want you to know that it doesn’t change anything.” He told me with a small smile. “I’m far from being an expert on subjects like that but, as far as I’m concerned, you’re still my great nephew and the smartest boy I’ve ever met.”
My heart skipped a bit. Or maybe two. I couldn’t believe what Great Uncle Ford said. Was he really serious ? Did it change nothing for him ? Did he still see me as his great nephew ? There were so many questions I had but I wasn’t able to ask them so I just said : “Really ?”.
Ford nodded. “Of course !” He then looked at the horizon and added. “Now, we should go back to the Shack before the others start worrying.”
It was like the weight of the world had been removed from my shoulders. Like I finally could breath freely. Like the world was suddenly turning in the right direction.
“Don’t worry.” He said while we both stood up. “Your secret’s safe with me, Mason.” He then added : “And I think it’s a great name. The Masons are a great secret society, you know.”
“Thank you great-uncle Ford.” I answered, even if there weren’t any words, in any languages, to express how grateful I was.
“You’re welcome, my boy.”
And I just smiled. Because I really like when he calls me “my boy”.
August 31
You have read the date. You know what day we are. It's the end of the holidays. Summer's over. Tonight we will sleep in our beds, in Piedmont. Tonight we will be back home. And tomorrow we will be at school, starting a new year.
But I'm not afraid. I'm not afraid anymore. Why would I be ? I literally faced the apocalypse some days ago, I think I can face middle school. Plus, I have Mabel by my side. I know she will always have my back and I know I will always have hers. She will always be my sister and I'll always be her brother. We'll always be here for each other.
For a little while, I thought it would be good for me to stay in Gravity Falls with Grunkle Ford, to become his apprentice. I wanted so badly to be the one he saw in me, to be that smart, strong and confident boy. But it would have been a flea. A way to run away from my problems. To run away from real life.
I can't grow up apart from Mabel. I need her and she needs me. We need each other. And we need to be kids. There is no need to grow old, at least not yet. Let's just be kids together.
I will miss Gravity Falls. I will miss the Mystery Shack. I will miss the wood. I will miss the mysteries. I will miss the people. I will miss our grunkles. But I know I will come back soon. I know I'll see them again. It's just a matter of time.
I know who I am now. I'm not broken, I'm not worthless, I'm not stupid. I'm just me.
I'm Dipper Mason Pines. And that's enough.
I'm enough.