Actions

Work Header

As We Fade in the Dark

Summary:

Touya's death nearly destroys Natsuo. It hurts Fuyumi too, it tears her apart, but not like him. Maybe it's because she's too busy juggling school and her new responsibilities at home to really break down. There's too much for her to do, too many people relying on her

Natsuo never really gets over Touya's death. Fuyumi does the only thing she's ever really been able to do when one of her brothers is hurting, and bears witness

Notes:

I wrote this on my phone in the dark at 4AM even though I'm not supposed to look at screens close-up until I get my new glasses

TW discussions of death and mourning, suicide is threatened once, vaguely implied child abuse

Title from The Light Behind Your Eyes by My Chemical Romance

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

Touya's death nearly destroys Natsuo. It hurts Fuyumi too, it tears her apart, but not like him. Maybe it's because she's too busy juggling school and her new responsibilities at home to really break down. There's too much for her to do, too many people relying on her. Natsuo has school too, but he's young enough that he doesn't really have much in the way of homework, and he's not allowed to help at home.

It's not that she couldn't use the help, it's just that eight-year-olds are clumsy, and within a month of their mother's hospitalization Enji had banned Natsuo from all forms of housework. So when Touya dies, he has very little to distract him. Fuyumi doesn't have the time to do that on top of everything else.

 

About a month after Touya dies, Enji walks past them and barks out an order without bothering to stop, or even look in their direction.

"Clean out Touya's room. He's not using it."

Fuyumi looks at Natsuo to see his reaction, and nearly jumps when she sees his expression. He's staring at Enji with a look of hatred so visceral that it almost scares her. Once Enji leaves the room, he turns to her.

"If you take anything out of his room, I'll kill myself." This time he really does scare her. It's not an empty threat.

"I won't, I promise." She waves her hands a bit frantically, and hates herself for how relieved she is to have an excuse not to do it.

 

Months pass. Fuyumi keeps expecting Enji to suddenly discover that they never did what he asked, but he never seems to notice.

Natsuo starts going into Touya's room every day. When Fuyumi asks what he's doing in there he says he's cleaning, but there's no way it needs to be cleaned that often. She doesn't bother pointing that out. Natsuo won’t tell her if he doesn’t want to, and if it was anything he could get in trouble for he would've by now.

 

Things slowly get better as the years pass, and Fuyumi learns how to manage the housework without falling behind on her studies. She gets a teaching degree without moving out, and stays even after graduation. There's very little she can do for Shouto, even though she sees him a little more these days.

Natsuo never really recovers, though. He pretends he's fine, but Fuyumi can see the bags under his eyes, the way he jumps at loud noises. He still goes into Touya's room every day. He improves a little, manages to get good grades and get into a college with a fantastic medical program. It's far enough away that he can't commute from home, but not so far he couldn't visit on the weekends.

"I could stay," he offers quietly, the day he gets his acceptance letter.

Fuyumi looks up from dinner. It's just the two of them, the way it always is. Shouto and Enji will eat later, once they're done in the training room.

"You can't make the trip every day," Fuyumi reminds him. "Not if you want to have enough time to actually study."

"I got into other schools, you know."

"None of the ones nearby have medical programs anywhere near as good, though."

Natsuo finally looks up. "I don't want to just leave you and Shouto here alone," he says. "What if…"

Fuyumi looks into his eyes, and they look the same as they did when Touya died. Like the last ten years never happened, like he never stopped living on that day. He can't stay, she realizes.

"Don't worry." Fuyumi reaches out to take his hand, and offers him her kindest smile. "I'll take care of things here. You go, get your education."

A tear slips down Natsuo's face as he agrees, and she hopes this was the right choice. Neither of them can afford to lose another brother.

 

Natsuo's one condition for leaving was that Fuyumi keep Touya's room clean. It doesn't need much work, just dusting and vacuuming, and that's a small enough price to pay for Natsuo's freedom. So a week after he leaves for school, she goes into her big brother's room for the first time since he died.

If not for one detail, it would look exactly the way it did the last time she saw it. There's a huge pile of notebooks beside the desk, arranged neatly into stacks. She doesn't remember Touya being one for journaling, but he might not have told her. She grabs one and flips it open, and almost immediately realizes what Natsuo was doing for all those years.

Dear Touya,

I don't know if Shouto even remembers you enough to miss you. Maybe I shouldn't tell you that, but it's been eating at me.

Fuyumi snaps the journal shut and puts it back on the pile. Ten years worth of daily letters to someone who will never read them. She always thought it was time that made things easier on Natsuo, but maybe it was these.

 

A few days later, Fuyumi hears Shouto return home from school and hurries to intercept him.

"Shouto," she calls. He stops and turns to her. "How well do you remember Touya?"

He just blinks at her, and she has a moment of panic where she thinks he doesn't even know who she's talking about.

"Well enough." He shrugs. "Why?"

Fuyumi breathes an internal sigh of relief. "Oh, I just miss him sometimes. I wasn't sure if you did."

"I don't."

The words stop Fuyumi in her tracks. "But you said…"

"I remember," Shouto repeats. "I just never knew him."

Fuyumi's glad he leaves the room before she starts crying.

 

Natsuo never visits home, but once a month they visit their mom together. Fuyumi watches a time-lapse of her brother as the bags under his eyes fade and his smile becomes more and more real. He complains cheerfully about his classes and gushes over his girlfriend, and it's not until she sees him coming back to life that she realizes Natsuo's been dead all these years too.

 

Fuyumi calls Natsuo to invite him for dinner once Enji's out of the hospital after the Noumu attack. He flatly refuses before she can even finish her sentence.

"I can't, Fuyumi," he says. "I can’t be in the same room with him. I don't… I just can't."

"Please," Fuyumi begs. "If not for him, at least come to see Shouto. If you both come early you can hang out for a while before Dad gets home."

Natsuo doesn't say anything.

"Natsu, please." She's crying now. "If anything ever happens to you, I need him to know you enough to miss you."

She hears a sharp intake of breath, and she knows he understands what she isn't saying.

"Okay," he whispers. "I'll be there."

 

Fuyumi listens to Natsuo and Shouto talk while she makes dinner. She jumps into the conversation from time to time, mostly to share embarrassing stories about Natsuo after he does the same to her, but she’s happy to just listen. She’s started looking into apartments now that Shouto’s living at UA. Enji can hire a cleaner and order food if he can’t be bothered to learn to cook for himself. She really is glad that he’s changing, but it’s too much work to keep doing something he still hasn’t ever thanked her for.

They have a real shot at being a family if things keep going the way they have been. But even if Enji’s change of heart is short-lived, she’ll be on her own soon. Her mom will have a place to go that’s not the hospital but isn’t full of memories she still can’t face, and Natsuo will be able to spend time with Shouto without being haunted by Touya’s ghost. She won’t have to cook and clean for anyone but herself if she doesn’t want to.

Natsuo manages to get a laugh out of Shouto, and Fuyumi doesn’t bother to hide her smile. Yeah, they’re going to be just fine.

Notes:

It's weird to write BNHA fic again when I haven't been caught up to canon in years, but my brain has been rapid-cycling old hyperfixations instead of picking a new one. If anything in this fic was contradicted by canon, no it wasn't lmao
-Oliver (it/its)

You can find us on tumblr @oopsallfictives

Please comment or leave a kudos if you liked this, but don't offer unsolicited critique