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The first couple times Wylan had coughed, Jesper wrote it off. The office got dusty, the air got stale, and Wylan had brushed it off, saying he was fine. But as the day passed, as they went through letters and numbers, and the coughs didn’t stop, Jesper wasn’t able to ignore it anymore.
“Are you sure you feel fine? We can take a break if you want to,” Jesper offered, but Wylan just shook his head, having just put down a glass of water.
“I’m all right, I just need some water. I feel fine beyond the coughing,” he said, and Jesper allowed himself to be assured. Wylan seemed better as the day went on, and they went to bed without any issues. For a while, Jesper lied awake and listened to Wylan’s breathing.
The next day was much of the same, and Wylan insisted he was just fighting off a minor cold. He stayed away from Marya a bit, not wanting her to get sick as well. Jesper had never been more thrilled to be zowa, as Wylan would have stayed away from him too if it weren't for the fact he could not get sick.
Jesper made him cancel his upcoming meetings, citing the fact that if Wylan was sick with something, he wouldn't want to get anyone else sick. In reality, Jesper couldn’t care less if any old annoying merchers caught a cold, but he didn’t want Wylan venturing out in the cold Ketterdam fall. Using Wylan’s conscience worked well for Jesper though, as Wylan allowed himself to be convinced.
He tried to coax Wylan into working from bed, but Wylan didn’t allow himself to be pushed that far. The day passed and Wylan drank lots of tea with lemon and ginger and other spices the older staff added all lingering with their eyes on him as he coughed or blew his nose.
The next morning Jesper knew something was wrong.
Between the two of them Jesper was usually the first one to get up, energetic after a full night of sleep. Wylan didn’t take long to follow, being used to getting up early, but he always stayed a bit longer than Jesper. And Jesper couldn’t never help but indulge Wylan, seeing how soft and warm and comfortable his boyfriend looked. More often than not, he joined Wylan for a while again, before they braved the world together.
This morning however, Wylan stayed in bed longer than usual. Jesper wanted to allow him to rest, but knew Wylan was grumpy when he overslept.
“Wylan, we need to get up,” Jesper said, sitting down on the bed next to Wylan. “Darling,” he said, shaking Wylans shoulder lightly. Wylan grumbled something, but as Jesper started reaching for his face, Wylan sat up.
“I’m awake, I’m awake.” He hurried out of bed, getting dressed.
“You’re all right, we have all the time we need,” Jesper said, and Wylan nodded, but still stressed through getting ready.
Jesper had been trying to get Wylan to cut back on work, but it seemed nothing was harder. He was a very driven person, which Jesper greatly admired, but Jesper also loved seeing his boyfriend relaxed and happy and not stressed. Something Wylan wasn’t great at.
So they worked through the day, Wylan clearly bothered by his throat. Usually, the sessions of Jesper reading to Wylan would include a lot more conversation, but today Wylan sat back and listened. His eyes drifted, and Jesper was distracted multiple times by how tired he looked. But everytime he tried to suggest taking it easy, Wylan just glared at him, and Jesper kept reading.
But unlike the day before, Wylan didn’t start feeling any better after noon.
“Wylan, it’s of no use for us to keep going when you’re this tired. You need to rest.”
“We don’t have time,” Wylan said, his voice raspy. “If we don’t do this now, we’ll have a backload of work tomorrow, or the day after. I’ll let you know when I need to take a break.” He won’t, Jesper brain supplied.
“Compromise, we keep going but you go lie down in our bed, or a couch, and I’ll read to you there. We’re nearly done, and I’ll head down and check on the stocks after we’ve written the correspondences.” Jesper expected Wylan to keep arguing, but he just sighed, and nodded.
They sat down in a sitting room, Wylan on the couch and Jesper on the armchair next to him. Jesper could feel Wylan fighting sleep and did his best to read through everything quickly.
Before he left, Jesper fretted over Wylan, making sure he was comfortable and wasn’t gonna get up and try to be productive. Wylan just rolled his eyes and told Jesper to leave, assuring him he wouldn’t go climbing on any furniture.
The walk to the Exchange was frustrating. He was jittery, and even though it was a short walk he nearly ran half of it. Usually he would stay a while and chat a bit with the employees. They hadn’t really known what to make of him in the beginning, but he’d charmed his way into their hearts. Today however, he wasn’t in a very chatty mood. He checked their numbers, feeling like everything was going in slow motion. It had been a couple of bad days, but based on what Jesper had learned about the stock market it was not an unusual dip.
He decided to run by a pharmacy, to get Wylan anything that might help. Logically he knew they probably had lots of things at home, but he wasn’t feeling very logical. A few detours later, and he walked home with his arms full of medicine and supposedly very healthy fruit and greens.
When he got home he dropped his groceries off with the kitchen staff who looked at him with raised eyebrows. Jesper was already gone though, running up the stairs. Before he reached the sitting room he heard Wylan, coughing from inside where he’d left him. Jesper gripped the coughing medicine he had brought tighter.
Wylan was lying in the exact same spot Jesper had left him in, eyes closed and blanket now drawn over him.
“Hey,” Jesper said, slowly walking back to the chair he’d been sitting in.
“Hi,” Wylan said, his voice raspy. He didn’t open his eyes. Jesper frowned, and placed a hand on Wylan’s forehead.
“Shit, Wy, you’re burning up,” he mumbled, starting to feel more and more panicked each passing second. “We’re gonna get you back to bed, alright?” Wylan nodded, and Jesper helped him up on his feet and half dragged him back to their bedroom. Jesper wasn’t inexperienced with taking care of sick people, but the sight of his boyfriend looking like he would pass out any second didn’t help him to stay calm. Once Wylan was safely tucked in, Jesper half raced down the stairs, grabbed the first staff member he could see, and told him to fetch a doctor. Then, he went to find Marya.
She was sitting on the porch, painting in the afternoon light. It was peaceful out here, and Jesper hated being the one to disturb that peace.
“Marya?” She turned to him, pausing for a few seconds to take him in. Jesper had grown used to her doing this, needing to remind herself where she was and with who, every now and then.
“Hello Jesper, is everything all right?” Maybe it was the way he was tapping the wall just a bit too hard that had given it away.
“Wylan is feeling a bit worse today. He has a fever, and his cough is worse, but I’ve sent him to bed, and I sent Antonie to get a doctor.” Marya nodded, a dip appearing between her brows. “I was gonna bring him some tea, if you would like to join me?” She nodded.
They brought both tea and biscuits, but Wylan just drank the tea, not seeming to have the appetite. He insisted Marya stay back, scared he’d infect her with whatever it was he had. Jesper sat on the bed, staying close. If he was just impatient or if the doctor was taking all the time in the world he couldn’t tell, but he was seconds away from getting up and finding the doctor himself.
Right before he could do that though, there was a knock at the door.
“Come in,” Marya called. The door opened and Antonie peaked in, before opening it fully. The doctor walked in, and Jesper could feel Wylan adjusting, straightening up a bit.
“Mr. Van Eck,” the doctor greeted, nodding to Wylan. “Mrs. Van Eck,” he said, reaching out a hand that Marya took. “I’m Doctor
Visser, it is good to meet you.”
“You too, Doctor.”
He turned to Jesper, and Jesper could see by the momentarily embarrassment that passed over the doctor's face that he didn’t know his name.
“Hello Doctor, I’m Jesper Fahey.” They shook hands, and the doctor turned to Wylan.
Jesper watched as he ran tests and answered any questions he had, altering between pacing the room and sitting stroking Wylan’s hair. Eva , the head of the staff who had worked there before Wylan was even born, joined them, sitting down with Marya. Wylan spoke less and less, his breathing shallower than it had been that morning. By the end of the examination he had fallen asleep, and the doctor said it was for the best he rested. Jesper sat holding his hand and rubbing his thumb over it.
“Does he have any medical history that might have impacted his lungs in any ways?”
Jesper thought of the months Wylan had spent at the tannery, breathing in chemicals, and the fact it must have damaged his lungs in some way, but he kept quiet. No one else in the room knew about that, and he wasn’t gonna go spilling Wylan’s secrets.
“He had lung fever when he was a child,” Eva said. Both Jesper and Marya turned to look at her, their eyebrows raised. Jesper hadn’t known that, but then again, it wasn’t like Wylan had heard about everytime he broke a bone when he was a child.
The doctor hummed. “I suspect that is the case once again. It is not uncommon to get it twice, but it is most likely gonna be a little worse this time, since his lungs are probably weakened from last time,” the doctor explained.
It was in moments like this Jesper thanked the Saints they had the money to ensure the best treatment in Kerch. The doctor talked about the treatments they would carry out, and Jesper tried his best to listen, but there were a lot of terms he didn’t recognize, and his mind drifted. Part of him was sure Wylan would be alright, because he refused to acknowledge anything else, but hearing the wheeze of his breath and seeing the flush of the fever did nothing to calm him.
The doctor left, together with Marya and Eva. Jesper was very glad the rest of the household knew he was zowa, so that they didn’t start to try and force him to leave Wylan. Even if he had been able to get sick, Jesper didn’t think he could have forced himself to leave Wylan’s side.
A series of coughs snapped him from his thoughts, and apparently woke Wylan as well. Jesper quickly got him a glass of water, which Wylan drank immediately. Jesper put away the glass and came to sit next to Wylan, who laid his head in Jesper’s lap, curling himself up there.
“What time is it?” Wylan murmured, and Jesper combed his fingers through Wylan’s hair.
“Just past nine bells, you’ve been out all afternoon.” Wylan groaned. “The doctor left, he’ll be back in the morning. He’s suspecting lung fever,” Jesper said.
“Great,” Wylan said, taking a deep breath afterwards. He seemed out of breath, even just lying in bed.
“Eva said that you had it when you were a child.”
Wylan nodded. “I was sick for nearly two weeks. Ghezen, I do not have the time to be sick for two weeks.” Taking another breath, Wylan broke into coughs again, and Jesper helped him up to a sitting position to take a sip of water. “Have you written and canceled the meetings I had next week?” Only Wylan would still be thinking of work in a moment like this, Jesper thought.
“I have barely left this room the last couple of hours, so no, but I’ll get to it when you fall asleep again.”
“You need to rest as well,” Wylan murmured. Jesper smiled, kissing the top of Wylan’s head.
“Funny, I feel like I’ve spent the last couple of years telling you that.” There was a need in Wylan to prove himself that Jesper had seen since they first met, but he just wanted Wylan to understand he had proven himself enough. “Just promise me you’ll take it easy these coming weeks, alright? No working until you’re back to health.”
“Alright,” Wylan said, and Jesper could hear it was a very unwilling alright .
When Wylan had drifted off again, Jesper headed for the office. It was strange to be in the office without Wylan, and this late at night, but Jesper was not gonna get any sleep listening to Wylan’s every breath. So he gathered some envelopes, papers, and pens and sat down. Wylan didn’t keep a calendar, instead keeping it all in his head, so Jesper first had to start with making sure he didn’t miss anything. He kept a calendar himself, but always forgot to fill it in, or forgot he could check it. It was easier to just ask Wylan.
After what might have been an hour later, Jesper realized he hadn’t written a single letter.
First, he had gotten caught up in reading all the past letters to make sure he got all the dates and names and addresses right. Then he started reading a whole line of correspondences, because he couldn’t figure out what they were talking about, no matter that he was the one to have written half of the letters. And when he had found them, he kept reading until he was back at the earliest letter they’d written.
Now, Jesper couldn’t recall why he had read all those letters, and the sight of the empty paper in front of him made him groan. He cleaned up everything he didn’t need (which took him an extra ten minutes) and forced himself to sit down and write the letters. This was so much easier when he had Wylan directing him, and he suddenly felt out of his depth, looking back at their older letters about canceled meetings to figure out how he should word it. It wasn’t far off from what he had planned to write, but it was nice to have something to reassure him when Wylan wasn’t there.
Right as he finished up, and went to drop off the letters where the staff could pick them up and deliver them in the morning, the door opened in front of him. He looked up, expecting to see Marya, or any staff, or even Wylan, Ghezen forbid. Instead, he was faced with Kaz.
“How is he?” Kaz asked, stepping in.
“Good evening to you too, welcome to our home, I’ve had a good week, thank you for asking,” Jesper said. Kaz just raised an eyebrow. “He’s been better. The doctor was here and said it’s probably lung fever.”
“Make sure you know what he’s being treated with, some of their treatments do more harm than good.”
“If I didn’t know better, it would almost sound like you cared,” Jesper said, smiling.
“He’s a valuable contact to have,” Kaz said.
In Kaz's own language, that was something akin to a love confession. They stayed talking for a while, but Kaz never stayed long when he had what he had come for, and Jesper started feeling exhaustion creeping in.
So when Kaz disappeared into the shadows (even though he could just knock, and come and go like any normal person) Jesper retreated back into their room. The only sound was Wylan’s labored breathing, and Jesper realized he might not get that much rest anyway. As quietly as he could, he got changed and snuck in underneath the covers. He placed a hand lightly on Wylan’s forehead. It was still too warm for Jesper’s liking, but his fever had seemed to have gone down after sleeping. He sighed, lied down and closed his eyes. After much tossing and turning into the small hours of the night, he felt himself slipping away.
The next few days were all like that. Wylan would stay in bed, coughing and drifting in and out of sleep. The doctor came back, and Jesper thanked the saints that he’d found a Grisha healer to bring along. Many Grisha had left Ketterdam after the jurda parem incident, but when things had settled and new laws restricting Grisha indentures had passed, many returned. Wylan had been at the front of pushing for updated laws, and Jesper had never been so proud. The world was changing rapidly around them, and Jesper hoped it would be for the better.
Dariya, the healer, had Wylan sit up and take deep breaths, something that was clearly hard for him. Jesper was always ready to hand him a glass of water, or do anything he needed. He saw the way Dariya side eyed him, clearly thinking he was doing the most, but Jesper couldn’t give a damn. Wylan looked thankful he was there, and that was all that mattered to him.
She would put her hands on Wylan’s chest as he let out breaths, and after a little while Jesper could hear it starting to sound better.
“I can’t rid you of the sickness, that you’ll have to do yourself, but I can make sure it won’t hurt your lungs as much,” she said when she was finished. “I’ll be back every other day to do this, and you’ll hopefully be able to breathe a little better in between.”
“Thank you Dariya,” Wylan said. Jesper had ordered some soup for him, to make sure he was eating something at least. “If you want to we can discuss your payment now, or we—”
“Can wait until you feel better?” She asked.
Wylan smiled. “We can.” She bid them farewell. Wylan closed his eyes and leaned back for a bit, until Jesper came to sit down next to him.
“You need to eat your soup, darling. I will not have you starving on top of this.”
Wylan ate slowly, and Jesper talked him through the letters he’d sent and the papers he’d looked through today, and the numbers on the markets. Even if Wylan wasn’t allowed to work, Jesper knew he’d grow agitated if he didn’t know what was going on.
When he finished the soup, he leaned down on Jesper’s shoulder.
“It’s good to see you sitting up,” Jesper said.
“Sorry I worried you,” he said.
“None of that now, you can always make it up to me by resting.”
“I’ll go insane just lying here all week.”
“You want your sketchbook? Or should I read you something?”
“Read me something.”
So Jesper did, and Wylan listened between coughing and blowing his nose.
Wylan would dip, then feel better, dip longer, and so on. Doctor Visser would reassure Jesper that Wylan wasn’t getting any worse and his condition was stable, but he wished Wylan would just get better.
Whenever he wasn’t by Wylan’s side, or doing the parts of their work he could do without Wylan, he paced around the house. Part of him longed to get out, but wouldn’t be able to live with himself if something happened and he was away. So he stayed.
After returning to their room after one of these pacing sessions, he happened upon Marya watching Wylan as he slept.
“Marya? Is everything alright?” Jesper had made sure she heard him coming.
“I never knew he had lung fever,” she said, her voice soft. It was only then Jesper noticed she had tears in her eyes. Jesper sat down next to her as she took a deep breath. “There’s so much I don’t know that I should know.”
Jesper hated to think about just how much it was. Wylan had kept a lot from Marya. She wasn’t stupid, and probably realized Wylan was hiding things, but she never pushed. Jesper thought there was a part of her that maybe didn’t mind not knowing everything, but he never realized it might bother her this much.
“I never knew either. About the fever.”
It was strange, Jesper thought, to consider this little family. After a couple of years living here, Jesper did feel like he and Marya could claim the title of the people who loved Wylan the most, and the people Wylan loved the most. And still, for most of his life they hadn’t been there. Jesper had been on the other side of the world, and it still irked him, so he could only imagine how Marya felt.
“We’re here now, at least. That’s what's important,” he said, and hoped Marya would understand. She smiled at him, and Jesper thought he had gotten through.
“I’m glad he has you,” she said. It wasn’t the first time she’d told him, and it wouldn’t be the last. She’d told him that a lot in the first year, when they were all still adjusting. Marya was still struggling with her memory, and getting used to being back after almost 10 years. It was hard on all of them, Wylan especially. Being back home, dealing with taking over the business, dealing with his father going to jail, and with Marya's issues. In those days, when Marya had been more present, she often thanked Jesper for all he did. Jesper didn’t think much of it really. Everything he did felt so small compared to all that Wylan had done for him.
“I’m just glad to be with him,” Jesper said. Marya took his hand, and they sat watching the rise and fall of Wylan’s chest until the sun set.
The worst scare came a few days later.
Jesper had actually fallen asleep this time. Neither he nor Wylan were getting much sleep, as Wylan’s coughs did not die down during the night. He had tried to get Jesper to sleep somewhere else, but Jesper refused. He wasn’t gonna leave Wylan alone like this.
Which is why he woke immediately when this particular coughing fit happened.
Jesper opened his eyes to find Wylan leaned away from him, coughing like he was losing a lung. Jesper got up, turned on the light, and walked over to Wylan’s side. His face was hidden in the tissues he’d been brought earlier, when he moved to throw one away, Jesper’s heart dropped. Wylan’s lips had taken on a slightly blue tint, something Jesper was sure was not supposed to happen. He didn’t have time to take a longer look, as Wylan started coughing once again. Jesper brought a hand to his forehead, and the panic began to claw at him when felt how hot Wylan was.
“I’m gonna get the doctor, wait here,” he said, and Wylan just hummed in between his coughs. Jesper ran out the room, grabbing a shirt as he went to find the staff. Jesper didn’t even feel guilty waking them and telling Antonie to get the healer. Most of the staff, which wasn’t a lot these days, woke up to Jesper’s panic. After he’d explained the situation as quickly as he could, he ran down the stairs again, into their room. Wylan was in the same position as when Jesper had left, but now his coughing was more a wheezing. Jesper climbed up into the bed behind him, and Wylan laid his head down in Jesper’s lap. Jesper ran his fingers through Wylan’s hair, trying to soothe him.
“My chest hurts,” Wylan said, and Jesper wished he was a healer so he could just do something.
“The healer is on her way, you’ll be alright,” he murmured, both to Wylan and himself.
Eva came with tea and medicine, but Wylan just buried his face in Jesper’s lap, turning away. He and Eva exchanged worried looks In his head Jesper was cursing everything that got them to this moment. He cursed the idiot who’d been Wylan’s boss at the tannery, he cursed the cold Ketterdam weather, he cursed Antonie and Dariya for not being here yet. He cursed himself for not being able to do anything but listen to Wylan’s shallow breathing, and hand him tissues or water when he needed them.
Just when he remembered he needed to send someone to wake Marya, Dariya burst into the room.
She took one look at Wylan before hurrying over to them. Together they helped maneuver him into lying on his back. Wylan was holding on to Jesper with one hand, and Jesper stroked his head. He watched Dariya move her hands, similarly to how he’d seen Nina do hundreds of times, and place them on Wylan’s chest. He followed the movement of Wylan’s chest that mirrored Dariya’s own, and the way she moved her hands over his chest and stomach, as if guiding something Jesper couldn’t see.
Dariya started explaining what was happening, and Jesper picked up bits and pieces, about his lungs not giving out enough oxygen to the rest of the body. But mostly he watched Wylan’s face, his furrowed brow, and waited for it to soothe out.
Jesper lost track of how long they sat there, how long Dariya worked Wylan’s lungs, how many times she had to pause to let him cough. She started giving Jesper instructions to keep him occupied, told him to wet a towel and put it on Wylan’s forehead, told talk to him. This came naturally. Jesper chatted on about anything he could think about, how the weather had been, how he missed having Wylan with him to work, how he wanted them to get out to the country side soon so Wylan could get some sun after being inside for so long.
Slowly, the tension on Wylan’s face began to ease, and the wheezing grew calmer. There was a glow to Dariya Jesper had come to recognize not just in other Grisha, but himself as well. But Jesper also saw the way her hands shook, and how she let out a heavy sigh when she moved away.
Wylan curled up next to Jesper again, his breathing more even, and his lips no longer tainted blue. Slowly, Jesper started to relax.
“I’ll stay here for the night, in case something happens.”
Jesper just nodded. He was too exhausted to do anything else. The staff would make sure she got a guest room.
They were alone again, and Jesper lied down next to Wylan, drawing him closer to him. He kissed Wylan’s forehead, feeling comforted by the fact that the fever had gone down once again. They fell asleep like that, intertwined and exhausted.
Jesper was woken by the sun in his face, which is how he knew they’d slept a long time. Usually the sun didn’t reach their room until near noon, which meant neither of them had woken up at their usual time, nor had any of the staff woken them. Jesper supposed they had both needed it.
Wylan was still clinging to him. Jesper immediately pressed his lips to Wylan’s forehead. The fever hadn’t gone up again.
Jesper got up whilst trying to keep from disturbing Wylan, but it did not work. He stirred, and Jesper was by his side in a moment.
“Hi,” he said, a hand on Wylan’s cheek.
“Good morning,” Wylan whispered, and Jesper leaned down and kissed his cheek.
“You gave me quite a scare yesterday,” Jesper said, rubbing his thumb over Wylan’s cheek.
“Sorry,” he mumbled, and Jesper smiled.
“It’s alright, darling. Just glad you’re feeling better.”
Jesper fetched Dariya, who picked up where she had left off last night. Marya came and checked up on them, and Wylan did his best to reassure her he felt better. The fact that he looked exhausted, pale, and a bit too skinny didn’t help his case though, but Jesper saw that he really was better now.
Jesper even dared leaving him alone in Dariya’s care to get some work done. It had been hard to be productive without Wylan, and Jesper dreaded the workload they had to look forward to, so he tried to lessen what he could. But it was boring, and hard to do without Wylan, and soon he was out pacing the halls again. He ran into Eva, who was bringing Wylan some tea and honey, and offered to bring it up himself.
Dariya had left, and Wylan was resting but not asleep. He smiled as Jesper entered the room and put down the platter on Wylan’s nightstand. He could sit and drink on his own now, which Jesper was thankful for, but he couldn’t help but dote. He held out the honey on a spoon, as to feed Wylan, who he had expected to roll his eyes at Jesper. But he didn’t. Instead, Wylan stared at the spoon with an emotion Jesper couldn’t place, and let himself be fed. It was a strange moment, and Jesper put it down after Wylan swallowed the honey, sitting down by his side.
“You alright?” He wrapped an arm around Wylan, and Wylan leaned his head on Jesper’s shoulder.
“When I was sick when I was a kid,” Wylan paused, choosing his words. Jesper rubbed his arm, tapping the sheet beneath them. “My father was the one to bring me tea and feed me honey, that time.” Wylan was fidgeting with the sleeves of his shirt. “It’s just… weird to think about it.”
Jesper hugged him a little bit closer. “Yeah, I get that.” Even though Wylan had insisted there was a time when his father had been nice, Jesper had never been able to fully believe it. And Wylan had talked about it before, how it messed with his head to think about it. Because if Jan had genuinely been a good person before, it would mean Wylan only had himself to blame for the way he had treated him, and Jesper had been trying to make him realize that wasn’t the case. For him it was clear. Jan Van Eck cared about himself and himself only, and would not hesitate to hurt others, or fake their deaths, when they didn’t give him exactly what he wanted. It was just harder for Wylan.
At that point, Wylan had been sick for nearly two weeks. And after that things got better.
Wylan started having more energy and coughed a lot less. He would get up and move around the house (he was banned from the office until further notice) and would come down to have dinner with the others. At this point Doctor Visser said the infection had moved along enough that the risk of him infecting someone else was low. He got back some color in his cheeks, and some weight that he had lost, and Jesper felt himself starting to let go of a tension he’d been holding on to all week. Kaz visited them, and nodded when he saw that Wylan was up. Marya and Wylan painted together again, and he got back enough energy to sit and play the piano. The flute would have to wait, to avoid any unnecessary strain on his lungs. When Jesper read to him he managed to stay awake, and when he did fall asleep he wasn’t woken up by coughing attacks anymore.
“Thank you,” Wylan said, one night as they were getting ready to sleep. Jesper, who had been undressing, paused and turned to Wylan sitting on the bed.
“For what?”
“Taking care of me, these weeks. I know it couldn’t have been easy,” Wylan said, and Jesper laid down next to him.
“I’ve been worried out of my mind, but taking care of you helped with that. I just— I felt so useless, seeing you like that, I didn’t know what to do with myself,” Jesper admitted. Wylan lied down facing him and grabbed his hand.
“You weren’t, you weren’t at all. Even though you aren’t a doctor, or a healer, I always felt better whenever you were around. Just knowing I had you with me,” Wylan said, and Jesper smiled.
“I love you,” he said. It meant a lot of things, there and then. It meant you’ll always have me . It meant I never want to see you that sick again, but if it happens I’ll be right by your side. It meant I know you’d do the same if the roles were reversed.
“I love you too,” Wylan said, before leaning forward to kiss him.
When Jesper fell asleep, he did so with Wylans back pressed against his chest, his arms around Wylan, feeling the steady rise and fall of his chest.