Chapter Text
Jude jerks awake as he hears the door to his room slam open. He sits up, eyes still blurry and tries to figure out where the hell the noise came from. Connor was pushing his way through the door, book bag hanging off one shoulder and arms full of soda cans and chips.
“Hey dude”
Jude rubs a hand across his face trying to come back to reality. Napping always seems to fuck him up but these days he can’t help it. Everyone always warned him that high school was going to be harder but it’s the five o’clock alarms that are the worst. Nobody happened to mention those.
“Did you seriously nap again? You’re always so tired man, you need start eating better.” Connor says, dumping junk food onto the bed. Jude raises an eyebrow at him and Connor grinned, shrugging.
“I’m not your mother.”
Being best friends with someone since kindergarten definitely had its advantages. Connor always seemed to know what he was about to say or do. He always knew when Jude was pissed and when he had to lead him away from a situation.
Jude always knew when Connor was upset. Despite the fact that over the years he had perfected his poker face. The day he came to school after his parents told him about the divorce it took Jude .5 seconds to figure out something was wrong and turn Connor right back around. They spend the day in the tree house in his back yard, not talking. Just sitting, legs crossed, knees touching as they read comic books. It was hot as hell in there and they were way too big for it now but at the end of the day Connor had looked up at him and smiled and that made it all worth it.
“So we should do our homework…” Connor said, flopping down on the bed next to Jude, mouth full of chips.
“You’re disgusting. And when do we ever do our homework?” Jude mumbled, still trying to wake up. Connor grinned at him, mouth still full.
“Well if we’re going to do it we need to do it now cause I’m supposed to meet Maddie in an hour.” Something like annoyance flared inside of Jude. He liked Maddie just fine, but ever since she and Connor started dating six months ago he never got to see his best friend anymore. Connor had been thrilled when she finally said yes, running down the hall at school and lifting Jude up as he hugged him. Connor walked around smiling like an idiot for two weeks straight after that.
“Fuck it, let’s just watch Cops or something. My brain isn’t even fully awake yet.”
He could see Connor smiling and shrugging, chugging a can of soda before throwing it in the vicinity of the trash can. He missed.
They spend an hour laying back in bed, covers messy around them from Jude’s nap, sun making the room bearably warm. Their legs stretched out, Connor’s hanging off the edge. Jude had his growth spurt first, shooting up two feet within a year. It was the most painful experience of his life. He would wake up in the middle of the night sobbing as his body stretched. Now he was 6’1, with the same long arms and legs he always had. He was still thin but his body was starting to grow into itself. Connor on the other hand had watched as Jude slowly got taller and taller while he stayed at a measly 5’8. To compensate he started working out. When his growth spurt hit last year not only did he beat Jude by an inch but his body was leanly muscled and in a constant state of bronzed perfection.
“Man how are you so tan all the goddamned time….” Jude mumbled, not wanting to disturb their quiet peace.
“Hm?”
Jude wrapped a hand around Connor’s wrist bringing his arm up to his face.
“You’re like ten shades darker than me and it’s fucking winter.”
Connor huffed out a laugh.
“I’m just naturally bronzed. Don’t be jealous Casper.” Jude let go of Connor’s arm and pinched the skin in the dip of elbow. Connor jerked and slapped his hand away.
“Hey watch it! Don’t damage the goods.” He said, bringing his arm up and flexing. Jude rolled his eyes and pushed him away.
“Shut up you narcissist.” Connor settled back against the pillows, laughing softly and then seemed to notice the time on the cable box.
“Oh shit, I should go.” He stood up slowly and grabbed his backpack from the floor.
“Tell Maddie I said hi.” Connor’s face lit up as Jude said her name. That same feeling twisted inside of Jude. He tried not to think about it.
Friday nights were always his favorite because it meant that he and Connor would go home together and spend the whole night playing video games in his room and falling asleep at a ridiculous hour.
He waited at his locker, playing some stupid game that someone had send it a link to. It was impossible to beat and all it did was frustrate him and yet he continued to press the play again button. He was a true glutton for punishment.
After the tenth attempt to beat the level he resisted the urge to chuck his phone against the opposite wall and looked up in time to see Connor, hand in hand with Maddie, heading toward him.
He managed to work his expression into a smile just as they walked up to him.
“Hey Jude!” Jude hated how nice she was. It was harder to hate her for stealing his best friend.
“Hey Maddie.” He really hoped it didn’t sound as annoyed as it did in his head. Connor was smiling so wide it looked almost painful.
“You ready to go man?” He asked Jude, hand still wrapped around hers.
“Yeah if you are.” Jude knew that this is the part where Connor would lean over and kiss his girlfriend goodbye. He wanted to turn away but something kept his eyes on the pair in front of him.
Instead of kissing Maddie on the lips, Connor hugged her quickly and placed a chaste kiss on her cheek as he pulled away. Jude appreciated the gesture.
~~
“You know you can kiss Maddie in front of me. It’s not like I’ll be grossed out.” He didn’t know why he said that, and regretted it immediately. It just seemed like something he was supposed to say. Connor shifted where he was sitting on the floor in front of Jude.
“I know…” it was quiet and Jude could see how tense Connor’s shoulders were. He didn’t press the issue after that. An uncomfortable silence hung over them for way too long than he was used to.
Finally Connor burped, way too loud in the quiet room and said he was starving. Jude had sighed dramatically and got up with Connor to go root around in the kitchen for something to eat. Everything felt almost back to normal, despite the tension that still hung in the air.
That night, after eating way too much junk food and playing video games until their eyes blurred they finally crawled into bed. Jude’s full sized bed was starting to feel small with both of them in it, but he didn’t mind so much. He did mind when he would woke up with Connor plastered to his back, drooling on his shoulder.
Jude closed his eyes but he could feel that Connor was still awake, he was too still. He looked over at him not surprised to find Connor wide awake, eyes glued to the ceiling.
“I haven’t kissed her yet.” It was so quiet that Jude wasn’t even sure that he had said anything.
“What?”
“I don’t know why. It just never feels like the right time. It’s been six months man. I just….it’s never perfect.”
Jude wasn’t sure what he was supposed to say to that. He remembered Connor always sitting out when it came to kissing games in middle school. He always proclaimed them as ‘stupid’ and ‘childish’ but Jude could always tell there was something else.
“Why don’t you just do it? You’ve build it up so much that you’re freaking yourself out…”
Connor bit his lip, refusing to look at Jude.
“It would be my first kiss.”
Jude could feel his body going rigid with shock. How was that possible? Connor was ‘hot’ according to every girl in his class. And he’s had girls running after him since sixth grade. Even Jude had his first kiss already. With Patty Jenkins in a dark, hot closet at one of Chelsea’s parties. It was quick and kind of spitty but he had gotten it over with. Connor had looked so proud of him when he finally stumbled out of the closet, blinking at the bright lights.
“How….I mean….you’re…”
“Yeah I know! But when I was kid I was always waiting for her you know? And now that she’s finally mine it’s like…I don’t want the first time to be terrible.” Connor turned to look at him with such distress that Jude felt a pang in his chest.
“It won’t be! It’s not rocket science…”
“But what if it is? What if I’m the worst kisser in the world and she dumps me. After all of that I would lose her!” Jude wanted to laugh at how worked up his best friend was getting. Especially over this.
“Dude she clearly likes you….so what if you’re bad at first? You’ll practice and you’ll get better.” Connor sighed, turning to look at him again.
“What if she doesn’t want to wait for me to get better?”
“You’re sixteen….she’s not going to expect you to be perfect. I’m sure if you tell her the truth she’ll just think it’s sweet.”
“Sweet?!” Connor groaned, covering his face with his hands.
“Come on man! Stop stressing out about this! The faster you do it the faster it’ll be behind you.” Connor’s hands dropped to his side and he huffed out a frustrated breath.
“Yeah I guess….” Jude could tell that the conversation was over and that Connor was regretting telling him this in the first place. He was terrified of being swallowed up by silence again so he blurted out
“You could always practice on someone else…”
Connor turned to him slowly, eyes narrowed.
“What like cheat?”
“No….maybe someone she doesn’t know? Or someone who could help you out without it getting weird?” Connor stared at him for a long beat, eyes searching his face.
“We should sleep.” Connor rolled away from him, back towards Jude.