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Cover drawn by Riraku99. Thank you!
Eki wasn't the one they wanted.
When Ike was born, Eki simply came with him. Ike was the wanted child; intentionally meant to be brought into this world and into this family. One that they had been trying hard to receive. Eki was the other one. The twin that happened to have shared the womb space with Ike and was born soon afterwards. He was the accident.
That was how Eki always identified himself as they grew. The third, and final Eveland child was unwanted and unloved. His family made it clear whenever he and Ike were together.
The ideal size of a family is a mother, a father, and two children, preferably a boy and a girl. That would be the picture perfect family. Ivy was loved and Ike came next. Eki appeared unexpectedly after Ike.
Ivy was the eldest child. She was beautiful with an outgoing personality. She got along with everyone and was a tomboy, always out playing with others.
Ike was the middle child, but clearly the most loved. He was sheltered and taught to raise his intellect and creativity. He liked to read and write early on, even if his handwriting was poor. Everything he did was endearing.
Eki was the youngest child. While not relatively abused, he had been neglected compared to his siblings. Everything he did, one of the other siblings already was praised for. But he was intelligent. He took to his studies alone, no longer trying to please anyone.
So Eki developed differently than his siblings. He was apathetic. Incapable of understanding the people around him. Even his family. His face was unchanging. This trait further drew others away from him and he was alone in the world.
Ivy was the worst. She decided that as the eldest sibling, she needed to mess with the younger ones. Ike was always sheltered from this. "Ivy, stop bothering your little brother, sweetie."
Eki was treated differently. "Oh, they're just bantering as siblings. Eki is a strong boy. He can take anything that comes his way."
He became Ivy's favorite target for teasings. Always present, never fighting back. He took everything in silence, if only with a dirty look. Whether it be insults, less than kind nudges, or destroying his property.
For this, he hated Ivy above all.
Eki blinks out of his thoughts, turning his head away from the moonlight peeking through the window.
He looks down to Ike, whose head is resting on his lap, arms tucked around Eki's torso. Eki's hand has long since stopped stroking through his brother's hair. He slowly picks the motion back up as he feels Ike stir.
Eki lets out a sigh and closes his eyes, leaning his head back into the wall behind him.
Ike had been bothered when he was going to sleep. Instead, he decided to cross their shared room to join Eki in his bed. He didn't share his dream. Nor does Eki care for it. He is there to comfort Ike regardless.
Ike is kind. He spends more time with Eki than anyone. Some call it an instinct between twins. When Ivy targets Eki, Ike is often the one to step in between them. And everyone bends to Ike's wishes.
He truly is the golden child of the Eveland family.
And hell would likely break loose if anything were to happen to him.
Eki's older twin brother is everything. But he is no God. Not someone that can save Eki.
Eki doses off to sleep in that sitting position. It is uncomfortable.
It's in middle school that Eki begins to actively avoid everyone in his family. Ivy is in the final grade of middle school when the twins start.
Middle school is often the most cruel phase of a child's lifetime. Here, the children are able to talk fluently. Yet, they lack the filter that comes with being taught etiquette. This makes the words that they say the honest truth that they believe, no matter how much it hurts.
Eki heard it all.
The freaky guy in school. He probably threatened his teachers for his good grades. I heard he killed someone before. Really? Gross! Can I switch seats?
You're really weird, Eki. Can't you smile? Are you a psychic or something? What am I thinking? No, you've got it wrong! The word you mean is psycho! Oh! That's right!
Middle school is the most cruel time.
Eki began to recoil into himself. He kept only to himself, with Ike being by his side always to support him the best he can. Ike's treatment was different.
Ike! Have you read this one yet? Your hair is so messy, haha! Want me to fix it? Woah! Your score is so high! I only got a 85! Do you have your homework done? Could I copy this one question off of you?
They're using you, Ike.
You're so fun to talk to, Ike. You're much better than your freaky brother.
"Hey! Please be nice to Eki! That's not very kind at all!"
The difference between their treatment was jarring. Eki coiled further into himself. He started avoiding Ike in public, much to the older twin's despair. He never found his brother anywhere, no matter where he looked.
He waited for Eki so they can walk to their next classes together. Eki waited in hiding until the bell had rung and Ike had to scurry off to class.
Ike never saw Eki in the cafeteria or courtyard for lunch. Eki waited out lunch under the bottom floor of the stairwells, curled up with a book in hand.
The only time Eki was seen by his siblings was arriving and departing from school. Ike stopped looking for his brother.
As middle school passed on, the twins' relationship dampened. Eki was no longer there to support Ike, and refused Ike's support. He was clearly avoiding Ike.
Although it hurt, Ike stopped talking to Eki so much. He'd disappear after he got home from school and only came back late into the night. Anything to be away from home.
In this time, Eki took on physical hobbies. It started with working out and parkour. Something to keep his body active. Truthfully, he just didn't want to be home, where Ike would make small, pathetic attempts to talk to him.
Where Ivy would scoff at the sight of him. He's being mean to Ike.
Where mom and dad would lecture him on what to do. Be nice to Ike. He's your precious twin.
Anything to be away from that.
No one noticed his disappearances. If they did, no one spoke of it. No one spoke of the scrapes on him or the bags forming under his eyes. He came home and didn't cause trouble. That's all that matters.
When high school came, it was the same. Ivy and Ike would walk to school together while Eki trailed behind, focused on his surroundings.
At this time, he had taken to more dangerous activities in the night. He got into fights with drunkards in the streets. Any one who came at him or harassed anyone else, Eki would put into their place. A vigilante, really. He was liked in the underground world for this.
The bouncers liked his presence around the bars, even if he wasn't permitted to enter.
High school was also when Eki became more of a delinquent. The insults on him were no longer quiet. They got physical with him, thinking he could be taken advantage of because he was quiet.
Eki put them in their place quickly. And he became known as a bloodthirsty delinquent. He struggled to keep his grades up when teachers would grade him harsher because of this. Clearly, if he is getting into fights, he doesn't care for his grades. So what does it matter if they deduct a few more points?
This lead to more lectures from his family. More comparisons to his straight-A siblings. The most dreadful part was the comparison.
Why can't you be more like Ike?
Why, indeed? He always asked himself that as well?
Why wasn't he ever treated like Ike? What made him lesser than Ike? Why was everything about Ike? When was it his turn?
He began to disappear from home for days, skipping school and only being home to sleep.
Eki snapped his senior year.
Ivy was the final straw. They were alone in the living room. Ike was at a study group and mom was working in the other room.
Ivy liked to talk at him while she watched the TV after a long day of work. He was gearing up, about to head out to disappear for the evening, as he does after school.
She said things very nonchalantly. Everything she said grated on his eardrums. It was like she didn't think of the things she said. She just spoke to see what would get a reaction.
"Sheesh. You really are spiky. Can't spend time with your family anymore. At this point, you really shouldn't have even come into this family in the first place. Just run away or something, man."
Eki stops at the door, hand resting on the knob.
He had always told himself that. He always told himself that if he simply had never been born, the Evelands could be that perfect family of four. They wouldn't be known for their black sheep.
He always wished that he never had been born.
To hear someone else affirm it shattered him.
And to have it be the one person who made his life hellish at home. She never stopped talking down on him. She stopped physically pushing him around when he started fighting back, but her verbal jabs got worse. She would take his items, saying Ike let her in and wreck them. She said it was a prank. She'd eat his food, just because she felt like eating something while she lounged.
The next thing Eki remembered, he was on Ivy, hands pressed into her neck as she clawed at his hands. There was screaming and mother was trying to pry him off of her. He released Ivy when she started crying. He watched her as she gasped for air, curling away from him, and mother rushed to comfort her, throwing insults and curses at Eki.
How dare he hurt his family.
Eki turned and stormed out of the house. He was especially irritated that night. He was stronger but got into many more reckless fights, taking up weapons that was attempted on his life.
That night, he took his first life. Multiple.
He wouldn't return for days, unable to scrub his crimson stained hands.
When he finally returned, filthy and battered, he made a decision. He couldn't stay in this house any longer.
He had attacked Ivy, and mother cursed him out the door. He was clearly no longer welcome in this house. He'd have to pack his bags and leave. No point in waiting until graduation. Time for Plan B.
When he returned to his room, still shared with Ike, his brother was awake. He was visibly exhausted, but he sat on the bed, turning to look at Eki with those tired, olive eyes. He'd been waiting for Eki.
Eki doesn't speak. He walks past the bed and immediately begins to pack what little belongings he has.
"Are you leaving, Eki?"
Ike's voice is weak and broken. As if he had been the one crying. Eki doesn't look up. He continues packing. So Ike keeps talking.
"So you are. I... won't stop you..."
"... But are you sure about this, Eki?"
Yes.
"There won't be any turning back."
I know.
"It'll be hard to survive."
It already is.
Eki pulls his bag over his shoulder and starts to head to the door. Ike frantically jumps out of bed, reaching over and taking Eki's hardened hands in his own two delicate ones.
"Eki, wait. Please listen to me first."
Eki lowers his hand to his side. Talk.
"I... haven't been a good brother. I'm sorry. I wanted to be at your side always. But... I couldn't figure out... how to talk to you. I was afraid and... I chose to run away from you, instead of being a stable support."
I was the one running away.
"I'm sorry. That I was weak. That I never did anything to protect you. As the older brother, it should have been me protecting you but... it always felt like you were the stronger one protecting me. Is that why you started avoiding me all those years ago?"
You're too smart for your own good. You should have just continued hating me. Loathing me. It would hurt less.
"I never hated you, Eki. I... You're really important to me. You were a massive support for me when we were younger and... I always felt closer to you."
It's only because we're twins. I didn't do anything.
"I guess... what I wanted go say is... I... I'm sorry, Eki. I'm sorry, brother."
A warm body presses against his back as Ike hugs him from behind, pressing his face into Eki's shoulder. He can feel his shoulder getting wet from Ike's tears.
"If... you can ever find it in your heart to forgive me. I want you to know that even if I was a weak bystander, I was always on your side. I never let anyone's words influence me. Because I think of you holding me through my sleepless nights. I think of you sharing all of your food and toys with me. I think of how you always caught me when I tripped. I know... that you're kind."
"Eki... I love you. Thank you for everything you've done for me. Whenever you find yourself in trouble... find me. You're always welcome back to me, if no one else. Please take care of yourself, brother."
"Ike."
Ike slowly pulls back from Eki's sudden voice. He looks up at Eki through blurry vision, hands still grasping Eki's. Eki is looking back to him, with that hard amber gaze.
As always. There's no expression on his face. He's completely apathetic.
"Let go of me, Ike."
Ike freezes up there, staring at Eki with wide eyes. His expression doesn't change. Ike quietly laughs, tears running down his cheeks as he slowly pulls his hands away from Eki. Because if anyone understood the true meaning behind Eki's words, it was Ike.
Let me go. So that we're no longer brothers. It hurts less that way.
Ike steps back, raising his sleeves up to wipe his eyes. He quickly gives up and simply smiles at Eki with tears running down his chin.
"Mmh. Please take care of yourself. Eki."
Eki stares at Ike a few seconds more. Then turns and leaves the room, gently closing the door behind him and parting ways with Ike.
He heads to the kitchen counter, setting down his copy of the house key there. He won't bother with a note. They already know.
He heads to the door.
"Eki-- Wait!"
Ivy. She suddenly reaches out for him, setting soft hands on Eki's arm, gently grasping him. He stops but doesn't turn around. Of course, they probably woke her up with talking.
He stares at the door, wanting nothing more than to be out of this house already. Enough of this.
"I... I'm sorry."
... You're sorry? After all of these years?
He tilts his head back, training Ivy with golden eyes.
"I'm sorry for... tearing apart your favorite toy. I'm sorry for breaking that window with the ball... and blaming you. I'm sorry for leaving you alone at school to walk home that night."
... So you remembered all of that. You carried that memory with you to this day. You knew that all of these things bothered me.
"I'm sorry I said all those mean things. I'm sorry I never stood up for you when you were being bullied. I'm sorry for becoming your bully. I... treated you so badly."
Ivy's head is tilted down to the floor. There's droplets coming from her eyes, hitting the wooden floorboards with soft plops. Her shoulders are shaking.
"I'm sorry I said that you shouldn't be in this family. I didn't mean it. No matter what, you're my baby brother and I always loved you. I should have showed it better. Maybe if I had..."
We wouldn't be here.
"I'm sorry I made you this way. It's all my fault. If I had showed you more love... if I had been there for you... if I had told everyone how great I really knew you were, maybe you wouldn't be this way. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Eki."
She slowly looks up, finally meeting his eyes. The corners of them are crinkled as she sobs, lip quivering.
"I'm sorry... that-- I was a bad sister."
...
How ugly.
Eki slowly pulls his arm away from Ivy, leaving her to scramble for him once more. He keeps his distance and she stops trying to reach him. He's taken steps closer to the door, looking down on his once elder sister while she shakes.
"Yeah. You were a terrible sister. Just like everyone else."
He turns around and takes steps to the door, setting his hand on the knob. Behind him, he hears the sound of a body collapsing to the wooden floor. He doesn't turn around.
"The worst one I've ever had. And I hope we never meet again. Any of you."
Eki pulls the door open and steps out, closing it behind him. He stops there, looking down at his hand on the door knob. He slowly lowers his hand and turns around, looking up at the bright moon from what was once his porch.
Inside the house, he hears an ear rattling wail from Ivy as she screams on the wooden floor.
Eki steps down the porch and starts making his way down the driveway with nothing but his bag and his knife in his belt.
Really. She really is an ugly crier. Her and Ike both.