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‘Another regression turn.. just one more..’
That was the thought which came to Yoo Joonghyuk’s mind when he faced the wall. The giant wall which simply wouldn’t break, which he couldn’t get past. How many regression turns had it been? Surely more than two thousand at this point. How many lives were wasted for this? How many of his companions had died over and over again, just for him to be unable to get past this wall?
He brought his sword to his neck, bracing himself to regress again. To start from the beginning. To go back to that wretched train carriage. He wondered what the familiar faces minds were filled with every time he restarted. Did they have family members? People they cared about?
What about Yoo Joonghyuk? Did he have someone he loved? He could hardly remember. It had been so long since normalcy had been a factor in his life. Slaughter after slaughter, that was all he knew. Perhaps he once had a job or a hobby. There was no such time for things like that now.
He inched the sword closer to his throat, such that a drop of blood started leaking out. Then, a noise. One of someone stumbling over rubble. Yoo Joonghyuk immediately swung his sword towards the sound’s source, but there was nobody. Had he imagined it? There couldn’t possibly be anybody left. They were all deceased, last time he checked.
He sighed, running his hand through his greying hair. He wished he could one day stop regressing, that this damned wall would just disappear. What had happened in the first regression? What could have possibly been so important that he would choose to regress? Surely his self back then could not have been this stupid. All he knew was that if his regression skill did not exist, he would have been much happier, even if he was dead.
Then, another sound. Yoo Joonghyuk was sure he had heard something this time.
“Reveal yourself.”
“Reveal yourself. Just shut up.”
A mocking voice said. Yoo Joonghyuk’s eyes widened. He tries to trace where the voice had come from, but to no avail. The area he was in was obviously deserted, not a single live person in sight.
“Who.. was that?”
There was no response for a while.
“No way- you can actually hear me?”
The same voice said, followed by a gasp. This.. this was new. Something unforeseen. In all of Yoo Joonghyuk’s regressions, this was the first time he was hearing a voice without an owner. Perhaps he was going insane.
“Woah.. can you see me too?”
Yoo Joonghyuk’s eyes flitted from place to place, hoping to find any sort of movement. There was nothing. He really was going insane. He released a soft sigh, bringing the sword back to his neck. It would be better to regress, rather than deal with this unknown variable.
“Woah- put the weapon down. Someone can finally hear me, I’m not letting them die!”
Yoo Joonghyuk stopped his actions. He didn’t know why. He obeyed the voice, the first time he listened to someone in many, many years. Pure curiosity, let’s call it that. The reason why he complied.
“Okay, first of all, what’s your name? I’ve watched you for a while, and haven’t heard anyone call you a proper name. It’s always captain or master.”
The voice said. Yoo Joonghyuk frowned, wondering wether or not he should reveal that piece of information.
“Yoo Joonghyuk.”
“That’s a nice name! Guess mine.”
Yoo Joonghyuk furrowed his brows. How exactly was he supposed a name which could be anything? Hell, he probably wouldn’t get it after a hundred tries- no, make that a thousand.
“I don’t know.”
He simply said. It wasn’t worth the effort to try and guess. Although the voice didn’t have a body nor a face, Yoo Joonghyuk could somehow sense the disappointment radiating from the person. Or ghost. He had no idea what it was.
“You’re no fun. Although that’s obvious. But my name’s Kim Dokja. ‘Dokja’ as in reader or only child.”
“An intriguing name.”
“I get that a lot.”
They remained in silence, the sound of the unknown being kicking his foot against rubble the only sound resonating in this world.
“So. Kim Dokja. What are you?”
“I don’t know, to be completely honest. A ghost, maybe.”
Yoo Joonghyuk’s pressed his lips into a flat line. What kind of thing would not know what they were? It was tragic, in a way. Yoo Joonghyuk didn’t know who he was, but this ‘Kim Dokja’ did not even know what he was. They were similar in a way. Yoo Joonghyuk started walking, listening to the sound of his sword trailing along the ground. He didn’t know where exactly he was going, all he knew was that he wanted to go somewhere where the wall would be out of sight. The wall, which was the cause of countless deaths.
Although invisible, Yoo Joonghyuk could feel Kim Dokja following him.
“Oh! I know that thing!”
The voice suddenly said. Yoo Joonghyuk scanned the area, searching for what Kim Dokja could be talking about. There wasn’t much, with everything in ruins, so it wasn’t hard to locate the item Kim Dokja was talking about.
A lone book, discarded on the floor. It was open, at the eleventh chapter. Yoo Joonghyuk turned to the cover of the book. It was one which he did not recognise.
“It’s a book I recognise! Romeo and Juliet, isn’t it?”
Kim Dokja asked eagerly. Yoo Joonghyuk nodded in response, as he scanned the title. A ‘woahhh’ could be heard, and Yoo Joonghyuk fought back a smile. Maybe.. this regression turn would not be that bad. Maybe he would not regress, not for a while at least.
——
It was evening. Yoo Joonghyuk was sitting on a grassy patch, one of the little places which still had any form of nature. Everywhere else was pretty much bare, deprived from greenery.
He rested his head in his palm, staring dazedly at the sunset. It had been a while since he allowed himself to be off guard like this. After all, there was nobody to defend himself against left.
“So, Yoo Joonghyuk, how were you like before the apocalypse?”
“I don’t know.”
“Any favourite scenarios?”
“I don’t know.”
“Favourite food?”
“I don’t know.”
A groan was heard, one which was not from Yoo Joonghyuk, obviously.
“Dreams or aspirations?”
Yoo Joonghyuk hesitated. But the answer was clear for him.
“To cross that damn wall.”
“At least you’re no longer replying with boring answers.”
The man rolled his eyes. He took his chin off from his hand, and instead leaned back, lying his head on the grass. To be exposed, without any concern of being harmed. He missed this feeling so dearly.
“What about you, Kim Dokja? Any dreams?”
“That’s easy! To become human!”
It was a reasonable response. One which did not need much effort to think up.
“Tell me more about yourself.”
Yoo Joonghyuk said. He didn’t know why, but he was slightly- just a tiny bit- interested in this being.
“I love reading. I think. It’s been a while since I was a person. Memories fade over time, that kind of thing.”
A hum resonated, Kim Dokja obviously deep in thought what else he could tell this man.
“I don’t think I had a lot of friends.”
“Surprising.”
“Hey! Have I not prevented you from dying? Ungrateful bastard!”
Kim Dokja huffed, and flicked Yoo Joonghyuk lightly on the forehead. Not that Yoo Joonghyuk felt it. Not that he even knew it happened. Kim Dokja’s fingers simply floated through Yoo Joonghyuk’s skull.
Kim Dokja’s smile faltered slightly. Why did he even bother putting on that expression, when only he knew he was wearing it? He watched as his hands weaved through Yoo Joonghyuk’s hair, and slowly rested on his cheek.
The day helped him realise just how much he had longed for human interaction. His eyes stayed in Yoo Joonghyuk, but his mind drifted elsewhere. He had few memories left, and they were all foggy. But he still recalled a certain event vividly. He knew he was not from this world, he realised it quite quickly upon waking up here, in this form.
His own world- his previous one, was one which was free from the apocalypse. He wasn’t lying when he mentioned that he had a limited number of friends, but he did have a lover.
In this memory, he was waking up in bed, next to this lover. A man, charcoal-coloured hair, a similar build to Yoo Joonghyuk. The man’s face was hard to recollect, but he knew it was a beautiful face. Kim Dokja had been staring at his lover sleeping, until this lover woke up. He didn’t mind how Kim Dokja continued to look at him. On the contrary, the man pulled Kim Dokja closer to him in the bed by the waist, wrapping his arms around Kim Dokja’s torso.
“I love you.”
That was the only sentence the man said, and Kim Dokja responded with a giggle, nuzzling his face into his lover’s neck.
That was all he could remember.
“Kim Dokja? Are you there?”
The ghost realised he had been spacing off.
“Yep?”
“…nothing. Just checking you didn’t leave.”
Kim Dokja let out a soft chuckle.
“Why? You scared you’ll be alone?”
Yoo Joonghyuk shook his head, although his ears were tinged with red, a telltale sign he had hit the nail on the head.
Yoo Joonghyuk couldn’t see, but Kim Dokja had plopped down beside him, placing his hands behind his head as a pillow.
The sky had darkened, night approaching rapidly. It was a full moon that night, one which shone brighter than the stars, a colour contrasting deeply from the dark blue sky.
“Kim Dokja.”
Yoo Joonghyuk whispered, voice barely audible.
“Hmm?”
“Thank you.”
Perhaps it was a sixth sense, but Yoo Joonghyuk turned his head to the right, knowing that Kim Dokja was right there. And it was funny. He could somehow see the faint outline of a man.
——
“Kim Dokja. I can see you.”
That was the first thing Yoo Joonghyuk said in the morning. Kim Dokja’s reaction was pretty much what you would expect. Shouts and screams of surprise.
“Barely, though.”
The yells died down.
“At least you can make out how I look like.”
Yoo Joonghyuk nodded in agreement. Kim Dokja was somewhat slender, his waist one of the only things visible to Yoo Joonghyuk. Kim Dokja reached his arm out to Yoo Joonghyuk, and Yoo Joonghyuk tried to block it, out of habit. His hand went through the outline of the arm, causing his eyes to widen.
“Damn. Guess I still can’t touch you.”
“Where now..”
Yoo Joonghyuk muttered under his breath. The scenarios had been cleared, meaning that he had nothing else to do. They couldn’t do anything for leisure either, everything having been destroyed.
“I have an address. Do you think you can navigate there?”
Kim Dokja asked, tilting his head slightly.
“..probably.”
Kim Dokja gave Yoo Joonghyuk a list of numbers, all of which Yoo Joonghyuk memorised on the spot.
“Yeah, I can bring us there. It’s pretty far though.”
“It’s fine.”
Yoo Joonghyuk started walking, Kim Dokja trailing behind. Yoo Joonghyuk quickened his pace, and Kim Dokja did so as well in order to keep up. Yoo Joonghyuk noticed this, from the way Kim Dokja’s breathing quickened, and a mischievous gleam appeared in his eyes. He started walking faster.
“Slow down, bastard!”
“Can’t ghosts fly?”
“I’m not certain I’m a ghost!”
“But you can fly, no?”
“Yeah, but it still takes energy!”
This remark only encouraged Yoo Joonghyuk to go faster. Before long, it seemed almost as if they were playing a game of tag, the complaints of Kim Dokja filling the background. A genuine smile appeared on Yoo Joonghyuk’s face. He could not remember the last time he felt this feeling.. this overwhelming sense of.. joy. Yes, that was it. Pure, raw happiness, having someone chase him as if he was a child again.
The distance which would have taken them half a day was achieved in just two hours.
“You.. fucker. Why the hell.. were you going.. so damn fast..”
Kim Dokja said, in between breaths. He was panting, having kept going for two hours straight. Yoo Joonghyuk didn’t reply, concealing his face which still had traces of a grin from the other.
They had reached the place Kim Dokja had asked for. It was a building, surprisingly still intact.
“Why did you want to come here?”
“No reason.”
Kim Dokja lied. Well, not exactly. He knew where was this place. It was one of the rare pieces of information he retained.
He lived here, well, at least he thought he did. Along with that memory, he remembered this address. Perhaps.. perhaps he could find out how he got to this world here.
When he woke up in this world, he was in a train carriage. There were people frantically banging on the train doors, seemingly trying to get out. He was confused, of course. But then a man moved back from the door, and walked right through him. A cold shiver ran down his spine, and it took all of his power not to let out a scream.
After a few minutes of trying to touch the other passengers, to try and understand what the hell was happening, he accepted his fate, in a way.
He was now this being, and he couldn’t change it, not yet. So he followed the few passengers who survived. He watched as they slowly got murdered, he watched as the world went to hell.
A few years after he had gotten to this world, it was around the fiftieth scenario. He found a group of people. And for once, he thought they might actually get to the end of the scenarios, to save this world. He had long forgotten about his quest to leave, having being engrossed in this new world of adventure and action. But there were certain nights, when the thought of his lover in his previous world would pop into his mind, and the regret and self hatred would appear. The knowledge that there was probably someone out there looking for him while he was simply having fun here.
But he decided to keep watching this world, until the group slowly lost its number, and one was left. That was how Kim Dokja reached this point.
“Yoo Joonghyuk, let’s go to the fourth floor.”
Yoo Joonghyuk focused his vision, trying to make out the figure of Kim Dokja, before nodding his head in the other man’s direction.
They walked in silence up the stairs, well, Yoo Joonghyuk walked and Kim Dokja floated.
“What now?”
Yoo Joonghyuk asked, when they reached the fourth floor.
“The unit on the right.”
Yoo Joonghyuk approached the door belonging to the apartment Kim Dokja talked about.
Kim Dokja waited eagerly, as the protagonist placed his hand on the door handle, and turned it. With bated breath, Kim Dokja entered the apartment, followed by Yoo Joonghyuk, eyes locked on the faint outline of the man.
When Kim Dokja walked into the apartment, a strange wave of nostalgia hit him. There was nothing special about the apartment. It was dusty, dirt having accumulated after time. The walls were a plain white, the same shade as the tiles making up the floor. Well, they would be white if it were years ago. The place itself was unfamiliar to Kim Dokja, but.. it had a certain feeling to it, a vibe which Kim Dokja remembered.
On a nearby coffee table, a photo frame lied, a picture of a man and woman, both strangers to the ghost on it.
“Do you know this place?”
Yoo Joonghyuk asked, scanning the room for what Kim Dokja could have possibly come for.
“I don’t know.”
That was the reply which came. Yoo Joonghyuk could hardly see, but Kim Dokja’s hand was pressed against his forehead, a migraine suddenly attacking him. That was a terrible time for the headache. He had remembered something again. It was that person. His partner in the previous life. He was saying something. It felt as if the audio was damaged, the voice fading in and out.
Kim Dokja concentrated hard, ignoring the sound of Yoo Joonghyuk in the background, treating his voice like white noise.
They were talking on the phone, his lover’s contact labelled as ‘sunfish’ with a heart emoji accompanying it.
“I’ll meet you at 6. At our spot.”
The sentence was clear as day. That was where the memory ended. Where the hell was ‘their’ spot? Did he have to be so vague?
“Kim Dokja? Where are you?”
“I’m right here. What do you mean? Can’t you see me ever so slightly?”
Silence.
“I.. can’t see you anymore.”
Oh.
——
“Yoo Joonghyuk.”
“What.”
Yoo Joonghyuk was feasting on a ground rat, one of the last foods he had left. There were no longer any beasts left to kill, and his stock was slowly being used up.
“How do you consider if a place is special to you?”
Yoo Joonghyuk carefully mulled over the question.
“If you have good memories there.”
A groan. How was Kim Dokja supposed to figure where this place his previous lover called ‘theirs’ was if he could hardly remember anything?
“Real helpful. Thanks.”
Yoo Joonghyuk frowned. Kim Dokja sounded weird.
“Are you okay?”
“Well, what do you think?”
Kim Dokja asked, exasperation lacing his voice. Yoo Joonghyuk would look at Kim Dokja’s face for telltale signs of he could, but that wasn’t possible right now, was it?
“Yoo Joonghyuk. Take me to your favourite place tomorrow.”
Yoo Joonghyuk didn’t know why exactly Kim Dokja requested this, but he complied anyways.
—
“Yoo Joonghyuk! Wake up!”
Yoo Joonghyuk eyes opened at the sound, which he had become familiar with. Sometimes, it felt as if it was blind, stripped of his vision, unable to see Kim Dokja, only hear him.
“The suns up!”
Kim Dokja would shake Yoo Joonghyuk awake if he could. Yoo Joonghyuk rubbed at his eyes, slightly groggy.
“What is it, Kim Dokja.”
“Take me to the place!”
Ah. Where exactly Yoo Joonghyuk was going to take him, he himself was not sure. His favourite place.. it was hard to say. Perhaps the house where he grew up? But that barely held any significance to him. It was merely a resting place. Ah.. there was that place as well.
“Alright. Let’s go.”
They walked and walked, little bits of conversation here and there, mostly prompted by Kim Dokja. It became obvious that despite being the only people left, well, one person and one unknown being, they weren’t that similar. But that was fine. Neither minded. It was interesting getting to learn about somebody with different interests, someone who had different views on various topics. Someone who you would’ve normally never interacted with.
“So, Yoo Joonghyuk. Tell me a secret. It’s the end of the world, anyways.”
Yoo Joonghyuk hesitated. How was he supposed to know wether Kim Dokja had meant it in a jokingly manner or not? His voice didn’t give anything away.
“I always feel like I’m forgetting something.”
“Isn’t that normal?”
Yoo Joonghyuk shook his head.
“It’s not that simple. I feel like.. it’s something important. Like a person, almost. It.. keeps nagging at me.”
“If you say so.”
There were times when Yoo Joonghyuk could almost get a glimpse of what he had forgotten. He knew it was a man, someone smiling, dressed.. in a white coat. That was all he could figure out. He had no recollection of ever meeting this man, but he had somehow stayed in his mind.
“We’re here.”
They had reached a small clearing amongst piles of trash and debris. In the clearing was a view of the sea, or rather what used to be a sea. There was much wreckage to the ocean, which had long lost its shimmer.
“What’s so special about this place?”
Kim Dokja asked, as he hovered over the piles of ruins, getting closer to the sea. It looked somewhat familiar.
“I come here in between scenarios. For.. respite.”
“Didn’t know somebody like you knew what relaxation was.”
Yoo Joonghyuk rolled his eyes at the comment.
Kim Dokja walked along the small shore, as he tried to imagine what the beach could’ve used to look like.
Perhaps the planes were once beautiful, perhaps there used to be families and tourists coming here to spend time with their loved ones. Perhaps this dead place used to be filled with life and joy. Perhaps someone had once loved this sea with all their heart.
A familiar headache throbbed at Kim Dokja’s head. The same one he felt at the apartment. Something was fighting its way to the front of his mind, pushing through all the other useless thoughts to make itself be seen.
He had visited this beach before, with his lover. His fingers were intertwined with the other man’s. It was funny. He could clearly make out all of the man’s facial features now. He looks uncannily similar to the person he was with in the present. The only difference was that his lover was looking at him affectionately, with an expression this emo bastard could never make.
He felt the man’s breath on his neck, as he whispered his name, as if it was the only word to ever exist.
Kim Dokja watched as if it was a movie, him and his lover.
“Yes, Joonghyuk-ah?”
Kim Dokja’s breath caught in his throat. That name.. did he hear him right? In which universe would a coincidence like this happen? In which universe would he have met his lover again in another world?
“Marry me.”
Now the Kim Dokja of the past and the Kim Dokja of the present wore matching expressions.
“Are you sure?”
Yoo Joonghyuk of the past let out a soft laugh, a sound Kim Dokja never thought could have come out of the man’s mouth.
“Yes. Yes, I’m sure, Dokja-ya. Even if we don’t work, I’ll find you in the next life, and I’ll try again. I’ll try and try until we get a happy ending. I don’t care how long it takes.”
Kim Dokja of the past’s face turned a faint shade of red, before hesitantly nodding.
“I’ll.. I’ll do the same. If you forget, then I’ll be the one to find you. I’ll make sure we stay together. Got that?”
Yoo Joonghyuk smiled, before placing his lips on Kim Dokja’s.
The memory ended.
Kim Dokja stayed speechless for a whole minute, trying to process what exactly he just witnessed.
His head swerved to Yoo Joonghyuk’s direction. That man.. he was the one Kim Dokja had been looking for? It couldn’t possibly be. Yoo Joonghyuk was resting on the sand, gazing aimlessly into the horizon. Kim Dokja went limp, unable to move. Yoo Joonghyuk was hot and all, but why would he actually fall for the protagonist?
“Hey, Yoo Joonghyuk.”
Yoo Joonghyuk looked up per instinct, despite knowing he wouldn’t see anyone. But then there was a person.
His eyes widened, as he slowly rose up.
“Kim Dokja?”
Kim Dokja’s figure slowly became more detailed, features slowly appearing, as if a jigsaw puzzle was rapidly being put together. And finally, the puzzle was solved.
Kim Dokja didn’t say anything despite hearing his name being called. He felt.. odd. As if his systems were working again, as if he could feel blood rushing through him once again.
Yoo Joonghyuk placed his calloused hand onto Kim Dokja’s neck, sending a shiver down the shorter man’s spine.
“You.. you can touch me?”
As realisation hit, Kim Dokja jumped back, away from Yoo Joonghyuk.
“No way..”
It was Yoo Joonghyuk’s turn to recognise the man. The man who had been occasionally appearing in his brain.
“You..”
“Do you.. recognise me?”
Kim Dokja asked hesitantly, wondering if Yoo Joonghyuk had somehow gone through the same thing as him. Yoo Joonghyuk nodded his head.
“I think I’ve found the thing I’ve been forgetting.”
“Me too.”
They stayed there for a while, both staring at each other, as if they had met for the first time again.
“This feels like some cheesy movie.”
Kim Dokja muttered, scratching the back of his neck uncomfortably.
“You can stop me if you want.”
Yoo Joonghyuk whispered, before leaning in to Kim Dokja, embracing him. Kim Dokja allowed him to carry on.
There was that feeling. One he hadn’t felt in ages. That sense of a heart being out back together, of a puzzle piece finally finding its match.
“I’ve missed you, Joonghyuk-ah.”
“I’m sorry it took me so long to find you.”