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It’s a lazy Saturday afternoon in the sweltering heat, and yet Jaemin decided to share the couch with Jisung anyway. Jisung is passed out, resting his head on Jaemin’s legs, chest rising softly in his deep slumber. Jaemin absentmindedly plays with the younger’s hair as he softly hums the tune of their nameless love song. Jisung deserves all the rest he can get, especially after the grueling practice he went through the day before.
As Jaemin gently swirls his finger through the soft locks, he stares fondly at the relaxed face his lover makes. Sometimes, he wonders how in the world he got to call Jisung his. He remembers clearly how it all happened. Everything still feels like the first time when he takes a glance at the younger.
He remembers the first time they met. Jaemin left his old town, fresh out of high school, and he was beginning to settle down in his new apartment. He had everything he needed at the moment; a bed, wi-fi, money, and his school things. All except food and a stove. He was about to pack everything in the pantry back at his old home, but his mom berated him for it, and made him return the 3 cardboard boxes stuffed with his favorite snacks.
Jaemin closes the door of his empty fridge. He can go grocery shopping next week. For now, he has to survive on take-out and buying meals.
There was a restaurant that opened early morning at the corner, across the street from Jaemin’s flat, and it was something he could try.
When he entered into the tiny establishment, he was met with the rich smell of hot chocolate, sausages, and pastries. The dark wooden furniture decorated with small flower vases made it seem a little bit like home. It made Jaemin’s tiny feeling of homesickness fade away.
He sat down and prepared to order, admiring the way the sunlight makes the whole room glow softly, unlike the harsh greeting he received when he rolled up his shutters. Jaemin thinks that he might become a regular here.
That’s when he saw him.
Jisung, in all his beauty, asking him for his order. His black hair looked so soft, and his eyes glowed along with his smile. The apron highlighted his body proportions just right, and the white long-sleeved polo shirt he was wearing shined with the sunlight, and it made him look angelic.
Jaemin is a weak, weak man for pretty boys.
He felt his mouth dry up and his ears flush. He must have stared for a good two minutes before Jisung cleared his throat and repeated the question. Thankfully, Jaemin’s mind reset, and he was able to charm up the younger by asking for his number along with his order. Jisung looked surprised before giggling, and he promptly gave him his number.
The food was good. But Jaemin knows he’ll be coming back for a certain waiter.
He still remembers the day he guessed that what he felt was love. It came to him one evening at Hangang river, while the couple went strolling. That was their five-month anniversary, and instead of throwing a lavish party, they decided to take a simple stroll outside because Jisung said the sky was pretty that night. And it was. The sun setting over the river was beautiful, and Jisung smiled so brightly at the view. Jaemin was, of course, admiring Jisung instead. How could he look away, when Jisung’s smile was enough to knock all the air out of his lungs with how pretty he looked. He was gone for this man.
They stayed to watch the stars appear in the clear night sky. Jaemin could only stare lovingly as Jisung animatedly explained and pointed out all the stars he knew in the sky. It was endearing, the way his hands would move everywhere and how his eyes would twinkle with excitement. Jaemin’s heart ached; Jisung was just so pure, and so genuine. After about seven minutes, Jisung realized that Jaemin wasn’t speaking, so he turned to the elder. When he noticed his adoring stare, he giggled. Jaemin heard the younger whisper a breathy “What are you looking at?”, and that was all it took for him to lunge forward.
If they spent the next thirty minutes capturing each other’s lips in soft kisses, that was their secret.
Jaemin knew one Saturday morning that it was love. He was in the kitchen, cooking some pancakes for Jisung because the younger stayed the night. After their little stargazing date, Jaemin invited Jisung to spend the night at his flat because it was far too cold for them to walk all the way back to Jisung’s apartment. They cuddled each other to sleep, resulting in the best sleep Jaemin’s had in weeks. When Jaemin woke up first, the sight of Jisung’s cheeks smushed against the pillow with his hair fanning out made him coo.
At some point while he was cooking, Jaemin heard the sound of footsteps. When he looked up, he saw Jisung waddling over. He was rubbing the sleep out of his eyes, his hair was tousled, and his hoodie was crumpled. Jaemin chuckled, but Jisung paid it no mind as he wrapped his arms around Jaemin’s torso. He breathed out a “good morning” into the elder’s neck, and inhaled Jaemin’s calming scent. As Jaemin flipped the last pancake, he realized that he could get used to mornings like this. That he could live the rest of his life like this.
And in a rather impulsive moment, he asks Jisung to move in with him. The answer he got was a sweet kiss and a resounding yes.
A few days later, Jisung’s things are at his flat, and it’s all that Jaemin wants and more.
He still remembers the first time he said “I love you”. Times got really rough on the couple. Jisung had to take up more shifts at the restaurant to pay the bills because Jaemin was too busy with exams to go to his part-time job. It’s brutal on both of them, and soon enough, Jaemin is the one who snaps. Jisung has always been a patient and understanding person, and he almost never tries to burden anyone with his own wants and needs. On that night, they were both feeling worn-out and vulnerable.
Jaemin was studying for this anatomy exam, and he wasn’t absorbing any information. Anatomy was his weakest point, and he couldn’t afford to fail something that could help him enter into his dream job as a surgeon. So, for the past month, he holed himself up in his room, studying like there was no tomorrow. He only went out when he had to eat, and Jisung gave him the space he needed. After his fifth attempt at trying to memorize all the placements of the muscles, a knock breaks his concentration. It was Jisung. He came to check on him. He asked if Jaemin wanted to come eat, but Jaemin brushed him off. When the silence returned, Jaemin couldn’t remember anything that he just learned.
He remembered panicking, and mostly feeling angry. Angry at himself for not learning anything, and angry at Jisung for disturbing him.
He stepped out to eat, concluding that he wasn’t going to get anything done by stressing over this. He simply had to try again later.
Jisung was sitting at the dinner table, waiting for Jaemin patiently. When Jaemin sat down, he asked the elder if he was doing fine with his exams. He was wearing a smile. A smile. It pissed Jaemin off. He was smiling as he asked about his suffering?
He abruptly stood up. Everything after that was a blur. He remembered yelling. He remembered saying something along the lines of you’re so lucky, Park Jisung, that you’re a dance major… it's not a hard thing to dance, and that’s all you do all day—you dance, and then you come home and sit around on the couch doing nothing! That’s all you ever do! You don’t have to go through these difficult exams in actual majors.
And then silence. The moment those words left his mouth, he was suddenly brought back to reality. He slowly looked up at Jisung with wide eyes, and there he saw his lover. Standing up, with tears streaming down his face. They stare for a good two minutes before Jisung lets out a sob that cracks Jaemin’s heart and bolts out the front door. Jaemin wastes no time in chasing him down. When he gets to the middle of the alley, he pulls Jisung’s wrist to stop him from running farther away. When the younger tries to break free, Jaemin takes a chance and pulls him to his chest. Jisung is sobbing into his chest, too broken to speak, and Jaemin’s heart shatters at the sight.
Jaemin just holds him close in silence, accepting all the tiny punches that Jisung gives him. He doesn’t try to play hero. He doesn’t try to make excuses. He apologizes. As soon as he says “I’m sorry”, Jisung’s punches stop, and his sobs are reduced to sniffles. Jaemin strokes his hands through his hair and says sorry one more time. He takes back all the words that he said, and mentions that he notices Jisung’s tired eyes and weak smiles. He notices that he’s out like a light the moment he hits their shared bed. He knows that dancing is a demanding thing because Jisung has worn himself thin doing it.
Jaemin asks what he can do to make up for it. Jisung wraps his arms around Jaemin’s torso and whispers “Hold me”.
Hold me. Hold me through all the trials, and all of the joys. Hold me close and never let me go, because I can’t bear to lose you. Hold me as I cry and break because I can’t hold on for much longer.
The moment Jaemin rubbed Jisung’s back comfortingly while pressing kisses on his forehead in the middle of the alley at 2:30 AM, he promised all of those things to him.
When Jaemin tucks Jisung in bed, he kisses the latter softly, and whispers an “I love you so much” next to Jisung's right ear. They fall asleep at the same time for the first time in weeks.
Now, Jaemin is very much aware of the sweltering heat and the tears rolling down his cheeks. He’s back in the lazy Saturday afternoon, and sobs threaten to escape his throat. He holds them down, but the body tremors wake Jisung up anyway. He blinks sleepily at first, but then his eyes widen in alarm as he notices Jaemin’s tears. He hurriedly sits up to wipe them away while asking Jaemin if he’s alright. Jaemin’s heart bursts with more love, and seriously, how can he keep falling for Jisung every day?
“Can you believe it?” he whispers.
Jisung perks up at the question. “Believe what?”
“That we’ve made it this far.”
Jisung ponders for a moment. But his smile is blinding like it always is when he says “I do”.
So many words go unspoken. I do, because we have been through so much together. I know that we were able to overcome those trials, and our relationship has grown stronger because of them. I do, because I am very sure that I’m willing to spend the rest of my life with you and only you.
Jisung always trusts Jaemin enough for him to fill in the blanks.
“I love you,” Jaemin whispers before pressing his lips onto Jisung’s. The younger’s grin is so wide, and he nods while returning the sweet kiss. As they continue to share tiny pecks that mean the world, the shiny thing on Jisung’s finger glints in the sunlight as he wraps his arms around Jaemin’s neck.