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Jisung had a childhood friend once.
Emphasis on the word had, because said childhood friend left for Australia (or some other country that starts with an ‘A’) when Jisung was ten and his friend was twelve. Jisung remembers crying for two weeks straight, but that was it. For the most part, he doesn’t even remember anything about his friend other than this one specific memory. He only remembers hazelnut brown hair, bunny teeth, and gentle hands guiding his own.
They were molding a sandcastle for goodness’ sake.
Anyways, Jisung hasn’t seen, heard, or even come across something to remind him of his past childhood friend. That is, until thirteen years later.
His mom apparently still kept in touch with Na Jaemin. Na Jaemin. Yes, that was his name. At least he still remembers that tiny detail. Anyway, Na Jaemin (Jaemin-hyung? Jisung wasn’t sure if he could call him that with how far they’ve drifted apart) was coming back to the little neighborhood in Jisan-dong for the summer. That’s what his mom told him, two days before the grand arrival. Jisung nearly dropped his spoon into his full bowl of cereal when she broke the news at breakfast this morning.
After he finished eating, his mother ordered him to clean the whole house from top to bottom, in preparation for Jaemin’s arrival. It made him groan, but he soon got to work once he heard his mom’s car leave the driveway. His mother was the new breadwinner, after his father died a month ago. Come to think of it, he saw Jaemin’s name under her commemoration post when he was buried.
As Jisung pauses dusting the bookshelves with a fluttery feeling in his gut, he stares out the window of the guest room into the garden below. He wondered what type of person Na Jaemin grew up to be, and if he remembered everything unlike Jisung. Would he be taller than him? Would he have dyed his hair back to black? Would he still like making sandcastles on the beach?
That last thought was silly; there was no way in hell a dang grown-up would enjoy such a messy activity anymore.
But Jisung never knew, and the feeling of jittery butterflies in stomach continued to grow. He didn’t know a single thing about this man. One thing he knows (from his mom, of course) is that Jaemin was a kind soul. The type that loves and spreads affection. He would have to see for himself two days from now.
He slowly and quietly resumes dusting off the shelf with his favorite novels.
---
Na Jaemin is hot.
Like, hot hot. He’s got a dashing smile, soft black hair, and broad shoulders. His lips are captured in a bright grin, and oh Jisung’s knees gave out a little. The younger’s eyes trail to his hands, and they still look as gentle as they did before. But just a bit different. His hands look like they’ve seen hard work, and seriously, could this man get anymore perfect?
Woah there. Jisung needs to calm down. It hasn’t even been five minutes and he’s already thinking of jumping the guy.
But he’s hot. His childhood friend from when he was ten got hot. The world is unfair, and Jisung’s brain is frying from how his entire face feels warm. The tepid summer air suddenly feels boiling hot as he stares into Jaemin’s deep brown eyes. He faintly hears his mother chuckling in the background while saying This is my son, Jisung. He’s kind of a dunce., and he couldn’t bring himself to retort. Not when Jaemin is giggling so prettily and saying I don’t mind. It’s cute.
Oh gosh, Jaemin called him cute.
Okay, Jisung needs to snap out of it. He mentally pinches himself and forces the corners of his lips to turn up in a shy smile.
“Hello,” he croaks out. Dangit, why did his voice have to come out hoarse and dry?
But Jaemin smiles, eyes sparkling bright. “Nice to meet you again, Park Jisung.”
Oh boy, this summer was gonna be a blast.
---
Jisung has a childhood friend again. And there’s so many things that he learned about him at lunch today.
Jaemin went to Amsterdam to study, because education is highly valued in the Scandinavian and European countries. He also loves animals, even if he doesn’t have a pet of his own. He does photography as a side job, but he really works as a surgeon (he loves both professions anyway). His favorite coffee is iced Americano with eight shots of espresso, and honestly, Jisung thinks that his heart would give out after one sip of that concoction. His mom lives in Seoul now, and Jaemin visits her often in the summer.
Jisung feels everything coming back to him. When Jaemin parts with an awkward Jisung for the night, he lays in his bed, staring at the ceiling. After the rush of emotions at seeing his childhood-friend-turned-hottie, his mind supplies him with a restful sleep.
He dreams of the ocean, and cold darkness. A hand reaches out to grab at him.
Jisung wakes up with a startle. As he sits up, he clutches his pounding heart. What on earth was that dream?
When he goes downstairs, he sees Jaemin cooking fluffy pancakes instead of his mom preparing him a bowl of cereal. Jisung feels his face heat up again, but he clears his throat to rid himself of the dryness in his throat.
“Where’s mom?”
Jaemin turns to him while skillfully flipping the pancake on its uncooked side. “She left for work.”
Jisung nods to no one in particular. “Okay.”
The rest of the meal is spent in silence. Jisung mostly kept his head down while wracking his useless brain for something to say while feeling the weight of Jaemin’s gaze on the back of his head. Once he hears Jaemin stand up to get his plate, he snaps his head back up and reaches out a hand to stop the elder from picking it up.
“It’s fine! I’ll do it—”
“That’s okay, Jisung. Hyung can handle this much.”
Jisung could only sink his head down in embarrassment as he hears the sound of the tap running, and the smell of potent dishwashing soap fills the kitchen. To think that he let a guest do the work around the house. His mom didn’t raise him to be that way.
As if Jaemin could sense what he was thinking, he suddenly feels a hand on his shoulder. It’s Jaemin, smiling at him.
“I don’t mind. I need to work for me to earn my stay here. What do you say we go out for a bite?”
A date, his mind so helpfully supplies. “Sure, why not.”
---
They end up in a bustling night market. Jisung should have known that Jaemin wasn’t one to spend a lot of money even with how thick his wallet is from bills. The festive atmosphere rubs away some of this awkwardness between the two, and Jisung turns more lively because of it. The tteokbokki and bungeoppang were delicious, and Jisung could honestly eat more of them. It’s a shame that they’re way too cheap for what they’re actually worth.
“How did you know about this place?” Jisung asks over a plate of samgyeopsal and a shot of soju. “I don’t recall there ever being a night market in this corner of town.”
Jaemin chuckles before jokingly sighing. “How could you forget the place we always visited when we were younger?”
Jisung stops mid-chew. “What?”
Jaemin’s eyes only twinkle brighter with memories. “There was this nice ahjumma that gave us free tteokbokki when we couldn’t pay her/ We would share a single bowl and a pair of chopsticks. I had to feed you.”
The thought of Jaemin babying him in their younger years made his cheeks flare up again.
Jaemin looked bewildered at the younger when he noticed that he wasn’t speaking. “Do you seriously not remember anything?”
Jisung sheepishly glanced at his remaining piece of samgyeopsal. “No...Everything seems so muddled in my head.”
Jaemin thinks. He thinks for a while. With how long he took, Jisung could have easily stolen the five pieces of pork in his bowl, and no one would suspect a thing.
Eventually he focuses his gaze on Jisung. “That’s unfortunate. That means I’d have to make you remember every single memory.”
Jisung can’t bring himself to laugh. Jaemin sounds so serious, so determined. He downs another shot of soju.
“I’ll take that silence as a ‘yes’.”
Jisung chokes on his shot.
---
The first thing they do is go to the beach. That’s where everything started of course. But everything looks different now. Jaemin is shirtless, and the glow of the sun on his toned body has Jisung’s jaw dropping from awe. Okay, so maybe Jisung is kind of into Jaemin. Could he help it when the elder is a walking ideal?
Guess what they do on the beach. They make sandcastles. Wow. Jisung takes back his earlier sentiment; Jaemin enjoyed building sandcastles two minutes ago more than when he was twelve. It’s adorable, Jisung thinks, that the elder is so childlike and yet so mature about life. It’s nice that he never let his inner child die. That’s something Jisung’s exes could learn about.
When they finish making sandcastles, they go back to Jaemin’s car. It’s a 4x4 truck, and it’s the type of truck Jisung thinks he will only see once in his entire lifetime. It looks expensive, and Jisung swoons yet again at how this man checks every box in his ideal man list.
“Did you have fun?” Jaemin asks as he rests his arms on the steering wheel. Jisung looks over at him, and shows the brightest genuine smile he could muster.
“I did. Thank you.”
“Do you wanna grab something to eat?”
The way back home was silent. It was a good silent, but Jisung noticed an underlying tension between them. It became so thick near the end of the ride that a knife couldn’t even cut through it. Jisung stared at Jaemin when he wasn’t looking, and he knows Jaemin stared back at him too. He was itching to close the gap between them, and to resolve this tension once and for all.
They park the car in the driveway.
When they walk through the door, Jisung haphazardly kicks off his shoes before he’s crowded into the wall by Jaemin. Jisung is a few centimeters taller than him, but why does he feel so small under Jaemin’s heavy gaze? They don’t speak, not for a while. Jaemin leans in until their foreheads are touching, and he whispers so softly that Jisung thinks he misheard it.
“Do you want this?”
And Jisung nods. Jaemin closes the gap between them, and it’s instinct for Jisung to wrap his arms around Jaemin’s neck to deepen their kiss. It’s warm, it’s intoxicating, it’s alluring, and Jisung can’t get enough. I could get drunk on this, he thinks as he tugs his fingers through Jaemin’s hair.
It feels amazing.
---
So that was a new development with their relationship. As promised, Jaemin showed him all his memories from their childhood, with the added bonus of make-out sessions and sometimes quick hook-ups here and there. With how often they spend time in Jisung’s room doing everything and nothing, it’s a miracle that Jisung’s mother hasn’t caught them yet.
This wasn’t something Jisung could define either. He’s happy with their arrangement, but deep down in his heart, he wants something more. He’s not even sure what to call this whole thing. Friends-with-benefits? A summer fling? And what exactly did he want from Jaemin? The lines were all blurring together.
It’s not like Jisung was making an effort to smooth out the boundaries either.
They hang around this vending machine near the beach sometimes. It makes for a perfect view with the sunset, the shimmering water and the glow from the vending machine. The warm air and the sound of cicadas chirping makes Jisung let out a relaxed sigh.
As Jisung stares out into the sunset, Jaemin taps his shoulder. He hands him a cold can of hot chocolate (Jaemin snorts at the ridiculousness), and Jisung takes it with a grateful smile. The two sit down on the bench in silence as they sip on their refreshing beverages. Jisung is content to spend the whole night like this, basking in Jaemin’s presence.
They talk about everything and nothing (mostly nothing, because they’re dancing around the elephant in the room) until the moon rises, and the stars appear in the sky. They twinkle in the dark sky, and it reminds Jisung of Jaemin’s eyes. Jaemin breaks the silence with a sigh.
“I like kissing you.”
Jisung snorts out his still unfinished hot chocolate. He feels his face flushing already, and he pressed the cool surface of the can onto his cheek. “I’m sorry wh—”
“I like spending time with you. I like sleeping next to you. I think you’re nice to hang with. I think...I think you’re pretty, and your eyes sparkle like the stars. Your laugh is cute, and your mannerisms are cute.”
Jisung choked on his spit, and he could feel all the blood rushing even more to his head. What the heck is up with the sudden compliments?
Jaemin chuckled at his reaction. “Cute. But you’re beautiful when your guard is down and you’re being yourself. Especially when you’re asleep, with my marks all over your n—”
Jisung rushed to cover Jaemin’s mouth.
“Shut up!” he hissed, looking around them. “Shut up. We’re in public, hyung…”
Jaemin pushed off his hand with ease, revealing an amused, devilish grin. “There’s no one around Jisung-ah.”
Jisung pulled his knees to his chest with a pout. “Still…”
He felt a hand sneaking it’s way onto his own. He turns to Jaemin, and the elder is smiling so brightly at him that it blurs out the shine of the stars. Jisung is enamored, and hypnotized by the way Jaemin’s eyes seem to sparkle in the dim light. It’s beautiful. Jaemin is beautiful.
They walk back to the car hand-in-hand, to where it’s parked near the stairs that lead to the sand. They enter and turn on the headlights in silence, but the tension is thick. Jisung can’t help but remember what Jaemin said earlier on the bench, and he starts fiddling with his fingers to relieve the anxiety coursing through him. Did he mean it? What was he leading up to? What should Jisung do now?
Maybe Jisung was just scared of what they had going. That maybe popping the much needed question could destroy what they have right now.
“I can hear your thoughts, Jisung-ah. Want to tell me something?”
Jisung could tell that Jaemin was smirking at him. If he weren’t trembling from the anxiety right now, he might have punched him already. He decides to swallow down the nerves and go for it.
“What are we, Jaemin?”
And curse his heart for fluttering when Jaemin moves over to catch his lips in a deep kiss. Jisung melts into the touch, but he knew that they needed to set things straight.
“I’m serious hyung,” Jisung said as he broke the kiss, only for Jaemin to press his lips on the expanse of the younger’s neck.
Jaemin mumbles something into his skin, the contact making Jisung shiver. “What was that hyung?”
Jaemin finally pulls away. He looks into Jisung’s eyes, and they hold so much sincerity that Jisung resists the urge to caress the elder’s cheek. “I’m fine with whatever you want us to be, Jisung.”
Jisung’s heart jumps at the words. “What if I want us to have something? Hold your hand, kiss you anytime, go on dates, the whole package?”
Jaemin’s eyes brighten up even more, if that were possible. The elder presses a quick kiss onto Jisung’s lips before shutting off the headlights. “I’d love that baby.”
And his lips are engulfing Jisung’s once more, and Jisung heard a low whine escape his throat. The kiss is deep, it’s passionate, and it’s downright messy from the feelings both of them want to convey. It leaves Jisung lightheaded in the dark passenger seat of Jaemin’s rusty red car.
---
As they grew closer, the more Jisung found it hard to stay away. Jaemin was actually his friend again. He was someone that called Jisung pet names, teased him, hit him for snarkily replying, and played with him. He became someone Jisung could confide in. When he struggled with things around the house, Jaemin came to the rescue. Soon enough, the whole neighborhood saw them as inseparable. One was rarely found without the other. They were often hanging out at the beach, or if not, they were playing card games on the front porch of Jisung’s house.
It was like they were back in their youth, living happily and without problems.
One day however, Jaemin woke Jisung up from his peaceful sleep after a night of activities. He whispered in the younger’s groaning ear.
“Wake up. We have to go now. Your mom’s out on a business trip, and she told me to bring you with me. We’re gonna see my mom.”
Jisung squawked, sat up and promptly smacked Jaemin on the arm for giving him so many bruises on his neck.
They took a train to Seoul.
Jisung didn’t know why Jaemin brought him to meet his mom, and it was something that nagged at his mind the entirety of the ride. Jaemin held his hand through it all, occasionally squeezing it in reassurance.
When they stepped inside the apartment, the homey smell of honey entered his nose. It made Jisung feel less anxious, and he bravely stepped in after removing his shoes.
Jaemin’s mom was not who he expected.
She was short, shorter than the average height of Koreans, and yet her presence was so big and comforting. She had the same dashing smile and deep brown eyes as her son, and they both had the same giggle and mannerisms. She also came up with a bunch of creative pet names for Jisung like “honeybunchkins” and “sweet little fluffball”. She was like the older female version of Jaemin, and Jisung couldn’t help but be fonder of the elder man. His mother raised him well.
The visit was wonderful. Jisung begged Jaemin to let him meet her again sometime, and the latter chuckled, amused. Soon enough, the train led them back to the dark garden gate of Jisung’s home.
“Why don’t we just use the front gate Jisung-ah?” Jaemin grumbled, annoyed with whatever stupid stunt Jisung wanted to pull this time.
“It’s more thrilling this way. Besides, it’s a shortcut to your room! It’s literally across this gate!” Jisung reasoned.
He was already beginning to climb the fence. Jaemin rolled his eyes and pushed the younger’s foot that was resting on the gate upwards, causing Jisung to stumble and fall with a loud “THUD!” over to the other side. Jisung let out a yelp of pain as he rubbed his sore arm. Jaemin couldn’t stop laughing. He kept clutching his aching sides even as Jisung sent him an adorable glare.
Later that night, as Jaemin hovered over Jisung, the latter couldn’t shake the question in his mind. Why exactly did Jaemin bring him to see his mom? Jaemin sensed his distraction, and proceeded to press soft kisses on Jisung's cheeks, eyes, and nose.
“What’s on your mind pretty?”
Jisung melted a bit at the nickname. “Hmm. Why did you bring me to see your mom?”
Jaemin breathed on Jisung’s neck before capturing his lips in a soft kiss. “I’m sure you know the reason, baby.”
Jaemin was especially good at making Jisung forget his doubts that night. Or maybe, if Jisung wasn’t so dumb and blind as he succumbed to the feeling of Jaemin, he would have noticed that Jaemin gave Jisung a clue about what a visit to the parents is.
---
As the summer went on, so did the knowledge that Jaemin was going to leave become a constant thought in Jisung’s mind. It bothered him so much that their make-out and hook-up sessions became more frequent and more desperate. He wasn’t ready to let go of what they have, and he definitely wasn’t going to waste any more time being slow.
He is fully aware that he is in love with Jaemin.
He knew for a while. He knew ever since he woke up to Jaemin snuggling him in his sleep, breathing softly into his neck that it was ticklish, That was the oh moment for him. It wasn’t earth-shattering or soul-crushing, it was just oh. It was like something in him knew all along.
He also knew Jaemin didn’t feel the same way.
Jisung didn’t blame him one bit. After all, Jaemin was amazing, and Jisung was...well, Jisung. An average guy. Insecurities aside, Jisung was not going to burden Jaemin with his insignificant feelings and keep going on like nothing happened to him.
The closer the end of Jaemin’s stay came, and the dream of the ocean came back to him. It came more frequently, like every time Jisung dozed off, he was met with the same nightmare. It was infuriating, but also terrifying. The feeling of the cold water surrounding him made his stomach drop, and it was enough to send him awake in a panic. Jaemin was always there to calm him down.
One time, the dream became so vivid that he burst into tears upon waking up. Jaemin held him close through it all, and he rubbed his back while whispering sweet nothings into his ear.
They went to the beach a week before Jaemin had to leave.
Jisung has always been afraid of deep waters. He didn’t know why. It was the reason why he panicked so much in that one swimming class that the teacher had to force him out of the pool. There was nothing terrifying about it. He was fine wading, but when the water touches his chin, his heart starts pounding really fast.
“Do you wanna swim?”
Jisung is brought out of his thoughts by Jaemin’s soft question. Should he swim? He knows what will happen once he reaches that level in the water. But at the same time, Jaemin’s leaving and this might be the last time they’ll ever swim together.
He forces down the lump in his throat. He’s gonna do it.
They wade through the water slowly, cautious. Jaemin only stared at him worriedly as they made it to the deeper waters. And there it was. The feeling of panic. Jisung pushed it down and kept walking. He ignored Jaemin’s warnings to not go any further, and then his head is under water now.
He’s flailing, and he’s gasping for breath. His foot is stuck somewhere in something and he can’t pull it out. He can’t even see because it's just dark everywhere oh no oh no—
Jisung’s running out of breath. His lungs are burning in his chest but he just can’t breathe. Dark spots are filling his vision, and his arms grow limp. He closes his eyes.
The image of a hand appears behind his eyelids.
Air. Light. Sand. Water in his lungs. Cough. Cough. Cough it out.
Jaemin rubs his back and calls out his name. His ears are still ringing, and his vision is doubling everything he looks at. It’s dizzying.
Eventually, he comes to. He’s wrapped up in a towel while Jaemin feeds him some fries. Jisung doesn’t know how it’s come to this. He shivers before sighing. He digs his cheek into his arms.
“I have these dreams. Of a hand reaching out in cold, dark water.”
Jaemin subtly freezes. Jisung’s curiosity spikes, and he sits up.
“Do you know something about it Jaemin?”
The elder inhales. He thinks. He takes his time thinking about the right words to say. It reminds Jisung of the night out in the market.
“Well, uh. It was the day before I left for Amsterdam.”
What?
“We were swimming, at this very beach, and it was going well,” Jaemin swirled his cup of soju as he stared off into the distance. “We were having so much fun. Our mothers told us not to go to the deep part, but we were big boys. We didn’t care. So we swam on.”
Jaemin exhaled shakily. “To cut the story short, well...you slipped and drowned.”
Jisung’s eyes widened.
“Yeah. You were so scared under the water, and I... I didn’t move. I couldn’t. You were helplessly sinking and I just stood there and watched. Your mother is the one who dragged you out. She was yelling at you, and you were crying. Not the wailing kind; the frightened ‘what just happened’ kind. You wouldn’t even look at me. That’s when I knew I failed you.”
Jisung felt tears stream down his cheeks. It all made sense now. The nightmares, the almost faded memories. Things that younger Jisung wanted to keep locked away in the tiny corner of his mind.
“When I was about to leave, I asked you for one last hug. You didn’t even move. You just stared at the floor. It broke my heart to see you like that. I decided it was best to leave.”
Once Jaemin said those words, a dam broke in Jisung’s mind.
All the memories came flooding back. All the laughters, their fights, their tricks and games. It flooded Jisung’s senses. All of a sudden, he was a kid again. Ten, with no other friends but Jaemin.
The tears couldn’t stop flowing. Jaemin’s embrace just made the dam break even more.
---
The nightmares changed after that. Instead of dark waters and a hand reaching out to grab him, it was Jaemin staring at him with so much sadness and guilt in his eyes. When Jisung tried to reach for him, Jaemin only turned away without acknowledging the screams of his own name.
Jisung thought, summer is the cruelest season because all the fun, love, and memories leave you in the end.
---
“What on earth made you think it was a good idea to get drunk at this hour Park Jisung?!”
Jisung lays drunk on the backseat of Jaemin’s car as the elder drives them back home from the washed up bar Jisung got wasted at. The liquor there was pretty strong, and a few shots was all it took for Jisung to be wildly prancing around the bar. It might have turned into something bad had Jaemin not tracked him down and dragged him out.
“Your mother is worried sick. Do you think she deserves to see you like this? To see you in danger?”
Jisung could only cry quietly. Jaemin’s eyes watch the tears roll down his cheeks in the rear-view mirror. It pains him to see Jisung this way, but he needs to stop putting himself and others in these stressful and frightening situations.
“Jisung-ah, I don’t know what’s wrong with you these days. You don’t talk to me, you won’t come near me. Is it something I did? Did I do something you didn’t like? Please talk to me.”
Kind, always considerate Jaemin.
Jisung directed his gaze out the window so that he didn’t have to meet Jaemin’s pleading eyes in the rearview mirror. “I’m fine.”
It isn’t true. I don’t want to keep secrets just to keep you, hyung.
Jaemin sighed. “No, you obviously aren’t. You’ve been avoiding me this past week, and I don’t know—was it something I said? Was it something I did?”
No hyung, it’s me. I’m the problem, Jisung thought. But he couldn’t bring himself to say anything. How could he, when the pain was too great?
The ride home was silent. Jisung didn’t even notice when Jaemin parked the car, and he stirred in his seat. Before Jaemin could drag him through the front door, Jisung tugged at his sleeve.
“Hyung…wan’ go to the garden gate.”
Jaemin would have laughed if it weren’t for the younger’s drunken state. “Jisung, you’re drunk. You could get hurt.”
“But I wan’ go up the gate!” Jisung slurred as he pouted. He knew that Jaemin was weak for his puppy eyes, and the elder finally succumbed with a groan.
“Fine. But I’m not helping you if you get hurt.”
Jisung waddled over to the garden gate, pulling Jaemin by his sleeve. As they reached the garden gate, Jisung tried to hoist himself over the spikes but failed. Jaemin wouldn’t let him anyway; he could hit his head or break a bone. So he opted to give Jisung a boost, just enough for him to grab hold of the top of the fence and jump to the other side.
He crouched down.
“Hyung, what are you doing?” Jisung sobered up a bit from the panic as Jaemin lifted his legs to rest them on his shoulders.
“Giving you a lift,” Jaemin answered. He lifted Jisung with ease, standing up straight for Jisung to grab hold of the gate.
---
Back inside the house, Jisung became completely sober after his mother gave him an earful. She scolded him and complained about how she missed work just so she could watch over the house and wait for him. She mentioned how Jaemin went out of his way, even leaving his work to fetch Jisung. And other things he doesn’t remember because he’s so used to being her little disappointment.
As Jisung waited patiently for Jaemin on his bed, he thought about how much he loves the elder. It was overwhelming and huge, and Jisung’s heart couldn’t take it. Before he knew it, the tears started to flow. The thought that all of what they had would end soon made Jisung choke out a sob. He needed his love—a staple he didn’t know he needed in his life. He ached for Jaemin’s touch, his smile, his kind eyes, his hands, his everything.
Jaemin may have failed him in his childhood, but now, in the most cruel summer, he became Jisung’s whole world.
Jaemin hears the sobs and steps out of the bathroom. Jisung is covering his mouth with a trembling hand, stifling the sounds, and the sight made a crack in Jaemin’s heart. He rushes to the younger and brings him into a hug immediately. He presses the younger’s head into his chest as he whispered comforting words into his hair.
“What’s wrong baby?” Jaemin pressed his forehead into Jisung’s, staring straight into the latter’s eyes.
Jisung’s eyes wandered and searched the elder’s gaze. “Hyung…”
“Hmm? Yes Jisung-ah?”
“...will we still have something? After all of this.”
Jaemin closed his eyes. “What do you mean baby?”
Jisung leaned forward to briefly brush his lips on the elder’s. “I love you. I know it’s too fast, and it’s literally only been a single summer but I don’t think—I can’t just…”
Jaemin opened his eyes, and Jisung’s cheeks were stained with tears.
“I can’t leave you Jaemin…you can’t leave me again,” he whispered.
Jaemin’s heart completely shattered. In a rush of emotions, Jaemin surged forward to share a heated kiss with Jisung. Their lips clashed messily, and their teeth clacked at some point, but it was no less beautiful and dangerously cruel. Jisung was dizzy from the lack of oxygen, but the need to feel Jaemin’s lips against his prevailed.
Once again, like the first time, Jisung sunk into the rumpled sheets as Jaemin showed him just how much he loved him. What he couldn’t convey with words, he made up for in action. As they lay down together side-by-side Jisung heard the words right before passing out.
“I love you Park Jisung.”
His heart fluttered, his vision blurred, and then everything was black.
---
Jisung woke up, aching in a way that he hoped would last forever. A little memory of Jaemin to keep with him. There was no arm around his waist, and the opposite side of the bed was cold. The sheets reeked of many scents, but Jaemin’s was the one that stood out to him the most. Everything was kept, and all of Jaemin’s belongings were missing. Jisung could feel the tears flow once again.
Last night was the first and last time Jaemin said I love you to him this summer.
As Jisung approached the garden window with a mug of hot chocolate, wearing nothing but a single white blazer Jaemin left, he noticed the rusty red car. He was still here.
Jisung rushed to push the glass open, waiting anxiously for Jaemin to appear. When he noticed the elder step out of his car, his heart sped up.
“Hyung!” he called out. Jaemin looked up at the window, and his face immediately lit up like it did the first time Jisung called him that.
“I love you! Ain’t that the worst thing you ever heard?!” Jisung yelled into the air that began to cool. Fall was approaching.
Jaemin laughed. He laughed until he clutched at his sides from the pain. When he regained his composure, he walked over to the garden gate and began scaling it. Jisung’s eyes widened.
“No way…”
Jaemin smirked as he jumped onto the soft grass inside the garden. “Yes way.”
As Jaemin stood in front of his window, face to face with the younger, all the words Jisung had prepared died in his throat. Jaemin grinned like a devil at his speechlessness.
“Cat got your tongue?”
“Oh shut up hyung.”
Jisung took a deep breath. Exhaled. “Promise me these hyung.”
Jaemin nodded. “Anything for you baby.”
“One, no other romantic or sexual relations with anyone when you return back home. This thing is official, remember? Two, always keep in touch with me when you’re free; I’ll always be waiting. Three, never forget the previous conditions, and don’t forget me.”
Jaemin chuckled. “Baby, you didn’t even ask me out properly that night in the car.”
Jisung paused, ears turning red from the shame. “Oh.”
Jaemin shook his head with a fond smile before capturing Jisung’s lips in a kiss. “Will you be my boyfriend Park Jisung? For the summers to come?”
Jisung smiled and pressed his forehead against Jaemin’s to make tender eye contact. “Forever and ever for all seasons?”
Jaemin laughed and whispered a yes.
Jisung pressed a peck on the elder’s lips. “Then yes, I will be your boyfriend Na Jaemin.”
The kiss they shared after was long, tender, and everything Jisung could ask for. Sure, this summer was cruel, but at least the next seasons would be sweet.